2017 advice children parenting relationships

It’s the Mother’s Fault

Tikeetha TMby
19 Comments on It’s the Mother’s Fault

I’m so tired of society blaming all the problems of the world on the backs of mothers. We are not responsible for everything that happens in this world. We create life, but as men remind us we couldn’t do so without them. So, based off that fact, wouldn’t it be fair to say that we equally share in creating and influencing our children?

I saw this post in one of my FaceBook groups and was astonished at the comments:

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Why? Aren’t both equally dangerous to the well being of a child? Children require two healthy parents to love and influence them. Mental health is often overlooked in both parents. People who should get help deny their is something wrong with them, but the statistics support that most people are suffering from some sort of depression.

I grew up without a father in my life and I disagree with his statement. It did more damage than good. My mother by no means was toxic, but him not supporting his children financially, spiritually or mentally put all the work on her and she just focused on raising us. I had a hole in my heart because my dad abandoned me.

That played itself out in the men I chose and had relationships with. Some were really good men who could see that my father’s abandonment was playing with me. They didn’t take advantage. They just loved and supported. Others did take advantage. Those were the losers that I was unfortunate enough to be linked too.

Blame shifting when it comes to our children and what is in the best interest serves no one. It only allows those that see nothing wrong with their behavior to blame someone else for them not stepping up to the plate with a knife and a fork.

Our society tends to seek to destroy instead of build up one another. The family unit is damaged and it is sickening to believe that the mental health of men promoting hate propaganda and excusing negative behaviors in men is better for our children. Both a toxic parent and an absentee parent are detrimental to the children.

We need to understad that how children are raised and the traumas they experience in childhood will carry over in their adult lives. It’s a fact. It’s not assumption. Every thing that you’re doing now could be traced back to an event that made you that way. Good, bad or indifferent your past matters. Your experiences matter. They help shape the person that you are.

Children need their parents. Both mothers and fathers. But, you have to do the work to heal yourself from the past traumas you’ve experienced or it will manifest itself in the rearing of your children. Be active, be accountable and be mentally capable of raising great individuals.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

19 comments

  1. I agree all children need their parents, the woman can’t have a child without the seed of a man. The man is the one who carry the seed and without seed things die. I thank God for both parents, it is time for mans and women to wake up. Love everyone peace and blessings

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  2. Oh yeah! Everything that went wrong with our children was my fault. Absentee father and overbearing mama.
    My son is an alcoholic and of course, it’s my fault.
    I had never had a drink in my life, nor had my parents or their parents but I had an alcoholic uncle….so he got the “gene” from me.
    Never mind that his daddy is an alcoholic, his daddy’s mama is an alcoholic and so on…it’s my fault.
    Yep…it’s always the mamas’ fault. BULLSHIT!

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      5. Sis, I don’t even know their children. Loser said the youngest of my middle daughter is turning 3. The only time I’ve ever gotten to see her was when she was a week old. I’ll just be known as the “crazy grandma” to them. Who wants to know a crazy person?

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      6. I get it. But, there is hope. When you don’t know your family there is always that gnawing feeling that something is missing. They’ll want to know you sis. You’re amazing. Your stories should be bound and left as presents for them.

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  3. I totally agree! I have waves with my children where they’re either amazingly good or it’s weeks of me wanting to cry while simultaneously pulling all my hair out. I am the only parent my children have and I recently told my boyfriend that I think I finally understand shtty parents. Bad parents are bad because it’s easy! No matter what a parent who’s doing their best does, it’s never enough! And yet, I’d do it all over it again because they give my life pizazz.

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  4. So true, some women say I’m going to be the woman and the man for my children. That is not possible. I was beating my eight year old son like a man one day and he looked up at me and hollered Mama. He looked at me and said Mama. He’s witnessing a woman beating him like a man. That wasn’t right and it never happened again. I had to raise my son and stay in A Woman’s Place. I didn’t know any better I was a young mother trying to give my son everything that he needed to become a man.

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    1. But, your owning it and sharing your story is powerful. Both parents need to play an active role in their child’s lives. However, some of us have no choice in whether people leave or stay and we are doing it on our own.

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  5. Both my parents were “there,” but both absentee parents just the same. They were self-centered and selfish. What a pair. Both were so unhappy in their marriage, and lives as a whole, they could not see past their own unhappiness. My parents were abusive. I vowed never to be that kind of parent to my children, and I wasn’t. It’s not that I didn’t make mistakes, according to my 21 year old, I made plenty. My point, we can only do the best we can – whether our children have one parent or two. A family unit (Mom, Dad, kids) looks very different now than it did when I was a kid – and my family unit was not so hot. Whatever parent you have(Mother/Father, two Moms, two Dads), as long as any parent loves you, fight for you, support you, and does their best for you – you’ll turn out terrific.

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  6. This right here! Man. No accountability for anything. its funny how when the kids are successful, we usually don’t get the praise. lol Anything good is downplayed.

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