Last month, my son, who is in his first semester of college, posted something on Instagram that immediately caught my attention.
“I thought I found my tribe, but I guess I was wrong. 😔”
Now, as a mother, you KNOW I picked up that phone immediately! What’s going on? Who hurt your feelings? What happened?
And in typical 18-year-old fashion, he didn’t want to talk about it.
Okay, son. I’ll respect your space. But understand that my mother’s intuition doesn’t have an OFF switch!
Fast-forward to this past weekend, and I FINALLY learned what happened. Not from my son, but from my best friend, whose son also attends college with mine.
Apparently, they were all at a party, and a young lady my son had befriended since arriving on campus had a little too much to drink. According to my godson, neither he nor my son was drinking.
The young lady was intoxicated and drawing some unwanted attention. My son, being the gentleman I raised him to be, offered to walk her back to her dorm room to make sure she got there safely.
Well, apparently, she didn’t appreciate his gesture and proceeded to GO OFF on him!
My son was hurt. He was embarrassed. And my godson was upset because he knew my son’s intentions were good.
My best friend suggested that my son wait a couple of days, talk to the young lady, and explain how her behavior made him feel.
She also told me, “He was being a gentleman and doing exactly what you taught him to do.”
And I appreciated that.
BUT Y’ALL KNOW ME!
My advice would have been slightly different!
I would have told him to send her a link to the Cornell 7 to learn about the dangers associated with excessive drinking.
Then I would have suggested he say:
“I offered to walk you back because I was concerned about your safety. But the way you spoke to me was disrespectful and embarrassing. I wish you well, but I’m choosing to distance myself from this friendship.”
Because I am raising a gentleman, NOT a doormat!
Later, I shared the situation with a male friend, and his response was:
“Oh, so you want him to be a simp?”
EXCUSE ME?!
First of all, SIR, I wasn’t asking for parenting advice. I was sharing what happened!
For those unfamiliar, a simp is slang for someone, usually a man, who goes above and beyond seeking another person’s affection or approval, often without receiving the same consideration.
Now, I don’t know whether my son had romantic feelings for this young lady. That’s his business.
But I DO know he would have done the EXACT SAME THING for ANY of his female friends!
And I reminded my friend of something.
“You have a daughter! And you should HOPE that if your daughter were out there getting drunk in public, someone like my son would have the decency to make sure she got back to her dorm safely!”
Because BABY, let’s be serious!
I’m willing to bet that if this young lady’s parents knew their daughter was out in public DRUNK AS A SKUNK, they would be grateful to know she had someone like my son in her corner looking out for her safety!
As parents, we send our children off to college hoping we’ve raised them to make good decisions. But we also pray that when they don’t make the best decisions, someone with good intentions will be there to look out for them.
And THAT is what my son was trying to do!
Since when did protecting someone’s safety make a young man a simp?
I refuse to teach my son that showing compassion makes him weak.
I have worked hard to raise a young man who understands kindness, respect, responsibility, and compassion.
But I’ve ALSO taught him that respect is a two-way street.
You can be kind and establish boundaries.
You can care about someone without accepting disrespect.
You can be a gentleman without being anyone’s doormat.
And sometimes, finding your tribe means discovering who DOESN’T belong in it.
As much as I want to protect my son from disappointment, these are lessons he must learn for himself.
My baby is growing up. He’s navigating friendships, relationships, and adulthood.
And while I can’t fight every battle for him, I can remind him:
Never let someone else’s behavior make you question the goodness in your heart. Just learn when to walk away.
Because being a gentleman will NEVER go out of style in this mother’s book!
Now, let me ask y’all something:
Are we raising young men to be gentlemen, or are we teaching them that kindness makes them weak? And if someone disrespects your good intentions, do you have the conversation or walk away?
Let’s talk about it! 👇🏽
A Thomas Point of View – I may not always be right, but I always have a Thomas Point of View!
#AThomasPointOfView #BoyMom #CollegeParenting #RaisingGentlemen #RespectAndBoundaries #ParentingAdultChildren #FindingYourTribe #simp