Sh*t We Need to Stop Saying

So, my best friend and I were talking the other day about sh*t we need to stop saying in 2016 because it makes no damn sense. None. You should know that by now. Stop just repeating things because you think they sound good.

Cause they don’t. They piss people off and it really makes me wonder did you fall off the turnip truck last night and bump your head.  What are some of the things you may ask?

1. At least they didn’t suffer. What the hell kind of advice is that? What do you mean at least they didn’t suffer. They freaking died and how they died doesn’t matter. Just offer up your prayers and keep it moving. That’s all you can do.
2. Put your baby on a schedule now. What do you mean? My child is 3 weeks old. All they do is sleep, eat and poop. What kind of schedule will a 3 week old follow? Hell, my incision still hurts. I need to sleep too. This kid doesn’t even know me yet. They are still feeling the after effects from the drugs I got during delivery.
3. Maybe God did it. Can we stop blaming God for everything? Is this some kind of reverse way to get people to convert to Christianity? God doesn’t sit up on the throne and try to make our lives a living hell. I’m sure he’s way to busy. Just stop this one.
4. I had a friend go through the same thing and everything turned out well for them. But, are they me? How do you know it will turn out fine for me? Do you have a crystal ball that will determine based off my specific medical condition that I will be healed? Nope? Then stop telling me that.
5. I never liked him/her for you. Really? So, you never said anything to me in the 20 plus years that this person was with me. Nope, I may not have listened but damn it you should have tried. Why tell me after the fact? I feel like a failure for allowing this jerk in my space for so long and you just telling me that is like pushing the knife through my heart.
6. You can do bad by yourself. What the hell? No, I can’t. I can do better. Why would I ever want to do bad? If I’m leaving trust things will be better. Less stress and many more opportunities to be successful because I’m not carrying that dead weight around my neck.
7. But at least he didn’t hit you. Another stupid a** response. Really? Wow! So, him cheating on me and verbally abusing me for the last 15 years is okay because he didn’t beat my a**? Man, stop lying! Abuse is abuse.
8. How did you get this job? What the hell does that mean? I busted my butt in college, proved myself talented at some of the best employers in the country and broke the damn glass ceiling. Hard work and determination are not out of your reach, but why do you seem surprised?
9. He/she is in a much better place. Really? How the hell would you know that? They were a drunk, committed adultery, burglarized and tormented the elderly and little children. That doesn’t sound like they were going to Heaven.
10. He needs to man up! Oh, I so hate this. Especially when used towards little boys. First of all, they are children. They don’t know how to be a man. Maybe you should set the stage and lead by example. I’m sure if you do a good enough job the little boy may want to follow you. It really burns me when folks say that garbage. Yes, my son cries. He’s entitled to cry. Hell, I cry some days. That doesn’t mean he needs to man up. Say it to my Munch and watch me curse the day you were born.
11. You just need to pray. Listen, I’m a Christian and I believe in the power of prayer, but this is the worst thing to say to someone who is hurting. Especially if you don’t know that they have an underlying issue with depression. You are invalidating their feelings. I’ve told you before that people need 3 things: Jesus, wine and therapy.
12. He speaks so well. What the hell does that mean? He’s 8. Of course he speaks well. I was a dang English major. So was his dad. Both of his grandmothers have doctorates in education. His god mother was a teacher. Please stop saying that BS to me. How about saying this…He has a vocabulary that’s pretty impressive for an 8 year old. I bet he’s reading on an advanced level.