This is a continuation from my post yesterday entitled To Pay or Not to Pay
Relationships are a partnership ladies. We can’t be partners if we’re not willing to show up and act like it in the dating stages. It’s true. Men want women they can depend on.
What’s wrong with cooking him a dinner? Some of you may be asking that question right now. Nothing is wrong with cooking him a dinner. However, I have a major rule when dating…unless we are serious, you will not be invited to my home. There, I said it. I don’t want men that are not serious in my home. The home that I share with my son whether he is there or not.
Heck, I’ve dated men upwards of a year and they’ve never been invited over. So, why would you invite him to your home unless you’re serious? Times have changed and we shouldn’t be eager to letting a man spend time in our domiciles that we haven’t committed to.
I asked one of my two best friends (he’s a male) what do men think of women who don’t ever offer to pay for anything while dating? He responded, “We think of her as selfish and don’t continue to date her seriously.” He further said, “Unless, I’m trying to get the cookies from her she is not going to get too many free meals and then after I get them I will be gone.”
He then said, “T, believe it or not hood chicks (women from lower class neighborhoods with a less than stellar vocabulary, quick tempered, has a child(ren) and may be employed) will pay for a meal and cater to her man quicker than ya’ll professional women. Professional women tend to be stingy and don’t want to pay for anything. They think we should wine and dine them for at least 90 days without getting any cookie.
Now, the obvious thought is why on earth is my best friend just dating women to have sex with him, but I started thinking maybe there is some truth in what he was saying about the differences of the type of women. Are more professional women single because we appear selfish? Are we allowing our true intentions to go unnoticed because we refuse to look at dating as a partnership?
I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers. I know that dating is expensive. In this day and age can a man can’t be expected to date you continuously and seriously for a long time without you ever offering to pay for anything? I don’t think we should consistently pay, but we should ask ourselves is paying for an occasional meal the end of the world? Will it be the death of us?
In this economy, is it realistic to assume that a man can pay to date you on a weekly basis? Ya’ll know that I like numbers right? So, let’s do some quick math. In the Washington, DC area (where I live) most places that I expect to eat will average $100 for dinner and drinks. If I go out with a man once a week is it fair for him to pay $400 a month and still be expected to pay his bills? What if he has children? What would you do with an extra $400 a month?
How will you show that man that you’re interested in more than what he can do for you financially? Mr. C pays for the majority of our dates (95%), but I don’t mind paying for things. My willingness to share in this journey we’re taking has proven to him that I like the partnership. He’s a gentleman. It’s been six months of meals, drinks and adventures and nope I’m not giving up my cookies. We look at it as an investment in getting to know each other.
A Thomas Point of View 
I have two friends who are in a relationship and I think they’ve got it figured out, especially for being 20 year olds (gah they are so young!) Whoever asks, pays. So if he says “hey want to go to the movies tonight?” then he pays, if she goes “Let’s go out for dinner!” then she pays. I think it’s a great way to share in that financial side of the relationship in an open and fair way 🙂
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This is a very interesting post! I say it depends on the circumstances. I’ve had relationships where I paid for everything, and some where i paid sometimes, a couple where I never paid.
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As a woman I don’t want a man who is only after sex anyway so lol… but like I said yesterday I try! My bf loves cooking so he even does that! He tells me we have forever so there will be plenty of opportunity for me to cook especially when we move into a home together.
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my hubby to be is the chef in the house too xx
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I’m so grateful for it he is amazing cook! I clean the kitchen though which is a good trade-off for yummy food 🙂
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I’m so glad I am getting married in 10weeks ! me and my partner have always pooled our money together xx
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Congrats on the upcoming nuptials and being open minded before you go to that stage.
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Interesting round table discussion. I’d like to be at the table to hear more from the men on this topic.
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T and I usually alternate. If he buys this one, I’ll buy next. That way it’s not so one sided. Great post! 🙂
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I’m in a serious relationship now, but back when I was in the rat race known as dating your damn right it gets expensive! I’m old fashioned and do not mind at all paying for dinner and drinks, just the way I was raised I guess, however if my budget means we have to downsize from five star restaurant to say Applebees don’t hold it against me that particular week. I was always up front and honest that Kobe beef isn’t the “norm” for dinner but I do hold you in high enough respect not to just Taco Bell it for the night.
Preach on sister about D.C. wining and dining, Miss Madison and I dropped 80 on a beer, diet coke and dinner at Ebbets LOL. O.K. I’ll shut up now I’m rambling and not making any sense!
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I know right? This area gets expensive and I’m just saying that once in a while we can pick up the tab or don’t get mad when he can’t afford to take us out every week because it’s not in his budget. Especially if we like the guy. We want to show him that we’re understanding and compassionate.
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Good strategy, the mere thought of offering is noted by the guy but first couple of dates guys should prove chivalry isn’t dead.
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BTW, professional and smart doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you more attractive were I come from.
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LOL. Thanks Gary!
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I’ve been carefully following this series Tikeetha. Last September, I wrote a post about why I’m happy I fell in love in my youth, and this is one of the reasons. We were both broke. We were both just starting out, so I don’t even recall thinking about who paid for outings. This is not a judgment (I hope you realize lol). This is just to say, kudos to all of you who are dating in the 21st century. Seems like a lot to navigate.
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Lol. Yes it is. I’m all for chivalry, but we can treat sometimes. It just shows our desire to be partners. I have responsibilities so I know that the men I date have them too. I’m just trying to be understanding. I’ve had men tell me no when I offered and I’m cool with that too.
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Great talk! I have always been one to think that things are 50/50 in relationships. Even if a man may not want you to pay for most things, showing our interest to contribute financially helps for them to know we are just as invested as they are:)
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So true. It shows partnership.
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