I am always looking for new ways to work on my relationship with Mr. C and just trying to be a good girlfriend. I’ve never been a girlfriend for long and I wasn’t concerned about my exes feelings and we were young that it didn’t matter. As, I’m now over 40 and constantly learning myself, I’ve learned to focus on communication with Mr. C as a means to strengthen our relationship.
Why? Because I love him. And? I love him more than being vulnerable. I actually hate being vulnerable. I said it. I feel like it opens me up and you can see what I’m really feeling. I hate showing my feelings. Ugh!
But, I do with Mr. C. Even when I try not to, he knows me well enough to tell when something is wrong. He pays attention to me. Especially to my tone. It’s a good and bad thing at times.
That being said I understand the importance of making sure that I’m meeting his needs. I don’t ask all the time, but I think it’s important to find out if there are things that he desires of me that I’m just not paying attention too. Blame it on my short attention span, but he deserves to know that I’m invested and concerned about him as a man, as a father, as a son and as a human being. I’m paying attention.
So, I asked him three questions to do a relationship check-up and find out how I’m doing and give myself a tune-up if need be so that we can be on one accord. My 3 questions were as follows:
- What things could I do to strengthen our communication?
- Do you think I’m open to your ideas and/or suggestions?
- Do you believe that I value and respect our time together? Do I put you first?
His responses were:
- When we make plans/meeting each other lets make sure we communicate that we are on the same pages, from beginning to end.
- I believe you are but sometimes my ideas are shot down. i.e. meeting for breakfast…its not about us eating just sitting and talking..connecting before you go to work.
- You do except for when you get that social media buzz. but it doesn’t bother me because I get it…I completely understand when there’s a need to check our devices.
Yeah, he responded! However, I’m not surprised. He’s a great guy who is open to me reaching out and soliciting input at any moment. That being said it looks like I have work to do. I agree with #1 and I realized that I do #2 and #3 so I have to check myself and make sure that I’m being present in the moment and not shooting down my man’s ideas. I can be a negative Nancy and I need to work on that. Also, I need to make sure that he has my undivided attention and turn my head away from my phone.
Now, Mr. C wanted me to answer the same questions about him. Here’s how I responded:
- You could confirm date/time and locations anytime we are meeting. Make sure that we are on the same page from beginning to end. You could also talk to me more. Let me know more of what you think about things that I say or do.
- I don’t understand when I mention something that you don’t really give a yes or no response right at that moment. I feel like I’m being blown off in some ways so then I don’t want to suggest things. I know it’s not true, but I need you to either 1. answer immediately or 2. write it down and follow-up with me timely. By not following up it makes me feel like you don’t care about it.
- Yes, I believe that you value our time together and yes I believe that you try to put me first.
Yep, time for us to get to work!