the gf

I really enjoyed this read by a fellow blogger, Staci Beth over at From He Double Hockey Sticks and Back about co-parenting. She really discusses her struggles and I could relate on so many levels. Ideally we would like to think that everyone can have a great relationship with the other parent, but in many cases this doesn’t happen. What do you do when it happens? Check out her great post about her struggles:  Source: the gf

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Co-Parenting: Bonus

Last week some friends and I were discussing Mr. C and I and why I’m not rushing down the aisle. LOL. Multiple reasons, but love isn’t one of them. I explained that I’m not ready and we’ve just created this great space and relationship and do things in our own time.

I started telling them about Mr. C’s son getting accepted into the school he wanted to go to and how he was heading to college in the fall and I’m super excited for him. Sad for my man because he’s going to miss the hell out of his son, but excited that they are embarking on this journey together. Mr. C calls me for advice about college and questions he should ask and I try to dole out tips, information and suggestions. I like it. I feel like I’m providing valuable input.

One of the things that I may not have mentioned is that Mr. C raised his son by himself. He is an excellent father and one of the things that I love about him is that no matter how busy he was providing, he was always there for his son. That speaks volumes for me. He and I definitely have different parenting styles, but he loves being a dad. It works for him.

So, knowing that we are dating for the purpose of marriage it comes as no surprise that I’m excited about his son’s next phase of his life. I love being a mom and although his son is 9 years older than Munch and headed to college this fall while Munch heads to fourth grade, it warms my heart to know that I will have a bonus son when we marry.

My friends were asking “Bonus son?” I said “Yep, he’s the unexpected bonus I receive when I marry his dad. I didn’t have to give birth to him, but my life is immeasurably better because he’s in it.” They smiled. “I like that” said my friend.

Just like Munch and I are a package deal, Mr. C and his son are one. We are going to be a blended family someday and I don’t expect everything to be perfect, but I expect that we’ll try. I will be the bonus mom that won’t quit. The best bonus mom ever! He may get tired of me sending care packages while he’s away, but I honestly can’t wait.

Bonuses are a blessing. Unexpected blessings that are extras and while I will gain a bonus son, he’ll gain a bonus mom and a bonus brother. We’re going to be one blessed family.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Life’s Not Fair

I had an amazing weekend. Busy, but I got everything I wanted to do done. LOL. You like that right? Everything that I wanted to do. Not everything that I should have done, etc. But, it was perfect.

However, I wanted to tell you what happened when I picked up Munch from after care at school on Friday.  I missed the heck out of that little boy.  It was like my world was set right laying eyes on that beautiful kid of mine. He smiled this big grin and gave me a hug, but I knew something was wrong the minute he hugged me. What’s wrong I asked? “Nothing” he replied. I said, “Munch, I know something is bothering you baby. What is it? What is wrong?” He then told me how he got in trouble today in after care. He said that they were lining up for snack time and a young boy (in kindergarten) yelled out that he wanted to be second in line, but Munch beat him to be second in line. The little boy said to Munch, “Hey, that’s not fair. I wanted to be second.” Munch replied “Life’s not fair”. He said that the little boy was upset and then told the director. Munch said that he didn’t yell at the little boy. He said “I said it matter of fact mommy. I wasn’t mean or yelling” but the director told me that I shouldn’t have said it.

His little eyes were wide with fear. Fear that I would be mad at him. I said “Munch, you did nothing wrong. You were right. Life is not fair and as long as you weren’t mean to him, then you are giving him a dose of reality.” Was I wrong? I don’t think so.

Munch is very sensitive and feels for everyone, but I’m trying to toughen up his exterior to know that not everything will work out for you. You can try your best and still fail and you know what? That’s okay. Life’s not about being fair. Life is about doing the best you can and being a good human being. No one is going to give you anything.

But, could Munch have just given him the spot? Sure, but should he have too? The child wasn’t going to not get a snack. He just wasn’t second in line. I know that some people make think it harsh that I support what he said, but it’s cool. I believe that we should be good people, but we shouldn’t deny ourselves if we choose not too.

I would have been more hurt had the child not gotten a snack and Munch didn’t offer to share his. The reality is that I’m raising a black boy in a “post racial society” where many people think racism is dead. It’s not. He may get pulled over for being black and even though it may not be fair, you need to know how to act. He may be unfairly judged in the classroom or on the streets and it’s not fair, but it is the way it is. I’m teaching him how to survive when life’s not fair, because that’s all you can do.

What are your thoughts?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Letter to My Son

Dear Munch,

Today is Mother’s Day. It’s one of the happiest days of my life. Much like your birthday, I’m reminded that God chose me to be your mom. It is an amazing opportunity and I couldn’t be happier. I thank Him each day for you.

Life is an adventure. I never imagined all the things I’ve been through could have happened, but my life is destined by God. I try to teach you the importance of prayer and faith and how we are called to lay it in the Master’s hands and I hope you remember. Remember that God always hears.

Some days in life will be good and some not so good, but I promise you that I will never stop loving or believing in you. I will always be there for you. If you feel like you need me or want to hear my voice, please call. No matter what. Our bond is unbreakable.

You continue to amaze me each day with your strength and love for yourself and others. You are both kind and sensitive to the needs of others. That’s one of the many things that I love about you. Never stop caring for others. It is your gift.

I watch you grow and adapt to the things that have happened in your life and I am in awe. You take the good and bad and keep on moving. You worry so much about others that I fear that you will be consumed with the problems of others and lack the ability to care for yourself. Please don’t. Remember to save time for you.

You inspire me to continue to strive for greater opportunities that allow me to mother and mentor you in a way I never saw possible. To work in your classroom or volunteer in your school while holding down a full-time job. You make me want to show the world that I am blessed to be able to have it all. And I do…because I have you.

Munch, each day is Mother’s Day for me because I get to say that I’m raising this incredible little boy who feels me with so much joy. I love you more than you could ever imagine and I want you to remember what I tell you “There is no greater bond baby because my heartbeat was the first sound you ever heard.”

Love Mommy

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Reblog: Mutterings of a Four Year Old

Here’s another great post about things Munch used to do and say when he was 4. He is still a hilarious kid, probably not as pushy. But, he’s mine.

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It’s been a full three weeks since we took Munch’s binky away.  Can you believe that he hasn’t asked for it at all?  I was so shocked that when I told my mom, she couldn’t believe it.  She had me convinced that Munch would need a “binky patch” similar to a nicotine patch to break his addiction for his binky.  But, thankfully he didn’t.

I attribute this success to the fact that I didn’t succumb to the pressure of other folks (doctors, dentists and people who don’t know my son) by telling me to take it away now.  Munch wasn’t ready.  I prepared this take-away by announcing it on a regular basis, that you’re going to be four and when you’re four, you can’t suck a binky because binky’s are for babies.  I think more than anything, that he finally figured it out and accepted that he was too old for his binky and that he really didn’t need it.

So, since it’s been almost a month since he turned four, I decided to share some of his mutterings, stories and sayings.  Munch has always been a child who knows what he wants, but sometimes it can stress even the most sane parent when he goes on and on.  You will see.  Here are a few of our stories:

When getting Munch ready for bed…

“Mommy, look at my wee-wee.”  I replied, “It’s a penis Munch, not a wee-wee.” He restated, “No, it’s a wee-wee.”  I looked at him and said again “It’s a penis Munch, not a wee-wee.” He said “No, it’s a wee-wee.” Not willing to engage in a back and forth, I asked “What’s wrong with it Munch?”  He replied, “It looks like a brown crayon.”

When learning to share…

“Munch, you need to learn to share your stuff.  Don’t make people ask you for something.  You need to offer to share first.” Munch looked at me and said, “But, Mommy I don’t want to share. It’s mine and why can’t they get their own.”

When asking me where I’m going…

“Mommy, where are you going?” “No where Munch”  I replied. Five minutes pass and he asks, “Mommy, where are you going?” “No where Munch” I replied again. Five more minutes pass and he asks again, “Mommy, where are you going?” Frustrated I respond “No where Munch and you better not ask me again where I’m going or I will leave.” He looks at me and then turns to his dad and asks, “Daddy, where is Mommy going?”

Munch and the gift

Munch is now at the point where he loves how you react to him when he makes something for you.  Well, for Mother’s Day, he painted the most beautiful picture at day care.  I told him  how much I loved the picture and I was going to get it framed.  I told him thank you so much and he started to cry because I loved it so much.

The next day, he went to church school.  They had his class create Mother’s Day cards for their moms.  Munch handed me the card when I came to pick him up.  I smiled and said, “It was the most beautiful card I had ever received and thank you.”  He said, “Mommy, it’s a present for you.  I made a present for you.”  I said, “Thank you love.”  Over the next four days, Munch would repeatedly say, “Mommy, it’s a present for you.  I made a present for you.”  He said it a total of 35 times.  I would reply, “I know sweetheart.  It’s beautiful.  Thank you.”  Well, when he said it for the 36th time, I said, “Munch, I know you made the beautiful card for me.  I love it.  But, if you tell me one more time that you made a present for me, I’m going to scream.”  He looked at me and then turned to his dad and said, “Daddy look!  I made a present for Mommy.”  My husband laughed and said, “Son, it’s beautiful.”

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Reblog: Munch Meets Magnolia Street Photography

Another memory about Munch. He was 2 and had his first professional photography session.  She’s still our photographer 6 years later.  Check it out…

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Munch and I had an incredible session today with Erin of Magnolia Street Photography. She lives in Maryland. She was absolutely wonderful. She did a terrific job and I was so impressed with the photos she took of Munch. She made both Munch and I feel relaxed as we went through the session. She is truly a great photographer. Munch gave her a hug and kiss good-bye which is a big deal for a kid who doesn’t like strangers. Here are some of the prints.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motherhood: What Matters Most?

What matters most to me when it comes to raising Munch? That’s simple. I want Munch to be a man of good character. I think about it constantly as he is 9 and I just hope that I’m doing right by him.  I want him to be a man of good character.

It’s hard today to really think about things that we take for granted. Be of good character or as my momma used to say to me “Don’t embarrass me”. I think that’s one of the fundamental lessons we have to teach our children. That your character matters because you matter.

We should never take for granted the things that we are called to do and we should always look at serving others as one our greatest priorities. No matter what. We can’t get too busy going through life that we are unable to see that there are others that are less fortunate than we are. Those that are struggling just to make ends meet. We must help.

Volunteering our time and sharing our talents are very important things to me. I also believe in charitable contributions. However, since Munch is an only child, I tend to do a lot of volunteering with him because I really want him to see the importance of serving others. I want him to see the benefits of service. But, sometimes he gets frustrated and doesn’t want to do it.

I get it. He’s 9. He doesn’t understand the importance of doing for others. Yet. He sees what he wants when he wants. Last year in December we participated in Wreaths Across America and even though I didn’t tell him about it until we got there he actually enjoyed it. I thought he would be scared, but he loved putting the wreaths on the soldier’s graves and he wished every headstone a Merry Christmas as he placed the wreath.

But, he’s fickle with his service as I experienced last month. I was assembling toiletries that my sorority sisters and I had collected for the homeless. We received an outpouring of support from people all over the community, including one local blogger Egypt who saw my flyer on Instagram and wanted to help. Well, all those toiletries had to be counted and sorted and assembled with like items to donate to the facility.

I asked Munch to help me with the sorting and he pitched a fit. He wanted to go back to playing in his room so he stomped, gave attitude and huffed and puffed while sorting. Feeling my patience running thin, I told him to forget it and I would do it on my own. He started to walk away. I then said “Munch, I teach you all the time that we are called to serve. Jesus came to serve at God’s request and are we to believe that we are too good to serve?” He looked at me. I then told him “I’m disappointed that you don’t want to help. I don’t want you to be selfish, but I want you to see the value in helping the homeless. These men and women don’t have a place to lay their head at night. No home means that they can’t go open the refrigerator and get food out. They need these supplies. We are helping them. I need you to understand how helping me helps them.”

He walked away and I continued to sort through the items on my own. Ten minutes later he comes down stairs with a tear streaked face asking to help. I smiled and said okay. He handed me a picture. I started to cry too.

He got it. He got the point of what I was saying. That fact made me smile. Even though we weren’t helping people with blood cancers as he stated in his drawing, it comforted me to know that my little boy was choosing to be of good character and the lesson that I was trying to teach was not going on deaf ears.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.