I believe love is multifaceted. There’s love for family, love for children, love for people, and love for your partner.
I don’t know everything about love
One thing that I do know…
Love is always apparent, transparent and never a conundrum.
Love is a white blood cell that seeks out the virus that is hatred, anger, resentment, bitterness, envy, fear, and eradicates them.
Love isn’t roses for a day, it’s my word, my bond, my honesty and my heart for life.
Love is sacrifice… love is giving selflessly without thoughts of reciprocation.
Love is a lifetime, being in-love is a moment in that lifetime.
Love doesn’t take our breath away, it breathes life into you.
Love is thoughtfulness, note-taking, memorization of your partner’s needs and wants.
Love is writing your name on a piece of paper but changing the last name to your partner’s last name.
Love is proactive, it doesn’t wait… because love is like that orgasm that you can’t hold… it needs to be great.
Love isn’t petty. Love isn’t spiteful.
Love is honest expression when it hurts to say.
Love has conquered more people than Napoleon, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Tamerlane, and Genghis Khan put together. Love is ruthless in that way.
From the hardest of hearts, to the most stubborn of minds, love finds a way.
So many people say… “Love is not enough.” We made love not enough.
Love is easy… we make it complex with all our lists, standards, expectations, preferences, and the lot. We call that love, that’s not love. Love is something we forgot.
Love was apparent when we were kids. We just didn’t recognize it. But it was easy… it was truly organic in its creation. It was trying to make your girlfriend smile just because you liked her. It was secret kisses, letters passed throughout class. It was phone calls where you stayed up until the wee hours of the morning until one of you (if not both of you) fell asleep.
That’s what love looks like to me. No makeup, no accessories, no taper, just raw, unmitigated passion for the other person in their purest form
On this Valentine’s Day, I wish you all the best in your current or future love.
I wanted to wish you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day! Whether you’re in a relationship or single know that you are loved. Today is like any other day except you will see a lot more red and pink. It’s endearing though.
I happen to be in a relationship with a wonderful man. I lovingly refer to him as Mr. C. He is the essence of goodness and warmth and love. He really does make me a better person and I always tell him that he is the better of us two. He’s kind, patient and generous.
Mr. C and I had a beautiful time celebrating our Valentine’s Day this past weekend. He has to work tonight which is perfect as I don’t enjoy going out on Valentine’s Day. He sent me the most beautiful roses and chocolate covered strawberries and we had an amazing date. Last night we had dinner at one of our favorite spots, but Mr. C wasn’t feeling well. He’s sick.
As a person that sometimes tries to find new and quirky ways to give gifts for this holiday, I did something different this year. I told him that we each had $20 to spend and we had to get everything from Five Below.
You should have seen me trying to figure out what I could get my love for $20.00. It was an adventure. But, it all worked out. I was able to get him four great gifts for $5.00 each and drop them in a gift bag I already owned. I added a card and 4 balloons so the total was more like $25.97. Pretty cool huh?
It wasn’t about the cost of the gifts it was more that I love doing different things. He shows me that he loves me all year through and I’m thankful for it all. Munch smelled the roses that Mr. C gave me as I put them in the vase. He said “Did your boyfriend buy you roses?” I laughed and replied “Yes, he buys me flowers often and just because.”
I think that’s the point of it all right? Love each other every day. Each and every day as though it were your last. Love unselfishly. Love often and don’t give up on love.
In Lieu of Valentines day, and for those of us who are still single—it’s time to get un-single or at least find a date (in less than 24 hours).
Let’s talk about the Direct messenger. Also known as, “the DM,” or, “getting in-boxed.” The most notable Direct Messenger is the stand alone Facebook app. There are others that exist such as, WhatsApp, WeChat, Snapchat, Kik, QQ, Skype, Viber and LINE. I choose to speak about Facebook Messenger because it’s directly connected to your Facebook app. Which is, needless to say, the most powerful social network in the world. The others are popular, but do not compare to Facebook Messenger.
Yes, Facebook is the devil. (I’m kidding).
Messenger is notorious for spammers, scammers, married people seeking side relationships (side piece) outside their spouse, people in relationships seeking a threesome, people in relationships seeking someone outside their partner (without their partners knowledge of course). And finally, people seeking relationships with a complete stranger or someone on their friends list. Which is, completely harmless.
That being said, I don’t want to talk about the negative aspect of the direct messenger. Let’s talk about all the features, positive experiences and stories that have come from a simple acknowledgement of a Direct Message.
It Goes Down In The DM
What does that mean? It means, “embrace the direct messenger.” Be open to the possibilities that a simple direct message can bring you. I get it, you don’t know this person in-boxing you. They are not on your friends list, you have no mutual friends. So who are they? Is their page fake? “Let’s go look.” “he has 1000 friends and a few recent posts people have responded too.”
Instead of engaging him, you ignore him. Why? His message was respectful. He introduced himself, told you upfront that you didn’t know each other and had no affiliation, but he saw you on a public Facebook post and wanted to ask about you. Sounds like a decent introduction to me. And what’s the worse that can happen? It’s not like he’s a TV repairman turned death row criminal that will come through your internet modem and kill you. It’s an online experience. If you don’t like what has to say, it’s as easy as, “close and block.” Stop ignoring those DM pings. You know you see that message notification. If you are curious to see if someone has messaged you that is not on your friends list, go to your filtered message (message requests) inbox. You will probably find a few people who tried to reach out to you.
By The Numbers
It’s important for you to understand just how many users on Facebook designate as single. Now compare that against the users in a relationship or involved (it’s complicated).
The below data states there were 669,600,000 active Facebook users designated as single as of, September 7th of 2016.
That’s a lot of single people on one website. Of course there’s a percentage of those users that are not single, but are designated as single. But let’s just say that percentage is 20%. That still leaves 535,680,000 single people on Facebook, and you only need to meet 1. Also, there’s a high possibility that of those 535,680,000 users that at least 10 of them will reach out to you at some point during your time on Facebook. 1 of those 10 might be your future mate. So the odds are definitely in your favor. But not if you don’t embrace your DM.
Oh yeah… As of April 2016 The Facebook Messenger had 900 million active users. By July 2016 the number was 1 billion.
Consequently, you have a better chance meeting someone on Facebook for free, by simply letting it, “go down.”
What do you have to lose?
A Different Perspective On the Direct Messenger
Right now you’re giving this article the side-eye. Like…”I can’t.” Really? Think about it. If you’re single, there’s high chance that you have been on a dating site. Or at least visited one before because you were curious. Dating sites are about as random as they come. At least with Facebook, some of the random people who reach out to you with romantic interests have mutual friends or connections. On dating sites, the meetings are completely random no matter how much they say they’re, “matching,” you. That being said, if you can go to a dating site and spend time setting up a profile, sourcing through profiles and responding direct messages and emails (while paying). Why wouldn’t you try it on Facebook which is free as the air we breathe?
Free vs Paid… no-brainer right?
Direct Messenger Success
It doesn’t take much. A posted pic or comment and someone will be inspired to send a message that will potentially lead to a relationship. Success favors the bold. So….be bold!
Success happens a lot more often than you think. People will talk about all the DM horror stories and frighten off those of us who might be open a random message request, had we not listened to them in the first place. Block out all that interference and go for it!
But hey… you don’t have to listen to me… according to TheKnot.com, below is a real life example of how going outside your box and opening yourself up to something unconventional, can lead to happiness.
They Met On Facebook
THE COUPLE: Kendra Cowser, 30, and Sean O’Brien, 32 WHEN THEY MET: January 2010 WEDDING DATE: September 14, 2013
THEIR STORY: Kendra rarely friended anyone on Facebook other than people she knew, but in 2009 fate stepped in when Sean sent her a friend request. Although Kendra didn’t know him, he lived near her hometown of Galva, Illinois, and thought they might have mutual friends in common, so she accepted. None of his friends looked familiar though so she just let it go, until six months later when Sean started “liking” some of her photos. One night as she was packing up her apartment in Chicago getting ready to coincidentally head back to Galva, Kendra finally decided to satisfy her curiosity and message him. Sean responded immediately and they ended up writing back and forth all night. And then every day forward. It turns out Sean didn’t know her but she popped up in his list of people he might know. “I saw a cute girl and I wanted to add her,” he recalls. Both admitted that neither of them was planning on starting a relationship at the time, but it sure turned into one. Two days after Kendra was back in Galva, Sean was at her doorstep with a bottle of wine to celebrate meeting in person. In July 2012, Sean messaged her on Facebook (of course!) to ask her to go ring shopping—his way of proposing—and last September they threw a huge bash that their guests described as “the best wedding they’ve ever been to!”
It’s not hard, just proactively send a message or respond to one that comes into your inbox. I’d quickly vet them out. Check their page, make sure they have an acceptable amount of friends (No new pages). Check for mutual friends. Also, see if they have some public posts you can view. Click on a few pics, and go from there.
This was one of the topics my therapist and I discussed a couple of weeks ago. She was telling me that I needed to find the beauty in the broken things and stop being so pessimistic. I couldn’t help it. I literally felt like everything around me was falling apart and that life was dragging me along.
I felt alone.
I know you’re probably thinking, “T, how can you be alone if you have this great guy that you love and adore and is good to you?” Easy – he’s not always there. We don’t live together so sometimes I am the one fighting for his attention when he has many other things going on. Not that I’m jealous. He takes care of a lot of people. I know that. I support that. But…
Sometimes my mind makes me believe that there is no one when I’m going through the storm. I can sit there and call my top five people and they are all busy. They will usually call back, but in the middle of my self-imposed crisis, I feel like I’m drowning. In the ocean with no raft.
That’s when my therapist told me that I needed to change my mindset. That I was being consumed by the negative and I needed to see the beauty in the broken things. She was explaining how there is a Japanese art form called kintsugi that uses gold to fill in the broken pieces of bowls. “The Japanese art of kintsugi teaches that broken objects are not something to hide but to display with pride.” – Steffano Carnazzi , LifeGate
That’s what she wanted me to remember that life may seem broken and I may get overwhelmed, but I need to sit back and see the beauty of all that is around me. There is beauty within me no matter what. She said you’re like that bowl.
She said that I need to stop being overwhelmed by the issues/situations that are affecting me and celebrate some of my successes. So, I’m doing that. Here are three success that I’m sharing with you today:
I’m a TODAY Parenting team contributor. I’m truly excited about this. Baby steps.
I wrote two grants for my son’s school last year that were approved and will be funded. Pretty cool huh?
I pitched two pieces last week and I’m hoping that they will be picked up. Hey, the worst they can say is no, right?
That’s about it. I know that I have a lot of people praying for me and Munch and I truly am grateful. I just need to change my attitude and start counting my successes more than my failures. There are a lot out there and I’m just in awe of God’s grace.
Note: I do not own the rights to these photos. A Google search showed on kintsugi images showed them.
So…. yeah about that pissed off girlfriend… who texts so fast that you can’t even get one text out before she’s already sent 5. And I when I say 5… I mean 5 loooong texts. You know the ones… your cell phone provider can’t handle the length so they break them up into different texts while you’re still trying to compose one!
Yeah, I’ve been that guy… I’m a generally fast texter, but not one male on the planet earth, matches the raw texting speed of a pissed off girlfriend (or wife). It’s like, in that moment, nothing else matters to her. It’s gets so bad you just stop responding and wait for that brief pause, so you can press send on your 1 measly text.
I’ve gotten so frustrated, that I just put my phone down and let the notifications go off. At that moment when they stop… you pick your phone up, and another one comes through (face palm). So… most men know, when this happens, you have seriously f’d-up. So what’s your next move? You send back a text with 10 words, vs. the 10,000 she sent—and she responds…”that’s all you have to say?”
At that very moment, you have no words… just a blank stare.
You start to type in your response, and you stop, read what you typed, and delete it. Then, you start again, stop, and delete it. This redundant process goes on for the next 15 minutes. No sent text, no reply, no rebuttal. If you do happen to press send, you’ve reviewed what you typed like the editor of a world famous magazine.
Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, no dammit, it’s your girlfriend trying to get her point across.
It’s the second month in 2018. Where are you with your goals? What have you accomplished? What have you tried and just realized that you need to revamp? It’s never to late to start making goals.
Here are my goals for the month of February:
Volunteer at a fair
Submit pitch to Huffington Post
Plan out 2-3 blog posts a week
Plan out 2-3 meals a week
Get moderate exercise at least 3 days a week
Short and sweet I only have 5 goals this month. Here’s to hoping that I can accomplish what I have planned to do and even if I don’t here’s to trying to get organized. There’s no shame in trying.
I did something that I kept saying I was going to do for some time now. I bought a Kuerig for my desk. I love coffee and had bought K-pods because someone had brought in their Kuerig for the office to use. They took it home and it never returned. I still had k-pods and was spending money on coffee every day at Dunkin Donuts. I am now making my own coffee at work. It’s a mini so it will sit on my desk. I’m happy.
Don’t take yesterday’s problems into February and focus on having a great month. I’m wishing you nothing but love, peace and an awesome February. I know it is also Valentine’s Day, but don’t get depressed if you don’t have someone. Love you first. Self-love is critical. Do what works for you eat candy, buy your own flowers and just love on you. It’s not about having someone. It’s about having and loving on the person looking back in the mirror.