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Women Should Most Definitely Protect Men

I've come to the conclusion that many women in the U.S. are socialized to believe that a man should protect her with no reciprocity. They are raised by their parents this way. Taught that a man should protect them, but not the other way around.
Recently, I asked a group of over 23,000 members (mostly women)… “Do you think you should protect your man/husband?” The major of responses were, “no..”  Or some round-about way of saying no such as, “That’s a man job.” I’ve asked this same question in other forums, and the answers were typically the same.
I’ve come to the conclusion that many women in the U.S. are socialized to believe that a man should protect her with no reciprocity. They are raised by their parents this way. Taught that a man should protect them, but not the other way around. Disney reinforced this idea with their films. From childhood, women have received over 20 plus years of subliminal messaging, telling them that men should to protect them. Whether it be a damsel in distress, knight in shining armor, rich man saves poor woman, Richard Gere saves Julia Roberts. The constant themes, and images of a man protecting a woman are abundant.

Various Form of Protection

  • Emotional
  • Mental
  • Spiritual
  • Physical
  • Financial

When we hear the word, “protection” or “protect” we automatically default to physical protection. Hence why so many women believe it’s only a man’s job to do the protecting.


Every day, I look at imagery. For my blog, my personal photography work, and just for leisure. When I look at images of, “love, relationships and dating…” I typically see the man with his arms around the woman. I usually do not see the woman with her arms around the man.



Now, before you get all up in your feelings about that last statement, understand, I do not have a problem with these images and what they portray. In fact I love them. I also understand (for photography purposes) that men are typically on average, so they stand behind the woman with their arms around her.
On the other hand, these images show a man protecting a woman, which in turn would make any girl believe that is the way it should be. A woman consistently in the position of, “the protected.” I am here to tell you, a woman should protect her man/husband as well.

So How Do You Protect Him?

His reputation

We all have a reputation to uphold. Whenever someone tries to “come for him” or taint his name, a woman should help protect that reputation. Women can see things we can’t see… this also why your protection is essential.

Guard his feelings

This is a big one. From childhood, expression of feelings is something most men are just not taught. We were taught to be aggressive, told we shouldn’t cry, show no pain, or fear, and destroy your opponent. So, the one place we should feel comfortable expressing ourselves is with our woman/wife. I’ve been in many social settings (and groups) and when a man begins to express himself, he’s talked-over, talked-for, or simply told he’s complaining. I’ve seen women make jokes about men when they express themselves. Utter emasculation in public. If a man feels as though a woman doesn’t value his feelings, he will shut down and become emotionally unavailable.

Guard his heart…

…from the demons that would do him harm. I’m a firm believer in spirituality, negative forces, and negative energy. When I tell you, that the minute I’m on track, focused, and headed in the right direction, here comes a dozen different distractions, obstacles, and people to divert my attention.  My eyes and mind are always open, and aware of the negative people, and things that effect me in an adverse way.

  • A woman can see another woman who intends to hurt her man, and stop said woman dead in her tracks.
  • A woman could see something her man is doing where he could hurt himself, or his career (that’s protection).
  • Holding your man accountable for his actions is protection.

Protect him with your love

Surround him with it. Men don’t feel love from many places (especially black men)… we feel more hatred, fear and disdain than anything when we’re out in the world. The love we feel comes from family, and most of all our woman/wife. I can’t tell you how many times in the past I came home and felt lower than dirt from getting beat up all day (emotionally) and my woman would put her arms around me and protect me from the demons that were invading my mind telling me I couldn’t do it (give up). The love of my woman was like an extra barrier against those that would do me harm, or hurt me. Her love and support kept me focused and got me back on task when I felt inadequate.

Pray For Him

In an article about “4 Ways To Protect Your Husband… ”  Tiya Cunningham-Sumter says:

Another great way to protect your husband is through prayer. There is no greater protector than God. Pray for your husband and with your husband. His life, his choices and his spirit all need to be lifted up constantly. You can pray that in his role as husband he always feels loved and supported. Also ask God to provide you with all you need to protect your husband as well.

As you can see, you should protect your man. Stop letting society, the way your parents taught you, or girlfriends told you, dictate what’s right, and what’s needed in your relationship.

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  1. “Utter emasculation in public. If a man feels as though a woman doesn’t value his feelings, he will shut down and become emotionally unavailable.”

    Jay, you keep it real. Never should a man be emasculated. Truth is, it’s easy for men to become cold, turn off all our feelings. Become a being without emotion.

    Men and women should protect each other. I believe, and I state again, I believe that emotionally and particularly physically, men should protect their women. That’s how things are and despite new-age millennial nonsense of gender choice and all that trash, men are gatherers and should protect their women from all threats emotional and physical.

    But that’s not to say women shouldn’t do the same, but allow the man to do so first, to take lead int he situation. For instance in confrontation with other people. In the majority of black cultures, it’s common and normal for women such as grandmothers and mothers to be just as protective to their sons, just as the fathers are, while raising them to be strong. But once we become men, a man must be a man for his woman. That’s what I believe. There may be equality but there’s certain things that only men should do when it comes to different forms of protection in relationships.

    That’s just me, and that being said I’m a territorial a**hole. So I’m interested in knowing other peoples thoughts and experiences on this topic. Look forward to hearing them.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Appreciate that… I agree with everything you stated. I believe protection is two headed. Women and men. We both need to contribute to the other. In other words… pour into each other. Provide for each other, protect each other, love each other… and not in a conditional type manner. Do it because it’s who you are, and you love the person. Not because they did something for you first. Protect his reputation… protect his spirit and his have his back in all ways. Not all women know how to do this.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Thank you for articulating soooo well what I was thinking. Over the year’s I’ve changed my perspective on this entire situation. Men and women should treat each other with respect however, men should take the lead…in the “right direction”. And when it comes to BW, there always seems to be a catch 22…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks, Marquessa. I realised that. And I’m glad I delivered what you was thinking. Also Jay, I most certainly agree with you and this article clearly addresses certain issues that aren’t spoken of. A man has his place, so to does a woman. Neither higher than the other, but specific roles in how they protect each other must be in place.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hmmm…at first, my answer was no too, and I think I’m pretty progressive and forward thinking. I must admit that this has made me think a little different. I agree that we’re all raised to believe that men take care of themselves, and women look towards men to take care of them, and, in turn, women protect and take care of children. Great insight Jay.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks! I have had a few that arched their eyebrows at this one. However, I’m glad you gave it a shot. The first inclination some women have is….”Men are the protectors, not women.” That’s before reading. This post only gives a bit more insight into the word “protection of a man,” based on what we need, vs what society thinks we need. Obviously this isn’t a blanket for all men to lay under, but it does cover most of our bodies.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I can’t say that I have really had the pleasure of knowing a healthy relationship in the past, so all I really have to go on is what I have been through.
    PC society has adamantly pushed for equality and just about every institution has it in writing for all to see. Yet, I can’t deny the pervasive glass ceiling, gender bashing stereotypes, bias in the courtroom, and differences in expectations at the workplace. I don’t know, I hear a lot of “we’re all equal” but then see a lot of double standards when it benefits a certain person.
    When my marriage was falling apart, a lot of well meaning folks insisted that we just needed to learn our roles as the man and woman of the house. It just opened the door to more arguments over whose job it was to do what.
    I kind of like not being married to my girl because it begs the title “Partner”. That’s what a couple should be, before everything else, a duo. Like Batman and Robin, Starsky and Hutch, or maybe Pinky and The Brain. Maybe in gramp’s day it worked to have defined roles of breadwinner and homemaker, but it’s a brave new world. A household absolutely needs two incomes these days, and I think everyone needs to take part in the homemaking, too. That’s where we learn to take care of ourselves and each other. Nobody should consider work or school their only responsibility, and gender shouldn’t be the determination who does what for the family. It’s just a damn ugly world out there. A couple has to be strong together and give each other their best.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I read this last night and wanted to make sure I got back to you on it. I totally agree with everything you said. A lot of time we use our parents, or grandparents as reference, and rightfully so. In many cases, whatever they did has worked….. for them. However, the times they were coming up are different times vs now. While some ideals are applicable, others are not. Some of us fail to realize this truth and still try to pressure our mates with outdated ideologies and beliefs. It’s like trying to get someone to use Commodore 64 today. Good luck.


  4. Powerful message right here!
    As I was reading it I couldn’t help but to think about my wife. I never looked at it as her protecting me. I always looked at it as her loving me. But she told me loving me was a process for her. In the beginning of our relationship she said she didn’t respect me. Not as much as what I was doing but more of her perception of men.
    Men are dogs, unfaithful, cheap…etc…etc
    I asked her what changed it. She said she looked at the evidences. I was treating her opposite of her beliefs. She said she could no longer deny reality. And this stopped her from throwing me under the bus to her family when she gets upset with me. She was protecting my reputation.
    Thanks for the insight Jay!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for commenting Vernon! You nailed it… she finally decided to protect you. I’m sure you were already doing that because by default, that word “protection” is synonymous with the word “man,” not “woman.” That being said, while some women are already doing some of these things, they don’t know they’re protecting their man. For those that aren’t, they are leaving their man open for the outside world to “have at him.” That means family, friends, work, society, whatever. They all impact us. Your wife is there to deflect and protect just as much as you are. I’m glad she realized through your works, that are deserving of protection as well.


    1. Without a doubt. Protect each other. I believe we sometimes expect men to be super e finales emotionless automatons that just provide and protect. We’re a lot more complex than we let on.


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