I Know Not

I know not the moment when my innocence was shattered. When my belief in man became so obscure that I thought death was better than life. I’m lying.

I remember.

I remember the day that you touched me as I slept. The moment that my innocence was shattered and I was left to pick up the pieces of the dirty word I had become. I know not why I had to endure that pain.

Maybe someone can explain.

I know not why I was assaulted by two boys on the school bus. Why they held me down and hunched me as I screamed out.  Kissing me. Holding my wrists. Why they chose to grind their adolescent penises in my crotch all to show me their manhood. I know not why no one came to my rescue. I screamed for help.

I remember.

Because I was just a girl. Faceless. I didn’t matter. They were popular. I was a nobody. Or that was how I was treated after the boys got in trouble. I was just an unknown. I asked for it. I know not how a child asks for boys to hold her down as they humped her and she screamed for help.

I know not why I was abandoned.

The isolation of classmates created such loneliness in my spirit that I understood that a nobody liked me must have deserved the unwanted attention as I was just a girl. A child. It didn’t matter. I don’t know why the expectation is that I wanted this.

I know not why I remember the day that my classmate raped me. I remember the feel of his penis pushing through me as I screamed and fought. The words “No one likes a tease” as I laid there crying and fighting for my spirit. I remember praying to God to die as he penetrated me relentlessly.

I know not why I saw me outside my body. I sang a song. A song of comfort. My mind was breaking apart. I imagined singing. I was a young girl. Maybe about 6 or 7. I sang This Little Light of Mine as he raped me. I know not why that song came to me.

I remember. I remember believing that God was protecting me. That walls were being built all around my mind to protect me from the pain. The pain was insurmountable. The memories would be too painful and I felt numb.

I died that day. Spiritually.

Each time I was touched. I lost a piece of me. But, I lived. I know not why.

Maybe it is because God had greater plans for my life than I could have ever imagined. I know not why.

God gave me a son to raise after boys and a man destroyed many parts of my youth. But, He must have a sense of humor right? Cause why would my womb carry a man?

I know not why.

I know not why the answers to many questions remain unclear. Like fragments and repressed memories they fight to come to light. Buried memories of things not spoken about.

But, I know that I have a purpose. I am better than my perpetrators. I am better than my past. I’m better than the man who tries to break me down by accusing me of emasculating my son when I am the one who brought forth light and named him Munch. I know not why.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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It’s the Mother’s Fault

I’m so tired of society blaming all the problems of the world on the backs of mothers. We are not responsible for everything that happens in this world. We create life, but as men remind us we couldn’t do so without them. So, based off that fact, wouldn’t it be fair to say that we equally share in creating and influencing our children?

I saw this post in one of my FaceBook groups and was astonished at the comments:

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Why? Aren’t both equally dangerous to the well being of a child? Children require two healthy parents to love and influence them. Mental health is often overlooked in both parents. People who should get help deny their is something wrong with them, but the statistics support that most people are suffering from some sort of depression.

I grew up without a father in my life and I disagree with his statement. It did more damage than good. My mother by no means was toxic, but him not supporting his children financially, spiritually or mentally put all the work on her and she just focused on raising us. I had a hole in my heart because my dad abandoned me.

That played itself out in the men I chose and had relationships with. Some were really good men who could see that my father’s abandonment was playing with me. They didn’t take advantage. They just loved and supported. Others did take advantage. Those were the losers that I was unfortunate enough to be linked too.

Blame shifting when it comes to our children and what is in the best interest serves no one. It only allows those that see nothing wrong with their behavior to blame someone else for them not stepping up to the plate with a knife and a fork.

Our society tends to seek to destroy instead of build up one another. The family unit is damaged and it is sickening to believe that the mental health of men promoting hate propaganda and excusing negative behaviors in men is better for our children. Both a toxic parent and an absentee parent are detrimental to the children.

We need to understad that how children are raised and the traumas they experience in childhood will carry over in their adult lives. It’s a fact. It’s not assumption. Every thing that you’re doing now could be traced back to an event that made you that way. Good, bad or indifferent your past matters. Your experiences matter. They help shape the person that you are.

Children need their parents. Both mothers and fathers. But, you have to do the work to heal yourself from the past traumas you’ve experienced or it will manifest itself in the rearing of your children. Be active, be accountable and be mentally capable of raising great individuals.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

The Truth About Co-Parenting

I’m in a lot of groups on co-parenting, taking co-parenting classes and reading everything under the sun to learn how to co-parent. Is it working? Umm, not yet. But, that is not to say that I’ve given up. I’m prayerful that God is working it out.

I understand that most co-parenting situations take 5 to 7 years to work out and that will put Munch between 13 to 15. Okay, whatever! It takes a village and I’m okay with that. However, one of the things that I’ve been seeing and hearing a lot lately is the concern that step moms have that the birth mom’s hate them.

Let me pause and offer my two cents on this belief. This is not true in all cases. If you broke up a home through infidelity, then the birth mother may hate you. But, you should know that. If you didn’t and you both just moved on with your lives and met and married new people then I’m sure that the birth mother doesn’t hate you.

Neither do the kids. They just need to get to know you. The thing is that you fall in love with the man not knowing the history of what he did to that woman or vice versa.  As much as everyone would like to place the foolishness on the birth mom’s shoulder I invite you to take a step back and look at it from another point of view.

As a birth mom to only one child, I only want the best for my child. I believe that his dad wants the best for him. If I don’t know you then how can I know what you want with our son? Does that make you a bad person? Nope, not at all. But, that doesn’t meant that I like you or hate you. I don’t know you.

Does that mean that I’m jealous of you? Not at all. Again, I don’t know you. I don’t trust people I don’t know. Do you trust people that you don’t know? Probably not. It means that we are starting at a point of figuring each other out. We are not sitting here creating voodoo dolls of you and wishing bad things on you. We have a life. We have a child or children. We may have careers.

Every relationship whether friend or intimate has boundaries. When you are getting to know someone intimately they are learning your boundaries and you are learning theirs. When do you learn the birth mother’s boundaries? Do you believe there are boundaries? Do you care?

If not, then think about the relationship that you are creating with those boundaries. When we don’t respect boundaries from the birth parents and do what they heck we want in the name of love, then you will be met with resistance and anger. Probably both. Issues from the marriage or relationship carry over into co-parenting when boundaries aren’t respected. Both men and women are guilty of this.  This doesn’t mean that the woman is bitter or jealous of you. You just crossed her boundary.

Let me give you an example, maybe the ex gave her a sexually transmitted disease (STD), was violent to her, stole from her, etc. Maybe the man didn’t want the child to begin with and now wants to be father of the year with you on his arms. Who knows? You only know his side of the story.  The one that your new partner told you. Maybe the issues are deeper than you want to admit. There are many reasons relationships fail.

And when they do fail, what remains is that there are two parents that have a child to care for. Two. Mom and dad. The parents who created the child, carried the child and the mother who birthed the child left to figure out how to raise this little human being without emotionally stunting him/her. Their children will be raised in two homes, with two different parenting styles and two people who love them immensely. Does that mean that you can’t be a partner in the child’s life with your new man or woman? Not at all.

It just means that you have to recognize that their are other participants in this co-parenting relationship. The parents. Both parents. They need to work together for their child. It may be a lot of residual issues, but your job is not get involved in the BS. To respect the boundaries and love and be a supporting partner to your significant other and a supporter of the child.

Children need the love and support of their parents. If more parents are added to the mix, that’s more love to go around. Their village will expand. Birth mothers don’t go around hating their exe’s new partner. If you’re feeling hated, ask yourself whether or not you did anything to overstep your boundaries. Talk it out.

This is not a birth mother vs. step mother reality. Women have to stop being pitted against each other. We are our sister keeper’s. We are all part of the village.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Random Thoughts – 09.14.17

I’m sorry that I’ve been inconsistent in posting lately. Life has gotten the best of me. In between vacation, school starting, work and my sorority, I’m burning the candle at both ends. Things will slow down soon. I promise to try and catch up on what I can. Here’s an update on where things are with me.

New Followers – Oh Yeah!

Thank you to my new followers. I have almost 2,000 WordPress followers and I am overwhelmingly blessed by that. I’m truly astonished. I can’t believe that you’ve chosen to follow me on this journey in this thing called life. I mean I’ve seriously grown by leaps and bounds these last few months and I’m happy to have you a part of this walk. I can’t thank you enough. Please check out my Who Am I? page to learn all about me.

Busy, Busy, Busy

This week has been hectic. I had so many meetings and court on Monday. My son’s father and I finalized the parenting agreement in mediation and the court accepted it and now it’s part of our file. We had 5 outstanding items that they refused to handle and I’ve accepted that at the moment, I can move on with my life and rebuild my leave balance because I have only been an employee a little over a year.

My Munch

Munch had Back-to-School Night on Tuesday and this was my second time meeting his teacher (I met him on the first day of school). He seems like a really nice guy and I’m wishing Munch and all the little kiddos a happy and productive school year. I have also decided that I will be enrolling Munch into a Math tutoring program this school year to help strengthen his math skills. I realize that I was stressing him out last year and he was stressing me out. But, I don’t play with academics so whatever we can do to help – will be done.

Munch must also take band this year. Apparently, it is mandatory in the fourth grade here in Maryland. I went to school in Texas so I don’t know. Munch decided he wants to play the trumpet as his first choice and the flute as his second. I just received an email from the band teacher asking would some of the parents be willing to switch their children to the clarinet. Umm, nope. He didn’t pick the clarinet. The clarinet sucks.  Can’t the teachers do what they can?

But, it’s a good year. I like his teachers and Munch wanted me to meet his PE teacher at Back-to-School Night. He likes PE. Did you know that she said she sees the kids for 35 minutes once a week and sometimes twice a week? I remember taking PE every day when I was in elementary school.

Finally, I’m feeling better about his school this year. This is a big change from where I stood last year feeling like an outsider. I joined the PTA and volunteered at Munch’s school. I made it work. I got to know the parents and fund raise for the school. Munch’s new school was made smaller by my efforts to fit in. I’m happy to say that my anxiety has diminished and we’re ready to tackle the fourth grade. Together.

My Love

Mr. C is great. He and I are progressing in our relationship and just loving our happy black a** lives. It’s an adjustment with all that we’ve both had going on, but we’re looking forward to stability and celebrations in the coming weeks. His birthday is later this month and then our anniversary is next month. Woohoo! We’ve been dating for almost two years and in a committed relationship almost a year.

We love where we are and we continue to learn and grow our relationship. I’m in a lot of groups on FaceBook and one of the things that I’m learning is that we as couples don’t know how to talk to each other. We want this picture perfect relationship without doing the work. Mr. C and I work at our relationship. Constantly. Daily. Heck, hourly sometimes.

He gets me. He gets when I need him to just protect me and love me through all the bulls*hit that I’m experiencing. It is in those moments that I sigh and thank God for this man. This man that makes me feel as though I can do anything, but reminds me all the same that he’s willing to help me because I’m not alone. Do you know how special that makes me feel?  Whew! I’m blessed ya’ll.

My Sorority Year

Has started back. We take the summers off and we’re now back. I’m on a couple of committees and working to make a difference in my chapter, organization and of course community. First up is a Mother/Daughter Tea that we have this weekend, which is part of our fundraising efforts for scholarships. I am so excited because we’ve sold out the place. I will be the mistress of ceremony for the event and my mommy, sister and niece will be attending. I’ve also volunteered to chair the Veteran’s committee and work on some programs this year including our Wreaths Across America. Munch loved that program so I’m happy to help in any way possible.

That’s a brief synopsis of what’s going on with me. You are all missed and thank you for being an invaluable piece in my life. Your reading, sharing or commenting truly make my day. I’ve been slow to respond, but trust me that I will catch-up. Please continue to love and take care of each other. We’re hurting in this country and we have to remember that we are all loved, valued and appreciated.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Parenting: First Day of School

Yesterday was Munch’s first day back at school. It was an exhausting day because our flight was delayed by 3 hours and we didn’t get in the house until 12:15 a.m. the next morning. Ugh! But, we took it in stride and were thankful that we arrived even after all those hours.

I felt so unprepared. I didn’t get a chance to pack his backpack with all the school supplies before heading out of town. That was a bummer. I grabbed some notebook paper and pencils and shoved them in his bag and thought we’ll do it this evening.

Munch woke up in a bad mood. Can you blame him? He was explaining to me that he didn’t want to go back to the same school because the kids were mean to him. I stopped. I breathed and replied “Munch, we are in a new school year with a new teacher and new classmates. No one can make you feel less than you are. Only you have the power to do so. I want you to have an amazing day because you are blessed. We woke up this morning. You have new clothes and shoes and supplies. You are ready to learn.” He sighed.

We drove to school and he said to me “Mommy, I’m sorry about earlier. I was in a bad mood. I’m going to have a good day.” I smiled and replied “Yep, you are and I can’t wait to hear all about it.” We walked into the building.

He saw a couple of children from his old school. Remember that I told you that there are only two French Immersion schools in the county? That was comforting. They spoke in the hallways. His smile was huge.

We met his teacher who is another male (Yay!) this year. I introduced myself and Munch and told him that I will see him at back to school night next week. I left.

This year there was no huge good-bye and lingering around. I felt better. I felt comforted. We weren’t in a foreign territory anymore. I know some parents, the principal and administrators. I made the school smaller by volunteering and I’ll do the same this year.

Here’s to my awesome and amazingly talented fourth grader. He’s ornery, brilliant and changing every day to look like his mommy. He will have a wonderful time in the 4th grade this year and I’ll be right there to make sure that he does.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Parenting: Munch’s Art

Munch just finished two weeks at Art Camp last Friday and I couldn’t be more proud. He asked to attend and he learned so much. He learned about different textures, mediums and artists. He had a blast.

I think the best part of the camp experience for me was listening to my son explain his art work. The camp had an art show for the finale and the kids were super excited to showcase their work.

These last two weeks were memorable for him. He was excited and learned a lot. It was definitely worth the investment.

Since he transferred to his new school last September he actually got straight A’s in art all four quarters. This was a change from his last art teacher who I firmly believed pulled grades out her butt. When I questioned his grades changing from a B to A, she had no answer and couldn’t produce graded work that showed a B.

I explained that my son loves to draw and will often spend hours drawing out these great characters. He’s talented. He loves art. She didn’t listen.

Oh well.

Change happened and he’s excelling in his new school so we are blessed. It is as it should be. Art camp was awesome and he was winding down summer on a positive note. Here are some photos of his work.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Mommy Moments – 8.22.17

Munch and I have been enjoying our summer. School starts next month and I am preparing him slowly. His favorite color is blue (like his mommy) and he’s asked for blue tennis shoes again and a blue back pack.

Got it.

I’ve been buying school supplies and making sure that he’s enjoying camp. He started art camp this week and it goes through next week so I am excited about him learning and playing. This was the one request he had for a camp for summer. He wanted to go to art camp.

He’s gone swimming, skating, go-kart racing, to the fair and to an amusement park. He’s had a ball. We’re headed home to Tennessee in a couple of weeks and I can’t wait. I need the break.

Some funny news about Munch and his health…Last December Munch got a silver cap placed on his tooth. They call it a crown and his dad happened to take him to the dentist when they suggested it. I called the dentist upset because a crown requires a root canal and he still has baby teeth in his mouth. The hygienist was very helpful and just told me in essence it is a crown that his crown was to prevent the spread of decay of the two surrounding tooth. Okay.

After a $225.00 doctor visit for this crown and convincing Munch that it was okay as it was in the back of his mouth to the side, we got used to it. They explained that when his permanent tooth came in then the baby tooth with the crown on it will fall out.

Well, after only 8 months it fell out. Nope, I didn’t get my $225.00 worth of use. Munch was so cute because he thought that he should get more money from the tooth fairy because it was not just a regular tooth, but a silver tooth. Really?

He got a beautiful $1.00 from the tooth fairy. He then said the next morning “I wish it were a gold tooth. I probably would have gotten more.” LMAO.

The last few weeks in August will be spent attending BBQ’s, parties and appointments to get him ready for school. He has a vision appointment this Saturday to make sure he’s all set. School starts on the 6th of September.

How are you enjoying summer so far? Are your kids back in school? Any tips for getting ready to start the new school year?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.