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Parenting Truth: Kids are Mean

Tikeetha TMby
39 Comments on Parenting Truth: Kids are Mean

Here’s a parenting truth…kids are mean.

I’ve shared my struggles with his school, teachers and his adjustment to being in a new environment and I have to tell you that I am so tired. I now see why many people may choose to home school their children. Heck, I’ve thought about. But, I’m just not there yet.

I know that it will only get worse as he progresses through school. Kids will continue to be mean and he has to learn how to navigate it. I have to give him the skills to in essence be mean in order to survive. I struggle with doing that.

Last night we were talking about his Heart for Hoops program and I asked him how did it go? He said, “Fine, I made two baskets.” I told him how wonderful that was. He then said, “Mommy, the kids are so mean to me. They don’t ever pick me in gym class and they never want to be my partner.” He then tells me that the gym teacher will pair him with other students regardless of whether or not they pick him and then the kids are mean to him.

I sighed and tried to not let my anxiety take control. I told him “Munch, please tell your gym teacher. She only sees you for a limited time throughout the week and may not know.” He said “Okay.” I didn’t know what to tell him. I was mad. Seething actually.

Damn kids.

Why the heck are kids so dang mean? Munch told me a couple of months ago that the kids are calling him fat. He said that they told him that his dad and I are fat too. I told him to ignore them. I told him that one of the hardest learned lessons in life is to stop caring what others think about you.

I’ve told him to tell the kids “My mommy says that opinions are like butt holes. Everyone has one, but waste comes out of my butt so that’s what I think of your opinion.” Not sure how effective that advice was. But, I was determined to not take it to the streets. He’s only 8.

My sister says to tell him to say “Your momma.” To any and every mean comment. Respond to any mean comment with ‘your momma’. Ugh!

I started to try and practice mindfulness with raising my son. I ask him frequently is he a nice young man. He will say yes. I will probe further. What makes you nice? What nice things have you done for others. When did you show God’s love to someone at school.

Sometimes there is an answer. Other times not. I want to instill in him to be a good person. Always.

But, hell kids are so dang mean.

parenting-truth

39 comments

  1. It burns me up too. My little person has such a tender heart and I HATE the thought of someone hurting her like that. It happened once in a short-lived preschool scenario and I almost threw down when they tried to suggest she was giving as good as she was taking. At what points did they plan on being grown ups who are supposed to be helping form young minds and redirect negative behavior??? I ended up pulling her out and from time to time she still cries and wants to know why that girl didn’t like her. Thankfully she hasn’t had that issue in any school before or since.

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      1. They tried to tell me the other child was going through a rough time with her parents divorce. I glared at them. Sooooo…my divorce and her father’s death can now be used as an excuse??? I don’t think so. I don’t play that game.

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      2. Nope. No excuse. I’m with you. I went through a horrible divorce and thought I was losing my mind, but my son couldn’t be an ass to anyone because of it. We have to push forward past our pain and still treat people with respect and kindness. It’s a struggle and apparently it only gets worse.

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    1. I haven’t seen any. But, that doesn’t mean that the school doesn’t do it. I reached out to the gym teacher for observations and suggestions so I’m just monitoring it. I will most likely pop into his gym class in the next couple of weeks.

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      1. It’s so rough being in your situation. I can’t believe I was in your shoes when my now 29 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD. I practically lived at the school. It’s exhausting.

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  3. Li’l D was being antagonized by a schoolmate last year. We got to the point where we told him we trusted him to do the right thing … even if the right thing, in threatening circumstances, was punching someone in the face. Probably won’t show up in any parenting book, but Li’l D’s worries eased and the problems subsided. He wrote the sweetest letter to the kid’s parents, which I wish I’d kept. (This week, weather permitting, he wants to have a playdate with last year’s tormentor–?!)

    I don’t think there’s one right way to do things. You’re rocking, looking at your son and the specific circumstances and figuring out what to do with these specifics.

    I surely wish these specifics were not the actual specifics you face. *hugs*

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  4. Boy, there’s nothing more true than this one! Kids are mean for so many reasons…I don’t think anyone escapes catching the brunt of it in school.

    Mine learned her lesson about letting things fester. Apparently a girl in her class said something cruel way back in Aug/Sept and has been bullying/bugging her ever since. Last week she picked on Bear’s friend and that was the final straw — Bear punched her! (SO not like her.) We had long talks about how you have to talk about the stuff that’s happening and tell a teacher if you need help, but there was a part of me thinking that girl needed to be knocked on her ass.

    Hang in there, mama, you’re doing your best.

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  6. Ugh, I’m so sorry! Kids CAN be so mean (heck, I’ve found adults who can be too; some people just never grow up! It’s a lot more difficult for a child to navigate around cruel people, though). I’ll definitely keep y’all in my prayers and it seems like you are doing a great job trying to navigate through it all together. ❤

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  8. This quote was amusing, “My mommy says that opinions are like butt holes. Everyone has one, but waste comes out of my butt so that’s what I think of your opinion.” Kids can be very mean, and it is so heartbreaking as a parent to listen to your child describe being treated poorly. I think that it is great that your child talks to you about it and that you are supporting him through it. He is young and he sounds like a strong young man. Keep up the good parenting work. Great post, thank you for sharing.

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  9. I am going to resist using my potty words here bc right now I want to rip those a****** who are mean. I was a victim of mean kids as a child. So much so I switched schools. If I ever find a kid continues to mistreat my kid or ignores him to be mean, I will get with the parents or chat quietly with the kid. Let me know if Munch wants a list of my bullies and their current loser life.

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  10. I got one for you, MIss Madison’s daughter got called fat in class last month and this was literally a week after her grandma passed away from cancer. That girl is a wreck right now :(.

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      2. Wow! Poor baby. Make sure she gets extra time to be pampered. A manicure and a lunch date to the local pizza parlor are ways that you can make her feel special.

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  11. Its unfortunate that we raise our children to be good to others and they meet bullies who are not taught the same. My two boy 9 and 11,suffered bullying a lot ,they have been to different schools and history had repeated itself. I used to tell them to report to the teacher and that didn’t help. Sometimes you discover that the parents of bullies are themselves bullies. So I got fed up because schools have no plan for bullying. What is worse is that they might look at the physical bullying ,yet fail to realise that the worst is verbal (psychological), bullies are skilled at their craft. So I told them, ” you know what: let them taste their own medicine, and if you are caught, apologize to your teacher, but he/she (the bully) will know not to mess with you again. School grounds are turning our children into something their not. And several times if not often, I have thought of home schooling. And I am taking them for kick boxing lessons. I’m tired of washing blood stained shirts. At least if it does happen, I know that the bully is washing his blood stained shirt too. What else can I do?

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    1. So true. I am with you. Verbal bullying is worse. We have to raise them to be tough and to fight back and it is a struggle because it goes against us trying to teach them to be good people. Thank you for commenting and letting me know that I’m not alone. I truly appreciate it.

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  12. It’s a tough situation. You want to jump in there and do it for them, pummel anyone that’s mean to them, but they have to do it themselves otherwise they’ll never learn to stick up for themselves and you’ll never be off the mom clock and sooner or later they’re going to have to learn to live without you. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do, let my kids fight their own battles. I still catch myself self saying, “what’s that teacher’s number,” or “I’m going to call their parents,” and my kids are teens. Good luck to you, Tikeetha. I feel your pain.

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    1. Aww, thank you so much. It is hard and I am trying to balance what he can handle and when I should intervene. I am letting him handle a lot more things and understand that sometimes at his age friendships don’t last always and it’s okay. You’re a child and you will meet new people. The key that I’m finding is to keep a busy weekend of play dates with his friends so he realizes how blessed he is.

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  14. Im so sorry! I agree kids can be terrible and it’s not fair! It isn’t fair little Billy has all the friends because he calls names and little Johnny will have the complete opposite childhood due to him having a kind heart. I hate it for kids and I hate that it makes them bitter and mad. It’s not fair and breaks my heart for them. I love little sisters approach. It made me giggle. I’m sorry for your little one and prayers it changes soon!

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  15. That is very difficult situation, and today we live in a place where teasing can be much more damaging. I recall being teased a lot growing up. The one thing I learned, is there is a point when it is not fun to the others. One day, I simply said. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” And just kept it moving.

    It is important to ensure he is a good person, and it’s important to rebuild/refuel him when he gets home. Remind him of how great he is. Give him the skills to shield the fiery darts. You may want to consider signing him up for Taekwondo, or something similar. Something that will build his self esteem, plus give him the ability to take care of himself

    Deborah
    womenraisingboys.com

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    1. Thanks Deborah! He did Tae Kwan Do for 2 years and said he didn’t want to do it anymore. He didn’t like it. I didn’t force it. He swims, plays soccer and guitar. Just letting him decide what works for him.

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