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A Tired Black Woman

Tikeetha TMby
34 Comments on A Tired Black Woman

Dear Black Man,

I’m tired of you and everyone in America trying to tell me what beauty is. I am beautiful. Because I am one of God’s greatest creations. My beauty is not defined in how I choose to wear my hair or the clothes on my back. My beauty is both spiritual and physical. You don’t have to recognize it. You don’t have to appreciate it. You don’t have to even accept it. But, you know what I need you to do?

Stop trying to tell me that I’m not beautiful because I choose to perm my hair or color it. Stop trying to tear me down and say that I can’t accept criticism. Cause you know what? I can. I do. Every single day. When I go to work to take care of the children that I have to raise on my own while you live your life. You know the children that I carried for 9 months. The children who have your eyes or my lips? Those children.

Those children that are being gunned down in the streets or on the playground. Those children that are being unfairly or harshly disciplined in their schools. Those children that are being shuffled into Special Education because they are too active in the classroom. I’m working to raise them.

To try and teach them self-love and how to interact with law enforcement. How to be respectful of all adults. Of how they should notify me if there is a problem with a teacher or another student. Of how to stand up for what they believe in but not too much to draw attention that they become a target.

I have to go to work everyday in corporate America after waking up alone and getting our children fed and off to school. I work my butt off at a job that doesn’t pay me what I’m worth but I don’t complain. I look at graduate school programs during my lunch break, send emails to the teacher about our children’s grades or schedule doctor’s appointments.

Oh look, it’s been 3 years since I had my last physical, mammogram or PAP smear. No worries though. My personal health is not important right now. The kids are up on their shots, I am running for PTSA President and I am able to send our son to sleep away camp for a couple of weeks this summer. Wait, let me schedule our daughter’s hair appointment, pick up the dry cleaning and get home to do dinner and homework.

I’m exhausted. It doesn’t matter though. I still have to review homework. Clean the kitchen, put the kids to bed and log on to my computer and check work emails. I have to prove my worth, by showing my boss that I am always thinking about work. I am after all…superwoman. I’m supposed to be both invincible and invaluable.

Later that night when I finally drag myself into bed, I will cry myself to sleep because you aren’t there to hear my tears. I will pray that God will heal your heart and spirit against me. Because I am not your enemy. I also pray that God doesn’t harden my heart to you dear black man. Because if he does, what do you think will become of our children’s future?

Signed,

A Tired Black Woman

 

34 comments

  2. My goodness, the emotion and depth. Feeling this. Sending my love and admiration.

    I’m reminded that Black women and girls are anointed in oil. Our suffering, our grace, our strength…holiness resides in us. We are beautiful because we radiate with God’s love and light.

    You, especially.

    Keep on going, girl. We see you, we hear you, we send our love and our profound respect.

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  6. I have to admit that I got turned off at “dear black man, I’m tired of you.” And it’s the same when I read things that start off harping on “the Black woman.” We all have our truths though, and expressing them and having others relate is a beautiful thing. It’s hard for me to be tired of “the Black man” in a general sense or as a whole when I have two grown black sons, and when I love the essence of black men, and when I came from one, and when I’m loving and appreciating one as a partner. (P.s. I might piggyback off this post on my blog.)

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    1. That’s fair. It’s in response to a FaceBook friend criticizing black women for perming/coloring their hair/wearing weaves. He associated that with us having no self-esteem or caring about our race. I told him that’s untrue. We are tired of being defined by how we look by black men. What we do with our hair is our choice. It doesn’t mean that we aren’t down for the cause or care about the community. I told him that if he keeps disrespecting us and telling us that we’re not beautiful like so much society don’t you wonder what will happen with our black boys? I mean there are 1 million black men missing. I don’t disrespect black men because I’m raising a son. I told him that everyday I have to build him up because when he walks out that door society will try to tear him down and then you have the audacity to tell me I’m not beautiful because I wear a weave in my head? GTFOH. I’m working. I’m raising our children and my beauty is not defined by what I do to my hair.

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      1. Oh ok. So I didn’t know what the context for your post was. I addressed people like him in my comment though (I get turned off quick). Also, he’s in the minority. The majority of black men marry black women and love black women and the many different flavors we come in. Thanks for the back story.

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      2. LOL. No problem. I love black men and I love all races. I’m just frustrated that we can’t seem to stop dogging each other out in public. Let’s get a life and own our poor choices in people and stop making blanketed statements about a specific group. But, there are a lot of men out there that I encounter whether in person or social media and it is exhausting. I usually give my two cents and ignore because a friend once told me that if you argue with a fool, you’re one too. LOL. So, I just want to defend the hard working black women who are raising their children and not publicly bashing black men. We’ve got to do better as a people. Too many battles to fight.

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  8. Tikeetha I loved almost every word in this post. I do want to flag something to your attention ( I mean this in good faith) .You are right in everything you say and you are a great inspiration to ALL women and genders. I only suggest that you look after your own health. Without your health you will not be able to do what you do now xx

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    1. Thanks Daisy! It’s not my story. It’s a black woman’s story. I only have one son and his father is involved so I’m truly blessed and grateful, but this could be my best friend’s story or my mother’s story or any other woman who is raising her children and taking care of them without the help of the man who helped to create them to only be told that you’re not beautiful because of how you wear your hair, the tattoos on your body or what you wear. We all matter and men don’t understand the sacrifice we make to care for the children. Not all men. But, some. We just have to love each other instead of tearing each other down.

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  9. If anybody and I mean ANYBODY doesn’t accept you for who you are…they don’t need to be in your life. Does this man have a problem with Beyonce? She wears wigs every single day. If you choose to dye, perm or “weave” your hair, how are you different from almost every other woman?
    Be proud of who you are….be beautiful….and NEVER let some man tell you or make you feel otherwise!

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    1. LOL. Yep, he does. Isn’t that crazy? She’s beautiful. Apparently, because I’m not in her tax bracket. LOL. FaceBook friends and their conversations pulled me into a Friday rant.

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      1. Rave on! Don’t let him diminish you in ANY way! He is the one who is lacking…if he can’t see your beauty.
        If he wants somebody who is in a larger tax bracket….tell him to go to Hollywood. Let’s see how that goes.

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    1. Aww, thank you sis! It’s not a black men. Some. But, we have to stop tearing each other down. With one million missing men should we really tear down the women left raising the children? The future generations?

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      1. Girl, I knew exactly where you were coming from.
        And you DID the thang when you posted this.

        Like I told someone else, an older woman once told me, “Remember, that’s YOUR baby.” I didn’t quite get what she meant, but now I do.

        Moms don’t typically envision themselves being the sole parent but many times that’s exactly how it ends up going down.

        Bearing this in mind, the last thing we need is a freaking ‘beat down.’

        Thanks for this Sis!

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      2. Yep, that is so true. That’s why they say momma’s baby/daddies baby. It doesn’t mean that a father isn’t important it just means that a mother will usually always provide for her child with or without a man because she gave birth to them. I just want black men to see that we can’t keep hearing how we’re not this or that. That affects our self-esteem and eventually the ability for us to raise your children up right. We don’t need jacked up kids.

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  11. You may be tired but you are a beautiful mom! Know my heart and prayers are with you on this journey. Your children are worth fighting for -even without him. So happy you know this to be true.
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