2017 advice children coparenting divorce parenting relationships

I Broke

Tikeetha TMby
44 Comments on I Broke

I’ve always been honest with you about my co-parenting struggles. The relationship with my ex-husband is sometimes unnerving, antagonistic and dysfunctional to say the best. I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting.

I received a certified notice at my house in January. It was a certified letter from my ex’s cousin. I opened it up and in it was a Writ of Summons. He was petitioning the court to modify the custody arrangements. I cried.

I couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t even send me an email or try to communicate with me about his wishes before trying to take me to court. Nine months after custody was finalized he was trying to change it. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t object in March of last year.

I called Mr. C. I was a wreck. Between tears and anguish, I poured out my heart. I screamed “You see why I don’t trust him? Why would he betray me like this?” He said “Babe, calm down.”

I couldn’t. I couldn’t be calm. I had to get a handle on my life right now. I struggled to breathe. How could he do this to me? This is ridiculous.

I have physical custody of my son. My ex-husband has a visitation schedule with joint legal. I talked about this in my post last year entitled Closed. He knew that I was filing for sole physical custody. It was in the best interest of Munch. I never hid that from him. I wanted to modify the visitation schedule we were doing with every other week due to his health issues. He agreed.

I told him that I would give him time to let me know what he would like and proposed a Thursday to Monday every other week. I told him that I was open and to please let me know what he wanted to do. He said “Okay. I’m going to trust you. I’m going to trust that you’re not trying to keep my son from me.” I’ve kept up my end of the bargain.

I’ve never kept him from his son. Never. He came back to me a few months after the divorce was final and said he didn’t want to adjust the schedule. He wanted to keep it as is. Trying to appear fair and level headed and not the controlling b*tch that he’s called me, I agreed.

Best of interest of Munch. I allowed him to keep Thanksgiving and Easter. I offered him the opportunity to spend time with his son on Christmas Day too.  Any additional times he wanted to take Munch out of town or just be present in his life. Yep. I have no problem with that either. That’s his dad.

Best interest of Munch.

That is what I kept telling myself. It is in the best interest of Munch. The many arguments, the threats, the name calling. I’ve endured it all. I never harass him about payment for expenses and I don’t ask for child support. We agreed to equally support Munch. It’s not equal. I pay for medical expenses, dental expenses, swim lessons, tutoring, guitar, soccer and any and all equipment needed.

His response was “You never tell me how much stuff costs.” I sighed and responded “You know it’s not free. When I asked you before you said you didn’t know when you could give me the money.” I let it go. I didn’t worry about it.

Munch was my responsibility. I had primary physical custody. I can’t complain about the many expenses outside of the $150 a month he pays towards Munch’s childcare. I would take care of it. I adapt. I adjust my spending. I adjust and keep it moving. Allow my son to learn and love both parents equally.

I don’t say no to the things he needs or the experiences he wants. I figure it out. Alone. I just make sure that my son has the experiences he wants. I didn’t have that when I was growing up. My son would never know what that is like.

I submitted my response to the courts last month. I had 30 days. New information was presented to me. I amended my response and submitted it to the courts. I mailed everything to him. Now, we have to do what I thought we never wanted to do…allow the courts to decide what is best for Munch.

Today is the day that the courts have to be in our business and choose for our son. Am I happy about it? Nope. Am I surprised? Honestly, nope. Did I wish for better? Yeah. But, this is the luck of the draw. I chose this situation when I ended my marriage and this is where I find myself. Accepting responsibilities for my choices and fighting for the best interest of my child.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

44 comments

      1. Yes, I certainly understand the struggle…every time the enemy begins to whisper put some Word on him, do the warfare your mom reminded you of and refuse to believe his report. God is working it Munch’s good…and yours! :-):-) 🙂

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  11. Sending prayers your way. I know how you are feeling. The fear, the regret, the fight welling up inside. Trust that God has your son’s best interest at heart. He loves him more than you do (no matter how hard that is to believe). That’s how I reassure myself. 🙂

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    1. Nope, he wants the custody to change to joint physical to allow his girlfriend to pick up Munch. Girl, we were thrown a wrench yesterday in court. Please read today’s post. Thank you for your kind words. They are so appreciated.

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  16. Sis, I am so sorry that you are having to go though this.
    I feel like I can say this since you were so open and honest in this post.
    You really need to get a formal child support order. I say this because I’ve been down that road where I tried the whole informal thing but baby you have to think about what might happen if he gets married and his spouse has a child.
    Trust me, wifey will want her child to come first–I don’t care how nice she seems.
    From experience, I can tell you that I had to make sure that my son was taken care of–legally!
    Sis, I am praying for you.
    I saw the scriptures that your mother pointed to in your Monday motivation post and those are heavy hitters. Here is another one for you and Munch that was shared with me- it was written by James Dillet:
    The light of God surrounds us;
    The love of God enfolds us;
    The power of God protects us;
    The presence of God watches over us;
    Wherever we are, God is!
    And so it is!

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  18. Good luck, keep your emotions in check and know that tnwill work out the best for everyone and it will. I had my ex, his kids, and his girlfriend over for dinner last night. We have one child together and he had two more with his second wife. My daughters half sisters have sleepovers at our house. I’m like an aunt to them. Even when my ex drove me nuts I still tried to keep the peace. It’s not easy, never has been. There’s a reason why you got divorced. But you’re right, it’s all for the kid. And what you model now for them they’ll grow up to replicate. The goal is bigger than you and you are bigger than the problem. You’ll find the lighted path and make it work for all of you. Amen.

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  19. Pingback: Failure of the Court – A Thomas Point of View

  21. Since I’m finally catching up with you today I’ll check for the follow up. I wish I had half the kid time Munch’s dad gets already. It’s a frightening feeling leaving it up to a judge.

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