Parenting: Discipline Part I

I told you awhile back that I practice positive parenting. Positive parenting basically means that I embrace positive discipline. That I listen to Munch and don’t physically spank or lay hands on him. Now, this is new age in my family who believes in spare the rod and spoil the child, but I am an advocate for allowing Munch to understand that his choices will have negative or positive consequences, but he needs to understand that.

I treat discipline as a teaching opportunity instead of a physical task of spanking. Pretty much everything becomes about examining the issues, understand why the behavior occurred, making you accountable and still providing love, hugs and kisses. I know this may seem like with craft to some folks, but I don’t believe that you have to go around spanking children to correct their behavior.

Positive parenting tries to strengthen the parent/child bond by creating a more affectionate relationship. This works with Munch. He is a hugger and loves to be hugged, petted (LOL, his words) and encouraged. However, it’s not always easy.

Last Friday night, I got this email from Munch’s teacher:

I wanted to let you both know that Brennan had a problem in English class today. He had a discussion with a classmate about the biography book report. This is my knowledge of the situation. Brennan and the classmate were discussing who they were reading about. When Brennan heard the boy was reading about the life of a white person (students can choose anyone) he told the student he had to read about a black person. The student then called Brennan a racist. The boys both raised their voices and argued. Brennan was yelling I am not a racist. I was teaching, standing in front of the class and immediately raised my voice in order to be heard, and stopped the argument, reprimanded them both and moved Brennan from that table. I reprimanded the boy and we had a mini class discussion about racism. I told them that I was upset with them both for not stopping when I asked. At the end of class I met with the boys. The 1 student said he was at fault, said he should not have said that and admitted to inciting Brennan. Brennan said, right, I was wrong, too. I complimented him for being mature and respectful. But then he immediately told me, I’m being sarcastic, and continued to say he did nothing wrong. I tried to convey the idea that yes, the boy was wrong, but you were rude and disrespectful to me as I was trying to resolve the problem. I felt I had taken the time to discuss and reprimand the boy, in front of the entire class about his name calling. But Brennan was still defiant and defensive about my correction of him. I had a class coming in and no time to continue our discussion. I sent him to class but it was unresolved. I wanted to advise you of the incident. Please let me know if you have any questions.  Mrs. B

Yeah, it was rough. Basically my son told the teacher that he was being sarcastic with his apology as she was complimenting him. Huh? Where does that happen? I was mortified. I really like his teacher. She’s phenomenal and just a good human being. I trust her.

Now the question became how do I approach Munch with this positive parenting? See, I knew that my mom would have smacked my mouth for being disobedient. Positive parenting doesn’t allow for spanking. I needed to teach Munch a lesson. I needed him to see how he was wrong and needed to apologize, but I had to make sure that he understood the rules/expectations of self-control.

Could I do this? Was I ready? The challenges were only going to get bigger. I knew how I handled this would set the precedent for future parenting discipline moments. The key was to teach him, not to break him.

-To Be Continued –

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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13 Replies to “Parenting: Discipline Part I”

  1. I am a supporter of positive parenting in all situations. Never do I feel like it is ok to spank a child or a child can be taught anything by getting physical with them. I believe it is wrong. I try to ask myself what spanking would teach my child and I really can never come up with anything good. Therefore, I just do not do it. I associate spanking with not being kind, as a loss of control, and teaching children that physical hitting is an acceptable way to communicate our feelings. I also grew up in a household where spanking was acceptable. However, I rarely remember my mom spanking me, but I do remember my dad spanking me after I acted out and then sending me to my room. He would spank me and I’d sit in my room and cry and be so mad at my dad for spanking me that I never thought about the reason I was even getting spanked. It shut me down and my dad and I really would never talk about the ‘why’ I was even getting spanked and work it out with our words. As a child this confused me as to why my Dad would hurt me. Never did my dad abuse me, but I never enjoyed a spanking from him. I feel like because of this, I always gravitated towards my mom for affection and support and I have never really had great communication with my dad, even as an adult. Could this stem from getting spanked as a child? We all discipline differently, but we all need to teach our children to communicate with their words and to be kind hearted, respectful and good human beings. Good luck Mama bear! Sounds like you have the right mindset and what what is best for you child!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m with you, positive parenting is way more productive than spanking or bullying. You’ll have to be creative and put yourself in his position. Think about how someone his age would be capable of processing a learning lesson of this magnitude. Good luck😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally agree with you. What would slapping him in the face achieve anyway? It would not get to the bottom of why he felt as if he needed to defend his words or why he thought it was ok to use sarcasm. There is a reason deeper and i KNOW you will get to it BECAUSE you are that kind of mother who doesn’t just hit. Hitting is lazy parenting. Anyone can raise a hand to immediately shut someone down. But in doing that they lose their voice and I want to know what is behind what their voice is saying and address it. I am not against consequences. I am against physical spanking. You are a great mom.

    Liked by 1 person

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