2019 advice dating friends relationships

I’m Your Crutch

Tikeetha TMby
36 Comments on I’m Your Crutch

I’ve mentioned before that I have two best friends. One male and one female. I’m not sure who I met first but, it was within 2 weeks of moving to the area. My male best friend and I tried to date, but it never worked out. We settled into a friendship that has served us well. However, something changed or rather I learned something new about him.

He was there for me when Mr. C and I broke up. My other best friend was out of town supporting her other best friend whose mother had died. He called to check on me repeatedly and offered words of encouragement to help me through the break-up. It was really weird because he had never seemed so genuinely concerned about my love life before.

He was the one that told me that “it was a healthy relationship and a healthy break-up”. There was no anger, cursing or infidelity. He told me that many people stayed in relationships well past their expiration date, but we would be able to preserve our friendship because we didn’t hate each other. I sighed. I hated it, but he was right.

So, I went through the grieving process and moved on. My best friends stayed in my corner supporting me through the drama with my ex and all the things in between. They encouraged me these last few months and reminded me that I am stronger than anything or anyone. They poured praise and positive thoughts into my mind and spirit and prayed for me when I was too exhausted to pray for myself. I am truly thankful for them.

The thing though, is that last week I had lunch with my male best friend and we were talking about our love lives and relationships and he made a comment that took me by surprise. He said to me “I don’t really allow women to get close to me because I have you. I come to you when I need stuff or I’m feeling bad. I share my concerns with you because I am afraid of letting them in.” I was shocked.

I really didn’t know how to respond so I went home and thought about what he said and it really hurt me. I wondered was I, in some way shape or form, holding him back from happiness. Was I his crutch for not making himself available to other women? Is this why the many women that he dated had issues with me without ever meeting me?

 

-To Be Continued-

 

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36 comments

  1. My two cents: Sometimes things are just as okay as they are. If it is okay with him and you are honest with each other. He is grown and decides what is best for him.

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    1. Stop, stop I wanted to write more and accidentally pressed already on send.
      I think the lizard in the Cinderella movie is right: Enjoy it while its last 😉

      All the best for you

      Laureen

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  2. You shouldn’t feel bad. At the end of the day he has to correct that. He has to realize the woman he is dating has to become his best friend. That doesn’t mean he pushes you aside but it does change your position. He shouldn’t put that weight on you if you two are not going to be a couple. It’s called BOUNDARIES.

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  3. you need to have a convo with him about that. Like you said, yall dated once before, so deep down he still had some feelings for you. Whether he admits it is one thing. Quite honestly he did when he told you that. Just a male perspective.

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  6. First of all: You and Mr. C. broke up!! Oh nooooo…I have to catch up on that.I’m sorry to hear. Second of all I have always wondered if men and women can truly have healthy platonic friendships, especially past a certain age. I have had so many struggles with male friendships. I was thinking about doing a blog on it….

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    1. Yep, we broke up in mid-May. We’re still friends. Time played a part. He doesn’t have enough of it. But, the thing is that I have platonic friends with some men and it’s been since I was 15 and in college.

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  7. You’re not holding him back from happiness if he won’t let other women get close to him. That’s all on him. You’re not responsible for how he manages his other relationships.

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  8. Pingback: I’m Your Crutch – Part 2 – A Thomas Point of View

  10. I’ve been meaning to comment on this for a bit. Finally got some time during the SB of all times.

    That being said, his comment is one I’ve heard before. I believe he still has repressed feelings for you that he hasn’t owned. If he has, he’s not telling you. This is why he came to your rescue after your breakup with Mr. C. He wants to be seen as a savior (a good man).

    By telling you that he keeps “other” women at a distance, he’s telling you, that you are the one for him. He doesn’t trust anyone enough to allow them in, but he allows you in. You are there, why would he gravitate towards another woman (a risk) when he has you? This is why I say feelings are there, even if he doesn’t admit it.

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  11. Man, he dumped more than he thought he did on you! But I am so pleased he showed up for that appt. That says a lot. Seriously brave of both of you. I have seen this sort of thing resolve in not good ways, but you guys might be stronger, better for this. He might not have intended that, but the Lord moves mysteriously, yes? Hoping the best for you both.

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  12. Pingback: I’m Your Crutch – Part 5 – A Thomas Point of View

  13. From a male, and completely uninvolved point of view, he is in love with you and will wait to win you for as long as you are willing to keep him around. He has a puppydog personality, living through your relationships, not caring if he is loved or kicked, cuz he is sure he can wear you down.
    Been there, done that!
    It is not healthy for either party. You think you have a good friendship, but it is a false friendship. He will do anything he thinks necessary, living on hope. If you do get involved romantically with him at some point, it will fall apart quickly. He is not living in reality, so don’t get sucked in. Keep him at arms length if you keep him at all. The best for you depends on you. You say he is your best male friend, find out why!
    It just so happens most of my good friends are women, but that is because I cannot stand guys. We are so two-faced, nice when around women and total chauvanists when alone with the guys. I have little respect for males as a gender. And even though my female friends say similar things about a lot of their female friends, they are catty and jealous or whatever, I don’t have to see it. Male/female friendships do seem more genuine as long as ulterior motives are not involved. The problem is to know when one is unknowingly being pursued by the other (it can work both ways). Do both parties have good relationships on their own? If yes, don’t sweat it. If no, be on your toes. It is a disaster waiting to happen!

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