A Thomas Point of View | Marriage, Empty Nesting & Rediscovering Life After 50
Well, y’all, let me tell you something…
MY HUSBAND AND I ARE OFFICIALLY EMPTY NESTERS!
And apparently, we have decided that instead of sitting around the house wondering what to do with ourselves, we’re going to be OUT HERE IN THESE STREETS!
Now, don’t get me wrong. Becoming empty nesters has been an adjustment.
My stepdaughter entered her second year of college this fall, and Brennan was the last of our children to leave the nest when he headed to the University of Maryland Eastern Shore for his freshman year.
So, for the first time in our marriage, neither of us has a child living at home.
And that is a WHOLE different experience!
For years, our lives revolved around school schedules, extracurricular activities, appointments, family obligations, and making sure everybody had what they needed.
There was always somewhere to be, something to do, or somebody who needed something.
And suddenly…
IT’S JUST US!
No children asking what’s for dinner. No coordinating everybody’s schedules. No planning our weekends around what the kids have going on.
Just my husband and me.
Now, I could sit here and tell y’all that I’ve spent every weekend crying because my baby is away at college.
But that wouldn’t exactly be the truth!
Do I miss Munch? ABSOLUTELY!
Do I sometimes wish I could just walk into his room and see what he’s doing? Of course!
But I’m also learning that this new chapter of parenting comes with an unexpected opportunity.
The opportunity to rediscover ourselves, our marriage, and the things that bring us joy.
So, Who’s Planning All These Dates? It’s Me
Now, before y’all start imagining my husband surprising me with elaborate romantic outings every weekend, let me clear something up.
I’M THE ACTIVITIES DIRECTOR IN THIS MARRIAGE!
Most of our dates happen because I find something interesting, suggest something I want to do, or decide that we need to get out of the house.
And my husband?
Well, bless his heart, he usually goes along with my plans!
I’ll say, “Babe, I found something I think we should do.”
And before he knows it, I’ve figured out where we’re going, what time we need to leave, and what we might want to eat while we’re there.
All he has to do is show up!
Now, don’t get me wrong. I appreciate that he’s willing to indulge my adventures, even when I’m sure he’d probably be just as happy relaxing at home.
But I also recognize that this is something we’re learning to navigate together.
After years of parenting and managing family responsibilities, we now have the freedom to be a little more spontaneous.
And I’m determined that we’re going to take advantage of it!
From Maryland to North Carolina… We’ve Been BUSY!
Over the past several weeks, we’ve been finding different ways to spend time together.
First, we attended the Maryland State Fair, where we enjoyed getting out, walking around, and experiencing something fun together.
Then we attended my alma mater’s Homecoming, which gave us another opportunity to enjoy ourselves outside our regular routine.
And then came my latest adventure.
THE NORTH CAROLINA STATE FAIR!
Now, let me tell y’all something about this fair!
First of all, it was HUGE!
I thought the Maryland State Fair was nice, but the North Carolina State Fair was on an entirely different level.
There was so much to see, so much to do, and most importantly…
SO MUCH FOOD TO EAT!
Chocolate-dipped strawberries, Mexican corn, candy apples, cotton candy, barbecue turkey legs, and just about anything else I could convince myself I needed to try.
I was like a kid in a candy store!
And my husband?
He indulged me.
He walked around with me, entertained my excitement, and let me enjoy my mission of tasting as many different fair foods as possible.
And let me tell you, I was enjoying EVERY MINUTE!
Now, here’s the part I haven’t told y’all yet.
WE DROVE FOUR HOURS TO RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA, FOR A STATE FAIR!
FOUR. WHOLE. HOURS.
Now, some people might think driving four hours to attend a fair is a little excessive.
But apparently, those people have never experienced the North Carolina State Fair!
Because before we even left, I had already informed my husband that WE HAVE TO DO THIS EVERY YEAR!
Yep. Just like that, I created a new annual tradition!
Did we discuss whether he wanted to make that four-hour drive every year?
Well… let’s just say I may have gotten a little ahead of myself!
But that’s marriage, right?
Sometimes one person brings the ideas, and the other brings the patience!
Rediscovering Joy After Years of Parenting
All jokes aside, there’s something meaningful about this season of our lives.
When you’re raising children, so much of your identity becomes wrapped up in being a parent.
You spend years focusing on their needs, their happiness, their education, their activities, and their future.
And somewhere along the way, it’s easy to forget that you’re still an individual with interests, dreams, and things you enjoy doing.
It’s also easy for couples to become so focused on managing a household and raising children that they forget to simply enjoy being together.
And when you’re part of a blended family, there are additional schedules, responsibilities, and dynamics to navigate.
So, when the last child leaves for college, the silence can feel unfamiliar.
But I’m discovering that an empty nest doesn’t have to mean an empty life.
It can mean having the freedom to reconnect with your spouse in ways that weren’t always possible when the children were home.
It can mean taking a spontaneous road trip, attending a festival, trying a new restaurant, or simply spending an afternoon together without worrying about what time you need to be home.
And here’s something else I’m realizing.
Rekindling your joy doesn’t necessarily require an expensive vacation or some grand romantic gesture.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as saying, “Hey, there’s something happening this weekend. Let’s go!”
And actually going!
But Let’s Talk About Something Else…
One thing this new chapter has made me think about is the importance of both partners being intentional about keeping the relationship exciting.
Now, as I mentioned earlier, I tend to be the one who comes up with our activities.
And while I genuinely enjoy finding things for us to do, I also recognize that planning the fun shouldn’t always fall on one person.
Because even in our empty-nest era, we’re still learning how to share responsibilities and show up for one another in different ways.
And yes, that includes romance, dating, and creating experiences together.
I appreciate that my husband is willing to go along with my plans, but I also want us both to be excited about discovering new things.
Maybe that means he surprises me with an idea every now and then.
Or maybe we take turns deciding what our next adventure will be.
Because the goal isn’t simply to stay busy.
The goal is to stay connected.
And I think that’s an important distinction.
Our Children Are Building Their Lives. Now It’s Time to Enjoy Ours!
Watching Brennan begin his college journey while my stepdaughter continues hers has reminded me that we’ve entered a new stage of parenting.
Our children are becoming independent young adults.
They’re building friendships, pursuing their educations, developing their interests, and creating lives of their own.
And that’s exactly what we wanted for them.
But while they’re out there discovering who they’re becoming, my husband and I have an opportunity to rediscover who WE are as a couple.
And honestly?
I’M EXCITED ABOUT THAT!
I’m excited about trying new things, visiting new places, spending quality time together, and making memories that don’t revolve around our responsibilities as parents.
I’m excited about finding joy in the little things.
And I’m especially excited about having the freedom to say, “Babe, let’s go somewhere this weekend!”
Even if that somewhere happens to be four hours away!
Because one thing I’ve learned since turning 50 is that life is too short to spend all your time waiting for the perfect opportunity to enjoy yourself.
Sometimes, you have to create the opportunity.
The Empty Nest Isn’t the End. It’s a New Beginning!
I know that becoming an empty nester can be emotional.
After spending so many years raising our children, it’s natural to miss having them around.
But I also believe there’s something beautiful about reaching a stage where you can celebrate the people your children are becoming while giving yourself permission to enjoy the life you’ve built.
We don’t have to choose between missing our children and enjoying our freedom.
WE CAN DO BOTH!
I can miss Brennan and still enjoy a weekend away with my husband.
I can be proud of our children for becoming independent while being excited about having more time for ourselves.
And I can embrace this new chapter without feeling guilty about finding happiness in it.
Because our lives didn’t end when the children left for college.
A NEW CHAPTER JUST BEGAN!
And if our first few months as empty nesters are any indication, my husband better keep his walking shoes ready and his overnight bag packed!
Because I already have some ideas about where we’re going next!
But hey…
I may not always be right, but I ALWAYS have a Thomas Point of View!
LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!
To my fellow empty nesters:
- How did you and your spouse adjust when the last child left home?
- Have you rediscovered hobbies, started dating each other again, or created new traditions?
- And ladies, are you the activities director in your marriage, or does your husband actually plan the dates?
I’d love to hear how you’re rekindling your joy and embracing this new season of life!
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