MIA Update – June 27th

Hey Everyone!

How ya’ll doing? I’m taking it back to my Southern Roots and giving you a little taste of the South. Lol. I’ve missed you guys so much. I’m sorry I haven’t written. It has been crazy busy these last few days at my new job.

I have to say I love it! I was unsure of how the team would receive me. I was a little apprehensive about what I would encounter, but one thing that I’ve always said is that God ordered my steps.

He totally ordered my steps on this position. This position was something that he thought that I could do so I have embraced it. I’ve accepted it and I’m so excited that He’s given me wonderful wonderful women to mentor and to lead. My team is all women. Lol. Not surprising in Human Resources though.

I’m ready to help develop, motivate and encourage them so that we can be a strong team. A united team. I have so many ideas. I’m loving who they are as women and who are they who they are as individuals.

I’m meeting with each of them individually this week to begin discovering who they are, what they do, what they would like to do and where they think they need help. I let them know that we did get another head count in the department so I’m super excited about that. So were they. I’ve already jumped in and made some recommendations, learned a lot of information and scheduled meetings with the vendors. I’m all about vendor management. I’m extremely excited about what lies ahead.

Mr. C is mad at me because I haven’t written in the past week. But, as I explained to him it’s been a lot on my plate between traveling and getting used to my new job but I’m trying to get back on schedule. So, I’m asking you guys to give me a couple of weeks. Last week was one and this is my second week where I probably will not write as much but I will try to go in and reblog out some pieces that I read.

So, please bear with me. I’m going to try my best to catch up with everyone’s posts as much as I can. July is a busy month. I’m getting ready for my trip to Miami in a couple of weeks, 4th of July is my son’s soccer banquet and my church’s homecoming picnic is the next weekend and my niece’s graduation party two weeks later. I’m trying to make sure that I am not spreading myself too thin and being available for dates with Mr. C, seeing my son obviously, my job and my girlfriends.

I’ve been neglecting my girlfriends because I’ve been so busy you know co-parenting, Munch’s school situation, my move and his birthday party that I’ve sort of neglected that girl time. That girl time is so important when it comes to friendships so I’m trying to get back on track.

Last week was super good because I was able to get in touch with a couple of girlfriends and play catch up. A couple of weeks before that I was able to have a couple of more dinners. This week I have my son and with his busy schedule it’s going to be really interesting. Bear with me. I will be tweeting and reblogging some great reads.

Again I’m sorry that I haven’t been around but I wish all of you much success and I know your writing is phenomenal. I will ask that if you have some great reads that you think I would enjoy that I’ve missed please post them at the end of this post because I really would love to read them and I may go ahead and reblog them out to my readers. Thank you guys for all of your continued support on my posts, talking to me and encouraging me. You guys really do not know how much I really love that it is a sisterhood, a brotherhood and a bloggerhood. It’s family and I thank you for everything.

Kisses!

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Do You Have Passion?

I recently discovered something about myself. I’m a passionate person. Not just in my quest for world domination, but in my desire to date and find equal partnerships. I need to have passion with a man. I have no interest in a passionless relationship.

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I didn’t always have or want passion. I had purpose. Purpose was more important than passion or so I thought. But, it’s not. Their equals. I want both passion and purpose with a partner. Can a true partnership survive without passion?

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Possibly, but wouldn’t that allow the partner to seek passion somewhere else? If you are passionate about things in your life that fuel your purpose, don’t you want that with your partner? Passionate kisses for no reasons. Passionate hugs and tickles just because. Being able to reach over and grab your partner’s hand because you need their strength? Because let’s be real…we definitely work harder for things and people we’re passionate about.

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I’m a Crybaby

Or maybe I’m just sensitive as hell. Why? Because folks get to me. I try to be hard. To not show my softer side. But, I just can’t help it. Damn allergies!

This has been an incredible week for me. I’m leaving my job today after almost 3 years. I have been blessed with an incredible opportunity to lead my own team and I’m ecstatic. I will totally miss the folks that I called my work family. I’ve learned a lot and now it’s time to show what I can do.

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I’ve always believed that you should always do for others not looking for praise but genuinely because you want them to do well. In any capacity. I love blogging. I’ve met some wonderful people along this journey. Some good. Some that I’m not sure about yet, but I’m thankful for the interactions. Those interactions have allowed me to learn and grow in ways that I can’t imagine.

I follow two wonderful bloggers Stephanie at Making Time for Me and Jessica at Not The Average Mama. Both women are wonderful bloggers and I really want you to check out their pages and subscribe. But, what I wanted to share is that Jess wrote this great post about co-parenting and I was so moved by it that I recommended that she submit it to the Huffington Post in their Blended Family series. I gave her the email address and she submitted the story and they’ve accepted it and will feature her. Here’s what she said to me:

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Because of that they also reached out to Stephanie to ask her to tell her story too. Isn’t that awesome? It’s a blessing that these wonderful women and mothers can come together and share some common sense with us. They experienced trials and bumps along the way, but they are an inspiration to everyone on effective co-parenting. See what Stephanie had to say about the situation while commenting on my blog.

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You know I cried right? I’m a softy. But, it didn’t stop there. This wonderful blogger Stephanie at Stephellaneous said this to me yesterday:

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I literally sat at my desk with tears streaming down my face. Why? Because I’m a marshmallow. I know. I love blogging. I love writing. I love men. I love children. I love so many things about this world. I also don’t like some things. I try to bring you into my thoughts and life each day with a post. Never to change you but to share my story. My truth. My lessons learned. I was married. I am divorced. I am a mother. I was barren. I was poor. I date. I have lots of girlfriends. I am happy. But, to hear that someone who has been through so much writing that I’m a wonderful mother just had me thanking God for allowing me to turn my tragedy into triumph and not ruin the best gift I’ve ever received.

Stephanie’s story is one that you should definitely check out. Including this post that broke my heart: Goodbye Mother

But, God! God is in everything that we do and everything that I try to initiate when I read, write, follow, comment or share in this blogging world. I have no malice in my heart and I have suffered so many failures, but too many successes to mention. I call those blessings.

I genuinely love each and every one of you. I’m thankful for you. Your stories are personal, tragic and triumphant. They make me laugh and they make me cry and I will always try to share. Whether I comment, tweet or post to my Facebook page please know that you are an invaluable piece of this blogging world and you truly inspire me. So stop making me cry!

Hugs and Kisses!

-T

 

Sh*t We Need to Stop Saying

So, my best friend and I were talking the other day about sh*t we need to stop saying in 2016 because it makes no damn sense. None. You should know that by now. Stop just repeating things because you think they sound good.

Cause they don’t. They piss people off and it really makes me wonder did you fall off the turnip truck last night and bump your head.  What are some of the things you may ask?

  1. At least they didn’t suffer. What the hell kind of advice is that? What do you mean at least they didn’t suffer. They freaking died and how they died doesn’t matter. Just offer up your prayers and keep it moving. That’s all you can do.
  2. Put your baby on a schedule now. What do you mean? My child is 3 weeks old. All they do is sleep, eat and poop. What kind of schedule will a 3 week old follow? Hell, my incision still hurts. I need to sleep too. This kid doesn’t even know me yet. They are still feeling the after effects from the drugs I got during delivery.
  3. Maybe God did it. Can we stop blaming God for everything? Is this some kind of reverse way to get people to convert to Christianity? God doesn’t sit up on the throne and try to make our lives a living hell. I’m sure he’s way to busy. Just stop this one.
  4. I had a friend go through the same thing and everything turned out well for them. But, are they me? How do you know it will turn out fine for me? Do you have a crystal ball that will determine based off my specific medical condition that I will be healed? Nope? Then stop telling me that.
  5. I never liked him/her for you. Really? So, you never said anything to me in the 20 plus years that this person was with me. Nope, I may not have listened but damn it you should have tried. Why tell me after the fact? I feel like a failure for allowing this jerk in my space for so long and you just telling me that is like pushing the knife through my heart.
  6. You can do bad by yourself. What the hell? No, I can’t. I can do better. Why would I ever want to do bad? If I’m leaving trust things will be better. Less stress and many more opportunities to be successful because I’m not carrying that dead weight around my neck.
  7. But at least he didn’t hit you. Another stupid a** response. Really? Wow! So, him cheating on me and verbally abusing me for the last 15 years is okay because he didn’t beat my a**? Man, stop lying! Abuse is abuse.
  8. How did you get this job? What the hell does that mean? I busted my butt in college, proved myself talented at some of the best employers in the country and broke the damn glass ceiling. Hard work and determination are not out of your reach, but why do you seem surprised?
  9. He/she is in a much better place. Really? How the hell would you know that? They were a drunk, committed adultery, burglarized and tormented the elderly and little children. That doesn’t sound like they were going to Heaven.
  10. He needs to man up! Oh, I so hate this. Especially when used towards little boys. First of all, they are children. They don’t know how to be a man. Maybe you should set the stage and lead by example. I’m sure if you do a good enough job the little boy may want to follow you. It really burns me when folks say that garbage. Yes, my son cries. He’s entitled to cry. Hell, I cry some days. That doesn’t mean he needs to man up. Say it to my Munch and watch me curse the day you were born.
  11. You just need to pray. Listen, I’m a Christian and I believe in the power of prayer, but this is the worst thing to say to someone who is hurting. Especially if you don’t know that they have an underlying issue with depression. You are invalidating their feelings. I’ve told you before that people need 3 things: Jesus, wine and therapy.
  12. He speaks so well. What the hell does that mean? He’s 8. Of course he speaks well. I was a dang English major. So was his dad. Both of his grandmothers have doctorates in education. His god mother was a teacher. Please stop saying that BS to me. How about saying this…He has a vocabulary that’s pretty impressive for an 8 year old. I bet he’s reading on an advanced level.

My Needs Are Simple

I need you to be able to

  • Love me as I am
  • Love my son as though he is your own
  • Support my dreams
  • Encourage my spirit
  • Cook occasionally
  • Take me out to dinner regularly
  • Listen to me
  • Pray with me
  • Passionately kiss me
  • Believe in me
  • See me as your equal
  • Travel with me
  • Read my blog
  • Read my book
  • Comfort me when I’m sick
  • Give me space when I’m mad
  • Laugh at my jokes
  • Pray for me

 

I don’t think that’s a lot to ask. Relationships are supposed to be mutually exclusive. I guarantee you that I’m not asking for anything that I’m not willing to give.

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Alpha Female

So, I read this great article by Andrea Wesley on The Bolde entitled “The Dating Struggles of an Alpha Female” and sighed. This is so me. I am an alpha female. I have a tribe. A tribe of other women who are alpha females. I am not alone.

What was interesting was that I could relate to almost all 8 points of being an alpha female. Here were the 8 points:

  1. WE HAVE SMART MOUTHS.
  2. WE’RE NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK OUR MINDS.
  3. WE TAKE THE LEAD, AND THAT MAKES MOST MEN RUN.
  4. WE’RE UNFAZED BY CLICHÉ ROMANCE.
  5. WE’RE CHALLENGING.
  6. WE’RE BRUTALLY HONEST.
  7. WE HAVE VERY FEW DAMSEL IN DISTRESS MOMENTS.
  8. WE’RE GENUINELY BUSY, AND IT FRUSTRATES OUR SUITORS.

Does this sound like any of you? It’s me. I’ve been told numerous times that I have a smart mouth. I think it goes with number 2 ( not being afraid to speak our minds) and number 6 (brutally honest). I have  a smart mouth and I’m brutally honest and will always speak my mind. But, I’ve learned to slow down.

I realized in my time of transition from marriage to divorce that I need to learn decorum. Phrase things in a different way to try and illicit the response that I wanted. I was wicked with my tongue. I own it. I was vile with the insults if I felt hurt or attacked. My words could hurt. Just because I could say it doesn’t mean that I should say it.

Now, before you start thinking that I am not being honest, that’s not true. I told you that I’m about living your truth, whatever it is. It frees you. It keeps you sane when you know who you are and what you want. Even if what you want doesn’t make sense to others. If it makes sense to you then follow your dreams love!

My ex-husband didn’t know I was an alpha female. Heck, I just learned. I thought I was just too damn independent for men. An inherited flaw from my mother who was a single parent. How do you play the damsel in distress when married? Ugh! I was clueless. But, my ex said something to me right after we separated that stayed with me. He said, “You never made me feel needed”. That hurt him.

Well, alpha females don’t need a man. We want a man. I guess for me wanting a man matters more than needing you because to need you would indicate that there is a piece of me that is unfilled. That I am lacking in some way. Believe me, that is not the case. But, I didn’t know how to tell him this. I just said, “I tried. I tried to be a good wife. To love you. To support you.”

I did try. But, what I realize now about myself is that it is not in my make-up to make you feel needed. If I’m with you it is because I want you. I love you. I want you in my space and in my life. I just didn’t know how to express it.

Fast forward to dating now and I had a hard time trying to appear less independent. I couldn’t stop my smart mouth, which for the record is used to tell potential suitors that I find their particular brand of B.S. interesting and unappealing. Men didn’t know how to handle a woman who spoke her mind and appeared “too independent”. It was hard.

I was planning my world takeover and raising my son and I didn’t have time for B.S. and games. I needed someone who knew what they wanted and could let me know. Someone who could see me as I am and just try to get to know me. Not be intimidated by my strength, but encourage it. I needed an alpha male who viewed me as his equal and not his adversary. Who was comfortable in who he was and wasn’t.

I don’t need saving. I need a partner. I’m building my empire and watching my dreams manifest into reality. I need someone who sees my vision. Believes in it. Supports it and loves me just the same. I don’t need flowers and I won’t play the damsel in distress. I will be your equal. Loving and supporting the man that sees me as a challenge and knows that I’m worth it.

What’s Going On? Prayers for Orlando

“life is all about being like water…come what may you have to cross all hurdles and keep on flowing…Its all about moving towards a better tomorrow…” – Being Mommie

Aren’t the above words so encouraging? I think so. A fellow blogger over at Being Mommie left it this morning on another post. I thought it was befitting in light of the tragedy that occurred yesterday in Orlando at the nightclub Pure.

I awoke yesterday morning early for church. It was Children’s Day. My church was allowing the children to lead the service. To praise and give honor to God. Munch was singing and performing a poem with his church school class. We had to be at church early. I looked at my Ipad to check the weather and saw a New York Times notification about the shooting.

I paused. I couldn’t believe it. I opened up the notification and read the disturbing details that 49 people had been gunned down and 53 people were hospitalized. I said a prayer. I asked God to please heal this world. To watch over the family and friends of the victims and injured. To please allow justice to prevail for those that commit crimes against humanity.

I sighed. I was tired of hearing about the senseless violence that prevails our country. We seem to be getting worse. Whether you believe that gun control is the issue or not is of little relevance at this point. A gun was used to kill innocent people who went out for a night of partying. These night club patrons never expected a night of bullets to erupt.

But it did. It has.

These victims have friends and family that will mourn them as I do. I, who have no connection to the victims mourn for the mothers and fathers that lost their children on Children’s Day. That won’t get to spend any more birthdays or holidays loving their children. That won’t get to hear the simple words of “Hi Mom” or “Hi Dad” when they call their children.

No words can explain the pain of losing a child so I won’t try to. However, I need you to understand that this violence is ripping the fabric in our humanity and we need to do something. We are hurting yet again because bullets don’t know a man or woman’s color, religion or sexual orientation. Hate can’t win.

Love must win. In all situations. Love must prevail. It just has to. Because just like the quote above we have to move towards a better tomorrow.

Single Parents and the Bathroom Conundrum

So, Gary over at Skipah’s Realm responded to my post entitled My 2 Cents: Transgender Restroom Issue and said that it would never work because it makes sense and we know in this country we’re not lead to have common sense. But, he raised an interesting point and said I should write about the issue parents have when taking their children to the restroom and they are a different gender.

Gary has a daughter and I have a son. They’re about the same age. I told you my issues when it comes to taking my son to the restroom, but don’t men have the same issues? I’m pretty sure they do.

My girlfriend and I were talking on Monday evening about how her husband lets women take his daughter to the bathroom and she finds that disturbing because women molest children too. However, he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. He would prefer not to take her to the men’s room.

I totally understood. Men don’t think their may be perverted women lurking in bathrooms trying touch on their little girls because they aren’t as skeptical of everyone like women are. But, pedophilia knows no specific type. Men and women molest children.  But, what options do you have if there is no family restroom available and you need to take your child to the bathroom?

Option #1: Ask a Stranger

HELL NO!

I would never ask another man to take my son to the restroom. Why? Because I don’t know you. I don’t trust people I don’t know with my kid. Plain and simple. Yep, it may seem extreme to some, but trust me you can never take back that feeling of failing your child if they should ever be sexually assaulted. Nor the memory of the abuse.

Let me tell you this, when my son takes swim classes the pool doesn’t have family showers. So, Munch will come with me to the family bathroom and dry off and I make him shower at home. There is no way in hell that I will let him shower by himself and the pool doesn’t want parents to allow their children age 5 or over to use the gender as the parent. That means that you could ask a stranger to watch your child shower or just say nope and we’ll do it when we get home.

Option #2:  Just Take Your Child With You

Umm, this works for me. Women don’t freak out when I want to take my tall 8 year old son in the bathroom with me. But, if you’re a man who has a daughter do you really feel comfortable with your daughter going into the men’s room with you? I mean the odor in the first place is enough to kill you. Oh, she could also see some swinging penises as you rush her to a stall. Neither options appeal to men I’m sure. So, what do you do if there is no family restroom? Suck it up and send her to the women’s room while you try to not look like a pedophile waiting on your princess to exit.

Option #3:  Advocate for More Family Restrooms/Showers

This is probably the only option that we have as parents that feels even remotely comfortable and reasonable. A man can take his daughter to the restroom without having to worry about what she is exposed to at an early age. I can take my son to the bathroom without him having to complain and say that I’m a boy I should use the men’s room.

I know that a lot of places can’t afford more family restrooms, but dang it we need it. I hate stalking the men’s room and dad’s have a right to take their toilet training daughter to the restroom without worrying about her exposure. We all want to pee in peace.

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Disclaimer: I don’t own the rights to this photo. I did a Google search.

How Long Is Too Long?

To stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to take things to the next level? I often wonder what makes women stay in relationships for years with men that never marry them. What is it about that man that makes you stay, love, take care of, share and have children with that makes you accept that he doesn’t want to marry you?

Marriage is not for everyone. Trust me. I know. But, if you want to get married, why do you settle for a life that is not what you really want? For love? For comfort? For security?

I’m an advocate for truth. Living your truth. Whatever that may be. You are the only one that can control your destiny and your happiness.

I met a gentleman in his 30’s who told me that he’s been living and dating his girlfriend for the last 10 years. They are not married. They have a 4 year old son. He said “Marriage isn’t everything. I have her on my life insurance policy.”

I paused mid-drink to educate my young friend on the fact that he is not owning or living in his truth. I said, “Sweetie, why are you wasting that young woman’s life? You don’t want to marry her. She is not “the one” that you can imagine living the rest of your life with. She’s not bad. She has no notable flaws that will make you leave her. She’s enough. But, you want more than enough. So, you’re stringing her along until you meet the one because she is accepting it.”

He listened as I continued to say that “A man knows the woman he wants. He knows the one his heart yearns for and he will do whatever it takes to make her his. He doesn’t half-step. A man commits. A man sees, loves and claims that woman as his wife. To carry his last name and bear his dynasty.” He stared at me as I said, “She’s not that one for you. Let her go. Don’t waste her time if you are not the man for her and she’s not the one for you. Don’t be selfish. There’s honor among living in the truth.”

He swallowed his drink and smiled. I said, “Watch, if you two break up you’re the same one who will get married a year after meeting another woman. Your son’s mother will hurt because she can’t understand why. She won’t be able to accept that it wasn’t her. She could have accepted it after year 3. But, she stayed. She prayed. She believed.”

We said our good-byes and I sat back wondering when will women start taking control of their own lives. Why do we allow someone to string us along hoping that he will commit? That he will want to spend the rest of his life with us because that’s all we want. The power is yours. You decide what’s best for you.

Even if it means walking away.

Abandoned

I told him that I had abandonment issues. That I was flawed. That I feared that a man that really loved me would abandon me. My dad did.

I felt like he did too.

Alone is where he left me to mourn. A light that had become dark slowly faded away from my heart. In that moment…I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t find the words to describe the pain but a knife repeatedly stabbing my heart could come close.

I got up and fell to the floor. The pain was unbearable. I laid there and cried. Tears of anguish. Tears of broken hopes, promises and friendship.

I was alone again.

I sobbed uncontrollably.

On the floor, in a heap, where I lay for an hour I nursed the pain you caused. I dried my tears and prayed for peace. I washed away my pain with alcohol hoping to numb the scars that were bleeding through.

I searched for relief through the hazy smoke. None came. The sun slowly set signaling the end of another day. Another loss.

Two down. Only me.

Time to stand on my feet.

Alone.