A Thomas Point of View | Motherhood, College Life & Learning to Let Go

Well, y’all, it’s official. I’ve been a college mom for a little over two months, and let me tell you something…

PARENTING A COLLEGE STUDENT IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE!

After 18 years of raising Munch, preparing him for college, teaching him life skills, and doing everything I could to make sure he was ready to live independently, I thought I had done a pretty good job.

And honestly, I still think I did!

But apparently, some things don’t quite stick until your child is living in a dorm room without you.

Now, I know college is supposed to be about independence, personal growth, and learning to navigate adulthood.

But judging by some of our conversations, apparently, the university forgot to include a course called “Things Your Mama Has Been Telling You for 18 Years!”

So, for my fellow college parents, here are seven conversations you might find yourself having with your newly independent college student.

And yes, every single one of these is inspired by my life with Munch!

1. “Mom, Can You Send Me $10?”

Now, this one is interesting because before college, Munch wasn’t constantly asking me for money.

But something about living on campus makes $10 feel like the solution to every problem.

“Mom, can you send me $10?”

For what?

“I just need $10.”

SIR! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MONEY YOU ALREADY HAD?!

And here’s the thing about college students. They don’t necessarily want to give you a complete financial breakdown.

They just need you to open Cash App, complete the transaction, and go on about your day.

Apparently, the Bank of Mom is still open for business!

2. “Mom, How Do I Wash My Clothes Again?”

Now, this one almost took me OUT!

Because I KNOW I taught this child how to wash clothes before he left for college.

We went over separating clothes, using detergent, and operating the washing machine.

But suddenly, standing in front of a dormitory washing machine, all 18 years of home training disappeared.

“Mom, what setting do I use?”

“Mom, how much detergent?”

“Mom, can I wash these together?”

MUNCH!

We’ve been over this!

But then I reminded myself that learning something at home and actually doing it independently are two different things.

So, I patiently walked him through it again.

Because apparently, Laundry 101 requires a refresher course during the freshman semester.

3. “Mom, I Need Some Advice.”

Now, THIS is the phone call that reminds me why all the others are worth it.

Sometimes, it’s about a class.

Sometimes, it’s about friendships, schoolwork, or navigating a situation he’s never experienced before.

And sometimes, he just needs somebody to listen while he figures things out.

These are the calls I cherish.

Because as much as I’m learning to let go, I still want him to know that he can come to me when he needs guidance.

The difference now is that I’m trying to offer advice without immediately jumping in to solve the problem.

And let me tell you, THAT IS HARD FOR A MOTHER WHO HAS SPENT 18 YEARS FIXING EVERYTHING!

But I’m learning.

Slowly. Very slowly.

4. “Mom, Can You Send Me an Instacart Order?”

Now, somebody please explain to me how a child can have a meal plan and STILL need groceries delivered to his dorm!

“Mom, can you send me some snacks?”

Okay, what do you need?

And here comes the list!

Drinks, chips, breakfast items, toiletries, and apparently anything else he can think of.

Sir, do you need groceries or are we restocking an entire apartment?

And of course, because I’m his mother, I usually end up adding a few extra things I think he might need.

Because even from miles away, I apparently cannot stop being somebody’s mama!

5. “Mom, You’re Calling Me Too Much!”

NOW THIS ONE!

Imagine carrying a child for nine months, raising him for 18 years, making sure he has everything he needs, moving him into college…

Only to hear:

“Mom, you’re calling me too much.”

EXCUSE ME?!

How often am I calling you?

“You’ve already called me three times this week!”

THREE TIMES?! IN SEVEN WHOLE DAYS?!

Apparently, checking on your child every other day is considered excessive communication in the college world.

Who knew?!

Now, mind you, he can call ME whenever he needs money, advice, groceries, or laundry instructions.

But when I call just to say hello?

Suddenly, I’m interfering with his independence!

The AUDACITY!

But honestly, I’m learning to respect his space.

He’s making friends, studying, joining organizations, and developing a life that doesn’t revolve around me.

Which is exactly what I raised him to do.

I just didn’t realize he’d embrace that part quite so enthusiastically!

6. “No, Mom, You Don’t Need to Come for Homecoming!”

Now, let me tell y’all how this conversation went.

I casually mentioned coming down for Homecoming.

And my child had the nerve to say:

“No, Mom, you don’t need to come. I’ll see you at Thanksgiving.”

WHAT?!

Then he followed it up with:

“Mom, I already saw you three times in August!”

AND YOUR POINT IS?!

Apparently, three visits in one month fulfilled my parental visitation quota for the semester.

Nobody told me there was a limit!

I mean, I thought Homecoming would be a wonderful opportunity to visit campus, enjoy the festivities, and spend a little time with my son.

Meanwhile, he’s thinking, “Ma’am, please let me enjoy college!”

And you know what?

I get it.

He’s creating memories, developing friendships, and experiencing his first Homecoming as a college student.

He doesn’t necessarily need his mother showing up at every event.

Even if she does have a fabulous outfit ready!

7. “Mom, How Do I Cut My Fingernails?”

Y’ALL.

I cannot make this stuff up!

EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD.

LIVING IN COLLEGE.

PURSUING A DEGREE IN ANIMAL SCIENCE.

PLANNING TO BECOME A VETERINARIAN.

And somehow, we’re having a conversation about cutting fingernails!

Now, before y’all start questioning my parenting skills, let me explain!

For years, I took Munch to get monthly manicures and pedicures. Yes, you read that correctly! My son had a standing appointment to get his hands and feet taken care of.

Because I believe in teaching young men that grooming and self-care are important, too!

Well, apparently, I did such a good job making sure his nails were maintained that HE NEVER ACTUALLY HAD TO CUT THEM HIMSELF!

So imagine my surprise when my college freshman called me to ask how to use nail clippers!

SIR!

YOU WANT TO BECOME A VETERINARIAN AND PERFORM SURGERY ON ANIMALS ONE DAY, BUT WE NEED A TUTORIAL ON CUTTING FINGERNAILS?! REALLY?

And then it hit me.

For 18 years, I made sure he had everything he needed, including nicely groomed hands and feet.

But somewhere along the way, I forgot that eventually he’d have to maintain those hands and feet without a monthly appointment!

Apparently, I prepared him for college-level science courses but overlooked Nail Clipping 101!

MORAL OF THE STORY: Parents, sometimes we do such a good job taking care of our children that we forget to teach them how to do the things we’ve always handled for them!

And that’s okay. We’re all learning!

But let me tell you something…

The next time he comes home, we’re having a hands-on lesson!

And NO, I’m not scheduling a manicure appointment!

Let Me Add: The One Thing They WON’T Call You About!

To tell you they cleaned their dorm room without being asked!

Funny how I hear about everything else, but somehow the housekeeping reports never seem to make it to my phone!

I’m just saying!

The Real Lesson: Learning to Be Needed Differently

All jokes aside, these first few months of having a child in college have taught me something important.

Parenting doesn’t end when your child leaves home. It simply changes.

For 18 years, I managed so many aspects of his life.

I knew where he needed to be, what needed to get done, when assignments were due, and what responsibilities needed his attention.

Now, he’s learning to manage those things himself.

And sometimes, that means making mistakes, forgetting something, figuring things out the hard way, or calling his mother for a little guidance.

I’m learning that I don’t have to anticipate every problem before it happens.

I don’t have to solve every situation.

And I certainly don’t have to call three times a week just because I miss him.

Although, personally, I still think three times a week is perfectly reasonable!

But here’s what I know.

Every request for $10, every question about laundry, and every call asking for advice reminds me that even though my son is becoming independent, he still knows he has someone in his corner.

And I’m grateful for that.

Because the goal was never to raise a child who would need me forever.

The goal was to raise a young man who could stand on his own two feet, knowing his mother would always be there when he needed her.

Even if he only wants to see me at Thanksgiving!

But hey…

I may not always be right, but I ALWAYS have a Thomas Point of View!

LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!

College parents, I KNOW I’m not alone!

What’s the funniest, strangest, or most unexpected thing your college student has called home to ask?

Has anybody else’s child suddenly decided their parents are calling TOO MUCH?

Because apparently, I need to know the official college-parent calling schedule!

#AThomasPointOfView #CollegeMomLife #ParentingAdultChildren #CollegeFreshman #EmptyNesterLife #MomLife #LearningToLetGo #HBCUMom