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Mommy Meltdown

Tikeetha TMby
40 Comments on Mommy Meltdown

I have a confession. I am not as great as a mother that you all think that I am. I make many mistakes with Munch and I just pray that I don’t mess him up too much.

However, on Sunday I had a major mommy meltdown and I cursed at my son. Yes, I actually cursed at my son. I am so disappointed in my behavior. Ashamed actually. I have never cursed at my son and I can’t believe that I lost my cool and composure and actually cursed at him. I went upstairs and cried.

Yep, I literally cried. I felt ashamed, disappointed, frustrated and a failure as a parent. I felt like a bad mommy. How could I ever look at my son after my outburst?

Now, I know that some of you may think that I’m going overboard, but for me I believe that words matter so I’m always cognizant of how I talk to Munch. I don’t want him to ever feel that his mom was mean because of the way that I talked to him. I don’t like to yell at him and I never curse at him. So, this was a major parenting fail and I felt like a bad mommy.

Here’s what happened…

Munch receives a weekly homework packet. We sat down Sunday to work on the math portion of the packet. Since he has trouble with math we remove the time constraints of doing it during the week and focus on it on the weekend. We then just review it during the week. Well, this week’s homework was on counting money.

We struggled on the first two problems. He couldn’t add two quarters and a penny together. It was like pulling teeth. He knew what they represented in actual value but didn’t seem to have enough reasoning skills to add them up. When I told him to add them up he did and got the correct amount. I was livid. Frustrated and in awe that my Munch is acting like he fell off the turnip truck the night before.

Sigh.

We moved to the next problem.  The picture was a picture of a quarter and two nickles. I asked him to write down the answer. He turns to me and says that his teacher hasn’t taught him this. Now, let me tell you that my son told me a bold face lie. Why? Because the way that the curriculum is done at his school – new material is introduced in first and second quarter and then repeated in third and fourth quarter. What you worked on in first quarter will be repeated in third quarter and second will be repeated in fourth.

So, I told him that’s not true. This is the same curriculum we worked on before. I explained that he needs to know how to count money or he will be cheated. He just looked at me. I said, “Well add the totals up and you will be able to figure out the answers.” He couldn’t do it. He sat there crying and trying to figure out the answer. I asked him, “Munch, what is 30 + 5?” He responded, “80”. What the heck?

I lost it. I looked at him and yelled “Are you fuc**ng  kidding me? You knew how to count at 4! Before you ever entered kindergarten. What the hell is wrong with you?” He started to cry. He got scared. I got up from the table and said, “Work on your math by yourself. You have 10 minutes.” I walked upstairs.

I was seething. I was hurt. I was ashamed. I called his dad. Yes, I called his dad. I explained what happened and I was actually crying. He told me to calm down and everything would be alright. I asked him “Why are people telling us that he’s brilliant when he says stuff like this?” He responded, “He is. He just doesn’t want to do it so he gives you a flippant answer.” He told me to calm down and have him work on everything else in the packet except the math. He said “Save it for Tuesday. Calm down and work with only the math on Tuesday.” I agreed.

I went downstairs and saw Munch sitting at the table still crying. I picked up the packet and turned it from math and told him to work on the entire packet skipping over the math. We would work on it another day. Just focus on everything else. He kept crying and said “Okay.”

I called Mr. C. and explained what happened. He laughed and said, “I’ve been there. I’m sorry to laugh, but all parents go through that. You can’t give up on him.” I told him that I felt like a failure as a parent. I told him how I never curse at my son and I can’t believe I lost it like that. He said, “Well, I’ve cursed at my son when helping him with his homework. Never used the F-bomb but it’s okay.” I cried all over again. He told me to dry my tears and it would be okay. It had been over 40 minutes since I left Munch doing the packet.

I went downstairs and saw Munch sitting at the table working on his math. I said, “Didn’t I say we would work on math another day? Why are you not working on the rest of your packet?” He responded, “I’m almost finished with math. I have only 2 more questions.” He was smiling. I heard my mother in the kitchen and said, “You suckered your nana into helping you?”

I go in the kitchen and see my mother. She said, “You can’t help him with math. You’re too close to it. He knows it. He’s so  afraid of disappointing you that he just guesses. I couldn’t help you with your math. You can’t help him. I will work on math with him and you can help him with French.”

“Okay” I responded heavily. She said that when she got home that he was crying and said “My mommy doesn’t like me anymore because I can’t do math.” My heart broke. What had I done?

He finished his homework and took a shower and got into bed. I came in and tucked him in. I said, “Munch, I’m so sorry for losing my temper. For cursing at you. For being disrespectful. I love you and I know that you can do this. I was upset and frustrated at the situation and I should have handled it better. But, I need you to know that nothing. Absolutely nothing will ever stop me from loving or liking you. You are mine and I am yours.”

He smiled. I kissed him and asked God to heal my guilt ridden spirit. I talked to a lot of other parents and they expressed that it’s quite normal. They’ve lost it too. They encouraged me not to beat myself up too bad and gave me some great suggestions when my frustrations rise.

Whew! Parenting is hard.

40 comments

  1. Trust me! I’ve been there x2, cursed, yelled, then locked myself in my room and avoided my daughter for nearly a week. Being ashamed of ourselves for blowing our tops is normal, we’re only human and only so much you can take, especially as a single parent. But what can you do? You did the right thing in apologising, when I apologised to my daughters after both incidents. They laughed it off and gave me a hug.

    I was shocked, but then realised I was not a good mother, I was an awesome mother and they knew it. The day after apologising, I slipped and fell on wet grass, they both raced to my aid, then for the next few day nursed my bruised butt cheek with warm massages.

    Yeah, they frustrate the hell out of us sometimes. But what can we do? As my gramma used to say….”We can’t eat’em, nor kill’em, so all we do is love’em to death” 🙂
    Lovely post btw! Glad to see you and much got through it all 😉

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    1. Aww, thank you so much Etta! Yes, I think that’s what is was….I was ashamed at my behavior. I’m supposed to be an example and I couldn’t keep it together. Really? WTH is wrong with me is what I was thinking. But, you’re right. Apologies work and your grandma’s words of wisdom warmed my soul this morning. I have never heard that saying.

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      1. Thank you! My gramma, like all grandmothers I’d imagine, had lots of sayings I never heard before. lol

        But shouldn’t be held accountable for our actions though? Like you, on both occasions I cursed at my daughters it was during homework time!! LOL LOL 🙂

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  2. I’ve never gone to college, but from what I’ve been reading, you have a whole lot on your plate right now.. Math probably just tipped you over the edge

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    1. Aww, thank you so much. I just couldn’t believe it and I felt like I had to share. So many other parents reached out to me on Facebook and said they experienced the same thing. I’m happy to know that I’m not alone.

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    2. Indeed it is the system K E that allows for a 86.00% graduate rate, but scores in all subjects top between 48-56% nationwide in majority of schools. I agree with everyone above, and go futher to say parents are entitled to snap! You’re human, no matter if you dropped the f-bomb or not …it is simply a word trust and believe he will never hold anger or disdain for you trying to teach him math. He’s just suffering from lack of confidence in the subject.

      I was horrible in Math–12th grade Advance Algebra and Trigonometry an “encouraged elective) was my first F in my high school career — I was livid. Yet, it wasn’t until college my second time taking Algebra 101 WITH A PROFESSOR WHO STARTED FROM THE BASICS! that I was determined to pass. I did with C +, called my dad crying happy. I said that to say YOU ARE AS GREAT A MOM AS WE THINK! You want your son to succeed. I’ve tutored children in Maths I should not have been permitted to because it was all Arithmetic base and I averaged a C at best in high school. However, my goal was never teaching them to do Math, because I barely could do it myself. I taught them to find the problem and solve it, using the tools and method given. Youth are good at problem solving, they just have have the confidence that they can.

      You have to make Munch enjoy Math for himself. If he feels like it is work, more effort than benefit–he will shut down, and you will have to pull teeth to get him to focus. Find something he loves and figure out how to make math out of it.

      Wonderful insight from Mom Dukes as well! ♥ Sometimes it really does take a village ^_^

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  4. As you’ve told me, never doubt your abilities as a mother and a parent. You are a great mother and do the very best you can with what you’re given. There is no manual for this job. We will get frustrated, upset, sad…..and make plenty of mistakes along the way. As long as we continue to reinforce the love and show our children that we make mistakes and we will acknowledge and apologize for them, that will also teach them to accept responsibility for there actions and respond accordingly. I love you and always know that he is your greatest achievement and you’re doing an awesome job raising him.

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  5. Ok…gotta admit I laughed too. It isn’t funny that he was sad, I know. I throw that one around with my oldest a lot but our thing is you should be able to say what you want at home as long as no one is attacking anyone. I can’t defend math AT all. Words are my thing….not numbers. So, I feel you. Remember your response wasn’t actually *at* him or his inability to do that shit. It was at yourself for feeling like you couldn’t reach him. Not a reflection of you or a failure of any kind.

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  6. I’m sorry this happened. It reminds me of when I was young. I was always good at math but there was one year I struggled, the year they taught long division. My mom was never very good at math and she hated having to spend so much time helping me with it. It took a long time and she yelled and cursed and called me stupid but I eventually got it. Looking back I’m not mad at her for it. She was frustrated with her own inability to help me. I think she projected a lot of her feelings about herself on to me. Parents are people, they get frustrated and say things they shouldn’t. Thank God children are so resilient and quick to forgive 🙂

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    1. Thank God. I just don’t want him to ever think that I don’t like or love him because he can’t do something. I just want him to try and not just guess. At least I know that he will get over it. Thanks Lisa!

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  7. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Kids are frustrating and the ones who struggle with math tend to do everything humanly possible to avoid working on anything math related. He’s probably been looking for where your breaking point is for a long time. Now he’s found it He’ll likely remember and will hopefully avoid pressing past it in the future.
    What defines you isn’t what you did, but how you handled it afterwards. You apologized and you told him you love him. That sounds like amazing parenting to me.

    -Ashley
    https://strugglingtothrive.com

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  8. Yep I thought I’d never curse at my child or give my baby soda but I ended up doing all of that and guess what? He survived and we are the best of friends. He’s a productive adult living his life. And yes, I even bopped him upside the head a time or two! Be easy about this thing girl! Kids are way more resilient than we think!

    There is this concept called “the good enough” mom that implies that the threshold for being a good mother is not as high as people make it out to be.

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      2. I reread my comment and I thought I better clarify-lest you think I am some kinda stalker. LOL.
        What I was trying to say is that you were, are and always be a good mother –my friend.

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      3. Nope, I didn’t think a stalker. LOL. Nor did I think you incestuous when talking about your cousin Ron. I was close to my cousin like that. He died while I was pregnant.

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  9. Believe me, you are still a good mom. The mere fact that you unintentionally did the cursing thing and felt so guilty, and sorry about what happened is an indication that you’ll do everything you can to protect your son and make him a better person in the end. Cheer up!

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    1. Aww, thank you so much. I did feel horrible. I couldn’t believe that I was one of those parents that cursed at their children. Wasn’t I supposed to be better? The out-pour of support has been amazing. Parents are telling me they’ve done the same thing and it will happen again. LOL. They said that children challenge you.I’m just hoping to have a better response.

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      1. Your boy is smart, your mom is right. They don’t want to repeat things over and over again, my son is like that especially Math subject. They don’t want to be pressured sometimes. Your son is also sweet and loves you so because he got upset when you got mad.

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  10. Losing your temper makes you human. I don’t remember cursing at my children but I sure cursed around them. When they got older, they teased me about it…..”mom’s using curse words….isn’t she cute?” I never tried to be pretentious around them….life is what it is….the good and the bad. They’re going to encounter much worse than a few curse words. Don’t be too hard on yourself….if you were perfect, you would be up there with those angels! 🙂

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  12. *HUGS*

    Both Deb and I have gone through this with our oldest son. Like pretty much the exact. same. thing. Math, money, cursing, flippant answers, the whole nine.

    It got better when we kinda just backed off, gave him a time limit and then corrected it later. We had to both back off, let him make mistakes and figure stuff out on his own. And for us to let go.

    Yeah, parenting is hard. Some days I haaaate having to be the parent. Haaaaate it. Some days, it’s the best. Some days I have it stone cold down, and others I have no clue and am winging it with love.

    My mom explained to me when I first went off to college that she kinda went through all of the same stuff, the crying, the feeling wrong, winging it. And it brought me closer to her, to discover that she’s a person, too; it took a lot of weight off of me as a young adult, too.

    But man, had she told me any of that stuff when I was a kid. Ooomph.

    Right now, I’m hoping and praying that my kids don’t figure out that we’re all just tapdancing our way through it until they’re well and grown.

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    1. LOL. Thank you so much for commenting and encouraging me on this parenting journey. I felt like I was the only mother in the world going through this and I was messing up my son because I couldn’t keep it together. His dad was so encouraging because he said, “Calm down. It’s okay. I’ve gone through the same thing.” He said that he asked my son what was 100 + 17 and my son said 42. He said that he just looked at him and told him to go to his room. LOL. So, dads go through it too.

      Thankfully, my mother is there to help and she’s prepared to help him with the math. I’ll back off and we’ll just do fun math stuff like flash cards but not homework. Yep, I’m winging it too. I’m just trying not to mess him up too much before I send him off to college.

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  14. As a mom of 5 I can say is I have been through alot of homework – and tears – and yelling – and screaming – but we survived and now that they are grown – and have children – the cycle is starting again…..it is called life and somehow we get through it….but as long as there is love mixed in there – we stay a family….now my children even ask me how I survived homework with them. lol

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