Love Letters – Cousins

 

My niece is spending some time with my Munch and they’re having a ball. She’s 17 and headed to college next month. He’s 8 and headed to the third grade.

My niece and I are very close. She’s the oldest grandchild.  She’s pretty special. That being said my son has been missing her like crazy.

He asked what if she goes away and forgets about me? “She won’t” I responded. He was really serious though. So, they’re playing together and hanging out for a couple of days. He’s ecstatic. But, they do get on each other’s nerves. But reading this makes my heart melt.

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Whose Your Daddy?

This post is prompted by what I witnessed earlier this month when the internet was all upset over the fact that R&B singer and model, Ciara, shared a video of her family. She’s newly married and in the video her son asks Momma for a kiss. She gives him one. He then asks “Poppa” for a kiss. His new stepfather, Russell Wilson, is whom he is affectionately referring to as Poppa. Men were so upset at this. They felt as though the mother should stop her son from calling him Poppa because he’s not the biological dad.

So, I wondered what is appropriate for children to call the new spouse of their parent?  Do you find it offensive if a child refers to the other parent as momma, dad, poppa, mommy? Would you be okay with your son or daughter calling the new parent Mom, Dad, Poppa, etc? Does age matter? Ciara’s son is only 2 years old and she has primary custody.

In my opinion I think it boils down to ego. How we as adults handle what we perceive as someone coming in and taking our spot. Munch is 8 and my ego is not going to prevent my son from having a relationship with his new parent. I don’t say “step” because I don’t want my son to feel like there is some sort of irregularity with the new situation. It’s another person to love and share in the upbringing of him.

I could care less if Munch wants to call another woman mom. Why? Because I’m Munch’s mommy. That’s it and that’s all. That’s what he calls me. Honestly, if his dad should remarry and my son wanted to refer to the new parent as “Mom” because he calls me Mommy. I would be okay with it.

I wouldn’t feel threatened that my role is somehow diminished if my son wanted to call his dad’s new wife Mom. Nothing will ever change the fact that he’s my son. It just means that he has two moms who love the heck out of him.

Now, Mr. C said “Whatever, T. It’s a man thing. Your ex-husband wouldn’t be cool with your son calling another man Dad.” I laughed and said, “He’d be fine.” But, I really wanted to know. So, I asked him and you know what? He was fine with it.

He said that whatever Munch felt comfortable calling my new spouse he would support. It wouldn’t bother him because he knows that he’s Munch’s father and now Munch has someone else loving and taking care of him.

Pretty amazing huh? He wasn’t threatened. He felt that another parent loving our son is awesome and Munch would be blessed to have two dads. I liked that.

There are still some things that matter to us and one of those is what is best for Munch. Co-parenting has its own struggles but when you have two parents striving to love the heck out of their kids regardless of their own egos, it makes it easier. Don’t worry what your child chooses to call the new parent and just work on making the new parent feel included.

It won’t be easy, but trust me when I tell you that it really does take a village. That bonus parent is now a part of that village.

Random Photos in My Cell Phone – 7/28/2016

Here are some random photos in my phone from the last couple of months:

My nieces and nephews with Munch
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Munch & Me after church.
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Munch after getting his face painted at the UniverSoul Circus
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Munch getting his soccer trophy for Spring soccer.
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Munch practicing his bike riding skills
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The beautiful beach and clouds in Miami.
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The flower bouquet that I picked up at the Farmer’s Market for my desk.
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My daily breakfast of yogurt with granola and cinnamon to reduce my glucose.
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The crack in the windshield of the rental car I just picked up. Thank God I got the rental insurance.
Munch and my nephew wrestling
My nephew showing his camera ready smile

What Are We Waiting For?

All these atrocities occurring all over the world have definitely put a damper on blogging and in all actuality reading some of your blogs. I get it. We are so exhausted from the fact that it seems like non-stop tragedy after tragedy. We appear to be on a roller coaster of highs and lows and when will it end? When will we stop feeling like we are watching a horror film play on the nightly news or on our cell phone alerts? Can we catch a break?

We are all getting burned out. Waiting for the next tragedy. Waiting for the next police shooting. Waiting.

It didn’t help that as soon as I came back from a wonderful weekend of sun and fun I had to attend an Active Shooter Training at my job. Really? All this tragedy in the world and I need to attend this right now? Ugh!

The officer who taught the class was very thorough and it was informative, but it really dampened my mood. I started worrying and waiting for the next dang tragedy or atrocity to occur. I mean isn’t this what we’re all doing? Waiting.

We need to stop waiting for tragedy and just wait on the Lord. I had to accept that. I’m waiting for man, when I should be waiting on God.

Isaiah 40:31 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

31 but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength,
they shall mount up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary,
they shall walk and not faint.

Tragedy is going to happen, but we can’t get so consumed that we forget to live. We have to live. We have to have fun. We have to do silly things. We have to have meaningless conversations. We have to stop waiting for more tragedy and just rejoice in the fact that we are alive and blessed.

Here’s 5 Things You Can Do Instead of Wait:

  1. Learn a new hobby or craft. I decided to journal. Journal random thoughts or pictures of interest. Quirks or phrases. Hey, they might actually make a blog topic sometime.
  2. It’s the summer. Even if your funds are limited take day trips to places. Munch and I are doing a day trip to the beach early next month. Can’t wait.
  3. Read an interesting book. I love the smell of books even though I read a lot of books on my IPad, but check around some of your bloggers may have books that are out that you can read and review.
  4. Spend time with friends and family. Yes, remember that this is the season for cookouts and reunions. Share some fun and laughter with your friends and family. Just get out of the house and experience life by taking photos with your loved ones.
  5. Volunteer work. This is an excellent opportunity to give back to your community and realize how blessed you are. There are people who are homeless, sick or need mentors. Whatever your heart’s desire, be compelled to spend some time with others in need. It helps renew you on the fact that we have real issues that we need to focus on.

There you have it. Stop waiting and start living. Start enjoying the life you have because you only get one.

 

 

The Bike Riding Chronicles

So, a couple of weeks ago I began teaching my son how to ride his bike. Yes, I’m late. No, I don’t have an excuse. Yes, I actually do have an excuse…he didn’t understand how to peddle. LOL!

Not a good excuse huh?

Well, I actually bought him another bike in May because he was too tall for the other bike. I got an 18 inch bike with training wheels. It’s the tallest bike that they had a Toys R’Us that has training wheels. But, he was excited.

We bought the helmet, but I passed on the arm and shin guards thinking that a little scrape never hurt no body. Okay, not true. I was being cheap. My munch was so happy to get a new bike and helmet he didn’t care. He just wanted to ride.

We finally took the bike out and began practicing and it was a hot dang mess. Can you believe it? He complained the entire time and couldn’t figure out the circular motion of pedaling. I was hot, tired and frustrated. He wasn’t even trying.

I literally got in my car and cut the AC up and made him practice without me while I called Mr. C to complain. He laughed, “I’ve been there, but you have to keep at it. He’ll get it.” I sighed. “No he won’t” I said. “Do you think riding a bike is important?” he asked. “No” I responded. He told me that it is and I needed patience.

He wasn’t out here in the baking sun with his hair curling up trying to teach Munch how to ride a bike. He was at home in the AC. He suggested that I push Munch while he’s pedaling so that he can see the pedaling at work. I agreed and that worked. Can you believe it?

Munch started pedaling by himself. I was so super proud. I shot a video and sent it to his dad and Mr. C. His dad was so happy. Our son was getting it. We felt like we were doing something. Wow!

Mr. C on the other hand told me that the seat was too low and that’s why my Munch was struggling. “You need to raise the seat” he said. “I don’t know how to do that” I stated. “He replied, “I’ll do it”. Umm, I liked that.

Guess what? He did it too.

My baby is getting more confident on that bike and I don’t feel we’re ready to take the training wheels off just yet, but I can’t be happier. I love that he’s crossed two major milestones this year…learning to tie his shoes and to ride a bike. Baby steps that are finally paying off.

Yay Munch!

Respect My Boundaries

I received a lot of feedback on my post yesterday Dear Sis – F*ck Them and I wanted to explain some things to those who may feel that my words were too harsh. Women (myself included) were brought up to be nice and such and that will sometimes hurt us more than anything. It means that we allow people into our space that will disrespect us to the point of no return.

Why? Because we were taught to always be polite. As I’ve aged I realized that is the biggest bunch of S*it! I don’t have to be polite to the point that I am a walking mat for those in my life. That’s not what life is about. We need to teach our young women that it is okay not to be polite.

I’m not saying that you teach her to be mean. She just doesn’t need to lay down and play nice with everyone. Teach her that boundaries are okay and explain how she should handle it when her boundaries are crossed. I never understood that.

My girlfriend said to me that her daughter doesn’t like to speak to people. I knew this. Her daughter often ignored me. I was cool with it. I can ignore with the best of them. I didn’t have any ill will towards this little girl, but I respected her decision to not engage and truth be told, sometimes I didn’t want to engage.

But, how many of us teach our children (especially little girls) that they should always smile, always speak and always be polite? Why? The world isn’t always polite to us and we don’t owe anyone anything. Sometimes I don’t want to speak. Sometimes I don’t want to smile and sometimes I just want to go about my merry way without feeling the need to “play nice”.

Now, there is nothing wrong with having manners. I’m not saying that you don’t teach your children how to respect people and not curse folks out, but you don’t have to teach them to hug or speak to folks when they don’t want to.  Why are we teaching our little girls to smile at everyone and everything?

Not everyone deserves my smile, time or attention.

I want people in my life and in my space who I have a symbiotic relationship with. People who bring me joy and whom genuinely care about my well being. I don’t want to put up with anymore BS from people that want drama and want me to engage in childish games. I’m to old for that. I don’t owe you any niceties. I don’t have to be nice when you call or text if you call or text every couple of months for random stuff. I don’t have to spare your feelings when I talk about what a jerk you were to me and how you weren’t man enough for me.

I don’t care. You don’t like it? Kick rocks! No skin off my back. You see, I’ve learned that the only person that I have to be good to is me. By being good to me and clearly defining and sticking to my boundaries I don’t allow BS to penetrate my circle anymore. I don’t owe you anything. You think I do? Well F*ck you and the high horse you rode in. Life’s too short!

I’m done putting up with BS people and BS situations. I’m all about the positive and engaging in meaningful relationships. Not every interaction will bring that but I am old enough and wise enough to stay the hell away from those that don’t.

 

Malicious Comments

Hey Folks,

Can I ask a question? What do you do when you receive malicious comments on your site that are hate filled? Do you publish them? Do you respond to ignorance or do you ignore?

The reason that I’m asking is because I received this comment from my post on the transgender bathroom issue: My 2 Cents: Transgender Restroom Issue

Here’s the comment I received this weekend:

Malicious

All those transgender are no more than a pervert and lovers of perversion sexual immoral and sexual immorality.
Now there is no cite that can even prove that a person is even born in the wrong body, for it is impossible to be born in the wrong body.
It is just evil and wrong if a person says that it should be okay for a boy to use the girls bathroom and it is just wrong for a girl to use the boys’bathroom.
Now if you like the idea of having a girl using the boys’ bathroom them why not say there is no such thing as a sex crime, for the same thing should be correct if you like the idea of having a boy us the girls’ bathroom and say there should be no sex crime as well.
Are you saying that rape should be legal too if a boy is to be allowed to use the girls’ bathroom. Is rape to be allowed if a girl is to be use the boys’ bathroom?
Those that are saying it is and there is no harm allowing a girl to use the boys’ bathroom are saying rape is legal, and by allowing a boy to use the girls’ bathroom the very same thing.
The people that agree that a girl should be allowed to use the boys’bathroom happen to say it is okay for anyone to view the girl’s private body parts too. The ones that agree that a boy can use the girls’ bathroom are saying it is okay to view a boy’s private body parts too.
Okay now that must be the truth to what I am seeing in these post that happen to agree and say it is okay, for they are the perverts that love the idea of having sex crimes legals.
Now you cannot have it two ways, for either you like sex crimes or being a pervert say it is okay to allow boys to use the girls bathroom and a girl to use the boys bathroom and to have and allow others to view the opposite genders private body parts.
I am against the idea of having a girl use the boys bathroom and the boys using the girls bathroom because of the reason that in order to prevent rape and unwanted viewing of a private body parts or either a boy or a girl. I feel that we should protect the children from such things and the perverts of the world.
The one problem with having a girl use the boys bathroom is how does she pee standing up?
That is right I would never want to see a girl in the men bathroom when I am in there using it.

Now, I don’t believe that everyone should agree on everything. I know and respect differences of opinions, but what I don’t like is hate. Why would you ever refer to transgenders as “perverts and lovers of perversion sexual immoral or sexual immorality?” That’s not true. That’s hateful and the person that responded needs a reality check.

I was wondering if I should approve the comment and let all my readers/bloggers respond to this hateful imbecile? I mean would you do it? Would you stand up for what is right?

Here’s my response to the person who posted this:

Sir, I’ve used a man’s bathroom when the line at the ladies room was around the corner and I had to go really bad. I didn’t stand up. I actually went in the stall and hunched over the toilet seat afraid I’d catch something. That didn’t make me perverted, but smart. I had to pee. So, guess what…pee is what I did.

As I said in my post, I still have my 8 year old son come to the ladies room with me for the most part because I’m worried about pedophiles not transgenders. I don’t want a man who is a pedophile looking at my son. I don’t let him shower after swim class. I take him to the family bathroom and dry him off and we shower at home. You’re worried about transgenders? You should be doing more to protect the children from the pedophiles that are lurking in our society. Better yet? Your own neighborhood or family. Those sickos are not transgender so please stop confusing it.