Don’t Trust It – New Rule

It’s 2018 ya’ll and there are just some things you shouldn’t trust. What specifically am I talking about? Women and men that don’t have friends. It’s time for the truth…You can’t trust men or women that don’t have friends.

Why would you date someone that has no one in their life that loves and holds them accountable for their behaviors?  Friendships are a must with anyone over the age of 10. There is no way you can meet a man or a woman and they don’t have friends and you be cool with it. That is creepy as hell.

Friends hold you accountable. They know all your secrets and love you in spite of your faults. They trust you and you trust them. It’s a bond not solidified by blood, but more important because they don’t have to be there for you.

I swear close friends are mind readers. Do you know how often I’ve called my closest friends just to talk when in actuality something was on my mind? They instantly knew it. They heard it in my voice. They reminded me that they knew me better than that and even though I may not want to talk about it now, they would be there for me. They would have my back. They would be there when I felt ready to let them in.

Man, I don’t know where I would be without my friends. When I’m wrong. They are there. When I’m right they are there. When I’m just barely holding on by a thread and my mind is trying to break, they reach in and grab hold and love me through my pain.

How can someone not have that in their lives? What have you done to make people not want to invest time and effort into you? I’m not saying you need to have a lot of friends, but you need to have one. One person that is not related to you that can speak of your character.

Think about this…many people who apply for government jobs and have to do clearance have to list character references. Let’s not forget about friends/family members who are going through custody cases. Who can speak to you? Who can reference your character and talk about who you are as a person?

You don’t have anyone? Then figure out what the issue is and get to making friends. It’s 2018, there is no excuse to not have friends. If you don’t, how can we trust you?

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Is It A Date?

Is it a date if you go out with a man that you’re friends with and he pays? You’ve never been intimate and have no desire to be other than friends with each other. Would you consider it a date? What if you’ve been friends for more than 5 years?

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Day 6: Seven Days of Thankfulness

I’m thankful for sisterhood. Sisterhood is the one thing that I can truly count on. Some women go and some women stay, but I tell you that when you find a sister/friend that knows and loves you….you change. For the better.

You grow and discover that there is strength in numbers. Sisters bond with you. They help you through both the good and bad times. They talk you off the ledge when you feel like you’re losing your mind. They encourage you when they sense your anxiety. They cook for you when you’ve had surgery. They love you.

That’s it.

They love you. Not for what you can do for them, but for who you are. They build you up and not tear you down. They show solidarity for you when you are going through things. They become a fence when BS threatens to implode all over your face.

Sisterhood is amazing. I’m thankful for my sisters. I’m thankful for the women that God has placed in my life.

Date Night with my Girls

So, last night my besties and I went to Korean BBQ. We had a blast. This was my second time at Yechon with my Ivory and I had a blast again. The food was so delicious and afterwards we had dessert at a great café called Breeze. I was in heaven.

I love the cafe but more importantly the conversation with the ladies. My friends are so awesome that it was just a great way to have girl time without our kids. Mommy time was well deserved.

Enjoy the photos:

Hardly

“Don’t you get it? I’m not afraid of letting go. I’m afraid of accepting the fact that….he already has.” – Shahz, For the Love of Sass

Yes, I read this post yesterday from one of my fellow bloggers and was like “Yass girl! Preach!” Isn’t that the case with most of us? When we’ve loved someone and moved on and realized that they have too and that part hurts the heck out of us? Been there and done that.

It’s part of being selfish. See, I loved this man so much that I believed my spirit was bonded to his. That my heart beat for him. We were truly soul mates (you get the picture right?) in ever sense of the word. He was the peanut butter to my strawberry jam.

Love.

Lovers.

Friends.

Complicated.

We went through all those stages and it hurt like hell. Why? Because somewhere deep inside I realized that even though I loved him, left him and moved on I wasn’t ready to accept the fact that he has. I couldn’t even tell my closest friends this fundamental truth because I didn’t want them to think I was crazy as hell.

How could I love someone, know that we weren’t compatible, leave him and then get mad or be hurt at the fact that he moved on? Because I’m a woman. I’m human. I’m selfish. I know, but sometimes we’re selfish in love.

We’re better off with the way things are now. I’m happy. He seems happy and I hardly think about him.

Friendship

Can I just tell you that I love my friends? God has afforded me some of the most wonderful people to enter my life. I am forever changed by my friendships. I actually have a lot of female friends. Most people are surprised to hear this.

Why? Because so many women will say that they don’t have a lot of female friends because females are jealous and hating on them. Umm, really? Why would women you don’t know just “hate” on you for no reason? Most women? I’m not talking about the random person that just doesn’t like you but most people shouldn’t “hate” on you. LOL.

I’ll never understand that logic. But, I’m here to tell you that there is nothing like friendship. Whether male or female relationships, cherish them. I do. I love my friends.

I always swore that if I ever became famous I would thank my friends because they have encouraged, chastised and motivated my spirit. They really are the wind beneath my wings. From calling just to say hi, shooting a text or email, grabbing dinner or drinks to scheduling play dates, I’m thankful.

Friendship love is awesome.

 

First Love

We were young. Falling in love as children. Trying to be adults. We loved without a true understanding of the word. We existed in this place between fantasy and reality. I would move on. Grow. Have other experiences. You would too. But, we still found our way back to each other. Weaving in and out of each other’s lives like an intricate pattern. Not too close, but never far away.

To say that we had each other’s back would be an understatement. We were and would always be the glue in each other’s lives. Through marriages, divorce and children we only got older and stayed closer. Teetering with the idea that we could one day make a relationship where there had never been one was a fantasy. We were adults. We had real issues and real problems. You hated that I let stuff upset me. I hated the fact that you didn’t see my pain.

We stood with an invisible wall between us. Touching it. Wondering how we could demolish it. But, we couldn’t. Love wasn’t enough. I loved you. You loved me. I wanted more. You didn’t. So, I let you go in my heart. Let my feelings dissipate like long lost memories in a sand storm. I longed for something you just couldn’t give. In my longing and in my leaving I learned that I am stronger and that I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my needs for yours. Friends don’t always make the best lovers and lovers don’t always make the best friends.

Good-bye.

Dating Chronicles: Dang Stalkers

I haven’t written one of these “Dating Chronicles” in a while, but I couldn’t help myself and had to share what the heck happened to me on Sunday. So, you remember my post where I went out and got “turnt up” the week before? Well, the gentleman that I went out with was someone who I had met and known for a little over a year.

We met on-line and he then tells me he has a girlfriend. Umm, really boo? I stopped him dead in his tracks and explained that I don’t date another woman’s man so he could lose my number. He said, “I’m just trying to be your friend.” “Okay” I thought. I reiterated that “I don’t do that to other women and that friendship is all that we will ever be.” “Okay” he replied.

We went out a total of 6 times over the last year. We took turns paying for outings because I didn’t want to confuse him or give him reason to think he was dating me. We were hanging out in my opinion. All said outings occurred prior to 6 pm. Well, he broke up with his girlfriend in February and called to tell me.

I sympathized and told him to take his time to get his mind right because he had been in a long-term relationship (over 2 years) and needed to heal. Well, life got in the way and we hadn’t spoken in over the 3 months. He was on my mind so I sent him a text a to check-in and see how he was doing. He said he was good. He told me that he had met someone at his job and they were dating and trying to figure things out. “That’s good” I told him. He asked “When can I take you out?” I responded, “Umm, well I don’t have any plans tonight and my girlfriend wants me to come out to her bar where she is working.”

He responded, “I don’t have any money” today so maybe next week. I told him, “It’s cool. I got it.” He agreed to go. He told me that we could take one car and so I met him at the metro station and parked my car. He drove us to the bar which was 10 minutes away. It was like old times. We settled into the familiar and ordered bar food and drinks and caught up.

We had a good time and he drove me back to my car. We gave each other a hug and I told him that I would text him when I got in the house. I did. Went to sleep. Hungover for the next couple of days. Got busy. He sent a text. I responded. He called a few times, I didn’t call back. He then sends me the following text messages:

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I was livid. How could someone call themselves a friend and then feel used when they didn’t even pay for said outing? I apparently was under the impression that this guy could be happy with just being friends. Apparently not. He wanted more. Much more. I’m just hurt that I wasn’t able to see that.

I’ve blocked his number. Blocked him from Facebook and Google circles. Thankfully, he doesn’t know where I live. Why? Because as I told you that I don’t allow randoms to know where I lay my head. Friend or not. No way.

I have to be honest though….I felt stupid. I was really wondering how I couldn’t see this man’s chemical imbalance for what it was worth. How could I not recognize that this guy was lying and biding his time until he could someday get lucky? How sick is that? How long would this act continue? He thanked me that night for being a friend which was a lie because he was never my friend. He was a perpetrating loser.

As a survivor of sexual assault and abuse I have to admit that his psychotic outburst had me scared. Had me thinking that had he not played his hand he would have actually forced himself on me someday. It scared me to think that I had actually befriended this man. That I believed he was a decent human being. What was I thinking?

 

Sweat, Hair and Love

On Friday, July 3rd, I attended the nuptials of my good friend in Delaware. What a beautiful wedding! However, let me back it up and tell you how it started for me at the hair salon that morning. I was going in to get my hair done and feeling kind of melancholy because of the co-parenting issues and frustrations I’ve been feeling. I’m usually a strong person, but some days I just can’t seem to keep the dam of my emotions from bursting. That morning at the salon, it burst.

I was talking to some of the women in the salon about my issues and they were so encouraging and supportive that I instantly felt better. I’ve told you before that I love sisterhood right? It’s like the best feeling in the world when a woman who has walked in similar situations can encourage you to keep on and know that trouble don’t last all ways. That’s what I got. An extra dose of love and friendship at the hair salon.

That put me in a great mood to hop in the car and drive to Delaware and witness my girl’s marriage. I was actually concerned that I would be late because it was a holiday weekend and I thought beach traffic would delay me so I left a little earlier. I arrived at 4:15 for a 5 pm outdoor wedding. Woo hoo! I was on time.

I had never been to an outdoor wedding so I was super excited. My phone’s battery was less than 10% because the car charger didn’t charge at all and I needed to make sure I could navigate my happy tail home. So, I didn’t really take ceremony photos. However, some of my friends did which I will share later.

The ceremony was wonderful. Quick (thankfully) and beautiful. The bride was a vision in white being escorted by her dad. The groom had a smile that could melt butter as he looked at his fiance with such love. Aww, I was getting sentimental. I was holding out tears until the mother of the bride started to cry. Why? I looked away quickly.

Guests were asked to pick up our chairs and take them into the tent where the reception will be held. The cocktail hour started and the DJ got the party going. The win for me was a bourbon tasting on the other side of the mansion. It was so good. I found two new Bourbons that I like.

The reception was a full-on party and I was trying not to sweat out my hair. Because you know as a black woman who spent 4 hours in the hair salon that morning. But, the day had no humidity and the rain held out. It was an old school party and I took part in the photo booth, enjoyed the red velvet cup cakes and danced until my feet hurt.

I love love and I am ecstatic that I got to witness the nuptials of the Godettes. They are a couple that met years ago and developed a friendship. Life had different paths, challenges and adventures that they had to experience alone, but ultimately they ended up where they are supposed to be. Together.

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. – Ann Landers

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Ah, wedded bliss!

 

Why Are You Single?

That was the question that I asked Mr. K last week. We were having a conversation and I said, “Why are you single?” I wanted to know. I had to know. You know that whole inquiring minds thing right?

No, it was more than that. This man is different. He opens doors. He pulls out my chair. He listens. He follows through when it comes to showing interest in things I’m doing whether personally or professionally. He converses about things he knows nothing about because I want to talk about them. He listens enthusiastically and makes me feel uber smart and appreciated.

So, you’re probably thinking, T, if you know all of this then why are you asking this man why he’s single? Right? Because I had to know. I mean he’s too good to be true. He’s normal. Normal is good. I mean he has dinner with his parents  every Wednesday. Sidebar: I think this is so cool.

His response? “Because I want to be.” He explained to me that he had two serious relationships that scarred him. He told me how he felt that he couldn’t be with a woman after his divorce because he paid an astronomical amount in child support. He said that he felt that he couldn’t date a woman while paying all that money. Wow! I was shocked by his honesty. But, appreciated that he shared that.

However, I wasn’t expecting his next question though…why are you single? I said because I’m a handful. He laughed. I told him that I was over playing a shrinking violet in someone’s orchestra when I was born to be the prima ballerina in my own ballet. I told him that I am all about compatibility and friendship first. I want to take my time experiencing being courted and making memories that matter and mean something in my life.

I explained that I am in no rush to do anything because I’ve been married before and I don’t want anymore children. I’m done. So for me it truly is me knowing and accepting the fact that the man who is supposed to be in my life will seek me out, court me, understand me, accept me and love me and my son with everything he has. He said I get it. I told him, “Remember when I told you that I want a man who knows I’m the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?” He said, “Yeah.” I replied, “That’s why I’m still single. No man has recognized that.”

Fast forward to today and I’m thinking, self-reflecting, self-evaluating and such and I realized that I was sorta right. I mean I think men recognized that I was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but they took it for granted that I would always be there shining for them. It sucks, but those experiences only made me stronger.

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