Sex and the Pre-teen

In this motherhood journey I’m often caught between a rock and a hard place. I’m balancing what I should share with Munch and when. It’s a juggling act. Do I want to take away his innocence early or wait until later? I’m rambling about…the sex talk. I’m wondering, when is the appropriate age to talk about sex with your children?

I have a boy and for all intents and purposes he’s still pretty innocent. He turns off songs with bad words in them or inappropriate subjects. He still watches Disney Jr. and Nick Kids. He just recently started watching The Thundermans on Nickelodeon about a superhero family. I’m wondering if broaching sex now will change him somehow.

My mother never talked about sex with me. I learned at school in the sixth grade with all the other children. Not that I was thinking about sex or anything, but I had started my cycle before then so I had no idea what was happening to me. It was as though the sex talk was somehow taboo.

Children are growing up faster now than when I was a child and I don’t want Munch learning something from the kids at school or in the streets. I want to give him all the information to make informed decisions. I want to teach him how to love and cherish his body and to not treat sex as a rites of passage. It’s your body that is a temple that we should use to honor God.

But, I don’t want to be naïve and think that he may never do it, so I struggle with how much to tell him and when?

My best friend has a son one year older than mine and I asked her had she talked to him about sex? She said no. He’s not mentally ready yet. So, I’m wondering do we wait until our children are mentally ready to have the sex conversation or do we overload them with information now in hopes that they will choose to not engage in sexual activity until marriage?

Yes, Munch knows about his body and boundaries. I’ve made sure that he calls his genitalia by the proper terminology. I’ve explained that a doctor can only examine you with mommy and/or daddy in the room. He is now getting shy and embarrassed when a doctor has to examine his penis during his annual visits. However, is it too soon to have the sex talk?

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.

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Motivational Monday Moment – 08.13.18

It’s been a few weeks since I did a Motivational Monday Moment. I hadn’t really felt like motivating anyone. Truthfully, some days I can’t even motivate myself. This funk is real. But, I keep moving. I keep trying to refocus and regain my strength. I am still going to work every day. Still mothering. Still organizing. Still planning. Just not really excited about anything. Ugh, so bear with me. My writing and posting will be sporadic until I can get back into it.

That being said, the summer has gone by quickly. I can’t believe it’s already August. It is hot here in Maryland. Between humidity and rain, it’s like I’m living in another country. There are very few good hair days. Ah, but I appreciate and am thankful for it all. My hair not so much. But, I continue to move forward. One foot in front of the other.

Recently, I’ve been going through some things. I’m trying to get back to my first love…writing, but many thoughts and emotions take up my ability to put pen to paper or my fingers to the keyboard. It’s like I’m drowning in my thoughts. I jot down topics. Things that I think you would want to hear from me, but I just can’t quite get my thoughts out. So, the days pass. Many days with no words written.

I’m committed to getting into a better headspace so bear with me. I ran across this post last week on my sorority sister’s Facebook page and I thought that I would use it to encourage you today because it’s where I’m at right now. I saw it as a sign that I’m not alone.

The truth is we’re not alone and even though I’m in this funk, I know that it will pass. That I will wake up one day and have so much more to say. We all get into a funk. But, we have to not stay in that funk permanently. We have to make a conscious effort to keep moving forward. To change our view. To change our perception on our situation.

So, you didn’t get that job or that promotion or you got declined for that house or new car. Keep your head up. Keep believing that things will happen when they are supposed to. Not when we want them to. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve seen friends broken by the trials and tribulations that they are going through only to get up and be better than they were yesterday.

They kept moving. They kept surviving. Even if you are holding on by a thread, know that this situation you may find yourself in is only temporary. You were meant to excel. You were meant to be a victor. You were meant for greatness. However, it doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes we must experience failure only to appreciate the success of our situation even more.

My Motivational Monday Moment is to simply tell you that I understand. I know what you you’re going through. I respect the pain that you’re feeling. I respect the journey you’re on. I know that you want to give up, but you can’t. Trouble doesn’t last always. Joy does come in the morning. We have to be unmovable and continue to fight. Even when we don’t want too.

I love you. I appreciate you. I am thankful for each and every one of you. Happy Monday!

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.

I Love Corny

By now many of you have seen the comments by Houston rapper, Slim Thugg, last week about Ciara and her husband Russell Wilson’s relationship. Slim commented that “He’s just a corny dude, ain’t nothing wrong with it,” Thug says “I ain’t gonna say corny cause that’s hatin’ but he’s just like a square…I don’t believe a girl coming from a street dude could even adapt to that.” Don’t you love when people comment on your relationship like they are in it? Ugh!

I couldn’t believe that rappers are still going off of Ciara for living her happy black ass life. That’s what it is all about right? Living your life to the fullest. She’s happy. She’s married and he loves her. What’s the problem? I think what pissed me off about the comments is that many people, not just Slim Thugg, make these comments about women when their relationships end or they find happiness with someone who was nothing like the last man. That’s a good thing right? That should mean growth and lessons learned.

In many cases it does. We grow up. We evolve. We may not love the things we loved at one point. We love the ones that make us feel safe. A male friend of mine asked me after Mr. C and I broke up, “T, why did you think that you and Mr. C were going to make it?” It was an honest question as he has known me for many years and felt safe in saying he knows my type, but I was honestly hurt.

But I told him the truth. I said “Because I really felt like I deserved the good guy. The guy that makes me laugh. The guy that supports my dreams. The guy that loves me something awesome and misses me when I am away. The guy who provides. The guy who gives money so I can buy food platters at Munch’s birthday party. The guy who encourages me when I feel like I can’t go on.” That was the guy that I felt that I deserved.

He listened and said “Well, I never thought you would end up with him.” I just sighed and replied “Neither did he because we’re not together anymore”. But, it’s the insensitivity that some people don’t get when you fall in love with the person that makes you want to curse them out and scream “Mind your own damn business.”

I know Ciara was probably thinking this because hell I was thinking this when my friend said this, but I guess when you live your life in an open fashion people feel the need to comment or question. However, Slim Thugg doesn’t know what it is like to love the cornball, the good guy, the square dude. Let me tell you…

It’s absolutely freaking amazing!

You love the person that makes you want to wake up each day and be a better version of yourself than the day before. You love the person that believes in honesty and faithfulness. You love the person that is both compassionate and concerning. He wants only the best for you. There is no competition. There is only love and mutual respect.

I dated the bad guys. I’m looking to love and build with the good guys. So, if he’s out there and corny as hell by other’s standards…cool. I’m still going to be doing me and living my happy black ass life learning all about the corny man.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.

Flowing with Purpose

I’ve missed ya’ll. I’ve been sort of wandering. Living my life this summer. Just enjoying this space that I’m in and just figuring some things out. I don’t have it all together. I don’t pretend to. Some days are better than others but I’m living my happy black ass life. LOL.

But, in doing that I came across this post yesterday by my other fellow blogger, Jay Thomas. Jay is an incredible blogger over at Relationships Etcetera, a relationship guru and an all around cool guy. He gives me a different way to think about things and I just really dig his vibe. He LOVES LOVE.

So as I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday and I saw Jay’s post and thought it was so profound. It was about love and purpose and going with the flow. This line stuck out to me…

Posted on August 8, 2018 at 8:00 a.m.

I like to flow with purpose.. not just flow and hope for the best.  When a man has purpose, he is focused. When there’s no purpose, his mind wanders.

It got me to thinking are we flowing with purpose while dating? I know that it’s been a while since I’ve dated. I mean I was attached to Mr. C for almost 3 years, but what made the difference between him and others was the fact that he dated with a purpose. He communicated that was his purpose and we engaged in a courtship. I respected that.

I met so many men during the dating process that literally would say stuff like “Oh, I don’t believe in titles.” “Let’s just see where this goes” or my favorite “Let’s just go with the flow”. These statements were frustrating and confusing as hell.

Everything has a title. You have a title to your car. I’m not forcing a relationship or rushing to exclusively date you, but I want to know if we are on the same page in the beginning.

Is it too much to ask to explain whether or not you date with a purpose to move towards a goal of becoming committed? If you want to just have sex with random people – it’s good – do you. I don’t judge. It’s not me though. I want to build something with someone. I want to have an authentic connection emotionally with someone that gets me. I want to know if we are flowing with a purpose.

We have to start being real and have genuine conversations with the people we meet. People shouldn’t have to figure out whether or not you see or want a future with them. I shouldn’t be the last woman standing after years that you then decide to date me exclusively. I’ll pass.

I don’t want that kind of man. I want a man like Jay describes…a man who has purpose. A man that is focused. I don’t want any more wanderers. Been there and done that.

I think that’s why at this point in my life that’s the river you’ll find me on. Lazily sitting back in my boat with my mojito in hand and my floppy hat cocked to the side . Just flowing downstream with a purpose. A purpose to find love and an authentic connection with a wonderful man. No dinghy’s or crabs allowed.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.

Motivational Monday Moment – 07.30.18

I’ve missed ya’ll. It’s been a minute since I last posted. I haven’t been in the mood to write. Not that I don’t miss you – because I do. It’s just that I’ve been feeling “meh”. In this weird mood. I’m processing a lot and just trying to get back into my writing groove. It’s an adjustment.

But, I wanted to encourage and motivate you this Monday. I wanted to give you glimpses of hope to continue your week. No matter what you’re going through, I wanted to lift your spirits and let you know that you can do this. In trying to keep that momentum going I wanted to leave you with these words…

Isn’t that awesome? See, I know how it is when we’re going through things and we feel like there is nothing we can do or no one we can turn to that will help us navigate the storms we’re facing. But, I’m here to remind you that the storm is over now. I am here for you.

You matter. You are loved and this is just the beginning. No matter what you’re going through know that you are not alone. No more trying to fake it till you make it. Your breakthrough is on the horizon. You will get through this difficult time.

Know that I’m praying for each and every one of you. I’m wishing you peace in your spirit because sometimes it takes just one of us to call out your name in prayer for the shift to begin. Can you feel it? The suffering is ending. The turmoil that you find yourself in is being resifted. You are coming through the storm.

Paddle your way to shore. I got you. You are loved. You are wanted. I’m so happy that you are here. Know that you matter.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.

Motivational Monday Moment – 07.16.18

It’s Monday and I’m sitting here trying to figure out ways to motivate and encourage you this week and honestly I struggled. My mind is a little cloudy because I had too much rest this weekend. I wasn’t prepared for my motivational post and I felt stuck. Writer’s block was killing me. I couldn’t find the perfect quote to uplift your spirits this week, until a Google search revealed the perfect quote. This quote by R.G. Moon states “There’s something about a woman with a loud mind that sits in silence, smiling knowing she can crush you with the truth.”

Isn’t it perfect? I think this quote could apply to anyone (male or female), but have you ever been in a situation where someone was trying to destroy your character? To break down your image? Lying on you for the benefit of their own selfish gain? Nope? Well wait, you’re still young enough to have haters in your life and you might just get some.

Haters are like parasites. They latch on the good in you…your name, your image or anything positive about you and then try to manipulate people into believing that you are less than who you are. They are people who can’t for their own insecurities ever begin to comprehend your greatness.

Don’t worry about them. Because you know what? You are great! You are unstoppable. You can’t be moved by actions of the evil and wicked. You need to remain unbothered by their behavior.

You smile and keep living your best life. You disregard the games and mind manipulations of the wicked because God’s promises are real. Evil doers have no place in this world. It says so in His word:

Proverbs 24:19-20 New Living Translation (NLT)

19 Don’t fret because of evildoers;
    don’t envy the wicked.
20 For evil people have no future;
    the light of the wicked will be snuffed out.

Just keep focusing on God’s word and know that you will overcome. I’ve been there. I’ve had people attack me with their lies, manipulations and attempts to manifest issues that aren’t there. I just stand. I stand on truth. I stand on God’s promises. I just smile and reflect like it says in the quote: I can crush you with the truth.

That’s the message that I want to leave you with this Monday. My Motivational Monday Moment is simply to be encouraged and be still. God’s an awesome God and the evil doers in your life have no future. The truth about their lies and manipulation will come out. Your God is greater than the mess of miserable.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.

Get a Plan

My visit to the ER was the scare that I needed that had my worst fears going at 100 miles per hour. Death. Heart attack. I had to make a change.

I am still restricted from working out due to surgery, but I needed to come up with a plan. It hit me the following week when I had Munch with me.  I noticed that Munch struggled to get out of the pool. He was literally throwing his body on the pool floor and trying to lift his weight up out the pool. It was rough to watch.

Two things happened when I saw that. First I realized that he was not utilizing the ledge in the inside of the pool to step on (which was weird as heck) but second I realized that we both needed to get healthy and increase our upper body strength. This was my opportunity to do it with Munch.

So, I reached out to my fellow blogger, David, over at Chape’s Fitness and asked for some suggestions. You know what? He gave them to me. He gave me some work out plans to help strengthen my ten year old son’s upper body. We had a plan. So, the next thing was to figure out how to tell Munch.

I casually mentioned it to him last week that we needed to work on his upper body strength, but I don’t think he got it. So, when he comes home tonight we will talk about our fitness goals. We will do this together. Not just Munch.

My plan is for us to do the following:

• Step on the scale and write down our weight

• Follow the plan that David sent over together

• Walk the track at the high school down the street when the temperature goes down

• Go to the pool together

• Eat more fresh veggies with our meals and less carbs (he loves rice and I love bread)

• Hydrate by drinking our water

• Track our steps – I just bought a Fitbit and I’m looking to get Munch one.

I don’t expect it to be easy, but I’m hoping that he will enjoy just doing these things with me. That it will allow us the opportunity to get meaningful workouts in and just enjoy getting healthy together. I need to strengthen my core, keep my heart strong and be here for Munch.

I want us to both be healthier. I’m not trying to kill him, but I want our health to be a priority. I want to model the behavior that I’m trying to get him to adopt. Healthier choices. More exercise. Keeping our heart healthy and living longer.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Following the Blind

I used to follow this woman on Facebook. Her page described her as an author/writer. Someone had shared one of her posts in a group that I’m in and I liked what she had to say. So, I went to check out her page and found many things that resonated with me. I clicked the follow button and became one of the 4,000 plus followers to her page. I began engaging in communication with other like-minded women on her page. Things that spoke to the strong black woman. The woman that is the back bone to society. The woman that doesn’t put up with foolishness. The woman that stands on her morals. I was in agreement. I felt like I found a tribe. A tribe of strong black women.

But, that tribe turned into a cult to me yesterday. The writer had posted a piece about the television show A Different World that aired in the late 80’s to early 90’s. It was a spin-off of the Cosby Show. Two of the main characters in that show were a woman named Whitley and a man named Dwayne. It was a good show. It showed black children in college and attending a fictional Historically Black College or University (HBCU) and all the fun things that came with matriculating amongst your people. The writers nailed it.

As great as that show was it showed love, young love as misguided and ever changing as we grow and evolve into young adults. The story of Dwayne and Whitley made many women swoon as we dreamed of a love story like theirs. A love that showed two flawed people that encouraged each other’s dreams and supported each other no matter what. A determined kind of love. Or at least that’s what I know the show to be.

However, the writer that I followed made a long post that was accusatory and bitter painting Whitley as some young woman who was beat down into dating Dwayne. The writer said Dwayne was trash and that the many women he pursued were out of his league including Whitley. I was like “Huh?” I literally stopped.

I wondered did she watch another show called A Different World because I knew this show inside and out and if she saw something different, it can’t be the same show that I watched. But, it was the same show, however I’m convinced that she just didn’t watch all the episodes. She wrote a biased piece bashing love. Black love. A man. A love between two young and flawed individuals that worked out for them.

Her own demons were projected throughout the piece. Men were trash who took advantage of us. It was disturbing.

My tribe had changed. The women started agreeing with her post. When I asked questions challenging the post based on actual episodes she accused me of making Dwayne out to be a victim. Seriously? Why in the hell does anyone have to be a victim? I felt my balloon of hope pop as the needle was stuck into it. The air slowly deflated my hope that this was my tribe.

The author was deflecting and argumentative to me and my opinion. Who the hell does that? Aren’t you allowed to have opinions? Aren’t you allowed to have different perspectives and voice them or are you only supposed to follow blindly what others tell you. I assumed the later. I exited stage left and unfollowed her.

That post got me to thinking – is the expectation of writers, authors, bloggers, media figures, etc. that we blindly follow and co-sign on what the writer says regardless of whether or not it makes sense to the reader? Are we creating/crafting a culture of minions without opinions to validate our existence?

I prayed not.

I hurt for what this writer was doing. I believe in love. I cherish it. I prayerfully know that I will find and have love, but I don’t want to bash a good man because it didn’t work out and we didn’t get it right. I am a feminist. I’m a womanist. I’m not going to bash all men. I have a son to raise. Bitter women raise bitter children. We have to do better.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.

Motivational Monday Moment – 07.02.18

I was sitting here trying to think of what to say today to motivate you. I was having a serious brain freeze. I was blessed. I had a great and relaxing weekend, but I didn’t know the words or the message to encourage you to get through this week. I was stumbling. I was looking for a way to inspire you to keep on keeping on. To look at this week and feel a renewing of your mind and spirit and I just had nothing.

Until Pandora started to preach to me this morning. I was listening to the gospel group Forever Jones and their song “Time to Believe” came on and I got inspired. My message became clear and I had received the words to motivate you this Monday morning. The message is simply “It’s Time to Believe in What God Says”. No more backsliding, side stepping and ducking and dodging His Word. It’s time to believe.

My Motivational Monday Moment is about believing and trusting in His word. It never fails. Let’s look at the lyrics in the first stanza:

Time to believe in what God said

Time to believe in what he promised

We see small he sees great

When we speak doubt he speaks faith

It’s time to believe in what God said

It’s time to believe because we know what He promises. “We see small and he sees great. When we speak doubt he speaks faith. It’s time to believe in what God said.” How many times have we tried to imagine things that we wanted and when we received those blessings they were bigger than we ever could have imagined? How many times have you spoke doubt into a situation?

We need to believe in what God says. He’s multiplied many blessings that I have received. I thought small and he blessed me tenfold. I’ll be so busy counting the many ways that things won’t work and then God will step in and restore my faith. He knows that I’m a work in progress. Has that ever happened to you?

In the second stanza the group takes it deeper by reminding us that:

Don’t allow your past to dictate where you’re going

Or let who you are make you believe you can’t go on

Because Gods promise is true and what he said he will do

How many of you have been dejected and rejected personally or professionally? No is a part of life. It’s okay. We are sometimes being redirected in the no’s. Time to get serious and trust that what God says is true. We all need to hear a no, but that no can’t keep us in bondage. We can’t stop believing that our past dictates our present. Just because it didn’t work the other 12 times doesn’t mean that it won’t work this time. We need to believe in what God says.

You don’t believe me? My sorority sister is a judge and I remember talking to her about her judgeship and how awesome that was. She told me that she applied like 11 times before she was approved. She never gave up. She knew that she was destined to be a judge and she trusted God’s word. Her faith in God’s promise saw her dream come true. She didn’t give up and neither should you.

So, my Motivational Monday Moment is about not giving up. It’s time to believe in what God says. No matter what you’re going through.

Happy Monday loves!

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.

Motivational Monday Moment – 06.25.18

I saw this great quote and thought how appropriate it was to share on this beautiful Monday morning. My Motivational Monday quote says “Life is about balance. Be kind, but don’t let people abuse you. Trust, but don’t be deceived. Be content, but never stop improving yourself.” Isn’t that good?

I loved this quote because I think in our quest for peace and happiness we forget to balance things like kindness, trust and contentment. You see I am finding even at my age, people think that you should allow abusive people to still occupy space in your mind. You shouldn’t. If someone is mean and abusive to you why would you allow them to continue to be in your life? I know there may be times that you have to interact with people because you have shared commitments, but you have a right to protect yourself. No more toxicity. You are throwing off your life’s balance.

I had this very discussion the other day with someone. We were discussing how she felt the need to allow someone in her life that didn’t contribute to her life on any level: financially, emotionally or spiritually to continue to play a role in her life. I don’t care if it’s a supporting role; you should never allow that kind of person to abuse you and be there. We have to keep our boundaries strong. You don’t have to treat people like they treat you (however, I wouldn’t be mad if you did) but you should still be kind. Now, let me be clear, being kind doesn’t mean that you allow yourself to be a doormat. No. It means that you should be kind to everyone that you encounter. However, if people abuse your kindness then leave that toxicity where it stands and move on. Don’t engage.

Trust is a huge thing for a lot of people. Heck it was huge for me. Trusting someone after my divorce took years. Trusting that people won’t disappoint or take advantage of your trust are big barriers to many of us opening up. But, we must allow ourselves to trust again. Trust the right people. It’s okay if you make a mistake and trust the wrong person. It happens. But, if deception occurs, just remove yourself from that situation. Keep your eyes open and your heart free.

Contentment is not just about just staying where you’re at because you’re satisfied. That’s great that you’re happy with where your life is at the moment, but what about all those moments in between where you’re good, what are you doing to improve yourself? We can all use improvement in one way or the other. You may not be concerned about getting a promotion because you love your job, but what about getting that certification because you know that it adds value to your resume. Isn’t preparation the key to success? What’s that saying…if we fail to prepare then we prepare to fail? Don’t prepare to fail. Be content with who you are, but never stop learning.

So, that’s my Motivational Monday Moment loves. I had an amazing and busy weekend, but I wanted to inspire you to get through your week. It is going to be a great one.

Happy Monday!

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.