In last week’s post I explained how Munch was hurt because this girl at school was telling him his shoes were fake. Sitting in the car listening to my young man hurt about something that I never thought he would have to deal with really punched me in the gut. What do fourth grade children know about name brands or fake stuff? Where do you even buy fake tennis shoes? Who are the parents of these children and what values are we teaching them.
I called a few of my male friends to get their perspective on the situation and what I should I tell Munch. The advice was pretty much consistent because they have sons who went through something similar or they were young men who dealt with this at one point in their lives. They said to tell him to ignore it.
But, one of my friends who was born and raised in Washington, DC said that other areas around the country are not as “up on the latest fashion and tennis shoe styles as the Washington, DC metropolitan area”. He told me to explain to Munch that “if someone comes up to you more concern about the shoes you’re wearing and the clothes on your back more so than the content of your character or who you are then that’s probably someone you should not play with.” Great answer, right?
So, I told Munch exactly what he said and he seemed to take it all in and just listen. But, when he saw my brother the next day and my brother complimented him on his shoes Munch said “But, people are saying my shoes are fake”. My brother told Munch that there is nothing fake about his shoes and he had a pair when he was in the 11th grade. He explained that they are Jordan Trunners and designed for runners. He told Munch “to tell the kids that his shoes are not fake and his uncle owns many pairs of Jordans and that they are real.” Munch seemed to accept that.
It’s funny because in many ways Munch seems to accept what other adults tell him over me because he views me as always loving him and telling him what he wants to hear. My brother made it better for Munch. Although, I wish I could have, I’m thankful that Munch knows that there are men there who will tell him the truth. Ugh, I wonder what 5th grade will be like.
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A Thomas Point of View 
What about answering the question by another one, like “in what way are they fake, and why does it matter?”
So as to force this little girl to reflect on her own question.
I would also worry about the upbringing of this little girl and the values her parents are giving her.
This is also an opportunity to explain how clothing production works to your son, and why it might be important to purchase “genuine” items and not copies – the manufacturing cycle, production in countries like India and China, protection of the employees, etc… and then make a conscious and informed choice about what you purchase for him?
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She’s not a friend so I told him to disregard her attention seeking behavior. It’s disturbing but I don’t want him to think about designer labels at 20. I just want him to enjoy the last week of school
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As all children should!!
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Ugh. It’s this kind of stuff that as parents we have to just “wing” when it gets thrown at us. We think of everything else and then there’ll be a curveball. I’m glad your brother helped. It’s always nice to have a cool uncle. 🙂
My daughter is entering 4th grade and was just recently asked why she has a mustache by a kid a year older than her. (Because we are Cuban and hairier than gringos, mofo. That is the true response.) He created a new complex for her that I thought I’d have another year or two before I’d have to address. But I had to explain to be strong and that many women wax and that it’s not a big deal, blah, blah, blah. Kids always keeping us on our toes… sigh. Lol
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Yep. I was caught off guard. He doesn’t know about designer shoes and clothes. Dang kids. Stop wearing about the mediocre. Ugh I would have been angry with that kid.
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I’m glad that your brother was able to make Munch feel better. Kids have a way of feeling parents lie to make them feel better in certain situations. When in fact we’re telling them the truth. That little girl needs to mind her business! Jeezz children can be so mean!
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Exactly. The think we’re just saying that because we’re the parents
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Yup!
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I am a little surprised that he takes this to heart. I’m not sure if it’s a boy thing or a generation thing, but girls were all about brands when I was a kid and a teen, and I never cared. Two of the important lessons I think in this scenario is:
(1) Even if they they were fake, what he wears and the value of it does not decide his value as a person. I mean, what if something happens and you can’t afford to always get him the top brands anymore? Should he think of himself as less because of it?
2. Never allow other people to set your value or your own worth, for you. That is a price he must set all on his own and live by that value.
All the best with this. I hope he feels better, soon.
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Thank you. He’s 10 and has no idea what is expensive or not. He doesn’t know name brands or fake. We focus on accountability and being your best self. It’s absurd that this is happening in elementary schools though
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kids don’t know much and they can be a little heartless. That child didn’t know what she was talking about and Em grateful your brother came to inform him. I had a red pair of those in the 6th grade! No they are the main basketball line 1-20+ (whatever number there on now). Most kids dont know Jordan has shoes for everything! i wonder if they have some slipper jordans cause id get them too. LOL This is the type of reinforcement that needs to take place with kids because some will take comments like these and NOT share them with their parents and then you get negative results. (pat yourself on the back) When I was in school and I think many ppl have done it, but yes iv told someone their shoes where fake, AND THEY WERE!!! but now looking back, who they hell was I??? I dunno what that persons parents had to go through to make sure their child had shoes on their feet. I think as parents these things are upsetting but lets not forget what it was like being a child and also lets look at it from all sides.
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Kids are mean and their behaviors do not seem to get better in any generation. Children, adults will criticize different…especially if they do not have it or do not know what it is. Continue to have him be a trendsetter…it hurts but he can’t internalize their meanness and ignorance. Keep being Mom!
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❤️
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I think it’s hard as an adult to give an acceptable answer to a child for a child-like situation. I just keep thinking, if he knows his shoes aren’t fake, then who cares? To me, this is a valuable lesson for him to learn to be confident in who he is and what he has.
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Exactly and it was a reminder to me that no matter what I say my son will believe someone else who is not me he tells him the exact same thing because he believes I just tell him things because I love him and I’m his mom
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