This is a long post, so I’ve decided to split it up into two parts. So much to tell you. So little space. LOL. But, here goes…
I have to tell you how God is always aligning me with things when I’m least expecting it. Like last week when I was catching up on my posts, I read this great post by KE Garland entitled “Saying “F*ck you” versus Releasing Expectations as a Way to Deal with Rejection”. Long title I know, but this post was right on time. I needed to read it when I read it.
Because I was going through a co-parenting struggle. I was trying to get my ex husband to see the benefit in some things. Mainly…me meeting his new girlfriend and this new tutoring program that I wanted to enroll our son in. Here’s where the article came into play…she was reminding me that I should release expectations and not just say F*ck you baby daddy!
I was expecting my ex husband and I to agree on ALL or 99.99% of the things that have to do with our son. Okay, maybe that was a little delusional, but at least 98% of things. Was I being fair? Nope. He’s entitled to his opinion, I just wish his opinion was mine. LOL.
However, it wasn’t. That was frustrating as heck and I was feeling like “every time we take three steps forward in co-parenting, we take ten steps backwards”. It was a never ending cycle of bad communication. I was at the “F*ck you and I will do what I want point”.
Don’t judge me. You’ve been there too.
We all have.
We all want what we want when we want it. Fact of life. But, that really doesn’t work in marriage and it really doesn’t work in divorce. Add to the fact that you’re trying to co-parent and you are really screwing yourself. I didn’t want the screwing to continue so I tried to have a conversation with my ex husband about some things.
Issue #1 – The New Girlfriend
Please don’t be confused by the title. It’s not an issue. I’m ecstatic that my ex has found love again. That means that we didn’t damage each other beyond repair (which is definitely a good thing). However, he decided that he would like his new girlfriend to pick up our son from the bus stop one day because he had a conflict. I didn’t feel comfortable with this. Why? Because I don’t know her, never met her, don’t have a license plate number, last name or telephone number for her.
Some people would say do you really need this? To which I would reply loudly “Hell Yes!” I have only one son. Munch is the light of our lives and I don’t allow people to drive my child around that his dad doesn’t know without me in the car. It has never happened and it never will. Heck, my own mama wouldn’t allow my son to be picked up by someone (male or female) that she had never met from her house. So, why would I allow a total stranger to me to drive my son around?
Do you know what he responded? She’s not a stranger to Munch. Munch knows her and really likes her. You know it took everything in me to not respond “Munch is 8 and he really likes and knows about butterflies, but you won’t see me allowing a butterfly to drive him around.” But, I said a quick prayer and asked the Lord to bridle my tongue. I explained that I would never allow someone he’s never met to drive our son around.
I wouldn’t. End of case. I explained to my ex that if he’s at the “letting her drive our son around stage” then she needs to meet me. Introductions are a must. I explained that I would never allow my friend to pick up our son and drive him somewhere without me. Why? Can you imagine for a second a total stranger (to you) picking up your one and only child and then getting into a car accident (no fault of their own) and your precious 8 year old ends up in the hospital and your ex spouse calls to tell you this. What do you think would happen? Let me break it down for you…
All hell would break loose. I would be cussing and fighting her and my ex husband. My family would be doing the same. The police would be called and I would be in handcuffs. The news would report it and I would lose my good job. Why? Because mama don’t play that. Not today and not with my Munch.
We had a LONG conversation about this and he was cool. He said “Okay” and will be setting up a meet and greet in the next couple of weeks. See, that was a win-win for both of us. I get to meet the woman he’s introduced to Munch and she gets to meet the neurotic mother of a charming little 8 year old.
But, guess what he then asked? He asked could he meet Mr. C.
Hold up! What a minute!
Mr. C has only met Munch once. I don’t have him around Munch all the time. I know it’s been almost a year, but I am a protective mama and he’s respecting of that. We’re taking it S-L-O-W! Why my baby daddy got to be meeting Mr. C? I was feeling some kind of way. Is that wrong?