Let me start off by saying that I do a dang great job of minding my own business. I had to learn that everything is not for me to worry about, handle, persuade, involve myself or fix. It’s not an easy task all the time. Sometimes I want to interfere and then I have to remind myself that each person is different. If someone wants my help then I will help. Other than that all I can do is listen, love and support whatever decision the person makes.
That goes with parenting too. I’ve gotten some of the best advice from parents and you fellow bloggers about parenting fails, mistakes and fears. You open up your hearts and share your truths and offer suggestions that empower me to know that this is not easy, but it will be okay.
Here’s an example:
My post last week about Is it Time for Music? got some wonderful parenting advice and some skepticism (LOL, my sister friend KE) and I truly appreciated it. I don’t know everything and I can’t begin to fathom it, but hearing people suggest the following was fine for me. Why? Because these bloggers have no malice. They are not being judgmental parents. They are giving me a different perspective and lens to look at. I value that. I honestly do.
Wonderful right?
What happens when it is not as wonderful as you fellow bloggers. When other parents criticize your ability to parent. Is it right? Is it wrong? Before getting your panties in a bunch let’s remove those that are abusing their children from the bunch. You want to judge those parents, go right ahead.
If you’re a good parent who takes care of your child/children and do the best you can, when did it become acceptable to be criticized by your peers? Most people will insist that parenting is a trial and error job. You just “go with it” and hope you don’t mess your children up too bad. You will make mistakes. You will feel like the worst parent in the world. You’re not. You just have to keep trying.
Trying. Isn’t that what we’re all doing? Hoping to not mess our kids up and leave them stronger, wiser and better than we were? If that’s true then why are we having to defend our parenting choices or styles? I don’t agree with helicopter parenting, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to bash you if you choose to do so. You know what’s best for your child. Not me.
What is prompting my outrage and rant? Last week I was catching up on some posts and read some disturbing comments on a fellow bloggers post. Emily at Stress Free Mommies posted about 7 things to do in the hospital after giving birth and received some very judgmental comments. Take a look:
Disturbing right? Thank God for this wonderful expectant mom to say this:
Finally, the voice of reason! We have to do better people! We have to stop trying to judge other parents. What about the situation that happened last week at the Cincinnati Zoo with the child falling into the gorilla habitat? The zoo decided to shoot the gorilla. Whether or not you agree with the decision is your choice, but the parents are being criticized.
Are you kidding me? A child was with a gorilla who may or may not have been in danger (depending on your perspective), but he needed to be rescued. The zoo made the decision to shoot the animal. Not the parents. The mother sounded scared that her child was in the gorilla’s space. On a video that is circulating, you can hear her telling her child it will be okay.
But, it doesn’t matter to some. She was a bad mother right? She couldn’t watch her kid. Poor Harambe. The parents are irresponsible (not the zoo for not having gates high enough). What kind of parents don’t know where their children are at every moment?
A real one. There I said it. A real parent. You take your eyes off your child for a second and your child runs. Darts in front of a moving car. Hides under the clothing racks. Runs in the store. The same people that scorn and say they are perfect are judging you.
So, you put your kids on a leash. Oh, you’re inhumane. You’re treating your children like their animals. You need to teach your children to be responsible and not run away. Umm, how many parents have never had a 2 or 3 year old drop their hand and take off running? Please raise your hand.
Everyone has. Let’s stop being a judgmental bunch of babbling idiots and let’s support each other as parents. It’s hard. It’s rewarding and we’re doing the best we can. We will make mistakes and you know what? It’s okay. We are a village. Let’s practice that village mindset.
A Thomas Point of View 
Well said. Thanks! Extending grace to others is so important and yep we need to build up not tear down in this season of parenting
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Thank you. Yes, we all make mistakes and we want to do our best, but mistakes will happen. That doesn’t mean we have to tear each other down. Let’s try to be a supportive group.
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Love this piece Tikeetha. It’s so true how many people have become so judgmental and ready to have that blaming finger out in no time. But you get negative trolls everywhere. It’s upto us to just shrug our shoulders and not feed into their negativity.
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Thank you so much. I know right? It’s so hard when people give you their suggestions about what you should do and then people attack you. I actually put my son in the nursery. I was so sick and that was the best advice my sister gave me. She said “Don’t be afraid to send the baby to the nursery.” I did. He was fine. We’re closer than ever. I don’t think a couple of hours ever hurt him. Mothers already have it hard and we just need to support each other. It will make life easier.
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Wow, Tikeetha. This is unbelievable! Insinuating that a mother is “LAZY?” We are here to provide comfort and support….not to criticize. This just sets me on fire.
And, the bashing of the mother whose child fell into the gorilla habitat….well, if she’s a bad mother, then I need to be shot.
My children played indoor soccer….all four of them. My two oldest daughters had a game one night. I drove all four of them to the game and my ex came from work. After the game, we all piled into the respective cars. I had the two oldest ones and I thought he had the two youngest ones. He had our son and thought I had all three girls.
I got home first and the phone was ringing when I walked in the door. It was my youngest daughter saying…”um, could somebody come get me?”
We left our child at the soccer center. String me up.
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LOL. We all make mistakes and I can imagine the pain it felt thinking we left our child, but your child was fine. We’ve all become to judgmental. We need to take a step back and just support each other.
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True. The soccer center was always full of people and we knew them all. We knew the owners and they just took her in the office, gave her a drink and a bag of chips!
It kind of became a joke for a while. I had so many children, somebody would always say “which one are you going to leave behind today?”
Geeze. I’d better shut up…if “those” readers see this, I’ll be blasted to Kingdom come!
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This is why I keep erasing strangers that try to follow me here, ha!
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lol thanks for recognizing the skepticism 😉 about the blogger who suggested her opinion on HER blog and the responses that followed. I have too much to say about Harambe and the mother, so I’ll leave that alone lol. Great post Tikeetha! Compassion doesn’t seem to be as easy a process as it should be.
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LOL. I recognized it and I truly appreciated and respected it. It wasn’t delivered as a question of my parenting abilities but more as a suggestion to look at my son’s schedule and see if I’m overloading him. I guess it’s in the delivery and we’ve become a society that wants to chastise instead of encourage and support one another. Parenting is hard work and we should stop being so judgmental.
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😉
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Yes and yes. Thank you!! I can’t understand why this is so hard for people.
The most incendiary thing another mother has ever said to me (one that ended in a heated fight and was the beginning of the end of our friendly encounters) was “Well, I don’t know how you’re raising YOUR kids, but we’re raising OURS to respect their elders.” Boom. Nothing good comes from being holier than thou & tearing down someone’s parenting. Got a problem? Talk it out. After all, that’s what we tell the kids to do…
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How hurtful to say that to someone. I hat when someone has a holier than thou attitude. Kick rocks is my motto!
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Well said Tikeetha! I remember a time when my first son was very young and we were in a mall and I looked elsewhere for a moment – he was gone. I had no idea where he was for a short time, but did find him in another store. It terrified me – it only takes a moment for those little ones to go when you are not looking.
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Yes, and you feel awful. You cry because you’re worried that something could have happened and every parent has had that experience. No one is perfect. We just try not to mess our children up too bad. LOL. It’s a sisterhood/brotherhood for parents. We just need to act like it.
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I love this post!! So powerful!!! Thank you!
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Thank you.
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Yeah, it’s exhausting already to be a parent and constantly trying to figure out what’s best for your kid… Less judgment and more support would be nice. Not saying we should all be “yes” people and not give an alternate opinion but that we should do so in a constructive and positive manner.
Nice post. 👍
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Thank you. I totally agree.
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Sorry I’ve been MIA for the past week (thanks for still following me :)), the Harambe incident is why the internet is stupid. It was crappy situation, but railing on the parents when every damn one of us has had an “OH SH!T” moment with our kids getting away is absurd. I don’t care if it was the last yellow tailed albino monkey in existence or a gorilla. If my child was in a similar situation I would hope the zoo would neutralize the situation as fast as possible.
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Yes, that is it exactly. We’ve all had that moment and as much as we’d like to think we’re perfect, we’re not. We are just doing the best we can and hopefully our kids will survive the chaos. The zoo made the call not the parents, but you’re blaming them? People need to kick rocks with their judgmental asses.
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