I have written before about my love for Mr. C and how I am enjoying being his girlfriend and not rushing the marriage right? Even against the advice of my therapist, I’m foraging through my anxiety and just loving the man that God has sent me. But, I also recognize how some women think that the grass is greener because they’ve never been married.
They see marriage as the golden ring and they want it. It could be a multiple of reasons, they are lonely, tired of fornicating, want to be with someone as a unit on a permanent basis. All of these reasons are valid to them. But, what happens when we want something so bad that we date stamp it?
For example, if you say that I want to be married by the end of 2017. I need you to slow down on that. Goals are great. Goals are created and driven by your desire to achieve something. Marriage, is not an achievement.
Marriage is work. Hard work. Loving someone in spite of how they may treat you in that moment requires patience and faith. I always tell people that you need to do it in God’s time and not your time or you will end up in a place of hell.
When we rush the process on the belief that marriage is the prize, we give ourselves a false sense of security. We’ll accept the foolishness or BS that a man may be bring because the goal is to be married. The goal is to not be married. The goal is to stay married.
That is the true goal. Finding someone that loves you and can accept you for who you are and you do the same. If that turns into marriage then great! If not, then learn from the experience and move on.
You may be asking, how do I do that?
Here’s 3 tips on how you can do that…
- Stand out of your own way. A lot of times we stand in the way of our own happiness and success. We literally put our guards up and block any potential blessings of a man out of our lives. We have a resting b*tch face all the time and act like we don’t need a man. We don’t. But, we want a man and that want should be able to be translated into action. Step back and evaluate whether you are blocking potential suitors through your facial expressions, actions or attitude.
- Let God lead you. I spent so much time trying to date and do it on my own that it was crazy. I was literally dating idiots or men that God had not sent. I was believing that I could pick a potential suitor by myself. I didn’t need help. That’s a lie. We all need help. When I got ready to try on-line dating again, I prayed to God to send me someone that would love me and my son as though we were of his flesh and bone. A man that would be loyal and trustworthy and be a man of God. That would seek to build me up and not tear me down. I also said to God, “And let me be that woman that will do the same things I am asking for. Let me be worthy of the man that you send.” You see that right? I wasn’t going to act like I need him to be perfect knowing full well that I’m not. Let me be the kind of woman that will receive what I’m being sent.
- Take your cookies off the menu. First, this is hard to do if you’ve ever been intimate with someone. I know this. I’ve been there and I know that it is a struggle, but you can do it. It’s like my grandma used to say “Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?” Who is going to pay for what they are getting for free? Stop giving men free access to your play area. Tell them upfront. Mr. C and I discussed no sex on the the third conversation. I was upfront about it. He could either accept it or not. He did. That’s what differentiated him from others. Is it easy? Nope, but we’ve been dating for over a year and I love the man who courts my spirit, yearns for my words and loves the essence of me. I love the man that God has sent to me.
I’m trying to teach my son that. There is a season for everything and everything in due time. Sometimes we rush to the finish line thinking we’re getting gold when we in essence are getting nothing more than a hard time. Take your time and learn who you are and what you want. If you want to be married, great, but not everyone is destined for marriage and you need to ask yourself if you’re okay with that?