Mom You Lied

This past weekend, Munch and I went out shopping on Saturday for new church clothes. Later that evening Munch came in my room and asked me could he talk to me privately. I said “Sure.” I have to tell you that I was really proud that he closed the door and asked me to talk privately. I eagerly awaited what he had to say.

“Mom, I felt like you lied to me today” he said. I was caught off guard. “About what Munch? Why do you feel like I lied to you today?” He said “About the store earlier. You said it wasn’t going to take long and we waited in line for a long time.” I had to catch myself. I was ready to say something smart, but I’m practicing the behavior that I want him to emulate so I said “Munch, do I work at that store?” He replied “No.” I then asked “How do you define a long time?” He didn’t respond. I continued “I had to wait in the same line and they had every register open. But, I am asking you to remember that God wants us to be patient and what you are exhibiting is your frustration at the fact that we had to wait. Wait in line while picking up clothes for you. Remember that you must have an attitude of gratitude all the time and right now, you’re not being gratuitous. I didn’t lie. You didn’t have a realistic expectation as to the time it would take and neither did I.” I asked him was there anything else and said good night.

I almost lost it. I couldn’t believe that my child was blaming me for the long lines in the store. I didn’t know if I could continue down this positive parenting journey. It was stressful to reign in my emotions and then to try to explain how disappointed that I was without losing my mind. I did it, but sometimes I wonder if I’m even making sense to Munch.

I didn’t lie, but his interpretation of the fact that I said it shouldn’t take long had told his brain that I lied when he had to wait over a certain amount of time. I didn’t know what to do. I was literally making it up as I go along. I thought about it over the next couple of days and expressed to him that we needed to take the time to process what he said and his expectations. I explained that his expectations are his, but he needs to practice reasonableness. I discussed that because he’s in an awkward size in dress clothes that I need him to be present and that I try my best to shop without him, but that may not always be the case. He needs to be prepared that sometimes he will need to be present.

I don’t know if he understands. Talking to other people only increases my anxiety about my choices because they don’t understand what I’m doing on this positive parenting journey. I’m being firm but allowing him to have choices. To openly expresses his feelings, but to level set with him. I pray that I’m not messing him up.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

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Daddy

I know it’s Mother’s Day weekend and I’m sharing a post about my daddy, but I had to share this. I was asked to be a part of an incredible project by Dr. K E Garland. Her next book is called Daddy: Reflections of Father-Daughter Relationships and will be released next month (pre-orders are going on now and hard book copies will be available June 2, 2018).  This is an amazing book and I wanted to share my write up for the upcoming release.

Daddy is going to give you insight into the importance of father-daughter relationships. All relationships are important, but I tell you growing up without a dad changed me. In good ways, but definitely some bad and I’m not alone. So, I wanted to share my story.

I’m so excited to be a part of this project. It was therapeutic and I know that you will enjoy the book, so please check out my interview via DADDY CONTRIBUTOR: Tikeetha Thomas

Also, look out for me promoting this awesome book for everyone and think about getting it for Father’s Day as a gift to the many men in your life that are raising daughters.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Parenting: Discipline Part I

I told you awhile back that I practice positive parenting. Positive parenting basically means that I embrace positive discipline. That I listen to Munch and don’t physically spank or lay hands on him. Now, this is new age in my family who believes in spare the rod and spoil the child, but I am an advocate for allowing Munch to understand that his choices will have negative or positive consequences, but he needs to understand that.

I treat discipline as a teaching opportunity instead of a physical task of spanking. Pretty much everything becomes about examining the issues, understand why the behavior occurred, making you accountable and still providing love, hugs and kisses. I know this may seem like with craft to some folks, but I don’t believe that you have to go around spanking children to correct their behavior.

Positive parenting tries to strengthen the parent/child bond by creating a more affectionate relationship. This works with Munch. He is a hugger and loves to be hugged, petted (LOL, his words) and encouraged. However, it’s not always easy.

Last Friday night, I got this email from Munch’s teacher:

I wanted to let you both know that Brennan had a problem in English class today. He had a discussion with a classmate about the biography book report. This is my knowledge of the situation. Brennan and the classmate were discussing who they were reading about. When Brennan heard the boy was reading about the life of a white person (students can choose anyone) he told the student he had to read about a black person. The student then called Brennan a racist. The boys both raised their voices and argued. Brennan was yelling I am not a racist. I was teaching, standing in front of the class and immediately raised my voice in order to be heard, and stopped the argument, reprimanded them both and moved Brennan from that table. I reprimanded the boy and we had a mini class discussion about racism. I told them that I was upset with them both for not stopping when I asked. At the end of class I met with the boys. The 1 student said he was at fault, said he should not have said that and admitted to inciting Brennan. Brennan said, right, I was wrong, too. I complimented him for being mature and respectful. But then he immediately told me, I’m being sarcastic, and continued to say he did nothing wrong. I tried to convey the idea that yes, the boy was wrong, but you were rude and disrespectful to me as I was trying to resolve the problem. I felt I had taken the time to discuss and reprimand the boy, in front of the entire class about his name calling. But Brennan was still defiant and defensive about my correction of him. I had a class coming in and no time to continue our discussion. I sent him to class but it was unresolved. I wanted to advise you of the incident. Please let me know if you have any questions.  Mrs. B

Yeah, it was rough. Basically my son told the teacher that he was being sarcastic with his apology as she was complimenting him. Huh? Where does that happen? I was mortified. I really like his teacher. She’s phenomenal and just a good human being. I trust her.

Now the question became how do I approach Munch with this positive parenting? See, I knew that my mom would have smacked my mouth for being disobedient. Positive parenting doesn’t allow for spanking. I needed to teach Munch a lesson. I needed him to see how he was wrong and needed to apologize, but I had to make sure that he understood the rules/expectations of self-control.

Could I do this? Was I ready? The challenges were only going to get bigger. I knew how I handled this would set the precedent for future parenting discipline moments. The key was to teach him, not to break him.

-To Be Continued –

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

TBT – Bowling Birthday

Hey Everyone,

In my Throwback Thursday moment, I wanted to share that munch’s 4th birthday party was at a bowling alley. We had so much fun. We had lanes for both the adults and children who wanted to bowl. I got smarter that year and hired a photographer because I really didn’t have photos. I was so busy tending to munch and my guests that I didn’t take photos. Best money ever spent.

Here are some photos:

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Happy Halloween!

Eat, drink and be scary. ~Author Unknown

 

Happy Halloween folks! I’m on mommy duty so all my time is spent being with my favorite boy in the world…my munch.  We’re actually going to get his best friend and god brother and head out trick or treating later on tonight. Munch decided that he wanted to be Sonic the Hedgehog again. LOL!

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Enjoy your day loves!

Trick or Treat

Candy candy in the bag
It’s that time of year
Funny clown witchy hag
Another house is near

Popcorn balls and tootsie rolls
A handful is the best
Taken from the biggest bowls
At homes that pass the test

Ding dong ring the bell
Trick or treat is said
And if it does not go so well
Then mark the first word said

Trees draped in toilet paper
Fecal bags on fire
Dressed like an undertaker
The trick was their desire

Midnight comes all bags are full
Time to count the bounty
The night is done we’ve played our role
All throughout the county

Enjoy this yearly fun filled night
Feast upon it’s riches
From the first and final bite
Of Hugs and Hershey Kisses

© Jim Ellis More By Jim Ellis Visit Jim Ellis’s Site

Published on October 2011

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/trick-or-treat#ixzz3pE9z5nCL
#FamilyFriendPoems

The Fat Tales: Role Model

Sometimes I feel like supermom. I can do anything…

Credit Illustration by Nishant Choksi
Credit Illustration by Nishant Choksi

Other times I feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends.

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But, I keep trying. I keep striving. I keep pushing forward. In my desire to eat and live a healthier lifestyle I realized that there are some things that I just have to do. I have to commit to it. I have to read labels. I have to reduce sugars.

Well, as a parent it gets hard. But there are those little rewards that you get when your son reminds you that he is watching. That I am a living example of trying to just make healthier choices.

Munch showed me that he watches me. Let me tell you what happened… I fixed him breakfast yesterday and he didn’t eat much. I fix him the same thing every day: one waffle, three pieces of bacon, a bowl of fresh fruit (ex. watermelon, grapes or apple slices) and a glass with 1/3 orange juice.

Munch said that he was finished eating. I went and looked at his still full plate where he ate one piece of bacon and ate only 3 pieces of watermelon. I said, “Munch, you didn’t eat anything.” He responded “I’m full.” I was irate. I said “You’re wasting food. What do you want me to fix you for breakfast?” He responded, “I’m watching my sugars. I want one waffle with no syrup and one piece of bacon and 3 pieces of watermelon.”

I smiled. My determination to focus on mindful eating and healthier living is impacting munch. He is watching. He is listening. He wants to watch his sugar intake. It was a proud mommy moment.

Guest Blogger: 6 Things I Want My Kids to Know

I always imagine that if something were to happen to me today; what would I want my kids to know about life?  I thought about it, and I came up with 6 lessons that I think they should know.

6 Things I Want My Kids to Know

  1. Know yourself.  It’s harder than it sounds, but once you figure it out handling the world will be a lot easier. Knowing yourself is as simple as listening to the little voice that guides you.  The problem is there are times when you will want to ignore it. However, my advise is don’t ignore the little voice.  It’s always right!
  2. Love yourself.  This kind of goes with knowing yourself.  Love yourself when nobody else does. When no one else is around you always have the love of yourself. Loving yourself is the most powerful thing you can do.
  3. Cherish Your Loved One. Cherish the people who have enriched your life, they won’t be here forever.  Take time, soak up the moments, take in the lessons.  Those moments will stay with you a life time.
  4. Eat Healthy. Good food helps you perform better in life.  Give your body the best, so you are prepared to be the best everyday.
  5. Don’t Get Discouraged. There will be somethings in your life that won’t workout the way you want.  However, in the end you will see that the situation worked out the way it was supposed to or even better.
  6. Something so simple can change the course of your day.  A smile can also help another person’s day.  It’s free, easy, and can make a world of difference.

Happy Boy And Girl Playing Together And Relaxing

Post contributed by Healing Mama! Here’s her bio:

My name is Healing Mama.  I love anything that can help us live a better quality of life,emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally.  I also share my journey through motherhood, my weight loss, military life and general tips.

I have a daughter (Honey Bee) and a son (Bumble Bee). They are my two very busy bee’s  You will hear a lot about them! Come to my blog and hang out at: http://healingmamaremedies.blogspot.com and check me out on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Healingmama85

 

The First Week of School

So, I survived the first week of school with minimal disruption other than the first day follies that I talked about last week. Thankfully! I did learn some lessons including co-parent tips that I wanted to share.

  1.  Make sure that your Before and After Care situation is resolved before the school year ends. That way you won’t run into the problems that I had when I assumed that my application was accepted. Ugh!
  2. Make sure that your child has a new outfit for the first day of school. We didn’t have money growing up but my mom did have enough for one outfit for each of us. Munch’s dad had new pants only. His shirt was too small and I wasn’t happy because I called the night before to bring over his book bag, new shoes and asked did he have a new outfit for the first day. Yes is what he told me. He couldn’t find the new shirt and my son looked crazy. I went home and came back with a new shirt. I was disappointed because munch had a growth spurt towards the end of the school year and we both knew it. I wanted him to look like a shiny new penny on the first day which is what we experienced growing up. His dad’s mother would have never let him go outside looking less than shiny on the first day.
  3. Get back in the swing of things by preparing your meals in advance so that when you pick your child up you can heat up dinner instead of going out to eat every night. I just couldn’t get it together. However, my wallet knows. I’ll be prepared next week.
  4. Just buy the school supplies yourself if the other parent doesn’t mention anything. His dad didn’t offer to split the cost, get school supplies or reimburse me so I just didn’t worry about it. I wanted him to be prepared so I did it for munch.
  5. Either take the day off or mark a half day on your calendar so that you can meet everyone without having to rush off to a meeting. I did get to meet his teacher and principal on the second day so that was a blessing.
  6. Be sure to explain any changes to your little one in their normal schedule often. Munch couldn’t understand item #1 above and it disrupted his normal schedule. We talked about it 10 times until he felt he understood it.

Those were my lessons learned after the first week of school. I survived. What about you? Do you have any lessons you learned?

I Said Yes

I said yes to being a panel judge for a pageant geared towards young women. Can you believe it? I’m a feminist. Isn’t it a contradiction to want to judge young ladies on the way they dress, speak and walk? Am I sending a wrong message? Ugh, I struggled with the question when asked and then I realized that I’m not.

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Why? Because feminism is about equality for women. I am not going stop being who I am and let’s be real…aren’t we all judged everyday? So, I decided to research the pageant before committing. I mean, I didn’t want to set my gender back by judging a swimsuit competition.

Here’s what I discovered:

 

Pageant Evolution

The Pageant began in 1955, only one year after the annual Labor Day Festival originated. The first Pageant was open to women between the ages of 15 and 50. It was a fundraiser for the construction of the Youth Center building. Votes were cast by turning in pennies in collection jars set out at various businesses, and children helped collect penny votes. The woman with the most pennies to her credit won the title. The first winner was married and had three children when she won at the age of 30!

In 1956, the rules were modified slightly. Entrants had to be single and between the ages of 16 and 25. The contest was called the “Popularity Crown” or “Popularity Contest.” Once the Youth Center was a reality, the theme evolved to “Unity Through Community Involvement.” Over the years, the Pageant has been modified, streamlined, and organized under various directors, becoming what is known today as the Pageant System. In 1982, the swimsuit competition was removed. The Little Miss and Junior Miss contests were added in the 1980s. In 1992 the Pageant began to emphasize the importance of education, and gave scholarships to the title winners.

The competition is designed to teach girls poise and self confidence, how to be at ease with themselves and others, and how to have fun in a team effort toward a common goal.

All contestants receive special recognition in the Pageant System because everyone is viewed as a winner!

NICE, FRANCE - DECEMBER 05: Miss Normandie Malika Menard (L) receives the crown from 2009  Miss France Chloe Mortaud (R) during the 2010 Miss France Beauty pageant at Palais Nikaia on December 5, 2009 in Nice, France.  (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Malika Menard;Chloe Mortaud

Yeah! I liked the pageant evolution and decided that I would love to be a judge because of these three things:

  1. There is no swimsuit competition and that it was removed 33 years ago. No exploitation of young women’s bodies. I liked that.
  2. They are teaching girls poise, self confidence and how to be at ease with themselves. This is awesome. You don’t learn this until later in life and a competition that focuses on that is something I am interested in being a part of. Empowering our girls is awesome!
  3. There is scholarship money to college. I believe in education and with the rising costs of education in this country, this is a great way to gain life skills and earn money towards your tuition.

I had to stop and smell the roses. I wasn’t selling out my gender by participating as a judge in a pageant. I was empowering young women to see the beauty in who they are and be a part of an organization that believes that they are all winners.

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Now, back to the movement!