2016 advice divorce family parenting relationships

Is It My UnAnniversary?

Tikeetha TMby
21 Comments on Is It My UnAnniversary?

Today would have been my 14th wedding anniversary. It’s weird. It hit me that if we had made it we would have been married longer than most. But, we didn’t make it. My mother said it was the 10 Year Curse. Her marriage ended right before 10 years, my sister ended hers at 10 and I ended mine in the 10th year before our 11th. Were we cursed?

I don’t know.

But, what I’ve learned is that life happens. I was a beautiful bride. He was a dashing and debonair groom. We didn’t know how to be married. We really didn’t know each other or what it took to be married or stay married.

We just went with the flow. Hmph!

That flow took us everywhere. Some good rides, some bad rides and some that I’m not sure how to describe. I don’t know if we are or were cursed, but what I do know is that I am happy for the experience. The chance to love, be loved, to travel, to meet new people, have career growth and become a mom.

I will never forget or regret the road traveled that lead me to discover me and more importantly become a mother. My ex introduced me to new things, spoiled me in some ways and allowed me to bear his son. That is worth remembering this day.

I won’t be sad on this day or feel dread at the fact that I’m divorced. I won’t curse men or say that I never want to get married again. I will breathe in deeply and thank God that we are in a better place today than we were last year.

We were at two opposite ends of the spectrum. We were in hell. I was tired of being in hell with someone that I wasn’t living with.

But God!

You see that? God is a way maker and a game changer. We are better. We are able to co-parent effectively. I don’t feel like my son’s father hates me and I pray that my son will grow up knowing that. God has put us in a much better place.

Not just for us. But, for Munch too. Munch is thriving and suffers less anxiety when his parents speak to each other. When we communicate about our son and things that affect him. We’re still family. Always.

Today is not the anniversary of my marriage anymore, but the anniversary of our new relationship as co-parents. It’s a day for new beginnings, new promises and a new respect for the other parent.

So, on this day I vow to do the following:

To take you as our son’s father. With deepest joy and utmost respect, I will honor you by not disrespecting you in or around our son. Ever. I vow to discuss all issues with you and allow for meaningful and sincere conversation. To listen without judgement. To respect that we will have different opinions, but not try to convince you that my way is the right way.  

I vow to pray before entering any conversations that could lead to an argument. Trusting that God will order my words and allow me to speak clearly and with love about our parenting differences.

I vow to practice discernment in situations that I feel that need to be addressed. To be a role model as to how co-parenting should work and to communicate more effectively any and everything that concerns our child. To understand that some things you will teach I won’t be able to teach.

I vow to strengthen and encourage your relationship with Munch in any way that I can. I vow to support and be an advocate for you when it comes to the raising of our son. I vow to trust your judgement and pray that God watches over you always. Not just when our son is there.

From this day forward, this is my vow to you.

I will always have love for my son’s father. He’s a great father. He adores our son and there is nothing in this world that would ever stop him from being there. I am thankful for that.

No, I’m blessed.

21 comments

  1. This is beautiful!!! Every year on February 17th I feel the same way. It would have been…so many years. However, I started to remember, if it weren’t for that anniversary then there wouldn’t be my 2 kids and I wouldn’t have learned how to be married and take that into my new marriage. I would love to share this post if that is OK with you 🙂 You are awesome!

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    1. Aww thanks Stephanie. Yes, we have to remember that every experience teaches us something and that our children are the best part of a rough time. They thrive in the healthy. Of course you can share.

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  5. This month marks a year since my divorce was final. Last year when it was final, was three months shy of what would have been our 40th anniversary.
    I never thought of an “un-anniversary.” I just think of it as leaving one kind of Hell and entering another.
    You are wonderful for being able to find thankfulness to him for giving you your son…and still remembering some good things.
    I curse the fact that the Loser puppet is the father of my children.

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  6. My divorce proceedings started just a few months after our 10th anniversary. So yeah it probably is the 10 year curse. But you are a brave and kind woman and Munch’s dad is lucky to have you as a coparent. I can never ever feel that same way towards my kids dad, never. But you are very blessed and so is he…

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  7. I love this post, I love your perspective on this. Sometimes we might think we are losing when God shows us new ways of gaining. Happy un-anniversary and may you and your ex continue to be great co parents. wishing you blessings upon blessings, upon blessings

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  9. Pingback: REBLOG: Is It My UnAnniversary? | Making Time For Me

  11. My happy unanniversary is May 19th, that first year stung a little bit but this year I laughed the whole day, made my girlfriend and I a bang up dinner, and perfected my ex wife voodoo dolls!

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