He’s Not Your Man – Part 2

In yesterday’s post He’s Not Your Man – Part 1 I told you about the awkward situation that I found myself in when my having dinner with my male best friend. One of the women that he was dating actually showed up at the restaurant to blast him for having dinner with me. She was upset that instead of spending time with her he was spending it with me. His best friend of 30 years.

I was astounded that in this day and age (over 40) that you would literally walk up on someone who is not your husband or man to confront them. Why? It was astonishing and sad. I’m going to tell you why.

Dating is a Game

Back in the day (read prior to my marriage) I played the game. I was the woman that was pursued and I entered and ended relationships as I saw fit. I have been the woman that dated a man knowing that I wasn’t the only one. It was horrible. I wouldn’t recommend this to any woman. It creates a false sense of a relationship when in reality you’re just friends with benefits and in many cases you’re not friends. You have to play the game or you will get hurt.

If you seek a relationship then you need to step back from the man that you know is not looking for that. You need to date men that are on the same wavelength as you. You need to not look at every woman as competition because they are not. You are only in competition with yourself.

Recognize His Game

The key to dating and not courting is that you have to recognize his game. Game is game. No way about it. If ya’ll go out occasionally and are sexing and he doesn’t want to put labels on it, you are going nowhere sis. You are a place filler. Temporary in hopes of being permanent. But, if that’s what you want…cool. However, please don’t switch up and then say you want more and expect him to give it to you. Why would anyone stop living the single and free life and they are enjoying it? It’s like asking me to stop eating pizza. I ain’t gonna do it.

Be Cool and Know Who Your Enemies Are

I am not your enemy. I am the best friend. The safe one. The one who he can laugh with, tell secrets to and support. I am the one that he’ll show up to my son’s soccer games, take us out to dinner and help my son with homework. I am his friend. Nothing more. I am not your enemy. I could be the one rallying for you if you weren’t so insecure and you talked to me like a lady. I have a lot of pull. I am not going anywhere. It’s been 30 years. You are your own enemy. Men don’t want stress. Had I been another one of his women, you just showed out and I would have taken advantage of that situation that night. But, I’m his friend. Respect the role.

At the end of all of this, I love my best friend. I told him that he should stop sleeping with this woman because she’s delusional about the lines. She needs to work on her own issues and get a real relationship if that is what she wants. He’s not going to do anything he doesn’t want to do.

You-Cant-Change-Men

I was disappointed that she felt threatened by me and then was dismissive of me. I am an advocate of women and I never disrespected her. When she kept calling him as we were leaving, he was ignoring her calls and sending her to voicemail. I told him to answer the phone as she needed to speak with him. He did. She was yelling and screaming and she called me a “Bi*ch”. What?

He was a gentleman and told her that he would not tolerate her calling me that and hung up the phone. A best friend would do that. A man would do that. My advice is simple…don’t let your frustrations over not getting the love you want pull you out of your character. Your behavior is a genuine reflection of you and only you because in reality he’s not your man.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Happy International Women’s Day

Yep, it’s March 8th. Today is International Women’s Day. It’s also Women’s History Month in case you didn’t know. Did you know that according to the United Nations (UN) “International Women’s Day is celebrated in many countries around the world. It is a day when women are recognized for their achievements without regard to divisions, whether national, ethnic, linguistic, cultural, economic or political.” Isn’t that exciting?

Today is the day where we get to celebrate the successes of women around the world for their achievements on all levels. Women are doing it everywhere. The theme for International Women’s Day, 8 March, is “Time is Now: Rural and urban activists transforming women’s lives”.

In the last year, we’ve seen so many changes in the US and globally. Women are changing the face of politics in the U.S. and speaking out against abuse in every location. Realistically, Hollywood will never be the seen. We continue to move forward knowing that we are paving the path for the future young women after us.

No matter where you live, you can make a difference. You have a voice. You are not alone. Advocate for yourself and those around you. One person can make a difference. You are that person.

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Note: I do not own the rights to this photo. I did a Google search. 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

A Letter To My Ex Girlfriend

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He’s bitter

No… I’m a man who’s just irate…  and a letter won’t cure the nausea I’m feeling—because of all the bullshit I-ate.

You fed me lie after lie, line after line, and I was mouth wide open thinking you were mine.

That’s fine… this letter is for my time.

You need some damn help. I tried, I fought, I cried, I wasted good years… it’s time to put you back on the shelf.
Even though I am a fighter, I get sick of bobbin’ and weavin’… besides, we got this baby on the way, and I ain’t leavin’ (even though you said I would)

Or maybe I should leave? I’ll be judged though… as a man, they always do. To be honest? I’m tired of hearing about what women go through. Men go through things too! We deal with bull from women all the time. I guess they think we’re immune because we don’t cry… [in the open], write breakup songs, and whine.

We carry this shit.

Thousands of men walking around out there feeling like crap. Feeling like no one understands them. So we carry it all like a stomach ulcer (don’t date us though… cause it’s a trap).

But we can handle it all because we are a man right?

No.

Like a rusty sword stuck in its sheath, No matter how hard we try to pull out, we’re a mess underneath.

Dripping sweat, selfish sex, and lack of reciprocation. So what’s next? You roll over and act like me pleasing you is all I get. SHET!

Lost because this man, staring in the mirror is-not-me. Who is he? He’s changed, with the heart of a man defeated by a woman who stole his destiny… selfishly.

“You’re the selfish one, not me.”

You say that, and you’re definitive. Your innate narcissism is apparent each time you speak. Each utterance of that trash makes me feel pain in my [peen]. I can’t even get it up when I think of the fact that I have to deal with you til’ he’s 18.

I hate you! No, I love you, No… I hate you.  No… I can’t stand the woman you became. The woman who blames everyone for everything but refuses to acknowledge the pain [you] brought to the game.

You don’t trust me? Chick you’re just insecure. And I damn sure don’t trust you! All we have is time. But the baby is coming, and your lack of communication makes me believe the baby isn’t mine.

Call after call, you don’t answer. You don’t return the messages you receive. How can you blame me for feeling the way I do? About a broken relationship that never became whole, and was fake as hair weave.

You better believe… I wanted to break up. The day you called and told me you were pregnant, I planned to leave you in the dust… no fuss, no more lust.  Just realness from a man that had enough.

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Photo Credit: Sam Burris

No support, no encouragement, just selfish ambitions of a ring.  So blind to the fact that I needed YOU more than anything.

I dropped friends, never hung out, stayed at home, shared in the [responsibility] despite what I was going through… what the hell did you want from me?

You never listened, always did things your own way. Then, when everything blew up in your face, you want to cry and say… some slick shit that only pushed me away.

Fakin’ like you’re a good woman. Based on what—cause you cooked? That’s not a good look—[understand] when you’re in relationship with a man like me, it’s your ability to feed my soul that keeps me hooked.

When I found out about the inappropriate text conversations, planned late night visits, and lunch dates with the friend from your past… I almost lost it. Listen, it was only 3 months after our son was born, I came at you calm, asked you to confess, but your complete narcissism wouldn’t let that last.
Always redirecting and transferring energy back on me, I wanna cop a plea, Just let me be…Lord, let me flee! Please release this self-imposed pain from me.

I tried to lead you, but you’re un-lead-able. You have to be in control… un-believable.

I’ve been gone…

No, I don’t feel wrong…

This is my swan song…

Would’ve done this from the start…

I forgive you regardless…

And it’s coming from the heart.

***********************************************

Jay Thomas is an incredible blogger that commented on one of my posts last year and we’ve been following each other every since. He’s an incredible writer and lover of love. Isn’t that amazing? I love love too so it was awesome to realize that we have a lot in common. He will be a featured contributor to my blog in 2018 and I wanted to give you an idea of this man’s perspective on love. He’s real. He’s true. He’s open. To read more about Jay and to follow his blog please click here: Relationships Etcetera

The Girl Next Door

It’s not like I am some creepy dude with no life next door. But that’s what you were thinking, right?

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credit to and found at https://giphy.com/gifs/pretty-kszpK4XuR5gQ

Please don’t think I’m creepy but I can’t help it.

She moved in last week and I have been watching her almost every single morning. It’s not like I go out of my way to do it. Her bedroom window and balcony is directly in line with my French doors and even though there is quite a distance between the two houses, I still have a good view from the kitchen island as I drink my coffee.

She has wrecked my morning routine. After having breakfast with Nate and then sending him off to get ready for the day with niñera Alma, I used to spend that time meditating.  But instead, I am observing her, wondering where she comes from and for how long she will stay at the Wilson’s rental home. I am intrigued and not just because she is cute. And curvy in all the right places. There is just something different about her.

In the morning, her black curls suffer from a serious case of bedhead and she glides around barefoot in some kind of over-sized T-shirt, starting her day with a large mug of coffee on her balcony and looking out into the distance until it is empty.  What she doesn’t realize is that we are having coffee together.

When she is through with her coffee, she disappears for a while and reappears with a towel wrapped around her wet hair, a bathrobe hugging her body. She turns on some music but never loud enough for me to decipher what is actually playing. A smile on her face, I can see her dancing and twirling, from her bedroom to the balcony and back. I chuckle as she brushes her teeth and suddenly stops to use her toothbrush as a microphone mid-balcony. She never glances around to see if anyone is watching her and even at the odd occasion when joggers pass by at that early hour, she doesn’t miss a beat. She waves, they wave back and she continues dancing.

She doesn’t seem to have a care in the world. And just watching her somehow makes me happy. I am more than intrigued and haven’t felt that way for a long time, probably since being with Nate’s mother.

I know that she isn’t a regular tourist or vacationer.  Dressed quite chic and her wild curls tamed into a tight bun, she would disappear into the back of a black town car at 8am and resurface around 4pm.

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https://pixabay.com/en/girl-woman-fashion-clothes-heels-2607128/

Where is she going with nothing more than a fashionable purse everyday?

Since I have been spending full days in the studio on the east side of the house, I see the same town car pull up to the main community gate and so that’s how I know she gets back around 4pm...It’s not like I am some creepy dude with no life next door. But that’s what you were thinking, right?

From the heavenly scents coming from the Wilson’s house around 5pm everyday, I know that she is a good cook. Concoctions that required buttery fried onions, freshly diced tomatoes, pungent herbs…Definitely a  woman who can handle herself in a kitchen and likes real food. And from the healthy curves she has in all the right places (I said that before, didn’t I?), I can tell that she appreciates a good meal. She isn’t one of those I-will-just-have-a-salad kind of girls, she is a meat and potatoes/rice and beans type of woman. A woman after my own heart.

I noticed a few days ago that she takes walks on the beach at sunset, adorned in workout clothes and ear plugged into her cell phone tight within her grasp.

I need to meet her and somehow invite her over for Christmas dinner with us.

And that’s when I decide to take Nate for a walk before his bedtime to accidentally on purpose bump into her.

All Rights Reserved ©2017 Marquessa Matthews.

Originally posted on April 13, 2015, adapted December 2017

Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.

This post was submitted by Marquessa Matthews. She is an incredible story teller, writer, and woman. Please check out her blog at incredible blog at Marquessa Matthews

Day 6: Other Women – My Sisters

Ya’ll know that I love women right? I’m such a strong advocate for women and sisterhood and this year has been nothing but amazing. From me being published in my first book: Letters to Girls Who Dream of Flying to being selected to be published in another book that is coming out in June 2018, I’m so thankful. I’ve met so many wonderful women along the way that have reached out to me for collaboration, encouragement and support. So, Day 6 of my #23DaysofThankfulness is for these women.

All across the country, God is putting strong women in my life to encourage my spirit, further HIS work and just collaborate on projects. I love it. I love being able to promote and share the works of others. It takes a village and I am so thankful for all these other women. You are loved. You are appreciated. You are valued.

Thank you.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Women’s March

An incredible post by high school classmate and fellow blogger. I love her blog. Go check her out…

“I’m a Nasty Woman. Not as nasty as a man who looks like he bathes in Cheeto dust. Not as nasty a man who is a diss track to America. From back to broken back he’s stomped …

Source: Women’s March

Christmas Wish List

Can you believe that the holidays are around the corner? I remember this time last year praying that 2016 be better than 2015 and now we’re almost in 2017. Could it be better? Nope. I am truly blessed. I have so many blessings to be thankful for and I’m just looking forward to the holidays. I love Christmas.

Not for the gifts, but for the reason…Jesus is the reason for the season. I make sure to donate to multiple charities, give unwrapped gifts and participate in holiday sharing. Giving back is essential when you’ve been blessed. I’m setting up the tree, scheduling photos with Santa and planning photos in front of the National Christmas Tree with me, my man and my son. I’m really in the holiday spirit.

Since I am a difficult person to shop for and I don’t like surprises. I know, I know. Blame it on the Capricorn in me, I thought it would be great to give him a list of Christmas wishes. He could choose one, all or nothing and I would be just as happy. However, he’s a man and he may need a hint.

So, here’s my Christmas Wish List:

Amazon Echo Dot – $49.99

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Harry Potter 8 Disc Set on Blu-ray – $54.96

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Ugg Rain Boots – $64.95

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Ashley Stewart Sweater – $49.50

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Fitbit Alta (X-Large) – $84.96

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Pajamas from Lane Bryant – $59.95

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Motivational Monday Moment – 12/5/16

Today is the first Monday in the last month of the year. Today’s Motivational Monday Moment is about realizing your dreams. Saturday was an amazing day for me. It was the day that I was inducted into one of the Divine 9 black sorority organizations. It was a lifelong dream for me to be a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated. One of those precious dreams that I never really shared because I didn’t want someone to step on it.

So I held that dream close. I didn’t let many people know. It didn’t happen in college because the sorority didn’t have a line when I was ready to go through the membership process. It hurt. Disappointed wasn’t even the word that could describe that pain. However, they were wonderful and invited me to join the graduate chapter that they were linked too. I didn’t.

Life got in the way. Grad school, a second job, dating, moving, marriage, career moves and then a baby. But, my dream was still there. Silently. In my heart. Hoping that one day if God saw fit it would work in my favor. I never gave up on my dream. I just pushed it to the back of my heart and mind.

I prayed and let life happen. I moved forward in determination knowing that it was only a dream deferred, but that one day it would be realized. That dream slowly began to manifest into reality when I reached out to my girlfriend who is the cousin of my best friend. She is a Zeta. I wanted to know was there an interest meeting.

There was an interest meeting. That Sunday in fact. Two days from our conversation. She invited me to attend. I was ecstatic. I said “Okay, God let’s do this.” So, began my journey. From interest to interviewee to aspirant to soror. It was a journey in which I didn’t think I could complete. I was a working mother and the nights were long and I couldn’t take off work. I just started my job in June.

I told you the issues with Munch’s school right? So, I’m emailing the teachers, principals and administrators, going to conferences and managing a team of four people. Burning the candle at both ends would have been an understatement. But, when you are determined, you push forward despite the adversity and the naysayers trying to steal your joy.

Many days I felt like I was failing Munch. He would literally not see me most of the time. I was at meetings while my mother picked him up from school, fed him, helped him with homework, bathed and put him to bed. Munch would wake up in the middle of the night and climb into bed with me. I would snuggle close to get the body warmth of the little boy I birthed. Feeling at peace.

He asked one day “Mommy, what are all these meetings you are going too?” I just smiled and said, “Mommy has dreams Munch. I can’t share it yet, but one day I will and I promise you that you will know that my time away from you was not in vain.” I would kiss his forehead and hug him close and pack my bags and materials for the day’s meeting.

But, things were happening in spite of feeling like I was neglecting my son and being a failure in the best role I’ve ever had. God was giving me signs that this is the path that I’m supposed to be on. He was confirming to me that my dream that I had deferred would be realized. I would get nervous. I would get anxious. I would think the impossible because what I wanted more than anything seemed unattainable. But, I prayed.

I met the most wonderful five women that I could ever have the pleasure of knowing to go through this process with me. We studied. We learned. We laughed. We recited. We leaned. We consoled. They were the best part of the journey. They understood and supported each other that I knew that one day, we would become sorors.

And we did. On Saturday. It was a total surprise and a weight lifted off our shoulders. We had all made it! Together. We understood the importance and value in sisterhood. We all cried.

So, my Monday Motivational Moment is this…you are never too old to realize your dreams. They may be deferred. Misplaced or forgotten, but search deep within your souls and bring them forth in your mind, spirit and heart. Nothing can be accomplished if you don’t believe in your dreams first.

The Aftermath

I thought it would be easy. You get married and live happily ever after…RIGHT?

WRONG! 

We were together for 4 years before we got married. I no longer wanted to “shack up”. Like the saying goes, “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?” I wanted to do it the right way. We were living together, working, raising our son, and I wanted to be his wife, not just his girlfriend. So we went to the courthouse and did it! We were married now. WOW!!

I am a married woman now, it was astounding to me. I had only been in one other relationship and that was with my oldest child’s father and it ended because I was unfaithful to him. I WAS A CHEATER!

I didn’t know what it was like to be committed and faithful to someone. I slept around so that I didn’t have to deal with people emotionally and mentally. My past kept me from the idea of love and being loved. 

I told myself that I would cheat before they cheated on me. I didn’t want to be hurt first, I was going to do the hurting. Absurd, right? 

A fellow blogger, Tikeetha from A Thomas Point of View, asked one of the hardest relationship questions: “Would you want to know if you were being cheated on?” 

I knew! He changed and I wasn’t being the wife that I should have been. I was distant, focusing on work, taking care of my motherly duties while neglecting the wifely duties. It was easy for him to cheat, I gave him permission. I allowed this other woman to come into our lives. He should have been stronger, he had needs too. 

I blame myself because my lack of attention and affection gave way for this woman to enter into our marriage. It was physical for him. When women cheat, it is from an emotional standpoint. She knew about me, but I had no clue who she was. He told her what I wasn’t doing and that’s all she needed to hear and she didn’t care.

We no longer respected our marriage. We no longer honored our marriage. Those vows that we took were just words now

I am a child of divorced parents and its the best thing that my mom could have done. I considered divorce, I had sent the papers to him in an email and asked him to review them and make any necessary changes. I never got a response. I assumed he thought I was just kidding, but I was for real. How could we live together in a home where there was no peace, no respect, NO TRUST,and NO LOVE? 

We separated for several months, he was seeing other people and so was I, but somehow we gravitated back to one another. I loved him and he loved me. We had to have a heart to heart with one another. I needed to be HEARD and not just talked to. During the separation, I FOUND MYSELF! I had become LOST IN LOVE! I had no clue who I had become. I was just EXISTING, not LIVING! 

Today, we are in a better place. We talk and listen to each other. We encourage one another and most of all WE ARE BACK TO LOVING ONE ANOTHER. It may not be for everyone, but staying married is HARD. It is so easy to pack up and sign divorce papers and not know the reason that you are no longer together. We didn’t go to therapy, WE PRAYED! 

 

This post was written by one of my fellow bloggers A. Hawkins. She blogs at A Perfectly Flawed Ruby and you should definitely check her out.

The Musings of A Diabetic – Part 2

I called Mr. C. in frustration and shame. How the hell could I get diabetes? I’m 41. There is no family history of it. He calmly stated “It’s going to be fine. You can beat this. You should take the medication and keep working out. We’ll find out what you can and can’t eat.” I sighed. I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy.

Life never is.

But, he was optimistic. He was supportive. He was encouraging me. He wasn’t going to let me suffer a defeatist attitude and proclaim the end of my demise. He was going to be there pushing me to the limits to not give up.

I accepted it. I needed it. I needed to know that I wasn’t alone in my desire to LIVE. To live for my Munch. I had too much work to do.

I started increasing my steps. Stretching. Watching what I’m eating. Everything was scrutinized. Reduced my alcohol intake by 95%. I was going to fight this.

I tested my blood, took the pill and continued my workouts. Chicken. I eat a lot of chicken and lean protein. I have water all the time. With every meal. No thank you to wine. No thank you to dessert.

The doctor said that my numbers have to be less than 100. It was at the 121 range. More water. More research.

Then last week I needed a caffeine boost. I wanted a soda. I went to the vending machine. The choices were few. I wanted a soda. I hadn’t had one in months. I needed some caffeine. Ugh! They only had Pepsi products. I’m a die-hard Coca-Cola drinker. So, I settled on a Dr. Pepper. They didn’t have diet but I needed a Dr. Pepper.

I took it back to my office and drank a little less than a third. The need was satisfied. I was feeling satiated by the caffeine. I put the top back on the bottle and continued about my day.

The rest of the day was normal. I went to work out, ate a healthy chicken salad and drank water. Took my shower and went to bed.

The next morning I awoke and took my blood sugar before I left the house. It said 161.

I was devastated. This was the highest it had ever been. I couldn’t understand what did it.

I packed my lunch of chicken breasts and beans, water, strawberries, watermelon and water. I grabbed a couple of Greek yogurts and headed to work. Stressed as heck. Not sure what the hell was going on in my body I started to freak out.

I called Mr. C and he instantly knew something was wrong. I told him my levels and how I didn’t do anything differently so I didn’t know what the issue was. He told me to relax and that we would get this under control.

He reminded me that I didn’t become diabetic overnight so it would take time for me to figure out what I can and can’t eat. He said, “It’s only been a month. We’ll figure it out.” Hmm, I like that. We’ll figure it out.

He calmed me down. I started to feel a little better until I got to work. When I went to put my lunch in the kitchen I saw this sign:

I had an Aha moment! I know knew what sparked my elevated sugar. That damn soda. I had no idea how many grams of sugar were in that Dr. Pepper. It has 64 grams of sugar. Women are supposed to have no more than 6 teaspoons of sugar daily. That damn soda was triple the amount of my supposed daily sugar intake.

Worst part? I didn’t even drink it all. That little taste of soda elevated my blood sugar. After feeling better about what I learned I began to research ways to lower my blood sugar and monitor sugar in every little thing.
Mr. C sent me some great articles including this one about 12 Powerfoods to Beat Diabetes and I went to the grocery store that evening. I purchased some apples, citrus fruits, cinnamon (to sprinkle on everything), steaks, spinach, and apple cider vinegar. I’m trying everything.

I grilled some steaks that evening and packed a lunch of a grilled steak, spinach greens with tomatoes, cucumbers, sprinkled with cinnamon and a little bit of a raspberry vinaigrette dressing. I packed my fruits and bottled water. I was going to live.

I took my blood sugar the next day and it was 142. Higher than normal but it was coming down. I don’t know if it was the 2 tablespoons of vinegar that I digested an hour before I ate or not, but I’m going to keep digesting the vinegar, sprinkling ½ teaspoon of cinnamon on my meals daily and eating leaner and healthier food.

Now, if I could just find a quinoa recipe that I can cook (easy) and doesn’t taste like crap, I’ll be in business.