self-love (n)

the instinct by which one’s actions are directed to the promotion of one’s own welfare or well-being, especially an excessive regard for one’s own advantage.

Now, while the dictionary makes it sound like it may not be a good thing, let me tell you why I think it is advantageous for you to love yourself. Ready? Okay, who is going to love you more than you do on this Earth?

Stay with me for a minute okay?

When we’re young we’re taught that we must be nice. We must be good people and that some people are mean and that we’re supposed to continue being nice and just love those people. Any of you heard that one? Love everyone. Love your neighbor as you would yourself.

But, when you get older you realize that is a piece of crap. How can you love someone that is mean to you? Want to know a secret?

You can’t.

You can’t love someone who hates and despises you and you shouldn’t have too. This lie that we tell each other about loving people in spite of how they treat you is why we end up in narcissistic relationships with people that don’t wish us well. We accept the abuse believing that we’re supposed to keep taking it.

Umm, I’m here to tell you that it is not true.

Let me explain something to you…Our God doesn’t love you in a narcissistic and demeaning way so why would you allow man to do that to you? When we realize and accept that God’s love is all powerful and encompassing and it anchors our spirit….we’re able to make better choices.

Like the choice of loving yourself more. Self-love or self-care means putting yourself first. You have to do what is best for you. What is healthy for you? Regardless of what anyone says you can’t allow toxic people or personalities to destroy the inner spirit of you. I know.

I’m learning.

Cutting someone out is hard. You think that you can’t do it. But, you know what? You can. You have to choose you over them. You have to do what is best for your sanity because like I said in the beginning…no one can love you better than you.

When you really and truly love yourself and realize your worth, you don’t continue to try and grow in desolate places and situations with people who are not on your level. You release your true spirit and began to put roots in healthy dirt. You start to trust yourself and love yourself.

More importantly….you start to forgive yourself.

For what?

All the bad choices. All the bad things that you thought you had to endure out of a belief that if you didn’t you somehow weren’t a good person. And that is when the real stuff starts to happen.

You start to cry. Not sad tears. Cleansing tears. Happy tears.

You start to smile. You start to see the beauty in the simple things.

You start to breathe. Inhaling and realizing that the air is not being stifled by those who wish to harm you. You start to love you.

Slowly at first. You’re scared. It’s tentative. But, you do. And you know what? It’s good.

So, go on and love yourself more. More than anyone. Love that person with all your might and know that only a healthy love of self can move you into what’s next.