Last week in one of my parenting groups I saw this post from the Daily Mail asking Would you pay your stepchild’s education fees? I was intrigued. What fees? Mr. C and I want to marry in the future and college tuition will be a part of our budget so I wanted to read the post.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t what I expected. The woman posted in a group chat how she’s moving in with her boyfriend and they have 3 children among them. She has two girls and he has one daughter. She asked him prior to even the thought of them moving in would his daughter be okay with going to public school while her girls attended private school. He said yes.
Well, lo and behold his daughter is not. Now, her boyfriend wants his daughter to go to private school like her girls or both her girls should go to public school. Yeah right. So, he felt that it was fair and some other people on the post believed the same thing.
Here are my 5 thoughts on this issue:
- Heck, no. First off, the man makes equivalent to $18,000 in U.S. money annually. Didn’t I tell you women to stop dating broke men. Are you kidding me? How is he financially supporting his child on this low salary? That is the bigger issue.
- The woman stated that she makes substantially more than him and will be absorbing the majority of the costs in the home. Why? Why are you dating someone who will be a financial drain on you and you have children? Your goal is to provide for them and not take care of a broke man.
- This is going to shock some of you all, but life’s not fair. There. I said it. That is the lesson that you have to teach your children. His daughter needs to learn that life is not fair and if she wants to go to private school, her parents need to pay for it. If not, suck it up and enjoy a public school education. I did. I turned out fine.
- Money should be separate unless you’re married. Why would we combine funds if we are not married? Your money is your money and my money is my money while we are dating. No cohabitation or confusion on this issue. But, let me be clear. It is a man’s job to put a roof over his family’s head. I’ll say it again….I’m not paying for a roof over my head. That doesn’t mean that I won’t pay any bills, but a man should be able to swing the mortgage or rent.
- Are you financially compatible? Nope. If you were, you wouldn’t be having this issue. You can’t be with a grown man who has a child that believes earning less than $20k a year is a good look. It’s not. Don’t put yourself in financial straights by dating and living with this broke man.
Now, I know some of you may be saying “T, you’re being too hard.” Nope, I’m not. If I am dating someone (not married) and I can afford private school and you can’t then why should my child(ren) suffer? A man is supposed to provide. If he can’t provide for me he should at the very least be able to provide for his child(ren). If he can’t do that then why would you be with him? Throw him back in the ineligible dating pool. He’s not ready.
This is why I’m an advocate of making sure that you are equally yoked prior to moving in and definitely before marriage. Not just in religion, but in all things including financial. You need to level set about all things and expectations. This whole ordeal could have been avoided had she stayed away from this broke man.
What are your thoughts? Do you believe that all children should be treated equally? Would you pull your children out of private school and send them to public school for your partner?