I am always looking for new ways to work on my relationship with Mr. C and just trying to be a good girlfriend. I’ve never been a girlfriend for long and I wasn’t concerned about my exes feelings and we were young that it didn’t matter. As, I’m now over 40 and constantly learning myself, I’ve learned to focus on communication with Mr. C as a means to strengthen our relationship.
Why? Because I love him. And? I love him more than being vulnerable. I actually hate being vulnerable. I said it. I feel like it opens me up and you can see what I’m really feeling. I hate showing my feelings. Ugh!
But, I do with Mr. C. Even when I try not to, he knows me well enough to tell when something is wrong. He pays attention to me. Especially to my tone. It’s a good and bad thing at times.
That being said I understand the importance of making sure that I’m meeting his needs. I don’t ask all the time, but I think it’s important to find out if there are things that he desires of me that I’m just not paying attention too. Blame it on my short attention span, but he deserves to know that I’m invested and concerned about him as a man, as a father, as a son and as a human being. I’m paying attention.
So, I asked him three questions to do a relationship check-up and find out how I’m doing and give myself a tune-up if need be so that we can be on one accord. My 3 questions were as follows:
- What things could I do to strengthen our communication?
- Do you think I’m open to your ideas and/or suggestions?
- Do you believe that I value and respect our time together? Do I put you first?
His responses were:
- When we make plans/meeting each other lets make sure we communicate that we are on the same pages, from beginning to end.
- I believe you are but sometimes my ideas are shot down. i.e. meeting for breakfast…its not about us eating just sitting and talking..connecting before you go to work.
- You do except for when you get that social media buzz. but it doesn’t bother me because I get it…I completely understand when there’s a need to check our devices.
Yeah, he responded! However, I’m not surprised. He’s a great guy who is open to me reaching out and soliciting input at any moment. That being said it looks like I have work to do. I agree with #1 and I realized that I do #2 and #3 so I have to check myself and make sure that I’m being present in the moment and not shooting down my man’s ideas. I can be a negative Nancy and I need to work on that. Also, I need to make sure that he has my undivided attention and turn my head away from my phone.
Now, Mr. C wanted me to answer the same questions about him. Here’s how I responded:
- You could confirm date/time and locations anytime we are meeting. Make sure that we are on the same page from beginning to end. You could also talk to me more. Let me know more of what you think about things that I say or do.
- I don’t understand when I mention something that you don’t really give a yes or no response right at that moment. I feel like I’m being blown off in some ways so then I don’t want to suggest things. I know it’s not true, but I need you to either 1. answer immediately or 2. write it down and follow-up with me timely. By not following up it makes me feel like you don’t care about it.
- Yes, I believe that you value our time together and yes I believe that you try to put me first.
Yep, time for us to get to work!
Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.
A Thomas Point of View 
Vulnerability in love is not a bad thing. To love and be loved requires fluidity and not rigidity.
Good communication helps relationships. We do better when we are open to it without taking offences.
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Yep, I’m learning that. I’m not offended when he tells me something and vice versa. I want to work on our communication and that in itself is making me vulnerable.
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I like the three-question check up, Tikeetha. Communication and time together are keys to a strong, lasting relationship. My hubby and I agreed to put the phones away when we’re together. We can’t control others who may join us for dinner, but at least we have that understanding. Best wish with Mr. C! ❤
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Thanks Michelle. I’m approaching this relationship differently than I have prior ones. My goal is to make sure that I’m doing check-ups in our relationship at regular intervals. I want to be accountable for my actions and behaviors and I want him to do the same.
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Great strategy!
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Definitely going to do this in my next relationship. My communication is terrible with men 😣.
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Mine was too sis, but I am committed to trying to be better. To make sure that I’m not overlooking his needs and we are constantly trying to strengthen the relationship.
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Amen sis! This is the area I need to work on, overlooking things, I do that a lot and now I see my role in my past relationships. I am always too self-absorbed and busy, I end up taking them for granted and they seek love somewhere else. This is great education keep sharing your experience with us. Look forward to the next post on this subject 👌
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I’m so very proud of you and the progress you’re making. You are an inspiration. Love you chica.
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Aww, thanks bestie!
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Thank you for sharing. I’m definitely the one to end things or start an argument as soon as I feel he’s not trying. The thing is, his try doesn’t look exactly like my try! You just have to recognize it.. and vice versa.
Thanks for being vulnerable with us, too.
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Thank you. I’m trying to show women that there is hope after divorce and after failed relationships where you’ve bared so much of your soul with someone that you don’t ever think you could do it again. We are able to laugh and appreciate our differences and know that our love for each other is how we are able to be open and transparent. He really stretches me.
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That’s awesome. Really
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Very well thought out. Communication is the key in all relationships. One thing that I question is the spontaneity of dating, does everything have to be on a schedule? You are such a busy woman and I understand the scheduling of activities but some things shouldn’t have to be scheduled.
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LOL, with our schedules it needs to be. We don’t live near each other and I schedule events if we don’t have plans. Therefore, if it’s not scheduled then we may not do it. I have free time, but if he’s working during that time then we can’t do anything.Plus, I’m really not a spontaneous person. LOL
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