Yesterday, I posted Real Men Lead about how to know whether or not a man can lead. Now, I want to talk about women submitting. As stated in yesterday’s post…you should only submit to your spouse. Not your boyfriend.
Is it hard? Yep, but you have to know that submission is what is required for a union to work. You can’t solely focus on the ring and the wedding and miss the signs that the man can’t or won’t lead you. He has to be able to lead the family.
I know that when Mr. C and I marry that I will be able to submit. Why? I’m older and wiser now. When I married last, I remember the pastor saying that a “house can’t have two kings Tikeetha. You have to submit.” I laughed and said “I’ll submit. He’s the head, but I’m the neck.” He sighed.
I didn’t realize what I was doing. I didn’t accept my husband’s role in the marriage and I didn’t understand my own. That is something that I’m so serious about this time. Letting a man of God lead our family. I am vowing to give that to Mr. C.
Many of you may be asking how I can knowingly submit to this man. I’ll tell you how, two reasons:
- Because I prayed to God to send me Mr. C. and HE did. Mr. C is my answered prayer
- Because the Bible tells me too.
Women, we need to understand that our role in a marriage is not to break or destroy our men, but to be their rib. Your rib protects your vital organs. We need to protect him. We can’t lead our house. That is our husband’s job. We need to submit to his leadership. Can you?
If you are struggling to submit to his leadership maybe it’s because you don’t trust his leadership and if you don’t trust his leadership then why did you marry him? It’s something you need to ask yourself. You need to work together to get back on track because trust is fundamental in a marriage. If there is no trust you can’t operate with one mindset that the marriage is the of the utmost priority in the household. Your goals for the family must be in alignment.
If you examine where you are with trust, it may be time to seek out professional counseling to work on rebuilding and securing your strong foundation. You two deserve to have a great marriage and you just need to be willing to put in the work. A good marriage requires two people willing to work at it.
Now, if you are not married and looking for guidance as to what you need to do in order to submit. I want to offer this disclaimer: You can’t make someone submit. You can’t. If you are married and your wife is choosing not to submit you can’t force her. You can suggest counseling because there are issues that your wife may be dealing with because submission is not something she wants to do.
Just like in my last marriage, I will offer this advice I received “A home can’t have two kings.” I know some women may be thinking “Well, I’m not a king, but a queen and I can do it by myself.” Then I offer this…“Why didn’t you stay single and run your own queendom?” Marriage is a partnership and you must understand your role.
5 Things You Must Know Before Submitting:
- You have to deal with your own issues before marriage. Making sure that you are mentally healthy and ready for the partnership and unity. Deal with any trust issues you have. Your husband should not pay for the problems of the past. Work them out in therapy and enter your marriage mentally healthy and ready to submit.
- You are the rib. You are not the head. You are not leading the marriage. You are supposed to understand that it is a partnership and that your marriage is a priority. Let him lead and be the support. You have to support your husband. Support his choices and decisions knowing that he is following God and will do what is best for the family. Protect him from harm. Have his back and love him through both his good and bad days.
- You will sometimes feel alone in your submission. But, you’re not. Ultimately, what is happening is that when you submit to your husband, you are submitting to the will of God and that will is what is working in your marriage. You have to trust this and trust your husband.
- Submission means willing to receive direction. Your husband is directing the family because he can’t do it on his own. Realistically speaking, he shouldn’t. It takes two people to make sure that your foundation is firm and your bond unbreakable. Allow him to delegate and follow his lead.
- Submission allows your husband to love you completely. If he’s not competing for the role of leader he can love you and focus on the best interest of the family. That means that he will be invested in protecting his family. The family unit stays in tact when you both are working towards the common goal that marriage is a journey and you’re not in a rush to get to the destination.
Savor it sis. Let the man love and lead you the way you’re supposed to be loved. Be giving. Be gracious and be submissive.
Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.
A Thomas Point of View 
I have a hard time understanding that concept of submitting, I must confess… why submit? Why not work together? Why wouldn’t one partner be a better leader in some areas but the other one could take the leadership in other areas? Also, it is possible that the man can be the rib and the woman the head… many different ways of working things out…
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I agree with your comment. I grew up in strict household that based everything off of the Bible. This is an old mindset to me.
I believe in modern day teamwork. I have no doubt I will marry my boyfriend and we’re equals. Everyone does yard work, everyone does housework. Nothing is determined by gender.
After raising three kids alone I have a dominating personality and am used to leading. My boyfriend loves it since he has always has to lead before and can finally relax now. I think the submit/lead is a one-size doesn’t fit all concept.
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Submission doesn’t mean that you aren’t working together I think that’s the biggest misconception submission means that you are following your husband’s lead because you know your husband is being led by Christ if you don’t truly trust your husband then it’s harder for you to follow that doesn’t mean you give up your individuality or you have no voice or that you don’t matter those may be insecurities it means you can’t run the house and be the captain of it and expect him to do the same it’s a partnership think about it in terms of the monarchy one person rules both of royalty both matter remember in the Bible we were taken and created from Adam’s Rib not the other way around
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Hi thanks for clarifying. It still doesn’t speak to me, most likely because we aren’t a Christian household I guess. But I understand what you say and I respect that it works for you 🙂
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No worries. Our differences are which make us great. I completely understand. I want you to do what you feel works for you. I would never tell any one how to handle their marriage.
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Beautifully said.
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I am also having a hard time wrapping my head around the word submit. Been there done that didn’t like. I view marriage as a partnership where we are both equals. I trust my fiance with all of me but when I hear submit I think that’s just controlling. However, each of us will do what we believe is best for them!
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Why do you think it’s controlling the reason I’m asking is because I was raised by a single parent which meant that I had no choice but to grow up strong and independent not expecting anything from a man men hate that not that they don’t care and love strong personalities but if you make them feel as their you don’t need them to do anything even if it’s to open up a jar it kind of makes them feel like crap even if you have to fake it but as a strong woman I didn’t know how to fake it cuz there wasn’t a man to fake it with what I will say is me submitting to my husband is because I am honoring Christ because I know that my husband is being led by Christ that doesn’t mean I’m not going to work that doesn’t mean I’m not going to have a voice that doesn’t mean he’s controlling none of these things are there because I worked on my own issues to know that the man that I love and Trust was sent to me by God no doubt about it God has confirmed it for me so submission is me saying God I’m thanking you for what you gave me because I know that the man you gave me is being led by you and I’m following that lead and loving you through that I’m still going to be a good person I’m still going to be a good wife I’m still going to be a good mother or sister friend daughter but I’m honoring what God gave me
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I’m sure most of my way to thinking these days is based on my last abuse. My ex used to use religion as one of his many forms of trying to control and manipulate me.
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Oh, I totally understand then. Girl, sometimes we have to have a funeral for the men that we’ve moved on from. Put alll their negativity, lies, abuse into a box and bury that bitch in the yard, have a dog piss on it for good measure. You are so wonderful and God sent you a great man that makes you happy. We’ve been blessed to move beyond our past.
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Trust I am working on it!
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I’m reading the comments above and I understand where you ya are coming from
I be thinking the same thing about marrige.
I do believe the partnership should be viewed as 50/50.
Everything should be split down the middle.
The only thing I understand where the husband comes to taking the lead is as far as protecting his wife.
I do belive he should do whatever it takes to protect his wife and children.
I do believe a woman want a man that can keep them safe.
But in all others areas ev erything should be split down the middle as far as bills, chores, cooking dinner, deciding where to take family vacation.
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As a wife, I’ll also do everything in my power to protect my husband and my children, though… doesn’t it go both ways?
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It does no double standard here
Men and Women are created equal.
Only said because I wouldn’t hide behind my wife or anybody.
I would be the first to protect her.
I wouldn’t hide behind her and do nothing when danger approaches.
But there’s no double standard on my end and a wife can protect h er husband.
Actually wife and husband should work together to protect the children
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Thanks for the clarification 🙂
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It does. A man leading is going to protect his family. Just because he leads doesn’t mean he’s going to run from danger. His job is to protect his family because God has told him to.
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In many cases things are not split down the middle unless you and your spouse make the same amount of money but it isn’t fair for one person who makes substantially less to split things down the middle the reality is marriage is work it is to people who are committed to the marriage the institution and their family to help it I don’t believe just because a man leads that his wife shouldn’t do anything she should also contribute his leading is not him bullying or controlling her or being the only one working his leading is I am going to lead our family because I’m strong enough and I’m led by God to be able to handle things that doesn’t mean I’m not going to dictate to you or have you handle things because that’s what you are but not you telling me what to do and leaving the family and me falling in line I’m a feminist but I do believe that we should also honor some traditions because I believe in God in the Bible and the traditional acts of marriage the problem though is many of us come from broken homes where we have seen women have to raise their children on their own or men have to raise the daughters on their own and we kind of don’t know what our role is society has changed a lot I get it but we should be able to work it out I adressed in earlier post how you can handle bills but the way me and my boyfriend have decided to do it is the 80-20 rule 80% of our salary will go into the joint account 20% will be our personal spending but if you can’t trust your husband with your money how can you trust him to lead your family
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This is going to be a long response just letting you know.
Everybody on here are making excellent points on here.
This is how I feel everybody have their own marrige to worry about
In some cases some people believe that men should lead in marrige, others believe that everything should be split 50/50.
As far money goes, you do make a point because it’s not fair for one person who makes substantially less to split things down the middle with the other spouse who makes a whole alot more. But I’m just thinking though, let’s I’m married and I have a wife and I make a whole alot more than she does and I paid 85% of the bills, now what if I get laid off from my job and she doesn’t make that much money then whtlat are we suppose to do?
That why I said everything should be 50/50 .
Money is not crucial but I would perfer to have wife who makes around the same amount of money as I do just my opinion.
Not saying you are like this and it’s not wrong for a wife or husband to do this but I believe no spouse rather wife or husband should depend on the other to pay most of the bills.
Just because nothing is never guaranteed and if one spouse lose their than the other spouse can kind of pick up the slack for a little while paying the bills.
If this don’t make sense then u can tell me your opinion.
As far everything being 50/50 in a marrige this is what I believe and you can give your opinion after you read my reply
Now I guess some women have a problem with a man taking the lead and everything should be 50/50 and I can understand that
Now for women in this world that have a problem with men taking the lead and everything should be 50/50, my question is if you see a handsome guy in public would you approach him, ask for his number, pick him up and take out for a 1st date and pay him?
If all the answers to this question are yes then you know what I have no problem with women staying everything 50/50 in marrige in fact they could even take the lead half the time.
I brought that because alot women believe that it’s not lady like to make the 1st move and the men should be the one that should do the approaching, take them out and pay for the first date.
Now I agree with everybody’s reply on this post I can see this in all point of views.
Alot of women complain it’s hard to find a real man, but when a real man comes around and try to lead alot of them don’t allow that to happen making it difficult for him.
Again apologize for this long response but just had alot to say.
Me as a man I guess I have no problem taking the lead but I do want a strong independent woman that will speak up and take charge as well and we will work together to lead our children
Again everbody that replied all make great points nobody is wrong here. We just all have a different way of looking at things
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Yep, long response. LOL. So, I will say this…I don’t date anyone making within 10,000 less than me. It was a requirement, so I agree that if you are in the same tax bracket that it won’t seem as a bad if you should lose your job and the spouse has to cover it. I don’t approach men first, I believe in the old fashioned courting and happily in love with a man that did just that. He split everything down the middle in his last marriage and he said it would bother him when she didn’t have her half. He made more than 2x’s her salary. That’s a problem. How could she afford that? Our salaries are comparable and we’ve discussed that when we marry we will do an 80/20 split. That means that 80% of our check will go into the household account and 20% is our play money. No arguments and one person doesn’t feel like they are carrying the relationship financial. That will bring resentment in a marriage. If you are going to marry someone who makes substantially less than you then you should do another method that works for your house. The person that makes the most pays the bigger bills, etc. But, that doesn’t mean that the man can’t lead. His mindset and faith determines his ability to lead the family.
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This was great blog very well written and I understand and at the end of the day it’s your marrige and do what’s best for you ☺☺
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Absolutely.
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Also just to through this out there , there’s a big difference between taking the lead and just be too controlling .
Some men do abuse their power when taking leadership.
Men have to understand that taking the lead means that he still have to listen, support, and his wife to make her own choices
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Which is why I wrote in my post yesterday a man has to be free from his mental illnesses or insecurities to be able to lead you there is a difference between a controlling person and a man whose address any insecurities that leads his family
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I’ll read that post some time today and give feedback
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I think the reason the word “submit” gets a bad rep is because many people we may have been required to submit to in our past lives abused that honor.
I grew up in a verbally abusive environment as a child. I was required to submit to the adults in the family as children are but they were also abusive. So if I was to go my whole life without tackling those demons from my past I would have a negative reaction to the word submission too. Other times women who have been in relationships with controlling men have been forced to submit and that leaves a bad tastes in women’s mouth too.
Overall I think the concept of submission has been abused not the act itself. I think the act of submission is healthy when you are submitting to a loving man that knows how to lead AND HAS YOUR BEST INTEREST AT HEART. Understanding the man’s motives is key. That is the only way that you know the act of submission will not be abused.
I think both parties in a marriage submit to each other, there is plenty of give or take, one party may be stronger in a certain area than others, etc; but overall I think it is the woman who submits to the man’s leadership out of the basic order of things. The man is the head, if he is not abusing his authority and you trust his leadership submission should not be a problem.
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Yep. So true when you said…Other times women who have been in relationships with controlling men have been forced to submit and that leaves a bad tastes in women’s mouth too. Stop submitting to boyfriends and know who you are before marriage. We have to choose better partners.
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