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I’m Happy For You, But

Tikeetha TMby
26 Comments on I’m Happy For You, But

I need advice.

Mr. C got another opportunity within his organization to move into a field he’s interested in. It’s exciting. He interviewed a couple of weeks ago and I knew that he would get it. I prayed that God’s will be done. And it was. He’s happy and so am I.

But…

the new work hours suck! He has to work Monday through Friday from 2pm to 10pm. Ugh! He also has a part-time job that he works overnight from Saturday 11pm to Sunday 11am. I work 8:30am to 5pm.

See the frustration?

Sigh…that’s my life. Nothing is simple.

I’m happy for this new opportunity, but I can’t help to wonder where will this leave us? My love language is quality time. I told ya’ll that last month. He’s been good. We’ve been spending more time with each other. But, how can we do that if his new work hours will be until 10pm?

How can we work this out living on two opposite ends of the county and trying to date? When will we have time to spend together? Now, before you say “T, what adjustments are you making?” I am making adjustments. When he changed his schedule to work form 10am to 7pm I moved my hair and nail appointments to accommodate Friday evening date nights or Saturday morning breakfast.

I told him that. He suggested that I move them again. Move my hair appointments to Friday nights after I get off work. This will allow me to be finished by the time he gets off work and then we can spend a couple of hours hanging out. I agreed. I’m trying to be flexible.

I’ve put date times on his calendar for Friday of this week 3 days next week and 2 days the week of the 20th and 2 the week of the 27th. Since I don’t know when he’ll start, I’m just trying to grab all the time I can get. I know it sounds irrational, but I like spending time with him.

I’m trying to be understanding. He has responsibilities outside of having me as a girlfriend. I get that. He asked me did I want him to turn the job down? I told him no. I mean it too. I would never stand in the way of his career.

Just wondering how you make it work when you work different hours, live on different sides of the county and one person works 6 days a week. I’m not walking away from him. I would just like suggestions on how we can work through this setback when my love language is quality time?

Quality Time is defined as…In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

relationships-require-work

26 comments

  1. Communication is key in every relationship and to see that you both are willing the make changes says a lot. In the start of this new endeavor just play it by ear, pray, and make changes if need be as time goes by. Try not to stress out about it, stay encouraged, and keep the lines of communication open. Spending QT comes in many different forms. So you all may have to change the manner in which you spend having QT. For example spending time on the phone, then on days off have dates.

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    1. Thank you. We spend A LOT of time on the phone now. We talk about 3 hours a day from the minute we rise until we go to sleep. I just need the human connection. I’m definitely trying not to stress as you said and keep encouraged. One thing I do appreciate is that he is willing to talk about it with me. No matter how much. We just need to find new ways. Maybe lunch a couple of days. Breakfast occasionally.

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  2. I don’t have an answer to your question, but do have an anecdote. Memories of something like this came up over recently.

    Over the weekend, Anthony and I remembered our dating days. I was an early riser, who’d awaken at 3 a.m. … just about when Anthony would be getting home. Our time together–whether in person or otherwise–was often the couple of hours before he ended up dozing off. 🙂

    (Now, our kids are early risers like me, and Anthony pretends to share our schedule.)

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    1. But, we are trying to wait until we’re married to live or sleep together. He has a son who is 18 and even though we wouldn’t have sex, I don’t know if I would want to influence his son into thinking that women should be sleeping over his house and they are not married. Ugh! Thank you though Deb!

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      1. We very, very rarely hung out in person this way. It was usually (90% or more) phone calls and chats, for reasons beyond the scope of this discussion. :p

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      3. I wish I had an answer! This was all before we had kids, and it’s just so much different with kids. I do know I cherish those funny memories of a much, much different time. Maybe this’ll end up being a bridge period for you? Rooting for you, without reservation!

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      4. Thanks Deb! You know my relationship goals with me and Mr. C are for us to have what you and your husband have without any new kids. LOL. We just want to raise the ones we already have.

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      5. (Since we met right before I moved to Japan and our friendship grew online, these modes of connection were primary for us even when we were relatively close in physical space.)

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  3. Have you discussed skype/face time dates? I know it’s not the same as in-person quality time but maybe you can have “face to face” time over lunch or something during the week? It’s more of a connection than a phone call when you can actually see the person’s face that you are talking to?

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  4. Oh dear! That is a tough break. I met my hubby on Match.com, believe it or not. He lived in Ft. Worth, me on the Dallas side of the metroplex, so for the first year, we only saw each other twice a week. We’d meet on Wednesday for dinner in a city between our two locations. Fridays, he’d come for dinner (and Saturday breakfast). His job involved periods when he worked 18 hour days, and we’d have to go 30 days without seeing each other. We burned up the phone lines! We’d send each other cards (and he’s particularly good about sending flowers and giving impromptu gifts). We missed each other, that’s for sure, but we got through it. I guess the only advice I’d give you is make good use of the time together, beware of a tendency to fight when you know you’ll be parted for awhile (It’s a psychological phenomenon – ask anyone who’s faced long military deployments – it’s not uncommon for them to get into a fight right before the military person leaves. It’s like an unconscious way of making the parting easier, but of course only makes things worse.). Make sure that the time you have together is really just that – time together, with outside distractions not allowed.

    Wishing you the best, because a great guy is a wonderful partner to have! And congratulations to him on the gig.

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    1. Thank you so much. Yep, we met online too. I like the suggestions and I’ll ask him to send me cards which could definitely help us. I never thought of that so I love that. I like getting good mail.

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  5. Yikes! I didn’t know he lived somewhere else. I only get to see my boyfriend 2-3 times a week and he lives here. He’s in nursing school so he has to study a lot. We don’t really talk on the phone, just text. Just like someone else said, I think the FaceTime/Skype more often will be good. I know it’s going to be harder when my bf starts clinicals next semester. He has to be there at 6 am then has school. He might stay with me more because it’s closer. Good luck! I’m sure it will work.

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  7. This makes me sad :(, going to start brainstorming ideas to make this work out for you :). Powerball is over 400 million tomorrow night, one of you hits that no more wonky work schedules!

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