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Does Length Matter?

Tikeetha TMby
37 Comments on Does Length Matter?

As in the length you date before you get married? Not the question about a man’s penis. Get your mind out of the gutters! LOL! Seriously though, does it matter how long you date before you get married?

The reason that I ask is that I’m so in love with #ForeverDuncan right now. Hadn’t heard about it? Alfred, the groom, proposed to his girlfriend, Sherrell, at 12 pm and arranged their entire wedding at 6 pm that same day. He did everything. She had no idea. She is absolutely surprised and it was captured on social media.

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It was a beautiful sight to see a beautiful bride overwhelmed with love for a man that she could barely come down the aisle. I was literally in tears. But, you know that with every good thing there are always trolls that will spoil a moment. Like this post:

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So, I ask these three questions…

  1. Does the length of a relationship matter?
  2. Is 9 years too long to wait to get married?
  3. Would you wait 9 years to get married?

Their love story captured on social media is absolutely beautiful. As a woman that is now divorced I would say that the length of a relationship doesn’t matter. I’m older though. I’m in my 40’s and I don’t want anymore children biologically so there is no rush to the altar in order to have a chance at motherhood. However, when I was in my 20’s I had a two year rule…I would only date you for two years without an engagement ring and a promise for the future.

I know. I know. That’s ridiculous. But, I also know that a man knows within a year whether or not he can see himself married to you. The thing that we need to remember though…even if he sees himself married to you, does that mean you’re compatible for the long-term that marriage requires?

In my case, we definitely should have waited. We weren’t compatible and prepared for long-term. Maybe if we’d waited a couple of more years things may have been different. I doubt it, but you never know. That being said, I, at 41 am definitely okay with waiting a while longer.

Mr. C and I discussed marriage (I brought it up) after a conversation with a girlfriend of mine who wanted to know are we ready to take it to the next level. I said with certainty “No”. She looked shocked. I explained that I loved him, but I loved where we were more. We were taking our time to cultivate our relationship and create experiences with each other and our children. We don’t want anymore children so we have time.

She laughed. I then told him that I need at least two more years of dating (a total of 3) and then let’s see where we are at. No rush. No surprises. Love is great, but sustaining a healthy relationship is better. He agreed.

Now, will I wait nine years to get married? Probably not, but who knows. I think that it takes time to develop at a healthy pace. Whatever is healthy for your relationship is what you should do. Everyone’s journey is different and I guess in reality it doesn’t matter how long or how short the trip to the altar is as long as you’re doing it together.

Congrats to the Duncans!

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Check out their wedding video here:

 

 

Disclaimer: I own no rights to the pictures. I did  a Google search and found them.

 

37 comments

  3. I believe that a man knows. I wouldn’t wait 9 years. I waited 4 years and I gave him an ultimatum because if we weren’t going to get married and we had a child together, then I needed to move on. We were living together, we have been together for almost 20 years and just celebrated our 14th anniversary, but it has not all been easy. It has been a difficult road, but we have made it. I have met women who have been with guys for years, multiple children, living together, and he leaves and to marry someone else. It is totally your decision, if he could plan it all in one day, then he could have planned it before. Finances also plays a part in that decision as well, whether you want a big ring and wedding.

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    1. I heard a man on the radio said his wife was giving him the side eye saying “Why didn’t you do what he did?” He responded, “Baby, when we got married I had $11.00 and chick-fil-a catered our wedding.” So, he definitely took time to plan the wedding and solicited help from their friends. I think it’s awesome. But, a big wedding and marriage may matter to some who may choose to wait and not to others who just want to marry their love. I am firm believer that you have to do what is best for you.

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      1. I enjoyed their story too! I was happy for them as well. Great love story! I agree that it is totally your choice. We got married at the courthouse, noone knew. Next year, we are planning a vow commital ceremony for our 15th. Now if something happens, I don’t know if I would remarry.

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  5. Funny, penis never crossed my mind til you mentioned it! No, I don’t think timeframe matters. When you know you know. I’m more into letting things evolve now . That’s huge coming from a person who was so hung up on needing certainty. There’s no such thing.

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  6. Oh! An old friend of mine totally just did this on New Years Eve!! LOL Her then boyfriend proposed and the same day they got married. He had bought a dress and everything for her. It wasn’t either of their first marriage though so I think that might be something of value too. Both were divorced and it wasn’t their first time around.

    I have another friend who just got married (first time) to her first ever REAL relationship. His first too. But they made a promise: a year of dating without discussing marriage (since every single parent and grandparent and nosey neighbour was all “when are you getting married?!” 3 weeks after they started dating). She said that to really know someone, you need to see them in all seasons. She knew he was her one about 5 months in and waiting until that one year mark was a little bit of torture for her. But they kept their promise and on their one year anniversary he proposed.

    I think its all about the couple. Another couple met on a blind date and three weeks later were engaged, got married as quickly as possible – were together 25 years (the last I heard). So who knows?!

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  7. Lovely! And women are so funny! You can’t really really know what you’d do after nine years unless that’s your story! I’m sure none of them would say no to that proposal or be a runaway bride.

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  8. I was engaged for 3 years to a man I dated for about 9 years total…high school sweethearts…NOT! Later I met my current husband. The day we met, to the day we married was exactly ONE YEAR. We’ve been happily married for 13 years now. I hate to sound cliche but we just “knew” that we’d be good together. Most of that year was spent talking at Duncan Donuts or Barnes and Nobles. We talked for hours about everything you could possibly think of. In my case length did not matter.

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  9. I’m with you. Do what works for you. Nine years? Waiting on a ring and a wedding for nine years? No ma’am. Not me. My husband and every other man I know agrees that a man always knows, immediately. Now, maybe you have to wait to save your coins so that you can actually have the wedding you desire, but I’m not sure why it would take nine years. Also, I haven’t watched the video yet, but now that you’ve posted, I just might 😉

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    1. LOL. It is so beautiful. But, I also tell people do what works for you. Maybe he wasn’t ready? Maybe neither one of them were. My girlfriend and her husband dated for 9 years before getting married and celebrated their 12 year anniversary in January. They dated in college and through her grad school years. She wanted the ring before 9 years but wasn’t ready to be married. She finished grad school, he proposed and she relocated and they are happy as hell. I don’t knock anyone’s journey. Find what works for you. Hell, I’m no expert. I’m divorced. LOL.

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  10. Five years was my limit, LOL – and fidelity and commitment mattered. If a guy was all, “oh, we’re ONLY dating,” then I’d say, well then, you’re ONLY going to get your hand or whoever you’re seeing on the side – and I’m gone!”
    XD

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      1. LOL – yep! You know, how men type “one-handed” when they’re on FB, Twitter, Instagram, Tinder, etc.

        I would “close up shop,” ROFL!

        The guys who turn out to be like Anthony Wiener can use their hand for pleasure, not me!
        XD

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  11. #3: YES I waited 9 years once and was happy the whole time but then I decided I wanted to get married so I asked him. He said no, so I went on to the next one. Been with “HE Who Will Not Obey” for 20 years now but we’re not really married. Too much junk involved in 2nd marriages but we’re as happy as two depressed persons can be.
    #2: NO See above – Short can work too – it really depends on the people.
    #1: NO Only statistically
    ~~dru~~

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  12. I guess it just depends. I’d *like* to be married sooner (and we got married in about two years of our first date), but as long as he’s committed and we’re building a life together, I don’t think I’d get too hung up on whether it was official on paper.

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  13. I try not to judge other people’s relationships because you can never know what works for them, but 9 years seems awfully long.

    A friend of mine wanted to get married for ten years before her boyfriend finally proposed. They seem reasonably happy now, but it’s a gamble. Maybe it works out, or maybe you waste a lot of time.

    But I did get engaged 2 months into dating and obviously, that’s a mistake. We were in the military, which kind of forces ultimatums on you though.

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  14. When I saw this video on FB I ❤❤❤ it and how far he went to show her his love and devotion. This man planned not just their engagement and wedding! I dont blame her for being overcome with joy! I sure as heck would be estatic! People will always have an opinion and something negative to say. Nine years may seem like a long time to wait but with the way relationships are going now a days its no wonder folks want to wait.. I applaud not juzt their love but persevering to work hard to building a foundation to get to the point they did.. I dont kno how long a person should wait to get married, I’d guess it depends on the persons involved. Ive seen/heard people get married after long engaements/dating get married and get divorced. Ive also seen/heard folks who got engaged quick and are still madly in love and married. It just all depends on their foundations.

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    1. Thank you for commenting. You’re absolutely right. It’s whatever that couple decides. No one can tell you how long you should date. It’s the foundation that they couple have established.

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  15. I can appreciate this post. I’ve entered my late 20’s and that stage of life when I’m thinking of marriage and others are asking me about it. I’ve recently been thinking how long is too long to date before marriage. I always saw my life as married by now but now that i”m here all I’m thinking about is my career. I don’t want to rush but I don’t want to wait too long. So to answer your question, I think it depends on your relationship. I know a lot of couples wait until they are both ready, it doesn’t always mean the guy doesn’t want to marry you it could just be they need to get themselves together first.

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    1. So true sis. So true. Men will tell you if they don’t want to marry you. Actions and words. I’m all about finding yourself before marriage because if you don’t…chile he is marrying your representative and not you.

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  16. Everyone is different and I think you touched on 2 important points: A. Is one considering long-term compatibility? and B. “Time” is relative depending on the relationship. I’ve known stories of people getting married in one year, 6 years, etc. Who is anyone else to judge? Personally, I think one year is not a long enough time to know someone but people are in 20 year relationships talking about STILL learning new things about their partner. All I know is, I’m in no rush but by year 2 you should definitely have some sort of idea/conversation if “forever” is feasible or a fantasy.
    Great post. I definitely clicked on “length” hoping it was a different topic. Hehe

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    1. LOL. Thank you so much. That’s why I selected that title. Hehe. I totally agree with you. By year 2 have the conversation, but each person’s situation is totally different.

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