Thoughts On Charleston

I love this posting. I don’t have words to speak on what happened in South Carolina, but my fellow bloggers do.

A Couple Talks

About a month ago, Emily and I drove to downtown Los Angeles. It was a drowsy, overcast Sunday morning and traffic was minimal. We were on our way to a friend’s graduation.

And then it happened. We got into a car accident. Fortunately, it was minor – no one got hurt – but by the reaction of the other driver, one would’ve thought the accident was an act of terrorism.

Once we collided, the other driver pulled up beside us, rolled down his window, and started yelling. “You fucking hit me! Pull the fuck over right now!” He actually hit us, for the record, but we did pull over. He jumped out of his car, stormed towards me, and the next words that came out of his mouth are the ones that I’ll remember forever.

Fucking Asian drivers.

He didn’t call me a gook, chink, or nip, but those probably would’ve…

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My Father’s Day Gift: Forgiveness

If you’ve been reading my blog you already know that I never had a relationship with my dad until recently. My parents separated when I was 9 years old and it was hard for me to figure out a way to cope with a man who chose to forget about me instead of love me.

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Me in the 3rd grade.

It was many years and many failed relationships that I realized that I needed my dad. I needed him because he was the missing link in my life. I was broken and playing at being whole, but deep down inside my daddy was what I wanted and needed. I had to forgive.

Forgiveness is a process for me. It takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. I am stubborn. I get that from my mama. But, I needed to truly forgive the man who abandoned me.

I can honestly say after three years of trying to forgive, I have. It happened when I went home last month for Mother’s Day to Tennessee. I went to visit my dad.

My son wanted to meet his grandfather. I had been nervously wondering about this meeting because munch is my everything. I didn’t want to allow my dad the opportunity to meet the little boy who was God’s greatest gift to me only to abandon him like he did me. I was afraid. I let that fear lead me. When my son asked, “Mommy, can I please call Mr. Frank grandpa?” I replied, “No, munch. Not yet. Let’s meet him first.” He responded by asking “Why? Isn’t he my grandfather?”

You see that? My fear was allowing me to control what my son wanted to have…a relationship with his grandfather. I let the conversation drop and went to visit my dad the Monday after Mother’s Day. I sat there nervously wondering how my son would react. My dad was creepy looking. I love him, but he hadn’t aged well and he actually looked like a burnt out Dick Gregory. But, I held fast to the belief that this was what munch wanted.

We got out of the car and I held his hand tightly. I walked him over to introduce him to my dad and he let go of my hand and ran to him and wrapped his arms around his neck and said, “Grandpa! It’s so nice to meet you. I’m Brennan!” Just like that. My son’s acceptance of the man he didn’t know but already loved allowed me to truly forgive my father.

Love. Acceptance. Forgiveness.

I love him for the person he was, but more importantly for who he wasn’t. Because I think my life turned out the way it was supposed too.

I accept the fact that my dad is an alcoholic and his monkey will never leave his back. He’s not hitting women anymore, but he still hits the bottle. Alcoholism is a disease and I accept who he is.

I forgive the man who abandoned me when I was a child. Who walked out of my life and never looked back. The man who created other children with other women and abandoned them as well. I forgive the man who stands before me because I see him not as superman but simply a man. My dad. Broken and all. I love this man because he is me and I am him.

So, this Father’s Day is actually pretty awesome because I’m openly loving the man who had publicly abandoned me. Telling the world that I forgive this man and love him. I’ve sent him a Father’s Day card for the first time in my life.

Happy Father’s Day Daddy!

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My dad and munch sitting outside his house. – 5/2015

 

At-il comprendre le concept de français?

The school year is coming to an end and munch’s school had its annual Awards and Promotion Ceremony. Yes, it seems overkill to some, but to a mom of only one I love ceremonies. Nope, I am not one of those parents who comes to school with balloons and flowers for my first grader, I just cheer loudly.

I was sitting in the cafeteria, smiling as the children filed in hoping and praying that my munch would win some awards. Why? Because I want to boast and brag and have a certificate to back it up? Crazy? Probably. But, nonetheless I am one of those parents.

In March, I had a parent teacher conference with munch’s teacher and I asked her”At-il comprendre le concept de français?” translation: Does he understand the concept of french? His teacher thought hard and said, “I can’t say whether he understands it or not. He’s inconsistent.” She went on to explain that she will give him an assignment and he will do it correctly, but four hours later she could give the same exact assignment and he will cry and say he doesn’t know how to do it.

Overkill huh? My son is very dramatic. He gets it honestly though. I’m a little dramatic. I explained that his dad and I experience the same thing when reviewing his homework and we are seeing that he lacks focus and consistency. I told her that we are working on it and pray that it is just a phase. Whew! This boy.

So, I left not being surprised, but praying that my son will finish off the year on a good note. This is the last year that he will not have the traditional A/B/C/D/E grading scale. I started thinking what if munch doesn’t get it? What if I’m pushing him too hard? I mean it was my choice to put him in a French Immersion program. Did I make the right choice?

My worrying was for nothing because it worked out. He passed to the second grade. Got his certificate and medal and made me proud. Not because I expect a genius, but because he tried his best and it paid off. Life isn’t about being the best, but trying your best. That’s our motto. Try your best and have fun doing it. It allows you to count your blessings.

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Munch with his principal, Dr. Essama! I love her. I actually wanted him to attend the school after meeting her. She’s brilliant. She’s leaving at the end of the school year though.

If you have time, please check out his class performance in French by clicking on the video below:

Until next time!

My First Liebster Award

Hey Ya’ll!

I was nominated for a Liebser Award by Sandy at Poot’s Notes. I’m super excited because I love the blogger community and anything designed to strengthen and grow my followers is a blessing. We are truly a village encouraging each other in this quest for world domination. LOL! No, seriously it helps that we respect the craft and want to help each other grow our blogs.

The Liebster Award recognizes bloggers who have less than 200 followers. I only have 106 as of today, but thankfully I’m growing so I qualified. Yeah!

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Okay, the rules are:

1 – Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.

2 – Answer the 10 questions given by the nominator.

3 – Nominate and link 10 bloggers (with less than 200 followers).

4 – Notify all the bloggers you’ve nominated.

5 – Create 10 new questions for your nominees to answer.

So, here are the questions I have to answer:

1. What is your dream destination?

Fiji. I love the beach and clear blue water and can’t wait to visit.

2. If you could have one dream come true, what would it be?

To end hunger in America. Many people in this country experience food shortages and I’m keenly aware of this issue. It pains me to think about children going to bed hungry.

3. Are you an animal lover?

Yes. I love dogs.

4. What is your favorite book?

Assata by Assata Shakur. Changed my life in college.

5. What is the one thing you would change about yourself and it can be anything, or nothing?

I would change the way I viewed relationships and marriage. I used to initially view marriage as an archaic form of slavery. LOL! Thankfully, that has changed.

6. If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?

Give 30% to the government for taxes. Give my church 10% in the form of an educational endowment. Invest 50%. Buy a house. Travel and still work. Munch wouldn’t have to worry about college.

7. What is your favorite thing about blogging?

Being able to share my life with people.

8. Do you have any celebrity friends?

I know people who are celebrities that I went to high school with. However, everyone is a celebrity in my book.

9. What is one personal goal?

To reduce my debt.

10. What is your favorite meal to cook?

Spaghetti. My son loves it.

I’ve selected the following 10 blogs to nominate for this award. Please go check them out and follow:

1. The Mommyhood Ministry

2. Michelle G Cameron Writes

3. Macaroni and Merlot

4. Milk and Blood

5. Traveling Sarah’s Blog

6. Emma Thompson HK

7. Wrongfully Infamous Black American

8. Broke in Words

9. 26 Single & Living

10. The Curves Blog

Here are my 10 questions:

1.  What inspired you to start your blog?

2. What are some of the things you hope your blog can bring about in the world?

3. Do you ever write about social issues?

4. How long have you been blogging?

5. What do you see as the biggest obstacle in growing your blog?

6. How often do you blog?

7. What are some of the things you want readers or visitors to know about your blog?

8. What country do you reside in?

9. What is your favorite color?

10. Who is your favorite musician?

 

Thank you again for the nomination and congratulations to my fellow bloggers!

Why Doesn’t He Love Me?!

What an incredible post that I wanted to share. I’ve been there and done that. It was so real for me. How about you?

Miss T. N. king

I’ve asked myself so many times, “What’s wrong with me?”   I’ve been dating for three years and no serious, committed relationships have come from any of it.  There have been nights where I would become so frustrated.

It seems like the guys who adored me were nice but that’s all they were–nice.  We lacked common interests, chemistry and connection.  Then there’s the guy who possesses majority of things you want in a partner.  You two begin to talk, click and eventually build.   But somewhere along the way, things went left and now your Mr. Future joins your list of Mr. Pasts.

I’ve wasted so much time analyzing things I could not control–people and the past.  “Maybe he was thinking this or that”, “maybe I should have reworded that message”, “oh crap, I shouldn’t have went off–now he thinks I’m crazy and definitely doesn’t want me.”

I’m…

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Love/Hate Challenge – Getting to Know You

So, one of my fellow bloggers, MidiMike, took the challenge last week and said instead of nominating people to take it, I want you all to post what you love/hate in the comment section so we can get to know each other. How cool was that? I did and I realized after doing that challenge that I was just counting my blessings. I smiled and said a prayer of thanks.

Even when I feel the storms of life are raging and the decisions that I don’t want to make are hurting me, I press on. I had a dream last week and I couldn’t handle the dream. It was as if God was speaking to me in the dream and letting me know…it’s time. Time to stop delaying the inevitable. I woke up in tears. But, I woke up with understanding.

I was blessed and I knew it, but I was spending so much time with my mind, body, spirit and heart not being in alignment. I was tossing and turning in angst about some things and I didn’t  WANT to do what I knew I had to do. But, I tell you that when God speaks, you listen. So, I did. Made some choices and moved on.

I’m in a better head space.

Here’s my response to the challenge of the 10 things I love and the 10 things I hate.

Love:

1. God
2. Being a mommy
3. Writing
4. Love
5. Family
6. Friendship
7. Sunny Days
8. Rainy Days
9. The color blue
10. Freedom

Hate:

1. Dishonest people
2. Manipulative people
3. Poverty
4. Homelessness
5. Racism
6. Prejudice
7. Gnats
8. Bees/wasps/yellow jackets
9. Wasting money
10. Opportunities not taken.

 

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