Reblog: Ghost

I had a dream last night with my ghost.

We were running in a field of wildflowers.

Big

Open

Majestic

We were laughing and playing.

Like old times.

We paused.

Laid down in the wild flowers.

He held my hand while I cried.

I told him about my dreams that were unfilled

My hopes that had died

My bones that had been broken

My tears yet to fall

He smiled

He whispered five words

in my ear.

I was comforted by his presence.

Renewed by his encouragement.

I awoke knowing that I would get through

this life.

No matter what may come I know he meant it

when he whispered

“Never Stop Believing In You”

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Where Am I?

Where Am I? I don’t know. It’s a simple question. But, I struggle to answer. Why? Because it seems that I am nowhere, but somewhere. Where? I don’t know.

I guess I would say that I am somewhere between bliss and exhaustion. Heaven and hell. Uncertainty. Indecisiveness. The location evades my consciousness.

So much has happened. In the world. In my life. In Charlottesville. Sigh. I can’t.

I’m tired ya’ll. You know that I’m tired of living in a society that values ignorance over humanity. I’m tired of living in a country where the color of my skin matters more than the content of my character. I’m tired of having to talk to my son about racial bias and yet educate him on the realities of racism.

He’s 9.

He still believes in the tooth fairy. He still believes in Santa Claus. He is innocent. I have to protect him. So, I decided that I needed to take a break.

I unplugged.

I took some time to gather my thoughts, pray and re-center myself. School starts next month and so does my busy season. I have to get it together. No more drama. No more negativity sucking away at my time, money or life.

One foot in front of the other.

I march.

Slowly and with determination and uphill. It doesn’t matter. Life is what is. No crystal stair, but there are stairs to climb.

I can’t stop.

I won’t stop.

Fighting.

Fighting for Munch.

Fighting for you.

Fighting for me.

Fighting for everyone.

My break has allowed me the opportunity to reflect on my journey and recenter my expectations. To realign my goals and just breathe this sometimes heavy atmosphere into my lungs and exhale the fear and frustrations.

Can I just tell you that I was tired ya’ll?

I’ve joined so many Facebook groups trying to learn and align myself with my tribes. To inspire others. To let people know that sometimes the enemy we face is our own self. When we look in that mirror and realize that we are blocking our own blessings. We have to be accountable. We have to hold each other accountable. Only then will we feel the shift.

The shift in our perspective.

We have to heal. We have to be better. We have to see that change is gonna come if we believe.

Be blessed loves!

You were all missed.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

A Break

Hey Everyone!

I know you’re probably wondering what’s up with me. I haven’t posted since Monday. I’m sorry. It has been a really busy week at work and at home. I decided to take a break and focus on the things that I need to handle.

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I’ve been reading books (I’ll review them soon) and trying to catch up on your posts. Please bear with me. I like to read what I’ve missed. I’m writing and journaling more than I ever thought possible. I’m in a place of zen. This has been relaxing.

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You are missed and I will be back next week.

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Peace and blessings to all of you.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motivational Monday Moment – 08.07.17

Happy Monday Everyone!

Sorry for the delay in posting the Motivational Monday Moment. I didn’t have it scheduled for today and I didn’t know what to talk about. It’s a rainy Monday morning and Munch is with me this week. This means that I will be working late because I have to take him to camp in the mornings and my mom will pick him up from camp in the afternoon.

I had no clue how to motivate you today, but it hit me. When I was in the car driving being annoyed at the rain, feeling uncertain about Munch’s angst at going to a new camp, I realized I was struggling. It came to me that I would talk to you about attitude.

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See, I was upset that it was raining and I hate driving in the rain. Mainly because others can’t drive. I hate that I’m exhausted because I had a combined total of maybe 12 hours of sleep this weekend and my Munch was going to a new camp and feeling unsure about himself. I was struggling.

I needed to change my attitude. My attitude needed to be better so Munch could see that despite circumstances and changes in our schedule that we are blessed. Our attitude should be reflective of our spirit. Our spirit is filled with thankfulness. I was the adult so I had to show that to Munch.

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I started by saying, “Wow, it’s a rainy day Munch don’t forget to grab your rain coat.” He did. We got in the car and I said “Let’s thank God for rain because the grass and tress need it.” He smiled. I said “When I was little there were all kinds of stories of why it rained. Some would say that God was crying because we weren’t remembering how to be good people.” I reminded him that we don’t have that problem because we thank Him for everything. We are kind to people.

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I didn’t rush in the rain. I was extra cautious choosing to be positive despite the number of people on the road going 2 miles per hour. Munch began telling me about the Hermit Crab and how it’s not an insect (he’s such a genius). We pulled up in front of the new school where he was going to camp and he said “Wow, that’s a big school. Why is it named after Martin Luther King Jr.?” “Not sure baby. School districts name the schools that they build” I replied.

We got out of the car and walked into the school and headed to the gym where the campers were gathered. Munch held me tighter. I said “It’s only a week Munch and next week begins art camp.” I hugged him and smiled. He entered and saw a counselor from his last camp and said “Mr. Christian, hi. I was over at the other camp. You’re here too?” The counselor smiled and said “Yep, buddy. Good morning. I’m going to be here with you.” Munch smiled.

He relaxed. I relaxed. He was going to be fine.

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A lot of times our attitude about a situation whether it be fear, anger or distress really affects how we feel about things and in turn the day. Our day starts off on the wrong foot. But, it’s not our day that’s the problem. It’s our attitude about the things that we are going through that makes the day seem like hell.

Yes, I hate rainy days because of bad drivers, but I am blessed. Yes, Munch was scared of going to a new camp today, but he recognized one of the counselors from his last camp and relaxed. That’s all we need to do. Relax about things that seem overwhelming. Breathe through the uncertainty and know that it will be okay.

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By shifting our focus on the positive we are able to smile and relax through the rough periods. They will not break you. They may shake up things in your life, but your attitude about the shake-up needs to stay positive. No weapons formed against you shall prosper. So, what are you worried about?

You got this.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

The Truth About Custody

Today’s post was inspired by news of Pillar Sander’s middle son finally getting to live with her. Not sure if you remember their divorce or not, but in a nutshell Deion Sanders got primary custody of his two boys and she got shared custody of their daughter who was the youngest at the time. Here’s what his middle son just shared:

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The children are caught in the middle of a divorce. I want to share a story with you. I want you to think about something before you go to war in custody…

I have a lot of friends who have gone through a divorce and custody battle with their children. All but two have had to battle it out in the courts for custody. As sad as it is, it didn’t have to be that way.

Marriages start off great. You fall in love. You create a life. You have children. Your career changes. Life changes. You have children. You raise your children. Life goes on. Then there is a shift in your marriage. It could be mental health, infidelity, loss of love and/or communication. But, something is wrong.

You try to fix it. You try counseling. You try to make your marriage work. You didn’t get married to get divorced. Sex becomes non-existent. You don’t understand what is happening. Why can’t you get back on track?

But, you can’t.

Months pass. Sometimes years. You grow distant. You become roommates. You live separate lives. You even fake it for family in friends. You begin to lose yourself in the hell that is your marriage.

Until one day.

One of you decides that you can’t go on like this. You can’t live this fake life for everyone including your children. You want them to see two happy people than grow up with a false sense of family. You decide it would be best to split and divorce.

What happens to the children?

You believe that your children need both parents. You’ve read the stories of children that do better with both parents in their lives. You will make it work. They will have two homes with two beds, but they will have two active parents. 

Then one person changes their mind. They want to take their chances in court. Battle it out. It could be for a number of reasons, but money or vengeance are probably the top. They don’t want to share. They want the children in their homes and in their lives full-time. You can see them occasionally.

You struggle to breathe. You’ve lived with your children 365 days. You’ve woken up with them. You’ve fed them breakfast, bathed them and taken them to school. You’re a full-time parent. They are the most important people in your life.

You look up at the person that claimed to love you and see that this person doesn’t care. They don’t care about what you did or who you are to the children. They are grieving. You fight it out and go to court.

Your children may be old enough to talk to the judge, but no one is listening. Lawyers, courts and money spent becomes your life. You didn’t plan this. You can’t understand how one person is being given your children and you are being regulated to seeing your child 48 days a year with two weeks vacation in the summer.

It’s not fair. 

But, you accept it. You accept the terms you were given determined to make the best of it. You show up at every recital, baseball game and school program. You are going to be an active parent no matter the circumstances dealt.

Your ex who got the kids can’t let it go. They play games. Wreak havoc in your life. Destroy you with their lies. But, you make it a point to keep your head in the game. Live your life above water. This divorce has already cost you too much. You move on.

Then something happens. Your ex is blocking your visitation. Back and forth to court you go. The system doesn’t budge. They tell her/him to stop and they continue. They tell her/him they can’t deny your visitation and they do it anyway. The courts do nothing.

The light in your children’s eyes diminish. They miss you. You miss them. You get another lawyer. Back to court you’ll go. You request a modification to the child custody. You want a 50% shared custody schedule with a 50% schedule. 

Your lawyers try to advise you both in mediation to split up the children. You can get the boys and she can get the girls. You are both shocked. You both are adamant that the children not be split up. They are siblings. They need each other. You need them.

Your lawyer advises you separately saying that you could win custody of your sons based off your ex’s antics. You get to have them the majority of the time. No more blocked visitations. But, what about your daughter?

You agree to move forward believing something is better than nothing. You can’t be without your children anymore. They need you. Your daughter will be fine you think.

You win.

You smile. You thank God. You thank your lawyers. You’ve finally won.

But, your daughter loss.

Your children are now split between two homes. She has no brothers there to defend her. She is now alone. 

Note: This is the reality in many broken families. Going through a divorce and custody can be both brutal and painful for the children. If you’re battling it out with your former partner, think about the children. Don’t split them up. They need both of you. Let them decide who they want to live with. Listen to them. Respect their decision or let them go. Don’t separate them. Remember the story from the Bible of King Solomon who wanted to split the child in half because both women were fighting over him? The real mother said “Please don’t kill my son,” the baby’s mother screamed. “Your Majesty, I love him very much, but give him to her. Just don’t kill him.” She was willing to lose her son than see him die. Which woman are you?

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Broke and Blending

Last week in one of my parenting groups I saw this post from the Daily Mail asking Would you pay your stepchild’s education fees? I was intrigued. What fees? Mr. C and I want to marry in the future and college tuition will be a part of our budget so I wanted to read the post.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t what I expected. The woman posted in a group chat how she’s moving in with her boyfriend and they have 3 children among them. She has two girls and he has one daughter. She asked him prior to even the thought of them moving in would his daughter be okay with going to public school while her girls attended private school. He said yes.

Well, lo and behold his daughter is not. Now, her boyfriend wants his daughter to go to private school like her girls or both her girls should go to public school. Yeah right. So, he felt that it was fair and some other people on the post believed the same thing.

Here are my 5 thoughts on this issue:

  1. Heck, no. First off, the man makes equivalent to $18,000 in U.S. money annually. Didn’t I tell you women to stop dating broke men. Are you kidding me? How is he financially supporting his child on this low salary? That is the bigger issue.
  2. The woman stated that she makes substantially more than him and will be absorbing the majority of the costs in the home. Why? Why are you dating someone who will be a financial drain on you and you have children? Your goal is to provide for them and not take care of a broke man.
  3. This is going to shock some of you all, but life’s not fair. There. I said it. That is the lesson that you have to teach your children. His daughter needs to learn that life is not fair and if she wants to go to private school, her parents need to pay for it. If not, suck it up and enjoy a public school education. I did. I turned out fine.
  4. Money should be separate unless you’re married. Why would we combine funds if we are not married? Your money is your money and my money is my money while we are dating. No cohabitation or confusion on this issue. But, let me be clear. It is a man’s job to put a roof over his family’s head. I’ll say it again….I’m not paying for a roof over my head. That doesn’t mean that I won’t pay any bills, but a man should be able to swing the mortgage or rent.
  5. Are you financially compatible? Nope. If you were, you wouldn’t be having this issue. You can’t be with a grown man who has a child that believes earning less than $20k a year is a good look. It’s not. Don’t put yourself in financial straights by dating and living with this broke man.

Now, I know some of you may be saying “T, you’re being too hard.” Nope, I’m not. If I am dating someone (not married) and I can afford private school and you can’t then why should my child(ren) suffer? A man is supposed to provide. If he can’t provide for me he should at the very least be able to provide for his child(ren). If he can’t do that then why would you be with him? Throw him back in the ineligible dating pool. He’s not ready.

This is why I’m an advocate of making sure that you are equally yoked prior to moving in and definitely before marriage. Not just in religion, but in all things including financial. You need to level set about all things and expectations. This whole ordeal could have been avoided had she stayed away from this broke man.

What are your thoughts? Do you believe that all children should be treated equally? Would you pull your children out of private school and send them to public school for your partner?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Welcome August

Yay! Welcome August. The 8th month of the year of 2017 is bound to be a generous one. A month filled with exciting opportunities to enjoy the last remnants of summer. If you are a parent, you will probably be school shopping and preparing to send your child back to school shortly.

The month has 31 days for you to accomplish your goals. You want to do a beach day, but can’t afford a vacation? Drive. Drive to a local beach. Look for discounts. Clip coupons and find free events. Have a pool date with friends or take in an outdoor show.

August is going to be busy for me. I am taking Munch to the fair and a couple of pool dates. We are going to do a beach trip and headed to an amusement park. I’m trying to squeeze as much mommy and me stuff in as possible. We also will be flying home at the end of the month to Tennessee to visit my grandma and dad.

I’m also attending my sorority’s picnic, the last weekend of the month and doing girl time with the bestie at the Mary J. Blige Concert. I told you yesterday about how important it is for you to nurture your friendships. This is something I take seriously. Girl time is a must!

For August I wish you the nicest of days with the brightest sun and no humidity. I wish you the feel of sand between your toes as you walk the shores. I wish you fruity drinks that cool your spirit on hot days. I wish you boardwalk food, carnivals and amusement parks. I wish you laughter in the park, music with your loved ones and barbecues with your family.

Don’t forget to mark off your goals. You still have time.

 

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.