2017 advice friends relationships

Random: The Lost Ones

Tikeetha TMby
62 Comments on Random: The Lost Ones

Do you ever wonder about your relationships that have ended? I’m not talking about just romantic relationships. I’m talking about all relationships. Male and female. Friendships and/or relationships. Does it bother you that you’re no longer friends or do you accept that they served their purpose and it’s time to move on?

 

62 comments

  1. Great question. For the most part, I’m at peace with my ended relationships. However, there was one that didn’t sit well for me so I made amends with the person and we just hung out last weekend. It was as if nothing happened… I loved it. Sometimes, I think in relationships, we just need breaks from people and we come back together – it’s either going to feel right or off. I’ve felt both and acted accordingly to my feeling. Not easy but I try to listen to my gut when it comes to these things.

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  4. If I walk away especially from a friendship than, I have made peace with the fact that this person will no longer be in my life for whatever reason. There are only maybe two people who I ever kind of wondered about. But those were relationship based not friendships. Cutting folks and forgetting them, has always been easy for me.

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  6. It used to bother me a lot if someone suddenly dropped out of my life, especially when there didn’t seem to be a reason (i.e. disagreement) for it. I spent a lot of time putting it on me — what did I do wrong, why doesn’t she want to hang out with me, I guess I’ll never fit in — but eventually took a deep breath and put it in perspective.
    I believe everyone you meet is there to teach you something. Sometimes those people stay, sometimes they’re around for a while and then it’s time to move on. This makes sense for me when I look at my smattering of friends and see who I met when.
    Wow, did that even make sense?! 😉

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  9. Tikeetha, I just believe that everyone comes into our lives for a reason. Some of them are long term and others short term, I have learned something from all of them. Great question to start the day. Hope your day is wonderful. 🙂

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    1. I like that. There season or reason has passed and you’ve accepted the lesson learned and move on. It was a hard lesson that I learned. I’m having a good day Terry. Just got back in town and playing catch-up. How are you?

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  10. Some bother me, and I often wonder what they’re up to. But, I only have a handful of close friends, and I’m still in near-daily contact with all 3 of them. There was a 4th, but he committed suicide 26 years ago. It’s easier nowadays to check in on people with Facebook and such. But I usually don’t. 😃

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      1. My close friends? Yeah, or text, or actually see in person. Most other “friends” I’ve ever had are either long gone from my life or merely acquaintances at this point. And that’s fine. My 3 close friends? Been a clan since 1987, and it’s unlikely to change now, short of one of us dying. It’d be 4 if the other one hadn’t made the decision to leave this world. 26 years, and it still baffles us…and still hurts like a mother. 😕

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      3. It’s funny, but none of my friends from high school are what I’d call good friends now. All my close friends are the ones I made in college. And we still talk, text, travel, etc. We’re all spread out now, but we are definitely a close-knit group.

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  11. I did think about this a lot for a long time! But I think if you know you didn’t intentionally push them away or if you have tried to rekindle the relationship to no avail, you can let go and move on:) Relationships are not one-sided so the people that are in your life are because all parties involved are interested in keeping the relationship going.

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  12. There is this one person that I thought about a lot, she was my best friend. She ended things abruptly and even though I reached out to her several times to meet up and hash things out she never responded but on certain occasions(birthdays, Christmas etc) she would msg me. Then there was this time I saw her in the grocery and when I called her, the way in which she responded was as if i shouldn’t be calling her, so after that she’s honestly the furthest thing from my mind. I do sometimes think about her still because we had some good times together but not as much as before.

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  13. Sometimes good relationships are stolen. Sometimes bad relationships are taken away for our good. I don’t try to fit it all into one category. If I fight for a friendship and they don’t respond, I have to let them hold their distance.

    It’s hard, but God gives me strength for all things.

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  17. I guess it depends on the circumstances, but generally I’m usually happy to move on, at least initially. Years later, I often wonder if I should have tried to salvage the relationship or if I could have had I tried. One example is work relationships. When I leave a job, I don’t make the effort to stay in touch with co-workers because at that point I’m ready to sever all ties to the job. But after a while I miss the camaraderie we had.

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      1. Right, and it doesn’t have to be that way. I could have arranged to meet them for lunch or a drink once in a while but never made the effort. I think LinkedIn helps. It’s not the same, but if we exchange notes once in a while and maintain visibility through a LI connection, it shouldn’t be quite as awkward as reaching out, years later out of the blue, to arrange a face-to-face.

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      2. I skip outings with them while I’m still here though. I think we are all amicable, but I just don’t take it beyond the office and I never discuss anything really personal. I guess it’s just not that type of environment. or I’m not that type! 😊

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  18. nope, it doesn’t bother me much when “friendships” end. if someone walks away, they’ve usually been working my nerves in some way that makes me rejoice when they “unfriend” me. romantic interests are a bit different. if it was serious, I can definitely take a dip emotionally. but I always bounce back!!

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      1. well I think we attract relationships and we all have “something” for each other, otherwise the Universe would not bring you together! in other words, you match somehow. if they are no longer a match, they leave. if you’re vibrating higher (like you described), they will either join you there or leave. that’s the law of attraction. that’s why it’s best to focus on YOU and let them do what they DO. easier said than done. it’s a learning process.

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  19. Oh Girl! You struck a nerve.
    Most of them I have learned to let go. We get older, we learn, we see that the relationship was a lesson, or they were people we might not have learned a particular lesson without.
    But my “BFF” has ghosted me since last June. Almost 40 years of friendship – gone. It had become too difficult for him to maintain a relationship with me when I persisted in asking tough questions, like, “Is your living environment a healthy one?” or reminding him that you can’t fix an addict who doesn’t want fixin’. It hurts. I wonder, why am I so bloody easy to leave behind?
    But I do know, it’s really not about me.

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    1. Yep, it’s not you. People have to accept accountability for their actions. There is no reason to ghost a friend after 40 years so I would just say pray for them and keep it moving. Allow them the opportunity to come back in if they should choose to and explain.

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  23. First let me say this has now become one of my Fav blogs ! It hasn’t been until recently this exact thought has been on my mind! At the age of 50 I FINALLY get it people come into your reason for a reason/season and all that but what I don’t like is when they leave and I don’t understand the reason for why they appeared in the first place. Even if there’s no love loss and I’m glad to see them go, I don’t like the “unknown”. It also bothers me to think that I may have done something to cause this and NOT BE AWARE. For example, I may have offended them by something I said/did or they thought I said/did. That’s usually obvious if they don’t respond/reply or “disappear”.

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    1. Aww, thank you so much. I have had experience with a couple of people doing that and it frustrates the heck out of me. I just pray for them and release them. I don’t do ambiguous and I’m not going to chase you. Let’s be adults and talk about it even if we decide to part ways. Life’s too short.

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  24. why is is it so difficult to let people go? there are some who you think that they will be in your life forever and all the phone calls and messages fall on deaf ears so to speak and yes it really hurts. Then other people you know it was a time in your life and thats it. Thats for this blog it really hit a soft spot for me this week.

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  25. Depends how it ended. If they did something to wrong me it would make it easier to move on and forget but if it was a fall out where we both know we just being stupid then it would play on my mind. It would just be a loose end that needs tieing.

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