Are men "more emotional" or have men's emotions been repressed all this time by socialization and conditioning?
Are men “more emotional” now? Or, have men’s emotions been repressed all this time by socialization, tradition, norms, rearing, and conditioning?
A few questions
Why do you see men dying much faster than women outside our reluctance to visit the doctor? Why do you see so many men dying of depression and hypertension? Why do you see far more men (than women) shooting up schools and committing mass murders?
In his article about male violence, Jesse J. Prinz of Psychology Today says:
Men perpetrate about 90 percent of the world’s homicides and start all of the wars. A recent article in a prominent science journal contends that evolution has shaped men to be warriors. More specifically, the authors claim that men are biologically programmed to form coalitions that aggress against neighbors, and they do so in order to get women, either through force or by procuring resources that would make them more desirable. The male warrior hypothesis is alluring because it makes sense of male violence, but it is based on a dubious interpretation of the science.
The numbers are alarmingly slanted towards men vs women. You see men in movies and on television running around killing 1000 people without dropping one tear. That is the reality men have to live up too. Be like that guy! Hard, no-fear, no pain, no hurt. Be sophisticated and savvy like James Bond, never waver, do not let any man beat you at anything. Photo Credit: Jordan Whitt
Well shit… I hurt, I feel pain, and I wanna cry (sometimes) dammit. So call me a punk. Call me less than a man.
Emotional athletes
What about sports? We label these men as, “warriors.” Until…. you see them crying on the sideline .
Then, you say….”he’s being too emotional.” You look at this man, as, well… “less than a man.” Why? Because he’s in touch with his emotions and the other men aren’t? Or, maybe because society doesn’t let men cry. So, as result, you see repressed emotion on the field. The only emotions these men show is anger and aggression. That’s what we pay for right? Gladiators. Well, even Gladiators had feelings.
To make matters worse
You see young boys being taught they shouldn’t cry, don’t be a punk, you’re a sissy if you express yourself, don’t talk too much, “get-up (from a fall) that didn’t hurt!” Meanwhile we embrace the exact opposite in women. Women live longer and more fulfilling lives as a result. Societal pressures have doomed men. This was inevitable. Women have begun to jilt their societal and traditional “garb” and have traded up for business suits, careers, expression, aggression, leadership, stabilization of finances, and independence. I applaud these women for having the courage to go against the grain.. and I side-eye, sneer and laugh at the men that don’t accept them.
Basically, there is a shift going on. Not women becoming stronger than men. Not men becoming more “feminine.” Just humans realizing that we were created to evolve.
I’d say a great deal of this change has to do with identification, largely expressed by my own generation – millennials, and how they “wish to be different”. Emotional men, gender neutral, Bi-this, Bi-that, sexual preference this, body-that – it’s all one of the same. For the most part I think it’s all first-world problem BS of modern day 20 year olds going through existential phases of boredom. But honestly, that’s just me, my thoughts – old values, child of the 90s, I’m set in the old ways. From that perspective, I’m not keen on the idea of being around emotional guys. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of hate for this, or that I’m too closed-minded, but I believe in a man being a protector, a warrior, and a strong example both physically and mentally for both sons and daughters. That’s not to say women can’t be neither, as I consider my own mother as strong as they come. Let women (mothers) be a father figure if need be.
But feminine men, why? Women are here to be feminine as that’s the uniqueness of their biology as well as characteristics. As a man I’m attracted to women, because they’re feminine. Men are masculine, it’s part of our biology. Not saying men shouldn’t cry, that’s natural. But at the same time I don’t feel bad in saying that as a man, there’s nothing wrong with jugging back alcohol, arm-wrestling in bars, and punching our bros for fun. Call me a testosterone asshole but there’s certain things that shouldn’t ever be changed (about both genders) because that’s why both genders are unique.
Some of this issue, phase, whatever we want to call it (probably a trend) some of it is universal and some of it is personal to the individual. But coming from where I’m from, you had to be that guy who could take a punch, couldn’t be a sissy, couldn’t be a punk. At the same time I was given full freedom throughout parental upbringing to express myself (art, writing, etc.) but as boy into a man. Im sure many were raised the same way, and some the complete opposite. But the real problem I see within this shift of “men becoming more emotional and feminine, unique this blabla, express blabla” is that people are acting as though there was anything wrong with the way men behaved prior. Ladies were attracted to that…as I said; phase & trends (albeit on a much more crucial scale. Detrimental I’d say)
As for women leading more fulfilling lives “business suits, careers, expression, aggression, leadership, stabilization of finances, and independence.” etc. I don’t fully agree with that. As I still believe (know) there’s still a large racial divide between the way black men and black women are perceived in contrast to white women and white men – whereby the ideal image of finance, independence, careers etc. is in favour of whites. With black women specifically, they experience this the hardest.
…I realized at went off on one there (my bad) probably wrote too much. That being said, I respect your views (otherwise I wouldn’t be following).
I definitely understand where you’re coming from. It’s really all about choice. Masculine energy vs what amount of feminine energy you’d like to exude. I believe that as men we need to be able to release. The contradiction to that is… we were taught and socialized to “repress” those feelings and emotions. As a result, some of us choose to do it through sex, working-out, playing sports, etc. In other’s those pent-up emotions manifest negatively.
However, there is the emotional release of pain, heartache, stress, unresolved conflict, fatherhood, finances, etc. You know… life. We can still be masculine as ever, and be able to show how we feel and not be judged or ostracized for dropping some tears because we’re, “over-it.” I’ve always said, it takes more strength to cry than it does to hold the tears back.
I honestly believe that some of this societal “teachings”? that we suppress some of this energy is for the good. Not all but some. I really do feel like in this day and age, men in particular only want to be “different” and “open to expression” because of 1st world problems and sheer boredom.
My generation – millennials – where this is most common – is largely a generation lacking in backbone. Millennials have tougher lives than the generation prior. I don’t think anyone will dispute that, but at the same time, adapt and overcome. The term “Be a Man” I feel should stand for something now, more than ever.
And by that I mean the fathers of those that came before. The ones that knew smacking a child when they’re acting up, and teaching them to “not be a punk” is how to get stronger. Because in life, there’s going to be plenty of smacks knocking at their door. And it’s only through masculine energy that they’ll overcome it.
Apply that to boys and girls equally, but millennials are soft (some) and that’s why they can’t handle their emotions nowadays.
Good post Kal. I like what you have to say. While I like metrosexuals (lol!) and gender benders to a point, deep down as a Gen Xer I actually like a man who is strong, emotionally intelligent but not dramatic, who knows his own mind and who respects all people. Obviously other traits – no anger management issues or other violent behaviour. Being a grown-arse man and responsible/accountable is more important than a lot of things.
confirmed. I was born a generation late. What’s the term used by my own? Hater. I’m a hater of my own Gen. I’m going to be that 70 year old rocking in his chair with an iron dumbbell in one hand and a firm grip of a woman’s cheeks in the other, screaming “back in my day…wimps, the men became wimps”…chomping through a sirloin steak, while the “openly expressive” Brock’s and Liam’s of the world discuss mental health issues and girl talk, discussing if it’s finally time to feminize the lumberjack shirt. OMG right? Shoot me now.
Mann…. i was born in the right generation and raised in the right area. It was all a part of God’s design. I also have this futuristic way of thinking so I could be born in 2020 grow up and still flow with those people. The best challenges are imparting this knowledge on millennials. Those conversations are epic.
I expect a crowd full of hipsters, crying men, and falsely entitled teenage girls discussing which mental health issue they’d like to be for the day. No doubt they’ll all be equally divided amongst four different genders, brainstorming equality rights for animal lives matter.
Word. I am definitely attracted to manly men, but there HAS to be that balance. Men have to know when and how to turn off Brutus and say “hey, I need help or “I have to take a break today.” That’s where we women come in.
And I only read this longass response cuz I saw it was you hehe
Lol @ “brutus” the old Popeye reference coming down. There needs to be a delicate balance there. Control and understanding. So many men are missing these qualities.
Aww shucks. Thanks, And Kelley you know when I go off on one it ain’t without justification. Word. haven’t heard that in years. I’m bringing that back.
A great point and message to get across! Most of us are aware of the societal “standards” and pressures placed on women, but not many are keen to the pressures on men. Overall, we must value lives and be as understanding of each other as we can.
I believe the “it’s a man’s world” narrative is often used whenever the issues men deal with are brought to the surface. Constant ignorance of male issues is why so many men choose to be emotionally insensitive. It’s what American society dictates. Unfortunate but true. Like you said, “we must value lives and be as understanding of each other as we can.”
Viva la Good Man Project! I read as many books and articles about manhood (if not more) than I do about any other topic because I am the mother of SONS!
It’s a man’s world. it’s a good thing james brown didnt release that song in this day and age. the estrogen military wouldve dragged him off the stage. “get down”
The emotional side of men are often forgotten or least cared by the programmed world where in everyone speak for “her” .. And sadly no one gains at the end neither the woman nor the men
Exactly… no one wins, everyone loses. This is something that we need to pay more attention to. Also, everyone probably knows a man who is currently dealing with emotional issues of some kind.
I’m ready.. but they’re not. My friend said he’s a sprinter and refuses to go to the grave full. I get that- living life to the fullest, but rest and self-care and expressing YOUR dreams and desires to someone who cares is just as important as studying, working hard and growing your business. Great post!
Yes Kelley… the issue is, men haven’t been taught this form of expression and suffer through manhood holding everything in because, “a man just handles ish.” True to some degree…. but not without emotional release.
Right. There’s that flip side you spoke on of domestic violence, promiscuity, road rage and the like. Things like this can be prevented or lessened with a little TLC.
Yes they can. A lot of things can avoided if people listen more these men are talking (on their own way). I’ve been in relationships where the other person didn’t listen and never caught the signs. Was a terrible feeling. I can only imagine how some men feel never having a person who just sat there and listened. Not to offer advice or fix him… just listen for understanding.
Male emotions have always been there. We’re just conditioned not to shows/express them, and this bottling up is detrimental – for some more than others!
I agree, they have always been there. However our society hasn’t been receptive to us showing them. Like you said, the bottling up is detrimental in many ways. Thanks for commenting!
I hope so! It’s about time for a major evolutionary shift, and that may just be the only thing that can save the human species at this point. Thanks for the discussion! Stop by my blog https://myquest.blog where I’ve been writing about similar topics.
Agree 100% I believe the evolutionary shift is upon us.. we’ve already witnessed this in women… it’s time for men to take the next step.
I will definitely check out your blog. Thanks for commenting!
Your words struck a chord. I always get this feeling that the close men in my life, whether relatives or friends are so restrained to show emotion about anything. Whatever stresses them out might be much easier for me to handle just because they’re taking it all in. I wish there was a guidebook to just tell them what to do and how to be more open and accepting of their emotions. Thank you for this amazing post. I enjoyed reading it 🙂
Thank you so much! I wrote this blog because I was one of those men. While I did grew up being raised by a woman exclusively, I still had trouble expressing my “he-motions.” Society just won’t let men “express” unless they are tough, rigid and can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, all while not sweating, crying, or simply screaming.
The ability to have someone who you can talk to about it all, someone you can trust is tough is priceless. Someone who won’t judge you, and accepts you for who you are. There are so many ways (as a man) to let it all go, but the biggest problem is trust.
Please share this blog with anyone you feel it could impact. I’ve got a few more floating around out there. 🙂
A Thomas Point of View 
I’d say a great deal of this change has to do with identification, largely expressed by my own generation – millennials, and how they “wish to be different”. Emotional men, gender neutral, Bi-this, Bi-that, sexual preference this, body-that – it’s all one of the same. For the most part I think it’s all first-world problem BS of modern day 20 year olds going through existential phases of boredom. But honestly, that’s just me, my thoughts – old values, child of the 90s, I’m set in the old ways. From that perspective, I’m not keen on the idea of being around emotional guys. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of hate for this, or that I’m too closed-minded, but I believe in a man being a protector, a warrior, and a strong example both physically and mentally for both sons and daughters. That’s not to say women can’t be neither, as I consider my own mother as strong as they come. Let women (mothers) be a father figure if need be.
But feminine men, why? Women are here to be feminine as that’s the uniqueness of their biology as well as characteristics. As a man I’m attracted to women, because they’re feminine. Men are masculine, it’s part of our biology. Not saying men shouldn’t cry, that’s natural. But at the same time I don’t feel bad in saying that as a man, there’s nothing wrong with jugging back alcohol, arm-wrestling in bars, and punching our bros for fun. Call me a testosterone asshole but there’s certain things that shouldn’t ever be changed (about both genders) because that’s why both genders are unique.
Some of this issue, phase, whatever we want to call it (probably a trend) some of it is universal and some of it is personal to the individual. But coming from where I’m from, you had to be that guy who could take a punch, couldn’t be a sissy, couldn’t be a punk. At the same time I was given full freedom throughout parental upbringing to express myself (art, writing, etc.) but as boy into a man. Im sure many were raised the same way, and some the complete opposite. But the real problem I see within this shift of “men becoming more emotional and feminine, unique this blabla, express blabla” is that people are acting as though there was anything wrong with the way men behaved prior. Ladies were attracted to that…as I said; phase & trends (albeit on a much more crucial scale. Detrimental I’d say)
As for women leading more fulfilling lives “business suits, careers, expression, aggression, leadership, stabilization of finances, and independence.” etc. I don’t fully agree with that. As I still believe (know) there’s still a large racial divide between the way black men and black women are perceived in contrast to white women and white men – whereby the ideal image of finance, independence, careers etc. is in favour of whites. With black women specifically, they experience this the hardest.
…I realized at went off on one there (my bad) probably wrote too much. That being said, I respect your views (otherwise I wouldn’t be following).
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This is was a great post .
I definitely understand where you’re coming from. It’s really all about choice. Masculine energy vs what amount of feminine energy you’d like to exude. I believe that as men we need to be able to release. The contradiction to that is… we were taught and socialized to “repress” those feelings and emotions. As a result, some of us choose to do it through sex, working-out, playing sports, etc. In other’s those pent-up emotions manifest negatively.
However, there is the emotional release of pain, heartache, stress, unresolved conflict, fatherhood, finances, etc. You know… life. We can still be masculine as ever, and be able to show how we feel and not be judged or ostracized for dropping some tears because we’re, “over-it.” I’ve always said, it takes more strength to cry than it does to hold the tears back.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I honestly believe that some of this societal “teachings”? that we suppress some of this energy is for the good. Not all but some. I really do feel like in this day and age, men in particular only want to be “different” and “open to expression” because of 1st world problems and sheer boredom.
My generation – millennials – where this is most common – is largely a generation lacking in backbone. Millennials have tougher lives than the generation prior. I don’t think anyone will dispute that, but at the same time, adapt and overcome. The term “Be a Man” I feel should stand for something now, more than ever.
And by that I mean the fathers of those that came before. The ones that knew smacking a child when they’re acting up, and teaching them to “not be a punk” is how to get stronger. Because in life, there’s going to be plenty of smacks knocking at their door. And it’s only through masculine energy that they’ll overcome it.
Apply that to boys and girls equally, but millennials are soft (some) and that’s why they can’t handle their emotions nowadays.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Good post Kal. I like what you have to say. While I like metrosexuals (lol!) and gender benders to a point, deep down as a Gen Xer I actually like a man who is strong, emotionally intelligent but not dramatic, who knows his own mind and who respects all people. Obviously other traits – no anger management issues or other violent behaviour. Being a grown-arse man and responsible/accountable is more important than a lot of things.
LikeLiked by 2 people
confirmed. I was born a generation late. What’s the term used by my own? Hater. I’m a hater of my own Gen. I’m going to be that 70 year old rocking in his chair with an iron dumbbell in one hand and a firm grip of a woman’s cheeks in the other, screaming “back in my day…wimps, the men became wimps”…chomping through a sirloin steak, while the “openly expressive” Brock’s and Liam’s of the world discuss mental health issues and girl talk, discussing if it’s finally time to feminize the lumberjack shirt. OMG right? Shoot me now.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Mann…. i was born in the right generation and raised in the right area. It was all a part of God’s design. I also have this futuristic way of thinking so I could be born in 2020 grow up and still flow with those people. The best challenges are imparting this knowledge on millennials. Those conversations are epic.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t have conversations with most millennials. They’re offended by everything.
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Lol… I’ve had some interesting conversations to say the least. I am working on a project where you’ll see the conversations live.
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I expect a crowd full of hipsters, crying men, and falsely entitled teenage girls discussing which mental health issue they’d like to be for the day. No doubt they’ll all be equally divided amongst four different genders, brainstorming equality rights for animal lives matter.
…I’ll be in the front row taking notes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your reply to my comment made me snort in hilarity 🙂
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Word. I am definitely attracted to manly men, but there HAS to be that balance. Men have to know when and how to turn off Brutus and say “hey, I need help or “I have to take a break today.” That’s where we women come in.
And I only read this longass response cuz I saw it was you hehe
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Lol @ “brutus” the old Popeye reference coming down. There needs to be a delicate balance there. Control and understanding. So many men are missing these qualities.
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Agreed! Balance is key, in all facets of life.
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Aww shucks. Thanks, And Kelley you know when I go off on one it ain’t without justification. Word. haven’t heard that in years. I’m bringing that back.
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Word 🙂
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A great point and message to get across! Most of us are aware of the societal “standards” and pressures placed on women, but not many are keen to the pressures on men. Overall, we must value lives and be as understanding of each other as we can.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I believe the “it’s a man’s world” narrative is often used whenever the issues men deal with are brought to the surface. Constant ignorance of male issues is why so many men choose to be emotionally insensitive. It’s what American society dictates. Unfortunate but true. Like you said, “we must value lives and be as understanding of each other as we can.”
LikeLiked by 3 people
You are right! Appreciate your thoughts and openness on this very important subject:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Viva la Good Man Project! I read as many books and articles about manhood (if not more) than I do about any other topic because I am the mother of SONS!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love it! This is how we all should think. You have daughters… would you want a man to treat them the way you treat women?
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It’s a man’s world. it’s a good thing james brown didnt release that song in this day and age. the estrogen military wouldve dragged him off the stage. “get down”
LikeLiked by 2 people
(About to laugh… covers mouth) “estrogen military.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
The emotional side of men are often forgotten or least cared by the programmed world where in everyone speak for “her” .. And sadly no one gains at the end neither the woman nor the men
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly… no one wins, everyone loses. This is something that we need to pay more attention to. Also, everyone probably knows a man who is currently dealing with emotional issues of some kind.
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You are absolutely right… We need to pay more attention to this to help the entire human population irrespective of gender
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I swear I just had this conversation last night.
I’m ready.. but they’re not. My friend said he’s a sprinter and refuses to go to the grave full. I get that- living life to the fullest, but rest and self-care and expressing YOUR dreams and desires to someone who cares is just as important as studying, working hard and growing your business. Great post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes Kelley… the issue is, men haven’t been taught this form of expression and suffer through manhood holding everything in because, “a man just handles ish.” True to some degree…. but not without emotional release.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right. There’s that flip side you spoke on of domestic violence, promiscuity, road rage and the like. Things like this can be prevented or lessened with a little TLC.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes they can. A lot of things can avoided if people listen more these men are talking (on their own way). I’ve been in relationships where the other person didn’t listen and never caught the signs. Was a terrible feeling. I can only imagine how some men feel never having a person who just sat there and listened. Not to offer advice or fix him… just listen for understanding.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes! we all need to do more of that.
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Bill Burr has a hilarious bit on this whole concept.
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I’d love the check it out. Please paste the link for me!
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Thank you😊
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Male emotions have always been there. We’re just conditioned not to shows/express them, and this bottling up is detrimental – for some more than others!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree, they have always been there. However our society hasn’t been receptive to us showing them. Like you said, the bottling up is detrimental in many ways. Thanks for commenting!
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Agreed! No problem 👊🏽
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I hope so! It’s about time for a major evolutionary shift, and that may just be the only thing that can save the human species at this point. Thanks for the discussion! Stop by my blog https://myquest.blog where I’ve been writing about similar topics.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Agree 100% I believe the evolutionary shift is upon us.. we’ve already witnessed this in women… it’s time for men to take the next step.
I will definitely check out your blog. Thanks for commenting!
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Your words struck a chord. I always get this feeling that the close men in my life, whether relatives or friends are so restrained to show emotion about anything. Whatever stresses them out might be much easier for me to handle just because they’re taking it all in. I wish there was a guidebook to just tell them what to do and how to be more open and accepting of their emotions. Thank you for this amazing post. I enjoyed reading it 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much! I wrote this blog because I was one of those men. While I did grew up being raised by a woman exclusively, I still had trouble expressing my “he-motions.” Society just won’t let men “express” unless they are tough, rigid and can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, all while not sweating, crying, or simply screaming.
The ability to have someone who you can talk to about it all, someone you can trust is tough is priceless. Someone who won’t judge you, and accepts you for who you are. There are so many ways (as a man) to let it all go, but the biggest problem is trust.
Please share this blog with anyone you feel it could impact. I’ve got a few more floating around out there. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will definitely share 🙂
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