Women Should Most Definitely Protect Men

women-protect-men
Recently, I asked a group of over 23,000 members (mostly women)… “Do you think you should protect your man/husband?” The major of responses were, “no..”  Or some round-about way of saying no such as, “That’s a man job.” I’ve asked this same question in other forums, and the answers were typically the same.
I’ve come to the conclusion that many women in the U.S. are socialized to believe that a man should protect her with no reciprocity. They are raised by their parents this way. Taught that a man should protect them, but not the other way around. Disney reinforced this idea with their films. From childhood, women have received over 20 plus years of subliminal messaging, telling them that men should to protect them. Whether it be a damsel in distress, knight in shining armor, rich man saves poor woman, Richard Gere saves Julia Roberts. The constant themes, and images of a man protecting a woman are abundant.

Various Form of Protection

  • Emotional
  • Mental
  • Spiritual
  • Physical
  • Financial

When we hear the word, “protection” or “protect” we automatically default to physical protection. Hence why so many women believe it’s only a man’s job to do the protecting.

Imagery

Every day, I look at imagery. For my blog, my personal photography work, and just for leisure. When I look at images of, “love, relationships and dating…” I typically see the man with his arms around the woman. I usually do not see the woman with her arms around the man.

white-man-hugging-white-woman-protectblack-and-white-protect-white-man-white-womanblack-man-hugging-black-woman

 

Now, before you get all up in your feelings about that last statement, understand, I do not have a problem with these images and what they portray. In fact I love them. I also understand (for photography purposes) that men are typically on average, so they stand behind the woman with their arms around her.
On the other hand, these images show a man protecting a woman, which in turn would make any girl believe that is the way it should be. A woman consistently in the position of, “the protected.” I am here to tell you, a woman should protect her man/husband as well.

So How Do You Protect Him?

His reputation

We all have a reputation to uphold. Whenever someone tries to “come for him” or taint his name, a woman should help protect that reputation. Women can see things we can’t see… this also why your protection is essential.

Guard his feelings

This is a big one. From childhood, expression of feelings is something most men are just not taught. We were taught to be aggressive, told we shouldn’t cry, show no pain, or fear, and destroy your opponent. So, the one place we should feel comfortable expressing ourselves is with our woman/wife. I’ve been in many social settings (and groups) and when a man begins to express himself, he’s talked-over, talked-for, or simply told he’s complaining. I’ve seen women make jokes about men when they express themselves. Utter emasculation in public. If a man feels as though a woman doesn’t value his feelings, he will shut down and become emotionally unavailable.

Guard his heart…

…from the demons that would do him harm. I’m a firm believer in spirituality, negative forces, and negative energy. When I tell you, that the minute I’m on track, focused, and headed in the right direction, here comes a dozen different distractions, obstacles, and people to divert my attention.  My eyes and mind are always open, and aware of the negative people, and things that effect me in an adverse way.

  • A woman can see another woman who intends to hurt her man, and stop said woman dead in her tracks.
  • A woman could see something her man is doing where he could hurt himself, or his career (that’s protection).
  • Holding your man accountable for his actions is protection.

Protect him with your love

Surround him with it. Men don’t feel love from many places (especially black men)… we feel more hatred, fear and disdain than anything when we’re out in the world. The love we feel comes from family, and most of all our woman/wife. I can’t tell you how many times in the past I came home and felt lower than dirt from getting beat up all day (emotionally) and my woman would put her arms around me and protect me from the demons that were invading my mind telling me I couldn’t do it (give up). The love of my woman was like an extra barrier against those that would do me harm, or hurt me. Her love and support kept me focused and got me back on task when I felt inadequate.

Pray For Him

In an article about “4 Ways To Protect Your Husband… ”  Tiya Cunningham-Sumter says:

Another great way to protect your husband is through prayer. There is no greater protector than God. Pray for your husband and with your husband. His life, his choices and his spirit all need to be lifted up constantly. You can pray that in his role as husband he always feels loved and supported. Also ask God to provide you with all you need to protect your husband as well.

As you can see, you should protect your man. Stop letting society, the way your parents taught you, or girlfriends told you, dictate what’s right, and what’s needed in your relationship.

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Yearning

 

There was an ache in my soul when I thought that I couldn’t have children. Not that I ever wanted children. They were nice enough. But, I was afraid. Afraid of failing at being the kind of mother that I thought children deserved.

Until.

Until I knew that you were growing in my womb. It was a yearning in my spirit to protect you with everything that I am and everything that I have. The yearning is still there my sweet little boy. The yearning to be a better mother than I ever thought possible.

The yearning to be a person that you will always be able to depend on. The yearning to give you the best of what I have to offer. The yearning to lead and guide you down the path of life with God as our guide.

I yearn to shield you from as much pain as possible dear son. But, when I can’t shield you…I pray that you will know who to call on for help. Remember where our help comes from.

Y

This post was part of the A2Z challenge and the letter “Y” is for Yearning. My posts will be written as a journal style for the challenge and will be on the theme: Mothering While Black. I hope you enjoyed it.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter@mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram pagehttps://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

He’s Not Your Man – Part 1

The other night I had dinner with my best friend. I’ve mentioned before that I have two best friends (a man and a woman) that I have known 30 years this year. We are ecstatic because honestly how many people keep in touch with people from 30 years ago? We remain constant and our communication is consistent.

My male best friend works nights so we don’t spend as much time because he just got full custody of his two children in January (I’ll write about that soon) and he’s busy ripping and running with his children. My female best friend and I get together a couple of times a month. With or without our children, we find time to get together and have girl time.

That being said, my male best friend decided to come over and hang out. We ended up going out to grab a quick bite to eat at Friday’s. I was catching up with him and we laughed and joked and had a real good time. Before dinner was served he looked up and said that he sees someone he knows, excused himself and went to greet his friend.

After dinner, a woman approached our table and began talking to him. I was paying no attention as I had looked at my phone. I heard him say “Listen, I’m not doing this here. I’m having dinner with my friend and you can either have a seat or leave.” He then said “T, this is C” and I waved at her and said “Hello.” She looked at me and said nothing.

Okay, I realized that this may have been one of his women and girlfriend was mad that we were spending less than two hours catching up. I continued to look at my phone and he repeated what he said. She left. I put my phone away and asked “What was that about?” He responded that it was one of the women that he is dating and she was mad because we were hanging out. He said that the woman that he spoke to earlier is her sister and her sister must have called her and said that he’s up here with another woman and she rushed up to check it out.

What? I was floored. Really girlfriend? I couldn’t believe that in this day in age with a woman in her 40’s that she would just show up and show out over a random.

A random is a man that you are dating and you have no actual relationship with. You may claim him, but he doesn’t claim you. He sleeps with you and he may or may not sleep with other women. 

In my friend’s case I asked him what was up. Was he sleeping with her? He said “Yeah, she’s cool but she has a lot of trust issues.” I asked “Does she know about me?” He responded “Yeah, I’ve told her about you and have had conversations with you in front of her so she knows that nothing is going on.”

Uh huh.

I began to ponder why women are threatened by other women and the process by which we assume that we are the only woman because we are sexing a man the majority of the time. I wanted to talk to this woman because I wanted her to know that there was no need to be threatened by me, but furthermore to let her know that she played herself. She played herself in front of me and in front of him.

Dating is a game. You need to learn not to play yourself. Now, I don’t think they are on the same page, I think she wants him to court her and he’s dating her. Jay talked about it in his post:  Courtship vs. Dating: The Breakdown

I gave him my two cents. I’m his best friend. Want to know what I told him? I’ll tell you more about it tomorrow.

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-To Be Continued-

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Welcome To My Love, Dating & Relationships Podcast

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Hey everyone,

This will be short. I want to take some time out to thank everyone who has supported all my posts, blogs, vlogs.  Now, I want to introduce to you my new podcast about love, dating, and relationships.

I’m already on episode 03 Courtship vs. Dating.

If you’d like to hear the first two podcasts, follow the link below.

For those of you who have already read my blog on Courtship vs Dating, I expound on the subject even more on 3.26.18

Please click the link below, and then click the follow button on the home page to be notified whenever a new podcast is released. You can follow with Facebook, Twitter or Google+.

If you have any questions that you’d like to be addressed on the show, please submit them to:
relationshipsetcetera.com/contact

Subject: JustLsn Podcast

 

Thanks in advance!

 

 

Every Man Has A Label By Day 31

every-man-has-label-day-31

I recently posted about the dating label that most men put on women by the 31st day of the month. In today’s post I will be depicting the various labels that women put on men by the 31st day of the month.  And yes… women do it too.

It is also not uncommon for a woman to have all these men in the lineup at the same time (each one carrying a unique label), especially if she’s single.

 

A Label Can Suck, But Not All Labels Are Created Equal

All men wear a label (whether we know it or not). Some women might be more intentional with their labeling—but they are very similar (and subtle) to men in how they go about applying the status they give each man. Women might apply a certain label to a man that defines what he does [for] her. In other words, if he’s someone who pays her bills, he could be labeled, “money man.”

 

Your man (publicly declared)man-label-day-31

Pretty self explanatory. Pretty much the hubby or boyfriend. Your man is the most well-rounded, and balanced man in your circle. He is the one you can do most things with….from great sex, to going out, or just sitting down having a great conversation. He is the one you share your most intimate moments with. The one you “love” and accept no matter what. Your man can just be himself because he is a constant fixture in your life. He doesn’t question his label because you make him a priority.

Your man does everything. He fills up your gas tank, cooks for you, rubs your feet after a long day at work, listens to you ramble aimlessly about (anything)—he even lets you eat off his plate.

 

Sex man

A.K.A. “Mr. Fulfillment!” S.K.A. “The Plumber.” Over a period of time, if your man is not putting out, doesn’t have time, or he isn’t very good in bed…here comes sex man. In many cases, the label “sex man” can be had by a random man you met. The sexual chemistry is so strong, you yield to it constantly, and the sexual excursions became a regular occurrence. Sex man is Mr. pleasure…you go to see him late at night..or sometimes early in the day. Sex with him is intense and spontaneous…he probably does all of the things that your man won’t do, or hits all the spots that your man can’t seem to find. He is a fantasy fulfilled… the man that has the equipment to get you off. Sex man usually doesn’t have the best personality, or even the best character. He only has one job…

lay that pipe.

Some women would probably believe that any man would want this label (right?)…. wrong. A man that is truly looking for a real relationship would not want to be limited to sex.

 

Bill Man

every-man-label-day-31The provider. Sometimes [your man], and [sex man] are broke-ass men.  Or, they work jobs that don’t make them enough money to satisfy your craving for material objects, movies, trips, car payments, bills, whatever. Money has all that covered. You need a bill paid? Call bill man. Car about to be repossessed? Call bill man. Don’t want to spend your own money? Do I really need to say it again?

You typically tease money man…making him think that you will give him some, but you never do…and if you do…you don’t let him smash… you (just might) let him taste it, that’s about it. Money man disillusions himself to think that one day he will become, [your man]. In some cases, money man knows all about your (real) man and has mass amounts of envy for him. Mm is typically not the most attractive of the 5 men listed. Having low self esteem is very common. Simply put, he enjoys your company, and/or the sex you’re willing to give him in exchange for goods…. and no, I’m not making this up.

 

Movie Man

Movie man wants everything that sex man, money man, and your man have, but doesn’t have the resolute to step up and take it. Instead he thinks of it constantly…every now and then bringing it up—and at that point you quickly change subjects. This man is cool to go out with.. you can eat and laugh with him.. or, go to a movie with him. Nights are short with this man because you very rarely go into his house, or sit and talk (that’s your man and friend man job).  It’s usually you sitting on his couch waiting for him to get ready to go out, or, you meeting him somewhere to hang out. This man also is aware of [your man] but has no idea about money man, sex man and friend man.

If you just so happen to be single and have a movie man, you don’t take him seriously, he’s a stop gap, someone you spend aimless time with until you meet the man you really want.

 

Just A Friend

This is the man that you talk-to about all the above men. He knows it all. From your indiscretions, to your infidelity. You can tell him these things because you don’t see him as your man, (you’ve friend-zoned him) nor will you ever.  He has the best conversation—better then everyone else.  He keeps your best kept secret locked away, and can even be a great alibi if your man knows about him. Perhaps at one point friend man was  go out to eat/movie man…but you just didn’t see him in a more advanced role, so…he ended up being friend man.

You may actually see friend man a little like you see sex man, but he is not as attractive to you sexually. You also don’t want to violate your friendship, so you keep things on the level they are. Friend man wants everything your man has. He will bring it up from time to time… but you always tell him, “I don’t see you that way.” Friend man typically has all the qualities you want in a man but for some reason you don’t pursue anything further. Know one knows why but you, (and probably your girlfriends).

He might be lacking in a critical area, or maybe you love your man so much you can’t leave him. This is why you have so many other different types of men. Friend man either hates your man with a passion, or he tolerates him—and really doesn’t care about the others, because he sees himself as better then them. Friend man just sits there and waits for the opportunity to pounce when you and your man break up. He is the comforter when your man is acting like an ass or you get into an argument. He is in all honesty…number two on the depth chart, waiting to be number one.

 

Thanks for reading.
Don’t forget to comment below!

Courtship vs. Dating: The Breakdown

courtship-vs-dating-breakdown

I believe that we have confused courtship with dating…

Dating is what most people in the American culture do. Courtship is what most people in the American culture aspire to do, but conform to dating because either they don’t know how to court, they realize dating is easier, or they have been socialized and conditioned to find their mate one way, not the other.

Please stop using the word, “courtship” when you are actually speaking about dating.

What is Courtship?

Courtship is a mutual partnership, a journey together with the intended purpose of marriage (from the beginning). Courtship is intentional and purposeful.

Courtship is focus on marriage (or lifelong companionship). This happens from the door, not months down the road.

Men get antsy when the “M” word is mentioned. Why? A man that is intentional with a woman won’t get nervous at the sound of the word, “marriage.” In courtship, marriage is discussed, early and often. You don’t waste time playing around, having casual sex, and doing extraordinary things for a person who you don’t see in your future.

Finally, courtship is a linear process. It’s doesn’t have various different versions that are left up to perception, translation or recreation. It’s very strategic.

An example would look something like this:

Step 1: Get to know the person on a personal and spiritual level consistently. Talk about expectations, family, friends, finances, goals, and past experiences. Always have fun. Laugh, joke, and enjoy each other.. enjoy the process.
Step 2: Stay out of romantic situations
Step 3: State your intentions with each other
Step 4: Always pour into each other
Step 5: Stay out of romantic situations
Step 6: Make it official
Step 7: If you want to begin romance and intimacy, here is where I’d start
Step 8: Involve trusted family (or friends) in the process to get to know each other
Step 9: Involve your religious leader if you have one
Step 10: (Men) when you are ready, propose! Take her off the market
Step 11: Seek marriage counseling
Step 12: Make it official under God

What about Dating?

Dating has no real purpose.

You almost immediately jump into romantic situations (dinner dates)… and develop romantic feelings for each other. Real hardcore conversations are rare, and intimate encounters are abundant. As a result, the infatuation is allowed to creep in, while the intentional aspect (courting) is pushed to the side.

Ever date for months only to find out you really don’t know the person? This happens often. Then we wake up one day, in a bad relationship, or with a person who deceived us because we didn’t, properly court the situation or the person.

Most people date. [you disagree?] OK, how many people have you dated in your lifetime knowing you wouldn’t marry them? You knew this, but you still spent time with them, had sex with them, etc.

That is why dating has such a high failure rate.

Dating looks something like this:

Step 1: Meet the person (on or offline)
Step 2: Get to know a few things about them, and then jump into romantic situations based on lust and infatuation
Step 3: Feelings are involved but you barely know the person
Step 4: You’ve probably had sex by now, or at least kissed (opening up the door for more)
Step 5: You really have no idea where this is going
Step 6: You still don’t know a lot about the person you’re having sex with
Step 7: Feelings of fun and sexual pleasure override logic, and you forget you had a goal in mind (marriage)
Step 8: You finally ask “what am I to you?” Or, “How do you feel about marriage?” He responds with a blank stare or curious look
Step 9: You overlook step 8, and continue dating even though you both don’t see the other as marriage material or a long term GF/BF.
Step 10: It finally dissolves because it was never meant to be in the first place
Step 11: But you could have figured that out a lot sooner, had you courted

Or something like that…

A few things I know about Courtship and what it’s really about:

1. Mental

Unfortunately, our sex saturated culture encourages people to lust over the person they are pursuing. We need to intentionally get to know them. How do they see life? What makes them tick? How does their mind work? How will they handle themselves in adverse situations?

2. Spiritual

Unfortunately, many people compromise this principle because they are unable to find enough Christian (or whatever you practice) singles to date. However, we’ll never experience the same level of connection with an non-believer as we would a spiritual follower because they don’t share our values, beliefs, and/or worldview.

They are on a different level than we are.

3. Physical

Sex is promoted as casual and meaningless everywhere we look in our society. Consequently, most people in the dating scene expect to have sex within the first few dates. Also, when sex is acceptable, many men use women merely for physical gratification, leaving both partners feeling empty and unsatisfied. Therefore, we must develop a “flow sex” policy with the special someone we are courting. We should commit to spending time (primarily) with them in public to avoid sexual temptation — and to keep our relationship moving in the right direction.

Once you’ve truly established what you have, if you want to have sex, that’s your choice.

4. Emotional

Unfortunately, many people in the dating scene today withhold their emotions for a variety of reasons. Some don’t want to be hurt again because of previous negative experiences. Others don’t want to feel tied down so they keep their emotions surface-level. Still others avoid feeling anything substantial because they are only concerned about personal gain and physical pleasure. These approaches all hinder true intimacy. Instead, if the connection feels safe and warranted, we must allow ourselves to develop authentic feelings to cultivate god-honoring relationships.

Finally…

This is why the intentions of both parties needs to be apparent from the beginning. If you want to date… understand that there are consequences to that process.. emotional, mental, physical and spiritual consequences as we all know. A true courtship has NOTHING to do with a man [simply] pleasing, pursuing or showing a woman all his cards… But it has everything to do with both parties pursuing each other on equal playing fields, with equal investment, and equal risk.

Stop with the posts and comments about what men aren’t doing. Stop with the posts and comments about what women need to do. Gain understanding in what YOU need to do to reach the intended goal.

Freedom Friday – 02.16.18

It’s been a minute since I did one of these, but I wanted to share some photos of things that I’ve been up to in life. Wanted to let you know that Munch just got his second quarter grades and got 10 A’s and 4 B’s. I’m over the moon. His award ceremony is this morning.

Munch had his flute concert last month. Here he is looking so handsome. He’s actually enjoying playing the flute and I will be doing private lessons for him.

My siblings and I at my brother’s wedding. I love this photo because I just colored my hair and it was popping. LOL.

Munch and I worked hard on his STEM fair project this year. Although he didn’t win he won an award because of his creativity and enthusiasm. He was ecstatic about it.

My sorority sister made me this beautiful plaque for my birthday last month. I love it.

Munch went to the dentist last month and had to get two silver caps on his teeth, but one fell out right at the dentist. That was two teeth lost in 8 days. Hilarious. But, I’m still flossing his back teeth. He can’t get those and I am tired of paying for these silver caps. This is the second one. But, what was best about this is that Munch and I actually went to the library first and he selected a book to read for fun and couldn’t put the book down.

Finally, I’m trying to devote more time to appreciate the beauty in life. I’m learning to bask in the glory of nature and release my mind from negative energy. I’m learning to redirect my thoughts and pray more. I’m fasting and trying to increase God’s presence in my life. I wanted some fresh flowers in my office and so I went to the grocery store and bought some tulips. The next morning they had all bent in different directions and I snapped a picture because it reminded me of life. Even though we’re in the same jar some of us are bending in different directions and it still looks magnificent.

Happy Friday folks!

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

What Love Means To Me

what-love-means

Everyone has their definition of love.

I believe love is multifaceted. There’s love for family, love for children, love for people, and love for your partner.

I don’t know everything about love

One thing that I do know…

Love is always apparent, transparent and never a conundrum.

Love is a white blood cell that seeks out the virus that is hatred, anger, resentment, bitterness, envy, fear, and eradicates them.

Love isn’t roses for a day, it’s my word, my bond, my honesty and my heart for life.

Love is sacrifice… love is giving selflessly without thoughts of reciprocation.

Love is a lifetime, being in-love is a moment in that lifetime.

Love doesn’t take our breath away, it breathes life into you.

Love is thoughtfulness, note-taking, memorization of your partner’s needs and wants.

Love is writing your name on a piece of paper but changing the last name to your partner’s last name.

Love is proactive, it doesn’t wait… because love is like that orgasm that you can’t hold… it needs to be great.

Love isn’t petty. Love isn’t spiteful.

Love is honest expression when it hurts to say.

Love has conquered more people than Napoleon, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Tamerlane, and Genghis Khan put together. Love is ruthless in that way.

From the hardest of hearts, to the most stubborn of minds, love finds a way.

So many people say… “Love is not enough.” We made love not enough.

Love is easy… we make it complex with all our lists, standards, expectations, preferences, and the lot. We call that love, that’s not love. Love is something we forgot.

Love was apparent when we were kids. We just didn’t recognize it. But it was easy… it was truly organic in its creation. It was trying to make your girlfriend smile just because you liked her. It was secret kisses, letters passed throughout class. It was phone calls where you stayed up until the wee hours of the morning until one of you (if not both of you) fell asleep.

That’s what love looks like to me. No makeup, no accessories, no taper, just raw, unmitigated passion for the other person in their purest form

On this Valentine’s Day, I wish you all the best in your current or future love.

Yours truly,

jay signature

Dating in the DM – The Potential of the Facebook Direct Messenger

facebook-snapchat-twitter-instagram-messenger

In Lieu of Valentines day, and for those of us who are still single—it’s time to get un-single or at least find a date (in less than 24 hours).

Let’s talk about the Direct messenger. Also known as, “the DM,” or, “getting in-boxed.” The most notable Direct Messenger is the stand alone Facebook app. There are others that exist such as, WhatsApp, WeChat, Snapchat, Kik, QQ, Skype, Viber and LINE. I choose to speak about Facebook Messenger because it’s directly connected to your Facebook app. Which is, needless to say, the most powerful social network in the world. The others are popular, but do not compare to Facebook Messenger.

Yes, Facebook is the devil. (I’m kidding).

Direct messenger is the devil - or is it
Photo Credit: Chris Newnham

The Bad

Messenger is notorious for spammers, scammers, married people seeking side relationships (side piece) outside their spouse, people in relationships seeking a threesome, people in relationships seeking someone outside their partner (without their partners knowledge of course). And finally, people seeking relationships with a complete stranger or someone on their friends list. Which is, completely harmless.

That being said, I don’t want to talk about the negative aspect of the direct messenger. Let’s talk about all the features, positive experiences and stories that have come from a simple acknowledgement of a Direct Message.

 

It Goes Down In The DM

Woman-holding-home-accessing-direct messenger
Photo Credit: i-m priscilla

What does that mean? It means, “embrace the direct messenger.” Be open to the possibilities that a simple direct message can bring you. I get it, you don’t know this person in-boxing you. They are not on your friends list, you have no mutual friends. So who are they? Is their page fake? “Let’s go look.” “he has 1000 friends and a few recent posts people have responded too.”

Instead of engaging him, you ignore him. Why? His message was respectful. He introduced himself, told you upfront that you didn’t know each other and had no affiliation, but he saw you on a public Facebook post and wanted to ask about you. Sounds like a decent introduction to me. And what’s the worse that can happen? It’s not like he’s a TV repairman turned death row criminal that will come through your internet modem and kill you. It’s an online experience. If you don’t like what has to say, it’s as easy as, “close and block.” Stop ignoring those DM pings. You know you see that message notification. If you are curious to see if someone has messaged you that is not on your friends list, go to your filtered message (message requests) inbox.  You will probably find a few people who tried to reach out to you.

By The Numbers

It’s important for you to understand just how many users on Facebook designate as single. Now compare that against the users in a relationship or involved (it’s complicated).

The below data states there were 669,600,000 active Facebook users designated as single as of, September 7th of 2016.

Single 37 %
Married 31 %
In a Relationship 24 %
Engaged 3 %
It’s Complicated 3 %
source: Statistic Brain, September 7th, 2016.

That’s a lot of single people on one website.  Of course there’s a percentage of those users that are not single, but are designated as single. But let’s just say that percentage is 20%. That still leaves 535,680,000 single people on Facebook, and you only need to meet 1.  Also, there’s a high possibility that of those 535,680,000 users that at least 10 of them will reach out to you at some point during your time on Facebook. 1 of those 10 might be your future mate. So the odds are definitely in your favor.  But not if you don’t embrace your DM.

Oh yeah… As of April 2016 The Facebook Messenger had 900 million active users.  By July 2016 the number was 1 billion.

Consequently, you have a better chance meeting someone on Facebook for free, by simply letting it, “go down.”

What do you have to lose?

A Different Perspective On the Direct Messenger

Right now you’re giving this article the side-eye. Like…”I can’t.” Really? Think about it. If you’re single, there’s high chance that you have been on a dating site. Or at least visited one before because you were curious. Dating sites are about as random as they come. At least with Facebook, some of the random people who reach out to you with romantic interests have mutual friends or connections. On dating sites, the meetings are completely random no matter how much they say they’re, “matching,” you. That being said, if you can go to a dating site and spend time setting up a profile, sourcing through profiles and responding direct messages and emails (while paying). Why wouldn’t you try it on Facebook which is free as the air we breathe?

Free vs Paid… no-brainer right?

Direct Messenger Success

It doesn’t take much. A posted pic or comment and someone will be inspired to send a message that will potentially lead to a relationship. Success favors the bold. So….be bold!

Success happens a lot more often than you think. People will talk about all the DM horror stories and frighten off those of us who might be open a random message request, had we not listened to them in the first place. Block out all that interference and go for it!

But hey… you don’t have to listen to me… according to TheKnot.com, below is a real life example of how going outside your box and opening yourself up to something unconventional, can lead to happiness.

They Met On Facebook

THE COUPLE: Kendra Cowser, 30, and Sean O’Brien, 32
WHEN THEY MET: January 2010
WEDDING DATE: September 14, 2013

Direct Messenger-Woman-Man-Laying down-next-each-other
Photo Credit: Two Rivers Photography

THEIR STORY: Kendra rarely friended anyone on Facebook other than people she knew, but in 2009 fate stepped in when Sean sent her a friend request. Although Kendra didn’t know him, he lived near her hometown of Galva, Illinois, and thought they might have mutual friends in common, so she accepted. None of his friends looked familiar though so she just let it go, until six months later when Sean started “liking” some of her photos. One night as she was packing up her apartment in Chicago getting ready to coincidentally head back to Galva, Kendra finally decided to satisfy her curiosity and message him. Sean responded immediately and they ended up writing back and forth all night. And then every day forward. It turns out Sean didn’t know her but she popped up in his list of people he might know. “I saw a cute girl and I wanted to add her,” he recalls. Both admitted that neither of them was planning on starting a relationship at the time, but it sure turned into one. Two days after Kendra was back in Galva, Sean was at her doorstep with a bottle of wine to celebrate meeting in person. In July 2012, Sean messaged her on Facebook (of course!) to ask her to go ring shopping—his way of proposing—and last September they threw a huge bash that their guests described as “the best wedding they’ve ever been to!”

a few more success stories

 

#EMBRACETHEDM

It’s not hard, just proactively send a message or respond to one that comes into your inbox. I’d quickly vet them out. Check their page, make sure they have an acceptable amount of friends (No new pages). Check for mutual friends. Also, see if they have some public posts you can view. Click on a few pics, and go from there.

You’ve got 1 more day!

Not Even Superman Texts Faster Than A Pissed-off Girlfriend

woman-texting-text-fast

So…. yeah about that pissed off girlfriend… who texts so fast that you can’t even get one text out before she’s already sent 5. And I when I say 5… I mean 5 loooong texts. You know the ones… your cell phone provider can’t handle the length so they break them up into different texts while you’re still trying to compose one!

Yeah, I’ve been that guy… I’m a generally fast texter, but not one male on the planet earth, matches the raw texting speed of a pissed off girlfriend (or wife). It’s like, in that moment, nothing else matters to her. It’s gets so bad you just stop responding and wait for that brief pause, so you can press send on your 1 measly text.

I’ve gotten so frustrated, that I just put my phone down and let the notifications go off. At that moment when they stop… you pick your phone up, and another one comes through (face palm). So… most men know, when this happens, you have seriously f’d-up. So what’s your next move? You send back a text with 10 words, vs. the 10,000 she sent—and she responds…”that’s all you have to say?”

At that very moment, you have no words… just a blank stare.

Homer-Blank Stare

You start to type in your response, and you stop, read what you typed, and delete it. Then, you start again, stop, and delete it. This redundant process goes on for the next 15 minutes. No sent text, no reply, no rebuttal. If you do happen to press send, you’ve reviewed what you typed like the editor of a world famous magazine.

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, no dammit, it’s your girlfriend trying to get her point across.

My advice?

Let her.