Women Should Most Definitely Protect Men

women-protect-men
Recently, I asked a group of over 23,000 members (mostly women)… “Do you think you should protect your man/husband?” The major of responses were, “no..”  Or some round-about way of saying no such as, “That’s a man job.” I’ve asked this same question in other forums, and the answers were typically the same.
I’ve come to the conclusion that many women in the U.S. are socialized to believe that a man should protect her with no reciprocity. They are raised by their parents this way. Taught that a man should protect them, but not the other way around. Disney reinforced this idea with their films. From childhood, women have received over 20 plus years of subliminal messaging, telling them that men should to protect them. Whether it be a damsel in distress, knight in shining armor, rich man saves poor woman, Richard Gere saves Julia Roberts. The constant themes, and images of a man protecting a woman are abundant.

Various Form of Protection

  • Emotional
  • Mental
  • Spiritual
  • Physical
  • Financial

When we hear the word, “protection” or “protect” we automatically default to physical protection. Hence why so many women believe it’s only a man’s job to do the protecting.

Imagery

Every day, I look at imagery. For my blog, my personal photography work, and just for leisure. When I look at images of, “love, relationships and dating…” I typically see the man with his arms around the woman. I usually do not see the woman with her arms around the man.

white-man-hugging-white-woman-protectblack-and-white-protect-white-man-white-womanblack-man-hugging-black-woman

 

Now, before you get all up in your feelings about that last statement, understand, I do not have a problem with these images and what they portray. In fact I love them. I also understand (for photography purposes) that men are typically on average, so they stand behind the woman with their arms around her.
On the other hand, these images show a man protecting a woman, which in turn would make any girl believe that is the way it should be. A woman consistently in the position of, “the protected.” I am here to tell you, a woman should protect her man/husband as well.

So How Do You Protect Him?

His reputation

We all have a reputation to uphold. Whenever someone tries to “come for him” or taint his name, a woman should help protect that reputation. Women can see things we can’t see… this also why your protection is essential.

Guard his feelings

This is a big one. From childhood, expression of feelings is something most men are just not taught. We were taught to be aggressive, told we shouldn’t cry, show no pain, or fear, and destroy your opponent. So, the one place we should feel comfortable expressing ourselves is with our woman/wife. I’ve been in many social settings (and groups) and when a man begins to express himself, he’s talked-over, talked-for, or simply told he’s complaining. I’ve seen women make jokes about men when they express themselves. Utter emasculation in public. If a man feels as though a woman doesn’t value his feelings, he will shut down and become emotionally unavailable.

Guard his heart…

…from the demons that would do him harm. I’m a firm believer in spirituality, negative forces, and negative energy. When I tell you, that the minute I’m on track, focused, and headed in the right direction, here comes a dozen different distractions, obstacles, and people to divert my attention.  My eyes and mind are always open, and aware of the negative people, and things that effect me in an adverse way.

  • A woman can see another woman who intends to hurt her man, and stop said woman dead in her tracks.
  • A woman could see something her man is doing where he could hurt himself, or his career (that’s protection).
  • Holding your man accountable for his actions is protection.

Protect him with your love

Surround him with it. Men don’t feel love from many places (especially black men)… we feel more hatred, fear and disdain than anything when we’re out in the world. The love we feel comes from family, and most of all our woman/wife. I can’t tell you how many times in the past I came home and felt lower than dirt from getting beat up all day (emotionally) and my woman would put her arms around me and protect me from the demons that were invading my mind telling me I couldn’t do it (give up). The love of my woman was like an extra barrier against those that would do me harm, or hurt me. Her love and support kept me focused and got me back on task when I felt inadequate.

Pray For Him

In an article about “4 Ways To Protect Your Husband… ”  Tiya Cunningham-Sumter says:

Another great way to protect your husband is through prayer. There is no greater protector than God. Pray for your husband and with your husband. His life, his choices and his spirit all need to be lifted up constantly. You can pray that in his role as husband he always feels loved and supported. Also ask God to provide you with all you need to protect your husband as well.

As you can see, you should protect your man. Stop letting society, the way your parents taught you, or girlfriends told you, dictate what’s right, and what’s needed in your relationship.

Don’t forget to comment below and share this blog!
If you haven’t already, you can follow my blog here
Follow my podcast here
Advertisements

Anger into Social Action

I’m moving. Moving forward. I was disturbed, distressed and heart broken last week when I read about another school shooting. When will it end? Why can’t we send our children to school without them being shot? When will we stand up for our children?

Those were some of the questions running through my mind. I needed to regroup, reflect and pray. I’m tired of talking about the injustices that are going on. I’m tired of seeing the news were children are running for their lives. I’m a mom. How do you think that makes me feel?

It’s insane where we live in a society where it is easier to get a gun than a duplicate social security card for your child. It’s insane where it is easier to get a gun than a library card. It’s insane when children and young adults can walk into a school and shoot openly and still walk out alive. No I’m not advocating their death, but there are parents grieving for the lives you’ve stolen from them.

Mental health is real. I’m not denying that. But, society is cruel as hell when you can just let anyone get a gun. This young man is a fool. On what planet do you think it is okay to shoot up a school and kill people because you were told no? Get the hell out of here! No means no. A young woman is not required to date you. That doesn’t give you the right to go off and shoot up people. Don’t you know better than that?

I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of asking for justice. I’m tired of asking for gun reform. I’m turning my anger into social action and casting my vote in the primaries. I am asking for my elected officials to get off their butts and stop making it so easy for people to have access to guns and go on a killing spree.

I can’t take no more. I am prayerfully going to the polls as my elected officials have a responsibility to their constituents. To me and to you. I’m prayerfully asking that we think of the families that have had to bury their children due to gun violence. I’m asking that you exercise your right to vote. My voice matters when I vote. Yours does too.

vote-e1520365526766

Note: I do not own the rights to this photo. A Google search was performed for the image selected.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motivational Monday Moment – 05.21.18

I saw this great quote that I wanted to share this week for my Motivational Monday Moment. The quote states “The past can not be changed. The future is yet in your power.” – Unknown

I love this quote because it reminds me that I can’t forget the things that have happened no matter how hard I may try. The past can’t be changed. It can’t be rewritten or redone. It happened. But, what I an control is my future. I can write a future more befitting of someone who has survived and still stands. That’s what I can do. That is what I choose to do.

unknown1-2x.jpg

What about you? What are you doing with your future? Are you accepting of the past and rewriting your powerful future?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Moving to a Self-Hosted Platform

Help! One of my goals for 2018 was to move to a self-hosted platform and I’m struggling to make a decision. For those of you that may be new to blogging, moving to a self-hosted platform will allow me more control over my blog with regards to customizing functions and style. It’s daunting as heck, but oh so worth it.

I know this. I’ve watched my blog grow from about 100 followers in 2014 when I first started to get back into blogging to 700 in late 2016 and now I’m almost at 2,500 WordPress subscribers. There has been growth.

In that time, I’ve contributed to two books being published and many posts. I’m working on my craft and working on turning my passion into profit. To that end, I want to be able to have more control on my blog and website. It’s time.

But, I’m overwhelmed by it all. I know that I can’t be alone. Were you overwhelmed when you started researching the move to a self-hosted platform? How did you make the choice to move? Which platform did you select? Was it hard to implement? What was the cost? I’m looking at cost, ease of use and unmetered storage.

It’s just me. Doing it on my own, but I’m hoping to have an interactive blog/website running by year end. Did you get overwhelmed by doing it yourself? What are some of the things/thoughts that I should be thinking about?

I really need your help. All advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Mom You Lied

This past weekend, Munch and I went out shopping on Saturday for new church clothes. Later that evening Munch came in my room and asked me could he talk to me privately. I said “Sure.” I have to tell you that I was really proud that he closed the door and asked me to talk privately. I eagerly awaited what he had to say.

“Mom, I felt like you lied to me today” he said. I was caught off guard. “About what Munch? Why do you feel like I lied to you today?” He said “About the store earlier. You said it wasn’t going to take long and we waited in line for a long time.” I had to catch myself. I was ready to say something smart, but I’m practicing the behavior that I want him to emulate so I said “Munch, do I work at that store?” He replied “No.” I then asked “How do you define a long time?” He didn’t respond. I continued “I had to wait in the same line and they had every register open. But, I am asking you to remember that God wants us to be patient and what you are exhibiting is your frustration at the fact that we had to wait. Wait in line while picking up clothes for you. Remember that you must have an attitude of gratitude all the time and right now, you’re not being gratuitous. I didn’t lie. You didn’t have a realistic expectation as to the time it would take and neither did I.” I asked him was there anything else and said good night.

I almost lost it. I couldn’t believe that my child was blaming me for the long lines in the store. I didn’t know if I could continue down this positive parenting journey. It was stressful to reign in my emotions and then to try to explain how disappointed that I was without losing my mind. I did it, but sometimes I wonder if I’m even making sense to Munch.

I didn’t lie, but his interpretation of the fact that I said it shouldn’t take long had told his brain that I lied when he had to wait over a certain amount of time. I didn’t know what to do. I was literally making it up as I go along. I thought about it over the next couple of days and expressed to him that we needed to take the time to process what he said and his expectations. I explained that his expectations are his, but he needs to practice reasonableness. I discussed that because he’s in an awkward size in dress clothes that I need him to be present and that I try my best to shop without him, but that may not always be the case. He needs to be prepared that sometimes he will need to be present.

I don’t know if he understands. Talking to other people only increases my anxiety about my choices because they don’t understand what I’m doing on this positive parenting journey. I’m being firm but allowing him to have choices. To openly expresses his feelings, but to level set with him. I pray that I’m not messing him up.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

Daddy

I know it’s Mother’s Day weekend and I’m sharing a post about my daddy, but I had to share this. I was asked to be a part of an incredible project by Dr. K E Garland. Her next book is called Daddy: Reflections of Father-Daughter Relationships and will be released next month (pre-orders are going on now and hard book copies will be available June 2, 2018).  This is an amazing book and I wanted to share my write up for the upcoming release.

Daddy is going to give you insight into the importance of father-daughter relationships. All relationships are important, but I tell you growing up without a dad changed me. In good ways, but definitely some bad and I’m not alone. So, I wanted to share my story.

I’m so excited to be a part of this project. It was therapeutic and I know that you will enjoy the book, so please check out my interview via DADDY CONTRIBUTOR: Tikeetha Thomas

Also, look out for me promoting this awesome book for everyone and think about getting it for Father’s Day as a gift to the many men in your life that are raising daughters.

Dc6wsFAVwAQPlzQ

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motivational Monday Moment – 05.07.18

It’s Monday! I’m excited. Another week down and another chance to do it again. I was thinking of ways that I could inspire and motivate you this weekend. I came across this great quote:

always-rememberjust-keep-moving-forward-inspirational-quote

I loved that. It reminded me that no matter what storm you may find yourself in at the moment that no stressor can break you. You need to just remain flexible and keep moving forward. Isn’t that awesome?

How many times are we overcome by the situations we find ourselves in? The storm seems to be too much for us to handle but I’m telling you that you need to plant your feet firmly to the ground and adjust your umbrella and know that it will stop, It will die down and go away. But, you don’t have to just wait in the rain waiting for it to stop.

You keep living. You keep moving forward. You keep getting up and giving the best of yourself each and every day to the world. You trust the fact that this is not the first storm or the last storm. You just gotta keep moving.

In my storms I’ve learned that flexibility is the key and so is moving forward. I know that life won’t be easy and I trust that in the midst of my storms that God is working on me. I am thankful for the rain because it is cleansing. So, my Motivational Monday Moment is is to allow yourself to be cleaned mentally and spiritually during your stressing storm. Take a deep breath and keep pushing forward because truthfully…you got this!

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

The Truth About Parenting

Yesterday when scrolling through Facebook I see this great post that was shared to a group that I’m in:

la0508

The post angered a lot of people. They felt judged. I get it. But, should you feel that way? Yelling at your child early in the morning starts them off on the wrong foot. We’ve got to do better. Speak in normal tones to them. If you set them on edge first thing in the morning, how do you think the rest of their day will go?

I saw this video below a couple of years ago and it really solidified in my mind that I was doing right by Munch.

There were many opportunities to start the child off on the right path and each adult that he encountered was determined to make his day suck. Yep, it was the adults fault. You are the ones that set the tone for how their day should be. Can they have bad days if you do everything right? Yes, absolutely, but how they start their day matters. Just like eating a healthy breakfast in the morning is best, it is also imperative that we put our children in a mindset of success and peace.

I commented on the Facebook post in my group with this…

capture0502

This mother commented that compared to you I must be doing something wrong. I laughed and said “No, we do our best. I only have one. I chose to do my best and pour the very best of what I have in raising him. It’s important that I get up each morning and fix him a hot breakfast. That I make sure he is presentable and in a positive mood each day. It’s my job as his parent. I wasn’t raised in the manner I’m choose to raising my son. Not a bad thing. I chose to raise him differently.” I’m not in competition with other parents. I am just choosing to do what I believe is best for Munch. Some days are good. Some days are a struggle. But that’s to be expected, right?

The other day Munch was taking his sweet time eating breakfast (38 minutes) and I was going to be late getting him to Before Care. I calmly called downstairs and asked him was he finished eating? He said he wasn’t. I then told him that I needed him to come upstairs in 7 minutes because we were late. We had to go. He started to talk about how he wasn’t finished. He still had food to eat. I explained that he was being distracted by watching his Ipad and not eating his breakfast. He complained that he was not. He then wanted to argue with me. I calmly replied “This was not a choice. I asked you to follow my instructions because you need to finish so we can get dressed and leave.” He did as instructed and we finished getting dressed and we left.

When I chose to practice positive parenting I knew that there would be days that would be overwhelmingly frustrating, but I’m sticking with it. I’m choosing to teach him positive behaviors and not to mess up his day with my own frustrations. Because that is what it is…my frustrations. I need to learn to control me.

I’m different. I do things differently with him. I trust that he will be grateful for the lessons that I’m teaching him and understand that I only wish him peace knowing that it starts with me.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Zappy

April 30

Today is the last day of the A to Z Challenge. Woohoo. I survived. It was hit or miss some days, but I made it.

Z

More importantly, today is Munch’s 10th birthday. I can’t believe that I have a child in the double digits.

dog-cake-happy-birthday-postcard-greeting-card-send-online-2637_57

It’s been an amazing journey these last few years. This little boy who was determined to survive in my womb regardless of all the things going on around him has proved that his spirit is unbreakable. I remind him of that.

He’s a fighter.

When I thought I had lost him and when I got to sick to continue being pregnant he fought. He was my God send. Ten years later I still feel the same way.

He woke up zappy this morning. I fixed him his birthday breakfast and added a candle to his fruit. He loved that. He asked for breakfast in bed next year. LOL. I’m taking orders now. As we drove to school he asked that I call the school and ask them to make an announcement that today is his birthday. Really?

Only my child. He has to be the center of attention. I am still glowing from birthday kisses and birthday hugs that made my day just as special.

We celebrated all weekend and with each passing moment, I was even more in awe that I am raising an incredible young man. He’s smart. He’s funny. He’s the best thing I ever did. I guess I can’t say he’s still my baby, but he will always be that to me.

This post was part of the A2Z challenge and the letter “Z” is for Zappy. My posts were written as a journal style for the challenge on the theme: Mothering While Black. I hope you enjoyed it.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter@mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram pagehttps://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Xerarch

I remember sitting in church one day and hearing my pastor preach about the Myrtle tree and how strong a tree it was because it could grow in dark and xerarch places. It didn’t need much light. It didn’t need much water. It could grow anywhere. It could bear fruit for sustenance.

The thing is that story just popped into my head as I was searching for a word that would go with the letter ‘X’. I remembered that story and how it inspired me as I sat on the pew thinking about my life and my son’s life. The message was simple – Anyone can grow and shine on the mountain top, but when you’re in the valley will you still be able to grow?

The answer should be yes. Even when you are in a valley situation you need to be like the Myrtle tree and just grow. No matter what is going on around you focus on God and just grow where you are planted. Your tree will sustain the weather and you will bear much fruit.

Life is about sustaining in difficult storms and growing through what you go through.

X

This post was part of the A2Z challenge and the letter “X” is for Xerarch. My posts will be written as a journal style for the challenge and will be on the theme: Mothering While Black. I hope you enjoyed it.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter@mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram pagehttps://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.