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Motivational Monday Moment – 10/3/16

Tikeetha TMby
23 Comments on Motivational Monday Moment – 10/3/16

It’s the first Monday in October and I wanted to share a Monday Motivational Moment with you. My moment is perspective. I’ve been dealing with this for the last month. When I talked about KE Garland’s post on releasing expectations and in my interactions with my ex-husband.

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Perspective is how I view things. I know this. You most likely know this. But, what I’m learning is that my perspective is leading me to expect things from people. There in lies the issue. I need to realize that I need to change my perspective which will allow me to release my expectations and stop stressing the heck out.

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How many of you can relate to that? We perceive that we know people and that they know us then why are they reacting a particular way?  Why are they attacking us when they know us? Our attitude is that they are good people therefore we expect them to do things in a certain way. Let’s be real…the right way or the ethical way or just do it our way.

But, they don’t. We get mad. We get frustrated and we start to wonder why even bother. I’m guilty of this. More recently with my ex-husband and our lack of communication. I’m frustrated. I’m hurt by his words and I feel like why do I even bother trying? Isn’t it just a waste of time?

What I’m learning is that it is a waste of time. Whose time? Mine.

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I started seeing a therapist last week and I told her what was going on. I told her that I needed help because I can’t go on like this for the next 10 years. I needed some kind of guidance on how to deal with my ex and our co-parenting struggles. I can’t continue down this path.

She listened. I rambled on about my issues. She said you know what the issue is? You need to change your perspective of him. This will allow your expectations of him to change. She explained that by changing my perspective of him will in essence allow me to release my expectations that he will do what I deem is appropriate and fair.

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Ugh! How can I do this? What medicine can assist this? How long will it take? She laughed. It will take some time. It won’t be easy. There is no medicine. But, you can do it. When you do it you will realize that you were the one causing your own headache. I sighed.

However, I know she’s right. Niki over at The Richness of a Simple Life has been helping me with trying to change Munch’s perception to focus on good things and not just the bad things. Making him be a more positive kid. Dang! I didn’t think that I had that problem too.

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I speak of good things. Quite frequently too. It’s just that I need to work on my perception of situations and people. My therapist said that my ex has probably been the same person all these years but I figured that after being together and married and now divorced that he would behave a certain way. Umm, yeah? But, she said that I’m expecting him to do things that I think are in line with our morals, but I need to stop that.

I’m driving my own self crazy. Perceive him as an ex husband. Not a friend. Not a foe. A business relationship. Expect nothing. Share information. No frustration. She said it will become easier when you change your perception of him. It doesn’t mean that he’s a bad person. He is who he is but I perceived him to be something he’s not. There in lies my struggle.

I’m causing my own pain.

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So my loves, if you’re like me and you need to change your perspective about people, I want to encourage you to do so. We can do this together. It won’t be easy. But, remember it is you that is causing your own stress. Let’s try to stop this.

Be the change we want to see.

23 comments

  1. I love this post and I needed to read it this morning. I read once that “lower your expectations and you won’t be so disappointed.” Being married to Paul has taught me or he has taught me that just because I do things one way, doesn’t make the way that he does them wrong. They are just different. ❤

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  4. Perception and beliefs will get you all the time.
    It took me years to finally surrender to the fact that my wife don’t have to do everything the way I like it or would do it for me to love her.
    Not only does my perception lead to unrealistic expectations but it’s usually distorted.
    There some kind of fear there that wants me to be in control of everything and everyone.
    I found a lot of peace when I learned to accept more than I try to change.
    Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Yep, I have control issues. Totally agreed. but, I like how you said that you found peace when you accepted more than trying to change things. That’s what I’m working on in therapy. Finding peace. Thanks for commenting.

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  5. I am so glad my daughter was 19 when her father and I divorced! But I will warn you, you’re stuck with your ex long after your child’s 18th birthday, because he is his father. The wonderful thing is you’re enlightened enough to know when you’re struggling, and seeking help with it. You’re thinking about your child. So many folks just continue the battle! The only piece of advice I will give you is this: you will never regret taking the high road in all your interactions with your ex, so keep up the good work. You got this!

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