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Black Women vs. White Women

Tikeetha TMby
69 Comments on Black Women vs. White Women

Why do they always seem to put us up against one another? Why is it that it’s always in the news that black men prefer white women or that black women have bad attitudes? Why is it that society can’t seem to find us beautiful?

If it’s not one thing, it’s another, but this is no pity piece. I don’t need your sympathy or coaxing to tell me that I’m beautiful. Hell, I know I am! My confidence and self-esteem are not defined by society nor shattered by their comments. I love me. The skin I’m in and the woman that I am.

My issue is when people want to pit us against one another. Can’t we all just get along? I mean seriously. I have some cool white girlfriends that I call my sisters and hell I’m sure that they think I’m a cool black girlfriend. Race doesn’t divide us. Our genders unite us. We are about the success of women.

So, you’re probably asking what’s got me fit to be tied? It’s this constantly circulated stereotype that asks the question why do black men prefer white women? Last week one of the bloggers I follow, Sunny over at Grown Folk Talk Radio, posted the Instagram page of a Washington Redskins player who asked the question of why do black athletes marry white women?

I’m sure it was written to get everyone in an uproar. I mean what isn’t done on social media for likes or comments? But, one “athlete” in particular posted this foolishness:

Was I hot? Absolutely. The whole response is meant to divide us. To play one race of women against another is pathetic and I’m so tired of that foolishness. Let’s be clear…love who the hell you want too. I don’t care. But, what I won’t do is allow my race and gender to be disrespected in any way. I have to set the record straight.

Here’s the thing…that question is asked to divide instead of unite us. People can’t help who they love. Color is not blind. Love is. You choose to fall in love. Love is amazing, but if you are choosing to love people that are not in your race then I wonder do you truly know what the meaning of love is? Self-love is the first step to recognizing and accepting love.

Now, my issue is the fact that this gentleman’s argument was flawed. Here’s why…

  • Most of the sisters were raised in broken homes.  What statistics back that up when it is a whole lot of women choosing not to marry but have children? You are sitting there trying to refer to us as your sisters while throwing shade? That is whack? If sisters are growing up in broken homes, where is the man who could fix that? I mean if your argument is that a man leads, why is he not leading the family?
  • They don’t have the proper guidance on how to treat a man. Umm, what is the proper guidance? Is there a class? Where are boys taught how to treat a woman? What are the ways in which we are supposed to treat you? This my friend is call for action instead of trying to destroy us. Teach at the Boys and Girls club or get involved with local community organizations to teach children how to communicate effectively.
  • A white woman knows her position and accepts her role. Are you kidding me? I know many white women who are alpha females and married to great men that lead the family, but they are not docile women cowering in the corner. Where are you meeting these women? Does your girlfriend know that you think of her in those terms?
  • Black women think that it is 50/50. If I went to college and grad school like you why would I want anything less than 50/50? Does that mean that we are splitting the finances down the middle? No. It means that I will be an equal contributor to our family’s future. That is what it means. Is that bad? Nope.  But, on the flip side that doesn’t mean that I will support a man trying to be a rapper in his 40’s. You are not bringing your all to the table sir. Relationships evolve and people set their own rules, but to dismiss someone’s belief is close minded.
  • Black women are stubborn, close minded and always want to argue. Umm, where are you meeting these women? See, you can always find some stubborn and close minded people that want to argue regardless of race or gender. This is not something you can put on all black women.
  • Black women are not coachable. What? Are you a therapist? Because I will tell you that I’ve always said black people (not just black women) need three things: Jesus, wine and therapy. We need help. It is not just black women. How can a man coach a woman if he secretly hates them? That is what the real issue is.

This whole argument spoke of ways to divide us and I for one am tired of it. These small minded individuals are petty and obviously unhappy with their lives that they feel the need to speak such foolishness. Last time I checked it took two people to make a relationship and/or marriage work.

In the interest of self disclosure…my dad walked out on us when I was 9. The oldest of 3 kids. He didn’t financially contribute to our upbringing. Nor was he physically present in our lives….EVER. Where the hell is the outrage for the men who just don’t care and don’t give a f*ck about the kids they leave behind? Would you expect a woman who didn’t have a father who wasn’t a man not to have any issues? Anyone would. Yet, I’m the problem. Not the man that left?

So, no my momma wasn’t teaching me how to be a dutiful wife and know my place. She was out there busting her butt working 3 jobs to provide for us because the man she married didn’t think his children were worth it. All while making $16,000 a year. Do you know how hard that is? There were no talks of how you should treat a man. We had food security issues.  That was more concerning.

The key to relationships regardless of race is communication. We all need to learn how to talk to each other in our relationships. If you’re dating someone and they do something you don’t like, talk to them. Give them an opportunity to correct their behavior. If they don’t, move on. But, stop trying to blame black women for the ills of black men or stop trying to divide black women and white women. We all have battles to fight.

P.S. The supposed “athlete” is really not a professional football player.  I hope that all women know what kind of foolish and deceitful man this person is.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

69 comments

  2. Wow! I hope there aren’t many others that think the way that alleged football player does. That is deplorable. I agree with you that there’s too much divisive speech out there along the lines of race in so many ways.

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    1. Thank you. I hope not too, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there weren’t ignorant people out there that think that way. It’s ridiculous. We are all one and at the end of a day a woman who doesn’t want to put up with BS will tell you regardless of her color.

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  4. “knows her position and accepts her role”–LOL! Love your response in whole, but the one here especially. Wonder why?! 🙂

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    1. Deb, he’s a loser and he has this imaginary belief that “white women” cower to their man in relationships. That is crap. Life teaches us that we are the sum of our experiences and so there are women who give as good as they get and vice versa. Race doesn’t matter. He’s such a loser.

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  5. From one alpha to another, I hear you on this bullshit 😡. I completely understand what you are saying and I love how you talk about us simply uniting as women…because that should be a cohesive factor. It’s a sticky world we live in, you are right. And anyone can find any reason to be angry or tear us apart if they look hard enough. Very well written 👏🏻

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    1. Aww, thank you. I know. I’m so tired. We are living in times that we can no longer allow ignorance to divide us by race or gender. We all matter. We have to stop the foolishness in its track. My soon to be sister in law is white and I love her fiercely. I told her that when she marries my brother to know that I choose her. Always and that if he acts a butt and she needs to correct, know that I have her back. She is an alpha female and is by no means docile. This dude is a delusional piece of crap.

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  6. Hahaha! Wife is white, and I can assure you she’s not docile or submissive. I wouldn’t want her to be. I wanted a partner. An equal and successful and strong partner. I call bullshit on this as well.

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  7. Wooow!! I’m so tired of hearing this. It’s so disrespectful and hateful. I’m with you, Tikeetha. Why aren’t the men who left the problem? My dad (til this day…since he’s been in my life) will still try to throw shade at my mama. I’m like “hold on now…she raised three of us by herself and did a wonderful job. She deserves respect and appreciation.” I’m glad you called this “athlete” out on his bs. This is so wrong. We women will stick together!

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    1. Absolutely. He’s basically holding men harmless for walking out on their children and then saying it’s the mother’s fault for raising strong girls. GTFOH with that BS. He’s pathetic!

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  8. Pingback: Reblog!! – Bjorlie Speaks

  9. Thanks for sharing this, and yes his comments are meant to degrade one race of women all while causing a divide. That sad part is that he isn’t the first and won’t be the last. I loved reading your take on this whole thing.

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  12. My mother taught me when something doesn’t make sense don’t even try to figure it out. And you broke his mess down nicely. It doesn’t matter one way or the other to me because the women they choose to be with they cheat on still. No! They don’t know love. Love comes from God it’s unconditional it doesn’t compare one to the other. I was raised in a two-parent home with morals and principles my mother taught and lectured about. The Family Structure and how a woman should treat a man; all over the San Francisco Bay Area. I grew up around Black women with two parent homes we’re everywhere. He must be running after groupies.
    The true Black woman that I am doesn’t exist in his world. He doesn’t even know I exist. But I do, I’m everywhere. He should just say, he prefer white women over black women and leave it at that Real-Talk

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    1. Yep, but that would mean that he doesn’t love himself. He doesn’t want to draw criticism on his own issues just black women. I know plenty of black women who were brought up in two parent homes and plenty of white women that were brought up in single parent homes. Life happens. People die or divorce and people choose not to remarry. It’s okay.

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      1. You’re absolutely right. I try to let ignorance like this go over my head, but boy, his comments wound me up. (Kiss me teeth). Rude. How dare he? I’m sick of “black women have too much mouth” and the like. Women in general didn’t come with a remote! (And breathe…). As long as women stick together against guys like this, he’ll always be proven wrong.

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  15. First, according to the NY Post, it appears that the respondee to Trail’s question, (Ricardo Agnant, aka “Maserati Rick,” is neither affiliated with the Miami Dolphins nor the NFL (see link below). Even so, let’s say that what he said was not an invented story like his professional career, it is likely that his perspective was shaped by both Black & White women he dated and encountered. In essence, his experiences defined his worldview and became his reality.

    As OmanFuqua pointed out, Rick could have simply stated that white women are his preference, which most reasonable people would not object to. What I found most interesting about those comments, however, is not only the manner by which Rick objectified all women, but also how prevalent those beliefs are among both men and women in society.

    https://nypost.com/2017/03/27/fake-nfl-player-catfished-women-with-ghastly-con/

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    1. Hi Josiah, thanks for commenting. Yep, I added that piece about him not being an athlete having been reported at the bottom. I totally get that your perspective is shaped by your experiences and that’s where I offer the question…When are you going to get new experiences? I don’t care who you date, what I hate is when a black man wants to divide women along the lines of race or crap on black women. I’ve had A LOT of bad experiences with black men, but I don’t go around bashing them. I believe that there are good and bad people in all shapes, sizes and color. We don’t deserve to be disrespected by the same men that are supposed to have our back. We’ve got to do better. My expectation is that he really needs to focus on getting his life and not trying to run game instead of trying to preach about women. I don’t trust people that lie about who they are. Your character is more valuable than you can ever imagine.

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      1. Hi Tikeetha! On a macro level, Rick’s position is a narrative that is being told continually and continuously. Hollywood, the entertainment industry, and the mainstream media have been perpetuating this falsehood about Black women being out of control and White women as symbols of virtue for quite some time. Unfortunately, this idea is something that many have accepted at true, and “new experiences” might take a while to change that patently distorted belief. Nonetheless, those of us with a more holistic worldview can begin to model and effect positive change in our own concentric circles as it relates to how all women should be viewed and treated.

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  16. I know we’re supposed to be all Girl Scout Cookies and let’s hold hands around the fire, but I want this to end like yesterday. Like a start over button for the minds of everyone out there who thinks that a person’s color is going to dictate how great your relationship is. It totally frustrates the toe nail polish off of my nails when I speak to black men about this and it’s like, “Oh well, white women just know when to stop arguing and to just accept what is…blah blah blah blah blah blah BLAHHHHHH”

    I stop listening because I’m thinking…you want to be treated like an individual who contributes, who’s quote unquote…THE MAN…but you ain’t paying no bills, you don’t have a job or aren’t trying to get one, you don’t clean or fold laundry, you don’t cook (but can eat all day), you want to sex up folks (but don’t want to stay to take care of them or the babies you make because you’re not ready)….Like….don’t say “Oh why ya’ll jump to that?”
    We jump to that because we get on the defensive when we’re called stubborn, nagging, don’t-know-they-place, full of attitude black women.

    OKKAYYYYY. Let’s pause. You want me to give you respect. As a person, yes, but if you live in this house and don’t pay no bills, or clean, or do anything other than eat, sleep, use the bathroom, and freak me…naw shawty. I’m not your Mom, or shawty doo whop up the street. So, I will call you out if you fall off from contributing. I’m going to nag you about leaving a pee ring around the toilet. I’m going to come home from work, like “So we not cooking dinner now? You been home all day.” Oh…but you want me to know how to cook, clean, and keep house? How does that work? Sounds like a double standard.

    Like, I’m sure some are like, why you with a dude who doesn’t have a job? Oh you mean the time you basically made it seem like you were amazing until I brought you home? You mean when you complained that I should look past the loss of your job and look at your potential and dreams? Or how I should hold you down? You mean that…Because it sounds like you fooled me, I took a chance, and you disappointed me. But okay.

    Makes me want to spit. We could go on, but I’m stepping off this soap box before I break it.

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  18. Oh heck to the no! He was incredibly offensive to both gender and race! His ignorance is degrading, but strong women like us can stand up, dust off our shoulders, and empower the next woman to the same. Well said, dear T!!

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  20. Totally with you on this one, and that includes any women of any color or nationality, especially those who have had to find the strength to be single mothers.

    Attaching a stigma to a woman who has survived a broken home, either in childhood or as an adult, is like looking down on those who are poor. It’s pure victim-blaming, and if I could find a way to tear this smug, self-complacent ideology out by the roots, I would.

    We should celebrate the strength it takes to survive this kind of thing, not ostracize women who have lived through it.

    I would be proud to be considered a kindred spirit/sister by anyone on this blog. I can’t stop the mindlessness that is racism, which is just another form of victim-blaming, other than to drop my pebble by speaking out. Thanks for doing that here.

    Sharing this on social media, too. 🙂

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    1. Yes, it is. I don’t look down on anyone. Everyone’s experience is different and if you don’t look like what you came through then you know it is because of God. Trying to divide us will only make us fight harder to unite. Ignorance I tell you. Thank you so much for sharing.

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  21. Far out! I can’t even believe race would come into that argument! Completely agree with you, communication is everything and how a relationship between two people functions has nothing to do with race. There is no need to pit people against each other in this way. How are we to expect to achieve equality for everybody when this kind of nonsense is being spread around!?

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  24. It’s funny he mentions black woman are raised in broken homes…in which homes are black men raised? It sounds like he is looking for a woman who bows to him and is not assertive. His post is an insult to all females because his view on woman is so outdated. He will be single soon.

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  25. Pingback: Black Women vs. White Women — A Thomas Point of View – learnaswegrow74

    1. Agreed. Don’t do fix up projects sis. It’s not your job to support a man financially in any way. I can support you by listening and motivating, but I will not financially support you.

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  28. Having read only a set few number of your posts, I am genuinely looking forward to reading more. This blog posts struck my attention first. I really do think the idea of black men preferring black women is bs that’s been exaggerated by the media. I can’t speak for my entire gender or race but what I can say is that mean re just as diverse as women when it comes to preferences. Secondly, that athlete in the picture, yeah that joker, he’s an a-hole, I tightly wound a-hole filled with far too much waste to think properly, he needs to loosen up.
    Everything he says about black women and women women is wrong. The only thing he presents is his own arrogance and the possibility of not being raised properly by his own mother, which I’m sure is black. Stubborn? Her role? The man sounds insecure, and if the pun is so appropriately fitting – he sounds like an insecure little b*tch. The man sounds afraid of black women if anything.
    Your take on this however, I really respect. And I agree with you on all your views.
    Feel free to drop by my blog, I can’t promise posts on black women and white women differences, but I can promise posts on women in general. and hipsters, and other entertaining stuff. Either way i think your blog is terrific and posts like this especially.

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