2016 advice dating dating chronicles relationships

My Relationship Status Doesn’t Validate My Opinion – Part I

Tikeetha TMby
26 Comments on My Relationship Status Doesn’t Validate My Opinion – Part I

Ya’ll know I’m a feminist right? I’ve talked about it. I’m also a woman who is in love with this great guy. However, having Mr. C in my life doesn’t validate my opinions on relationships. He is a man and I’m a woman. Both of us have opinions and I am not defined by his existence in my life. Nor will you validate my opinions because he and I are together.

Now, I know you’re probably wondering what’s got my panties in a bunch, so let me tell you…On Saturday, I was at the hair salon and we had a very lively conversation. My hairstylist has both hair stylists and barbers in her salon so you get to have the “male/female” responses to those intriguing questions. There were many topics discussed and one was about money and dating. As always there were opinions on both sides.

However, the question was asked “If I make $65,000, how much less can a man I’m dating make?” The women responded in earnest with the majority saying $50,000. I responded $55,000. The woman who asked the question then asked me “So, he can’t make less than $10,000 than you?” I responded “Yes.”

The conversation in the shop went back and forth about dating and a man said “Why do women ask for stuff they are not bringing to the table?” I told him, that I didn’t know those women. I bring what I ask to the table and I expect the same. So, the question was asked if you made $100,000 would you date a man that made $10,000?

Umm, nope.

Would you? I mean unless he’s in graduate school and only working the summers and holidays why would I date a man that is financially dependent on me? I’m not talking marriage. I’m talking the dating stage. I meet you and you meet me and you want to go out for an undetermined amount of time to see if we could build a relationship.

Dating. Not marriage. Dating.

So, the conversation took an interesting turn when one woman said that she would take that $10,000 he made and turn it into $500,000 in a year. I responded “Not legally you won’t.” I wasn’t about illegal activity or flipping money because I knew that I wouldn’t date a man making $10,000.

She then comes over and asks me do I have a man? I and my hair stylist responded yes. She asked, “How long have you two been going out?” I told her that we’ve dated a year. She then asked “Are you going to get married?” I told her “Someday. I’m not ready to get married anytime soon and we’ve talked about it. We’re in no rush. We’ve both been there and done that.” She then pauses.

She tells me that she will never get married because she fears the ability to be faithful. I listened and said “Women should be allowed to choose whether they will marry or reproduce without explaining their selves to anyone. Your life and your choice.”

But, it dawned on me that she only asked the question of whether or not I have a man to try and prove me wrong. If I didn’t have a man that would be proof that my dating standards for salary are too high. Maybe if I dated a man that made $10,000 a year I could be happy.

Why do people try to sell you this lie?

26 comments

  1. What kind of grown man would make only $10k? It would depend on the situation like is he in Pharmacy school? Lol I ain’t taking care of no man 🙅🏾. I’m already struggling so what can you bring to the table that I can’t.

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  2. My knee-jerk reaction would be no, I couldn’t date a man who made only $10,000.00 a year…but I was married to a man who made more in a week than I made in a year as an EMT….and that’s all he had to offer….money.
    True, we never wanted for anything…except love, affection and attention. I truly think I would have rather been married to a man who made the bare minimum because I can picture that man coming home, giving me a kiss on the cheek and being anxious to see his children.

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      1. My grandparents didn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of but they were rich with love.
        I have always been frugal. It was nice to have designer clothes and a new car and a fine house…but I was starving for the only thing I wanted. Love.
        I understand what you’re saying. When we first got married, we couldn’t afford to pay the water bill and they turned it off. We had to borrow $60 to pay our car insurance. I remember wishing we could afford certain things but I also remember emptying a jar that was filled with pennies and counting them to see if there was enough to go see a movie. We laughed at ourselves while we were doing it. We bought 10 cans of tomato soup for a dollar.
        We were happy then.

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  3. I really latched onto your comment that he shouldn’t be dependent on you. If he is able to be financially stable and support himself on a $10,000 a year then I would be ok with that. (although I understand that would be IMPOSSIBLE on $10,000 a year just using the number you used haha).

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    1. Thank you for commenting. I date for a purpose. That’s the difference. Men hate when women date them with no intention of being anything other than a friend and they want more. I don’t do that. I don’t believe in wasting anyone’s time. So, if you can’t afford to date me then I will pass because my purpose is to look for a potential life partner. I don’t want to get married anytime soon, but dating and relationships are partnerships. I never expect the man to pay for everything. I expect the man to be able to afford to date me.

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      1. I just have 2 questions about your sentiment.
        1. What if a man does not make $50K a year but has a net worth established?
        2. I live in San Francisco where the average median Income is 100k. I make 50k and I’m a bus driver. So in terms of “social hierarchy” I am very low on the totem pole. My question is, is that number you had (50k) is it a realistic annual income goal, considering what city or state you are located in? Minutes wage in San Francisco is $13.00 an hour but $13 an hour in Detroit or Atlanta is great money. This is great food for thoughy, I’m just trying to get a better perspective of your analogy Mrs. Tikeetha

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      2. Sure. 1. Can said man support himself? Can he afford to take me out on dates? 2. No problem. It is totally based on where you live. I am originally from Tennessee – $50k is good money there. I live in the Maryland/DC area where $50k is not a lot in this area because the cost of living is expensive. Does that mean that a man making a salary of $50k is not a viable option? Nope. It means that if he can afford to date me then it would be on. The thing is…are you financially stable with that $50k? You have a retirement, you have a savings, good credit, etc? I know people who make way over 6 figures and are broke as all get out. It’s a lot to take in, but if you can’t afford to date a woman really wouldn’t get to know that.

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      3. Gotcha so the word AFFORD is a term for everything. I.E. Financially affording to date you, emotionally affording to date you, investing time affordability etc? It’s just not the financial aspect, correct? I could be wrong because I’m terrible at these things hahahahaha

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      4. LOL. I think it’s both. I make substantially more than $50k, but I am a believer in both gender roles and equality. I believe that a man should take out the trash and maintain the cars. I will pick-up the dry cleaning cook, clean, etc or we can alternate depending on our skill levels. But, if you ask me out I should never be expected to pay. If we should get to the fourth date, I will gladly be an equal partner and pay for some dates because I know that you like me and I obviously like you. I want you to know that I am invested as well. If you can’t afford to take me out because you’re short on cash, say that. Don’t run up a credit card bill because you want to impress me.

        You have an honorable job. You’re not saying “Hey, take a chance on me. I’m 45 working at McDonald’s and no I have no plans on being the manager.” I think women in the San Francisco area understand the cost of living and the financial impact when dating.

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  5. Pingback: My Relationship Status Doesn’t Validate My Opinion – Part II – A Thomas Point of View

  6. My friend and I have this conversation all of the time. She is a professor and is dating a man who’s in the food industry. She has decided that relationships (dating and marriage) are business deals. I, on the other hand, have always said that dating and marriage should be predicated on if you like/love the person; everything else can be worked out. With so much else in life being a “business deal,” why create that kind of experience with a romantic relationship?

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    1. Marriage is kind of a business. Just like the church is a business. Doesn’t mean that there isn’t love, but you should definitely have a business mindset when it comes to managing the company (i.e. household). When you get married, you can decide what you want to do in your marriage, but I don’t believe we should offer up dating broke men as an option over 40. Now, if I’m in my 20’s, hell we both are poor. Let’s do this. But, it takes money and time to get to know someone. I guess a lot of it for me is that men aren’t being raised to provide. I’m raising my son to provide.

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  7. I also meant to say that I used to get hung up about people having experience in order to validate their opinions. Now, I see it doesn’t matter. Your opinion is your opinion and it doesn’t have to be based on your personal situation. It could be that you watched your mom struggle because she made more than your dad. It could be that your best friend’s experience influences your opinion. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Your opinion doesn’t need to be validated with anything.

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  9. Keep your standards. At the end of the day no one is laying down or being fed by the opinionaters. Ain’t nothing ever been wrong with value. I read Part II before Part I. 🙂
    I gotta get back to my blogging family. God’s continued grace Tikeetha!

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