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Babbling Brook

Tikeetha TMby
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Last week I was reading to Mr. C what I need when I say quality time in the 5 Love Languages book. There’s a couple of paragraphs about the Babbling Brook (one that talks all the time) and the Dead Sea (the one that rarely talks) and how they usually end up together and in the dating stage both really like each other. Why? Because the Dead Sea doesn’t talk and the Babbling Brook talks a lot.

Well, I’m the Babbling Brook folks. I’m in love with a Dead Sea kind of man. I told him that it makes sense because one of his requirements for women is that she talked more than him. He doesn’t really like to talk. He’s more introspective and definitely an introvert. This proves so frustrating now that we’re in a relationship.

Why? Because I need him to share. I need him to be more open and let me in. He’s a pretty good listener, but he’s like most men who don’t give much away. So, we sit on the phone and I will allow moments to past without speaking. Why? I’m trying to get this man to speak up.

Sometimes it works. Other times it doesn’t. When it doesn’t there are moments of silence. He thinks I’m pre-occupied. I want to engage him and encourage him to share. I told him that I need him to share more and he asked “So, you think I have a problem communicating?” I responded “No, I think you’re like most men where you have a problem sharing. I want to know you. What was your worst experience as a child? What was your best experience as a child.” 

It’s a work in progress. He says he lived a boring life in comparison to mine. He grew up in a two parent home. I grew up in a single parent home. He’s the youngest of 4. I’m the oldest of 3. There are differences, but I think that makes it more interesting. I just want to find out more.

So, I’m going to slow down my mouth (the babbling brook that it is) and allow him to talk more. Encourage him to do so. Now, I just need to find some topics.

Any suggestions?

relationships-require-work

Published by Tikeetha TM

A wife, a mother and a businesswoman. I am newly remarried and I talk about everything from parenting,co-parenting, relationships, dating and social issues. Follow my blog at https://athomaspointofview.com/

18 comments

  3. One of the best things I ever learned about communicating with my own rather reserved, quiet husband was advice from a neurobiologist. My husband did like to talk about things he read and studied. The problem was that he’s a theoretical physicist—I didn’t understand (or particularly care about) a thing he said…and I felt guilty about that. Did I need to learn quantum mechanics and astrophysics? That wasn’t likely to happen. At a conference some years ago, I met a neurobiologist who was speaking on the subject of adult learning. She said that we reinforce our own learning and formulate our ideas by talking about them to others—and it doesn’t matter if the other person understands, or even fully listen to, what we are saying. I asked her specifically about my guilt for not understanding or caring about the physics my husband loved so much, and for just nodding when he talks. She said that is all that’s required, and that by listening and nodding I was helping him learn, retain, and think. So, I continued to listen without really listening and then I realized two things:
    1) Some of this physics stuff is actually interesting, and
    2) The more he talked about subjects he loved, the more he started talking about other things, too—things that I could relate to and we could discuss together.
    He’ll never be super-chatty, but I wouldn’t want him to be. I love the comfortable silences. Lastly, my husband didn’t have a particularly happy childhood and doesn’t have any desire to revisit those memories. I totally honor that. No poking the bear.
    For what it’s worth, Tikeetha.

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    1. Thank you Donna. That’s very good advice. He is in IT for a military defense contractor so a lot of stuff he can’t talk about, but I do listen. I am learning to just encourage more talking about things that matter to him instead of just talking so much.

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      3. I like that idea. I’m going to do that. He wrote me the most beautiful love letters for Valentine’s Day. One was 14 days of love and the other was how he felt about me. I cried. So beautiful

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