2016 dating dating chronicles divorce relationships

New Woman? Possible Wife?

Tikeetha TMby
34 Comments on New Woman? Possible Wife?

My ex-husband and I attend the same church. I know it’s weird, but we both grew up in that church, met at church, dated, married, had a baby, blessed the baby and then said baby (aka Munch) got baptized at the church. Munch sings in the church choir, attends church school and wants to join the dance ministry (which I don’t know how he’ll do because we don’t have time).

But, the point is that my life is a big part of the church that I met my ex-husband in. I love my church. Great people, great pastor and great ministries. It’s definitely home. Have I thought about leaving? Umm, not really. I told Mr. C that if we got married and he wanted to attend another church that I would respect that but we would be members of both churches. I didn’t want Munch to feel like he couldn’t attend the only church he’s known. He said that he understood.

Now, a couple of weeks ago my ex bought his new girlfriend to church. I was shocked, not that she attended but that he hadn’t introduced her and that he was now bringing her to worship. But, the service was so amazing and I had a colleague that was attending and Lord knows that the holy spirit was filling that house of worship that I was literally crying out “Great is thy faithfulness”.

Well, after the altar call my ex’s new girlfriend comes over and gives me a hug and says “Hi Mom, I’m Y.” I’m shocked and I give her a big hug back and said hi. Well, we really didn’t get a chance to talk because I had my colleague there and it wasn’t the time or place to have a real conversation. But, I realized that I should let her know that.

I called my ex to let him know that I was very happy that his girlfriend came over and introduced herself but I would love the opportunity to sit down and have a face to face. We can meet at the local Starbucks if that’s convenient but that I had a colleague there and it wasn’t really the place to talk like we should. He said he understood and would let me know when’s a good time for them both.

Now, the reason that I’m pushing a sit down is because my ex wants her to drive Munch around without him or just be there. My ex explained that barring something traumatic that he would most likely be in it for the long haul which means marriage. I said “Well, I definitely think we need to talk then.”

Uh huh. But, I’m not worrying about my ex-husband because let me tell ya’ll that God has been so good to me that I just have to say thank you and release him to God. I’ll share more about my blessings later on, but let’s just say that God is moving all over and up and through my life ya’ll. You need to try him.

Here are some topics that I want to discuss with her:

  • Running her through CJIS for any records
  • Her parenting philosophy (she’s a mother)
  • Our roles and responsibilities

However, before I forget I wanted to let you know that I am looking forward to sitting down with the beautiful woman that my ex is dating. Yes, she’s got it going on and seems to be genuinely a nice young woman. I say that to say that I will never hate on another woman unless she disrespects me or my Munch. Anything shy of that “I’m all about sisterhood. Women rock!”

 

What do you think of my topics? Would you add any?

 

34 comments

  3. You are braver and kinder than I think I would be, given the same circumstances. Thank you for sharing this. How you have approached it is in the best interest of your son and I really respect you for that.

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  5. I haven’t personally been in a situation as above, but I’ve heard horror stories. So, maybe this is just me being overly cautious. I would want to ask her about what she does, her upbringing, her family, (maybe not too deep into the last three, but just to get a general understanding of how she thinks and understands things) She may have been really deep into bird watching and will now expect Munch to birdwatch (goofy example, I know)…but just so you get the idea. Or maybe you know this information, or you trust ex hubby’s knowledge enough to know that she’ll check out.

    If the above is cool, I would really want to just put it all on the table in regards to honesty and transparency when it comes to Munch. I would definitely let her know, if she doesn’t already, about the level of respect you guys will keep when you’re together or apart (she doesn’t need to talk trash about you to him or in his presence…or at all for that matter, but that’s neither here nor there). I would be really be upfront and candid because the cute smiles and professional manner are all great and fine, but there also needs to be an understanding that if you come for Munch or he says you coming at him sideways, Jesus is going to have to take the wheel, Ms. Y.

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    1. LOL. I love it. Thank you so much for these great suggestions. When it works it works. When it doesn’t it doesn’t but I want her to understand that there are no hard feelings just mutual respect. I think that with her understanding that I’m running a CJIS on her that she should know that I don’t play.

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  6. Have I told you lately how much I love your blog and your spirit? Speaking of spirit…the Holy Spirit will make you reach out and hug somebody. šŸ˜€ I like how you gave this sister her props. Best wishes! Time for a praise break!

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  8. What is CJIS? If it’s like a criminal background check, I would say you are going a bit tew far! Really? Lol. I wouldn’t feel the need to sit down with her and grill her. If I trust my ex’s judgement and she’s good to my kid (he will tell you if she isn’t), I would just let things unfold. (Like i did with my own kids. And its funny, they are grown now but recently met up with the woman and hung out (after not even seeing her for at least 8 years – because she was good to them). But I’m used to having unpopular opinions.

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    1. LMAO. No popular opinions. I respect everything you say. Yes, it’s a criminal background check. Let’s be real though, I know women who run a CJIS on men they are dating because they are in the law enforcement field. It’s a way of making sure that the person you are interacting with is being honest. As a mother, I wouldn’t object to someone performing a CJIS on my prospective spouse. I’m not going to grill, but I would like to just sit down and talk to her about her parenting styles. It’s not in an attack but a real talk to get to know each other. If we’re going to be in each other’s lives for the foreseeable future it is important that we are upfront and respectful to each other. She seems really nice, but how many people seem nice and then they abuse the kid? Heck, my boyfriend has a very high security clearance and if we should get married then I would have to go through the same thing with the government so I’m not concerned. LOL. I could do it with or without her knowledge but I believe in transparency and either way if it’s good or bad I will know and be at ease.

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      2. If I were in your situation, you can bet I’d be checking the judicial records system online to see what’s up. I do this with anyone my kids are going to be supervised by, because why not? It’s unlikely that you’ll find anything that would send up a red flag, but I sure don’t want for something to happen and for there to have been public proof that would point to something that could have been prevented.

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  10. I meant to write more lol I guess I got too excited LOL I like that you not only maintain open communication with your ex, but that you are also open to being polite and civil with his new gf. There is no reason to be nasty towards someone that has nothing to do with what happened in the past and your ex will always be Munch’s father and it is wonderful that you have that all together:) Many out there, my father included, can’t seem to get over their own selfishness to have a decent relationship with their kids’ mother.

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    1. That scares me. I know that as long as I keep honoring God and doing his will that HE will keep blessing me. God gave us Munch so if it’s not about him what would we ever have to argue about. She was so sweet to me that I am truly honored

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    1. Um, anything that comes up. Child abuse, murder, attempted murder, robbery, drug dealing, etc. Speeding tickets aren’t part of your CJIS. Only things that you were convicted of. Absolutely, I would tell him. I’m not asking him to break up with her, but I will go to court and request supervised visitation (which I can do under law) if I feel that her background could in some way affect the safety of my son. I’m all for people getting a second chance, but I’m not willing to gamble the safety of my son on that second chance.

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