Is It Love?

Is it love? That’s the question I was asking Sunday night. I don’t know. I don’t have the mental capacity to determine if it’s love. I’m more logical than romantic. More cynical than cliche. I’m just happy. I’m in strong like. I am just enjoying the moment. But, I did wonder after reading this Facebook post:

Sometimes you ‪#‎grow‬ ‪#‎impatient‬ waiting to hear ‪#‎his‬ “I love you,” when he shows you everyday. Because he ‪#‎professes‬ his ‪#‎love‬ in a ‪#‎language‬that you won’t allow yourself to ‪#‎learn‬, ‪#‎you‬ feel slighted and ‪#‎suspicious‬. But he always makes sure you have what you ‪#‎need‬. He makes sure you have gas in your car before you head home. He wants to know if you got home safely. He asks if you ate today. He never forgets to call and say, “Good Morning,” or text: ‘rise and shine ‪#‎beautiful‬‘. He comes over to take care of you when you’re sick. He holds you when you’re weary. He listens when you worry. He leads you when you’re lost. So, what part of his “I love you” did you miss? Sometimes we are our biggest ‪#‎obstacle‬, especially when we analyze the ‪#‎life‬ out of everything, ‪#‎speak‬ more than we ‪#‎listen‬, and don’t learn to ‪#‎recognize‬ that ‪#‎actions‬ speak louder than ‪#‎words‬. Ideally, he would say it and show it. But how many ‪#‎men‬/‪#‎women‬ do you know that speak the words, but with actions that fail to match? ‪#‎ItHappens‬.‪#‎ILoveYou‬‘s come in their own time and what leads to that place will be evident way before his lips part to say the words. ‪#‎Ijs‬‪#‎DontBeDumb‬. His‪#‎care‬ and ‪#‎concern‬ should be ‪#‎prerequisites‬ to your love ‪#‎expectations‬ or your want for a romantic ‪#‎relationship‬.

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

 

whether or not it if I’m in love. I mean how do you know if someone love’s you? In case you’re wondering, I’m talking about this situationship that I have with Mr. C. He hates that I call it that. He refers to it as a relationship. We haven’t really defined anything. We just exist in this state of bliss. It’s bliss. I’m happy. He’s happy. But, how long does that last?

Matters of the heart confuse me. I wasn’t successful in the last relationship that I had. I learned a lot of lessons. Mainly about me. But, I’ve vowed to protect my heart.

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The other night on the phone, I said “I love you” as we were getting off the phone. It slipped out. I couldn’t believe that I let it slip. I wasn’t ready to say those words. I’ve never told a man that I love him first. So, what did I do? I did what any 41 year old woman caught off guard would do.

I said bye and hung up the phone on him. I then called my best friend and she laughed. She said “I knew that you loved him.” I asked her how? I didn’t even know. She said “In the way that you speak about him. The way that you express how he makes you feel. It’s different. I can’t explain it really. But, it’s different.”

I sighed. So, it wasn’t just a Freudian slip. Could I be in love? Ugh! My best friend just laughed. Mr. C. sent me a text saying Really? It’s Okay. I was ashamed. Ashamed that I let myself feel the moment in this undefined situation and let my guard down. I couldn’t take it back.

LOVE-quotes-7

My best friend just laughed. “Maybe he won’t say anything. Maybe he won’t mention it” she said. I told her to stop laughing at me and that he’s not the type to let something go. He’ll mention it.

I didn’t know how to handle it. I was going to have to address it with him. More importantly. I was going to have to address my feelings. I was going to have to do some self-reflection and accept that there was some truthfulness to my statement. That my heart was doing this weird dance.

That I was falling.

Falling in love.

Dammit, I was in love.

I was in love with this man. This man who shows me with his actions that he loved me too. That I wasn’t alone in this situation that is causing me angst. He tells me every time he holds my hand or calls me to say good morning. Every time he tells me that my voice needs to be the last one that he hears before he goes to sleep. He tells me when he makes sure to see me in between Munch’s tutoring sessions.

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Or when he makes plans with me. He’s imagining a future and I’m in it. It’s both comforting and scary. I’m scared. Scared of the inevitable. Scared of the possibilities. The last time I said I love you aloud was to my ex-husband. That was almost 4 years ago.

Yes, I like him. I value him. I respect him. I’m crushing on him. I like his smile. I like his spirit. He knows that I am dating for a purpose. He is in alignment with my spirit. He is just a wonderful human being that appreciates and accepts me for who I am and in case you’re wondering…nope, I’m not dropping it like it’s hot. Not giving up anything other than my time and apparently my heart. He values both.

Guess what folks? I’m in love.

Wow!

Let’s see where this goes.

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45 thoughts on “Is It Love?

      1. Falling in Love with Paul was the hardest/easiest thing I have ever done. 5 years later, I thought the other day, I hate that I love him so much. LOL, you know what I mean. Just laying in bed next to him still makes my heart so happy. Getting a random text about my day and a kiss on my forehead. Good Luck as your power through 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks Stephanie! I’m like this is really happening. I’ve met a wonderful man who values me and loves me and shows me how special I am and I just have to get the hell out of my own way. It’s weird because I documented my divorce drama, my dating drama and now this new stage in my life where I realize that I’m in love. I thought it was important to be transparent because life is about transparency and letting people know that they are not alone. I hope that my story has a happy ending like yours knowing that it requires work, compromise and most important…love.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Tikeetha. Let your heart be free, my friend. There are always risks when it comes to the heart – I have had my heart squished many times and then I took a huge gamble again and I found the love that you shared from FB.

    You deserve to be happy and if your Situationship makes you happy and Mr C does. Give him a chance – Don’t push him away.
    You get to put down the ground rules of what is acceptable and what isn’t. 🙂 xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. LOL, he says that I didn’t say L-O-V-E. He said that I said, “Good night babe, I L-O-… you” and then hung up. I’m like whatever. Not true. He said, “I’m not worried you’ll be shouting it to the world pretty soon and so will I.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Love is a beautiful thing. And the fact that it came without you not knowing about it, you became sure after you told your friend about it. It’s a goo thing. And that means you’ve always been yourself around him. Embrace it. Don’t be scared. I wish you all the best.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I so love the way you express this situation with such vulnerable transparency! Lol! And like your BFF I’m laughing at you! It’s fun, cute and exciting! Even in our 40’s to feel those teenage butterflies; why the heck not!!! Let go and embrace it, you know you deserve it, and he does too! Congrats💕

    Liked by 2 people

    1. LOL. I know. But, the last time I uttered those words I was 37. I’m now 41 and it is kinda foreign. I wasn’t expecting to fall in love, but I’m happy. I wanted to share my journey with everyone because I shared my divorce pain and my dating drama. So, this is a new chapter for me. One in which I haven’t experienced since my 20’s.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks sis! Yes, there is. God has totally kept me these last few years and led me to a wonderful man. Please stay tuned with our story. Because I’ve never dated a man with children and us taking our children on vacation together.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks sis! He’s great! I just didn’t know that it was happening. I told him that I’m a runner. He said “I know. I’m not going to chase you though.” I said really? He said, “No, I’m going to put my tennis shoes and walk calmly behind you. When you get tired of running, I’m going to pick you up and carry you the rest of the way.” I was speechless. I feel like a giddy a** school girl.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. That is wonderful i remember that feeling when i first met my guy 8 years ago. But for me it was love at first sight, but it was also a one-side love. Now 8 hard years later and 2 kids i think i’m falling out of love, i’m lost confused and i just plain don’t know what to i wish i did. Congrats on finding a happy love and i wish you 2 the best!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. AT FIRST HE DIDN’T BECAUSE I WASN’T HIS TYPE, BUT HE SLOWLY START TO HAVE SOME FEELINGS FOR ME HE SAYS HE LOVES ME NOW, BUT IN MY HEART HE DOESN’T RESPECT ME, AND WE WANT 2 DIFFERENT THINGS IN LIFE
        SORRY FOR THE CAPS LOL

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No worries. Yep, I would say stay away from him. If he doesn’t respect you it will never get better. I had to learn that. He should know how to treat you and you should never expect less. Respect is mutual and should be given up front when you meet people. No worries about the caps. LOL

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      3. Thanks, it just i expected more than i received and i hate we are so far into this with 2 kids and 8 years of on nd off things behind us. Like we disagree on our life plan, i really did want to work it out but idk, still do love him but lately i have been just frustrated.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yep, but you have to love you and the kids more. Co-parenting is hard, but you just have to focus on you and the kids and just don’t engage. Work your plan for the children. Don’t worry about what he is or isn’t. Let your life be about what is in the best interest of my children. I read a quote or post the other day that says hope your partner does the things you like rather than expect him too. Expectations are often met with failures in relationships. I thought that was pretty deep.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. That is deep, Like i am only 23 with 2 kids a full time job and am in school, he is the only realtionship i have been in so i have nothing to compare it to, i don’t really have any friends and the friends i do aren’t an no better situations then me. I work very hard and have tried very hard for this relationship, i got us a house,i try to mkae sure we have everything we need and its just i need a certain level of help as well. Yea it is helpful that he watches they kids so i don’t have to pay for daycare but i need more from him, he gets mad saying all i talk about is money but sex is the furthers thing from my mind i just had a baby 4 months ago and i had both of my kids less than 1 year apart my body needs to heal i’m sorry i don’t feel the urge to engage in sex but i also have to worry about paying the rent and bills on time, making sure my hw is turned in , making sure i go to work and that my kids are fine.

        Liked by 1 person

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