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Respect My Boundaries

Tikeetha TMby
15 Comments on Respect My Boundaries

I received a lot of feedback on my post yesterday Dear Sis – F*ck Them and I wanted to explain some things to those who may feel that my words were too harsh. Women (myself included) were brought up to be nice and such and that will sometimes hurt us more than anything. It means that we allow people into our space that will disrespect us to the point of no return.

Why? Because we were taught to always be polite. As I’ve aged I realized that is the biggest bunch of S*it! I don’t have to be polite to the point that I am a walking mat for those in my life. That’s not what life is about. We need to teach our young women that it is okay not to be polite.

I’m not saying that you teach her to be mean. She just doesn’t need to lay down and play nice with everyone. Teach her that boundaries are okay and explain how she should handle it when her boundaries are crossed. I never understood that.

My girlfriend said to me that her daughter doesn’t like to speak to people. I knew this. Her daughter often ignored me. I was cool with it. I can ignore with the best of them. I didn’t have any ill will towards this little girl, but I respected her decision to not engage and truth be told, sometimes I didn’t want to engage.

But, how many of us teach our children (especially little girls) that they should always smile, always speak and always be polite? Why? The world isn’t always polite to us and we don’t owe anyone anything. Sometimes I don’t want to speak. Sometimes I don’t want to smile and sometimes I just want to go about my merry way without feeling the need to “play nice”.

Now, there is nothing wrong with having manners. I’m not saying that you don’t teach your children how to respect people and not curse folks out, but you don’t have to teach them to hug or speak to folks when they don’t want to.  Why are we teaching our little girls to smile at everyone and everything?

Not everyone deserves my smile, time or attention.

I want people in my life and in my space who I have a symbiotic relationship with. People who bring me joy and whom genuinely care about my well being. I don’t want to put up with anymore BS from people that want drama and want me to engage in childish games. I’m to old for that. I don’t owe you any niceties. I don’t have to be nice when you call or text if you call or text every couple of months for random stuff. I don’t have to spare your feelings when I talk about what a jerk you were to me and how you weren’t man enough for me.

I don’t care. You don’t like it? Kick rocks! No skin off my back. You see, I’ve learned that the only person that I have to be good to is me. By being good to me and clearly defining and sticking to my boundaries I don’t allow BS to penetrate my circle anymore. I don’t owe you anything. You think I do? Well F*ck you and the high horse you rode in. Life’s too short!

I’m done putting up with BS people and BS situations. I’m all about the positive and engaging in meaningful relationships. Not every interaction will bring that but I am old enough and wise enough to stay the hell away from those that don’t.

 

15 comments

  2. I totally understand and get this. Sometimes we NEED to be HARSH to get our point across. I am that smiling, sweet, kind and pleasant one but I have learned that people will step on your toes and not even say sorry, so I have started stepping back. Once you start stepping back, they have much more respect for you. There is a time and place for everything and all those situations warranted them. Hey Sis, F*ck them! 🙂

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  3. well, if they didn’t get it yesterday…lol I agree with yesterday’s and today’s sentiments Tikeetha! I’ve been deemed mean or whatever because this is how I’ve lived most of my life. A lot of us are literally taught to do things we do not want to do, as if we have zero choice. This is not true. We always have a choice, and quite honestly, if we used our intuition a little more, we’d say, “eff you” more and keep it moving. I promise you and others the other person will get over it, and if they don’t? That’s okay too.

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    1. Yes. It’s the choice many of us are not taught until later in life. That’s too late. By then we would have dated some people that we didn’t want to date, marry some mean folks for the sake of marrying and them and worked jobs which we knew we never wanted. Only to please others. Choice is always what you want to teach them. Thanks sis!

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  4. I love this. We need to teach our kids to be themselves. Have manners. But be strong. Stand up for themselves. Always be kind. Generous. Do what they want to do and not what others think the should be doing. And never be doormats.

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  6. Mostly, I agree with you. I also avoid people at times and I believe that being nice is something we should chose to do, not be told to do. However, when I smile at a complete stranger, and their face lights up -not because I am special, but because I made them feel special. It is a reward I hate for each of us to lose.

    Each person on this earth is just as important as I am. By remembering this simple truth I allow the good in life to enrich me. But, it is about more than myself. Since we are each equally important (if you don’t believe me, ask each person’s parents and discover the truth of their world) how can I ignore the needs of many, including myself. I wish to be molded into the best person I can be -and if I am successful that will mean that I helped the people that come in contact with me feel a bit shinier because our lives touched.

    No one is perfect, certainly including myself. We all have moments when we just don’t have enough in our tank to give to someone else. But, if we do -the world will begin to glow.

    Now, don’t think I am this person who has an easy life and that is why I can have these good thoughts. I have worked hard to open my heart and break down my walls. I hated, and sought revenge for to long. The people who hurt me didn’t suffer. I did! I don’t want to suffer like that anymore.

    I don’t know what has happened to you in this life, but my heart prays you will find the peace to see past yourself and notice the good in being a group of people, rather than standing alone as one. Truly, I believe you must find the good -or you wouldn’t have written he article about racism.

    There is always going to be evil in a world that is so focused on self that we can’t love others. They begin to become objects rather then living breathing people loved by someone.

    Keep sharing your love for those around you and believing you are worth more than succumbing to the needs of those that would abuse you. But, also help the light you offer open in the eyes of others who may need your approval.
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    1. Whew! You said a mouthful. Thank you for your comment. I don’t have hatred in my heart. I just don’t live my life to please people. I choose to allow those in my space and I choose to allow only positive people and things in my circle. I felt for so long that I had to be a door mat for others because I was taught to always be nice and polite but what people fail to say is that your boundaries are yours and you should never allow anyone to disrespect your space. Do the best you can and that’s all you can do. No one will ever appreciate or understand you. When I say that I am the only person that I have to worry about what I am saying is that it if I am not happy everything in my life will be a reflection of that unhappiness. Choose you. Choose to do what makes you happy. Choose to do the things that make you shine because ultimately everything will filter out from your happiness. I’m a mother and if I’m unhappy worrying about how people treat me I begin to focus on the negativity and allow that to occupy my space and thoughts instead of focusing on me and what makes me happy then I’m not being a good mother because I’m self-absorbed in the negative. That will definitely not benefit my munch. Shifting your desire to focus on you changes my demeanor and allows me to engage in positive ways with people surrounding me. I learned a long time ago that you have the right to say no to BS and not worry about if someone is upset or hurt about it. We sometimes let people treat us badly and accept it. No one should endure that foolishness. I am advocate of self-help. Until you are comfortable with saying no, choosing not to accept negativity and BS in your life and realizing that you are responsible for your own happiness, how can you ever make anyone else happy?

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      1. I’m glad you share your thoughts with me here. Please understand that I agree with you about so much. However, people today or so busy thinking and pleasing themselves that we often forget we are apart of the world and that all people matter. If we were alone on the universe being self absorbed would be fine, but we live with millions. It does not sound to me like you have this problem, but the ones that do and read this -well, I just wanted to add to your wonderful post the opposite site in the hopes that people would not get the idea they are the only ones who count. Giving to others and allowing yourself to receive positive these are both equally good. And, as you’ve mentioned learn the boundaries of what is enough. Thanks for writing me back.

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      2. Aww, thank you. I will always write back. Thank you for commenting and the insights. I don’t want anyone reading to think that they should just walk around treating people like dirt. Put out positive vibes and you will get them in return. Protect your space and love yourself. Blessings to you my friend!

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