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Getting It Off My Chest

Tikeetha TMby
29 Comments on Getting It Off My Chest

Have you ever been in a situation where you were mad as hell about something with someone you loved and you didn’t know how to talk about it? That happened with me and Mr. C this week. It’s true. We had our first real issue and I was mad as hell and ready to walk the hell away from the man who gave me butterflies and makes me feel safe.

It started on Monday when we had lunch. I was talking to him about something and his response made me feel insignificant. Like I didn’t matter. I felt like the months that we’ve spent building and creating this safe and secure relationship was all in vain. For the first time, I felt like I was the butt of the joke where I had this great relationship and then it just was all fake.

I struggled with my feelings all day and night long. I was emotional and wanted to scream. I sought advice from my friends because I needed guidance. I needed an outside opinion on what the hell happened. How do I turn back the clock and get the man that I fell in love with back?

Differing opinions on how I should handle the situation. When men advised me to leave him alone, I cried. Why are you crying they would ask? I would tell them that God told me. That God told me that Mr. C was the man that I was going to marry. I wondered if God had made a mistake.

I know it was crazy. God doesn’t make mistakes, but I was really going through it. I was wallowing in despair and looking for a life jacket. I needed rescuing bad. But, no one was helping me. No one could help me feel better.

I went to sleep that night tossing and turning and my spirit was in a place of unrest. I had a stomach ache the next morning and I was exhausted. I talked to a friend that morning and he gave me these great words of encouragement about talking to Mr. C…”It doesn’t matter if they don’t have a problem with it. You do and you should address it.”

life-after-divorce-2

Boom.

There it was.

I had a problem with how our conversation went and how I felt that we were on two different pages, hell in two different books. I had to talk to him. I couldn’t keep talking to everyone around me but him. I needed to muster up the strength and tell him how I felt even if it meant that I had to walk away in the end.

So, I called him 5 minutes before I pulled up to my office. After a minute of pleasantries I just told him that my spirit was in unrest after our conversation yesterday. I told him how I felt like he didn’t care about me. That I didn’t matter. I explained that I let him into my life no matter how messy it is or was, but how could I support him when he won’t let me in?

I went on and on for about 5 minutes straight and told him that if I told him what he had said to me that he would be pissed too. He agreed. He then said something that I wasn’t prepared to hear.

“I hear you. I don’t have a response. I need time to process.”

What the hell?

In my head I was cursing him in all kind of foreign languages that I didn’t speak. But, I’m in therapy now so I know how to pause and reflect before speaking.

Okay.

That was all I could say.

He wished me well and we got off the phone.

I didn’t know where we were ending up. Was I single again? Was this relationship a big mistake?

29 comments

  1. The good thing is that you told him you disagreed with what he said. Being in a relationship takes a lot of work, communication, compromise, patience. Just take some time away to think about things like he suggested. Let him come to you. I’ve noticed males don’t like to be bothered especially when they ask for space. It’s almost as if they pull away even more if you keep calling or texting them when they asked for space. There’s been times when me and my boyfriend have a fight and we don’t speak for days or even months one time. Unfortunately everyone in a relationship fights at some point. I hope it all works out for the best, Tikeetha!

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    1. Thanks Lisa. He called me later on that day and we talked. It’s back to normal. I made him promise not to shut me out or not tell me things. I explained that I can’t have his back if I don’t know what’s going on. He agreed.

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  5. I kind of like his response. At first, you didn’t know how to respond to the situation and so you took some time before bringing it to him. Now that he knows how you are feeling, he is taking time before coming back to discuss it. It will probably lead to a conversation over it instead of an argument. Allow you both to collect your thoughts and talk it out calmly and be able to move past it 🙂

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  6. I think his response was mature and thoughtful. Better that this unfolds now regardless of the outcome, before your relationship goes further. I would give him the time he needs but would bring this to closure before getting in any deeper.

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  7. I know you didn’t get the response you felt you needed but I’m glad you did let him know how the conversation made you feel. Maybe he does need time to process it. Maybe he didn’t think anything wrong happened. It’s hard to let go and trust in the process. We ultimately have control over our own actions as do others xxxx ❤ hugs

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  8. I’m sorry to hear about your relationship woes. This is an example of the trap that I call the Expectation Gap. We expect a result that the other person isn’t able or willing to give. We sometimes expect men to react like women or they way we would respond to a stimulus, and they’re just not wired that way. We should take a page or two from their book by processing (but not overprocessing) conversations/situations. Praying that all will work out. ❤

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  10. Great job of taking time to reflect on your conversation with him and acknowledge that it didn’t work for you. It matters that you work things out with your partner as conflicts and upset arise. If you don’t then both people get dragged down with emotional garbage from the past. Bravo to him for listening and responding so thoughtfully.

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  12. Men like to process things… It’s how they are wired. We women want action to be taken immediately about issues. My husband always say “honey I need time to think about what you said. Sometimes it means I don’t have an answer; I don’t want to say the wrong thing. And sometimes men just don’t get why women are making a big issue out of something they believe is tiny or no issue at all.
    Great that you shared your thoughts now he knows how you feel about that issue. Be patient men are really from mass! They just don’t get it sometimes.

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    1. LOL. Thanks sis! Yep, I’m understanding that. I’m thankful that he tells me that he needs time to process things instead of not responding or just freaking out on me. That does show maturity and I told him I appreciate that he truly takes in what I say and then responds after he’s had a moment to think about it.

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  13. I can totally relate! I was dating this guy that whenever there was a conflict/argument he had to take about two weeks to process his thoughts/feelings, during which time we would cease communication, per his desire. I finally decided I can’t take that in a relationship. I understand everyone processes things at different rates/levels but at a certain point you cannot build if you are always taking so much time to process. I totally know how you felt when he didn’t have a response and was like “I need time to process” such a frustrating feeling, for sure!

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