Posted on

My Top 12 Posts for 2016

I wanted to share my top 12 posts of 2016. It’s been a great 2016 and I’m thankful for the growth this blog has seen, but mainly for all of you who choose to follow me. If you’re new to the blog or a regular follower, here’s a chance to catch my most read posts:

  1. Welcome December 2016! A post welcoming us to the last month of 2016. What goals did you complete? What didn’t you complete? There’s still time.
  2. Dear White People A post about race relations from a black mother. We have to work together to stop racism. Please stop being or saying that you’re color blind.
  3. Pimping for Likes A post about people who blog just to get likes and increase their stats. Are you pimping for likes?
  4. Random: Munch Eats Too Much A post about my growing boy. He’s eating me out of house and home. Is there really such a thing as growth spurts?
  5. New Woman? Possible Wife? A post about my ex husband’s new girlfriend and our first meet and greet.
  6. Monday Motivation My first post in trying to motivate us for the week ahead. I started really enjoying motivating both you and I.
  7. Closed My first post about the divorce being finalized and what it felt like. All those years of marriage ended. The dissolution of my marriage closed that chapter of my life.
  8. A Tired Black Woman A post about the negative attitudes of some black men and how it’s exhausting as a black woman. We must stop separating ourselves and working collectively for our future.
  9. The Wait A post about me and Mr. C’s decision to wait on having sex until marriage and the book that was released after deciding this. I still owe you a review of this book which will be forthcoming in January. We’re still waiting.
  10. Real Talk: You Chose Him A post about parenting when you’re no longer with your partner. A lot of women decide to play games and keep the children from their father or using them as a pawn because they are mad at the man. The reality is that we chose our child’s parents so we need to get over it.
  11. You Finally Got It Girl A post about what I learned at 41 about life and love. Sometimes accepting ourselves is the hardest thing we can do. But, when we discover our worth…we become unstoppable.
  12. First Crush A post about my son’s first crush and the things he was doing. Just to let you know he still loves the girl even though he doesn’t see her because he’s at a new school. Aw, young love though.

 

Well, that’s my top 12 posts of 2016. I hope that you enjoyed reading what I loved writing and I hope you will stay on this journey with me. I’m a mom. I’m a girlfriend. I’m a sister. I’m a woman. I’m a blogger.

Advertisements
Posted on

A Review of 2016 Goals

I started this year with many goals. I narrowed them down in March when I realized that my life needed to have order. I wanted to write things down to ensure that I never lost sight of the fact of what I was working towards.

So, I ended up with 8 goals that I wanted to accomplish in 3 years. My therapist laughed and said it’s supposed to be 3 goals in 3 years or 10 in 5 years. What can I say? I’m an overachiever. Here’s where I stand.

  • Pay off debt (car loan, student loans, credit cards)
  • Save (emergency fund, savings and retirement)
  • Buy a house
  • Pledge a sorority
  • Get a better job
  • Go to graduate school
  • Join my undergraduate alumni association
  • Find love

 

  1. Pay off debt (car loan, student loans, credit cards). Well, I’m not where I want to be, but realistically speaking it’s only been about 7 months. I’ve paid off some credit cards and I’m trying to reduce my debt. This is a work in progress.
  2. Save. I’ve been saving. Not much, but I now have a savings. I’m making progress. I have a long way to go, but I’m learning.
  3. Buy a house. This is a definitely my end goal. Preparation is the key. Still working on this one and it will stay my goal.
  4. Pledge a sorority. Yep, it was my dream to be a part of sorority life in college, but it never happened and God granted me the opportunity to be a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated. It was a  process and I’m thankful that I persevered through the process. I have 5 other women that were part of the process with me and a whole lot of new sorority sisters.
  5. Get a better job. Yes! God allowed me to get a new job in June where I’m in management. I have my own team of 5. I just extended an offer to my new person and we are waiting for him to start in a couple of weeks. I love my job and I’m thankful for the opportunity.
  6. Go to graduate school. I still want to do this. I hope to be able to attend grad school in the fall of 2017, but this is so exciting for me. All while working full-time, writing this book and raising Munch.
  7. Join my undergraduate alumni association.  Yes, I did that. I haven’t attended any events yet because of my hectic schedule, but now that things are slowing down I’m excited and will be getting involved and bringing Munch along so he can witness my Terp pride and understand that others should Fear the Turtle!
  8. Find love. Woohoo! Won’t HE do it ya’ll? I have been blessed to have a relationship with an incredible man who supports and encourages the heck out of me. He loves me! Yep and I love him. I’m excited that God allowed him to come into my life and just love me in a good old fashioned and healthy way.

So, that’s it folks. As you can see, I’m whittling through my goals which I will carry forward into 2017. I’ll keep sharing them with you. What goals have you created for 2017?

Posted on

Everything Changes

I closed the door on that relationship.

I walked out on someone that I thought cared about me. That wanted to build a future with me. That saw past my facade and wanted to know the true me.

But it was all a dream. A nightmare really. A boy pretends to love a girl and a girl falls for it. Pathetic huh?

But, I pushed forward. Determined to make him love me in spite of his resistance. Why? Because I needed love.Not necessarily his love. But, the love of a man who thought I was both beautiful and smart. A man with a career and security clearance.

No crazy stalkers. I needed security.

I changed. I became one of those women that did anything to keep a man. Sex was good. Not the best. But, not the worst. Conversations were okay. No depth. No real connection.

He had charm. He was a gentleman. He was a provider. I wanted more. He didn’t.

Our last time together was probably the best we ever had. Lots of kissing, alcohol and sex. We laughed. It had been too long.  I let my guard down and gave everything I had.

While he slept, I grabbed my clothes and sneaked out the room. I didn’t want to wake up here. With him. He didn’t deserve it. Truthfully, neither did I.

I blocked his number from my phone. I ignored his emails.  I acted as though he didn’t exist. Because he didn’t. He couldn’t.

It had been 6 months since I last laid with him. Physically, spiritually or emotionally. No contact. But, how long could I continue to ignore him? I rubbed my growing belly and sighed.

His seed was here with us. A reminder of our last night together. A girl. She angrily kicked me. I winced. She apparently wanted to know her daddy. Ugh!

I got up to go to the bathroom. My dang bladder could never hold more than eight ounces before the pregnancy and now I was just peeing every 10 minutes. Drink plenty of water they kept telling me. I did. All the time.

As I hobbled to the bathroom and sat on the toilet I felt a gush of fluid. I started to cramp. Painful cramping. Worse than my menstrual cramps. I screamed. I was bleeding. There was blood in the toilet. I kept cramping.

I grabbed a pad and put it in my panties.  I tried to wipe as much blood as possible and pulled up my panties. I went into my bedroom and grabbed my cell phone. I called 911.

I unlocked the door to the house. I sat in the wooden kitchen chair. I didn’t want to bleed on my new sofa. I waited for the ambulance. I remember hearing the sirens.

Tired. I was so tired. Someone was yelling for me to tell my name. Why are you yelling at me?

I woke up in the hospital. A tiny room. White and sterile. I felt my stomach. My baby.

I started to panic. I pushed the call button. The nurse came in. I asked Where is my baby?

She said the doctor was going to come in and talk to me. I started to cry. She begged me to calm down. She sat there rubbing my arm. The doctor came in.

I was in a daze. He said that I suffered a placenta abruption. Dangerous. Deprived the baby of oxygen. She’s premature. She weighs 4 pounds. Trying to stabilize her. He asked was there someone I could call. My husband? Any family?

I wasn’t married. I rubbed my empty ring finger. I was another statistic. I was going to raise the baby on my own. I felt alone for the first time in my life. My little girl needed me. I told him that I would make a few calls.

I asked the nurse to take a picture of my baby with my cell phone so that I can see her. Please I begged. She agreed.

I sat there wondering how I would tell him that I was pregnant and that I had a baby. What the hell do you say to someone that you haven’t talked to in months? The nurse returned and I saw her. She was so tiny. Beautiful, but tiny.

Wow! I’m a mommy. I sent him a text message that said. We have a daughter. She and I need to see you. Please come. I attached the picture of our daughter and prayed that he would show up.

 

This post is inspired by the Daily Post. The word that I selected was tiny. 

 

 

Posted on

2016 – A Year in Review

Hey Everybody!

As 2016 is coming to a close I wanted to share my year in review or my stats. I’ve been blogging off and on for 8 years and I moved from Blogger to WordPress in 2014. It was in 2015 that I got serious and wanted to post more frequently. I made a decision to write and post frequently. Whether it was short and sweet or long and informative, I wanted to keep writing. I also made it a point to engage and share other bloggers material.

I read A LOT. I have to tell you that even when I take a break, I will catch-up on your posts (they are sent via email) and respond. Many times it may be a like, but I will tweet and share your posts to my Facebook page. I love following and reading your words. It inspires me to see that you can be busy and go through things and still have time to write. It also let’s me know that there is no excuse. I can do it.

I can do it.

So, here’s the growth of my stats from 2014.

stats

What’s good about the stats is that it shows substantial growth for the last 3 years that I’ve been blogging on WordPress. This growth is mainly due to reading any and everything from well established bloggers, up and coming or just starting out bloggers. I spend time commenting and building a relationship with my followers and other bloggers. Heck, many of you know me personally like I know you. We would probably hang out if we lived closer.

That’s the key to this blogging thing. Developing and nurturing relationships with other bloggers. Why? Because if they spend time reading and commenting on your work, try and get to know them. Read and comment on their posts. Engagement.

Which brings me to that weird chart posted. I was happily surprised by what I saw and appreciated the story it was telling me so I wanted to share it with you. My chart shows progress.

Here are some important facts:

  • In 2014  – I had 2,918 views;  1,990 visitors; 79 likes; 31 comments; 120 posts published.
  • In 2015 – I exceeded this goal tremendously. I had 12,756 views; 6,498 visitors; 1801 likes; 936 comments and 294 posts were published.
  • In 2016 – I grew yet again. I have almost 1100 WordPress followers alone. To date I’ve had 33,389 views; 14,934 visitors; 11,812 likes; 5,487 comments and I’ve published 342 posts.

Here are some of my blogging goals for 2017:

  • Keep up the publishing schedule. Currently I try to post Monday through Friday, but occasionally I will have weekend posts. Even if I don’t post, I would like to spend more time sharing/reblogging your posts.
  • Reblog more. I follow some amazing writers/bloggers and in 2017, I want to share your moving pieces with my network. Many of you may already follow these bloggers, but if not, you will find great people to follow.
  • Redesign the blog. I’m looking into some things for 2017 so please be on the lookout.
  • Featured bloggers/interviews. Sometimes life gets in the way, but I would like to do a monthly interview of bloggers. If you’re interested, please send me an email at mskeeinmd@gmail.com.
  • Get my YouTube/V-Log Up. I set this for a goal in 2016 and didn’t get to it. I need to make this happen.

Message to following to follow bloggers…

I have to warn you against pressing bloggers to follow you. When I follow bloggers, it is genuinely because I enjoy their work. If they don’t follow me, I don’t worry about it. I don’t harass them to follow me either. I want followers that want to be engaged, not just people that are looking to follow for a follow. I like authentic relationships. Does that mean that we agree on everything? Not at all. I’ve had some of the best disagreements in thought with fellow bloggers. I enjoy it. It is never disrespectful and I learn a lot. Just enjoy growing your blog in your own time.

Posted on

Can You Submit?

I told ya’ll about how Mr. C had this white horse moment in my post last week entitled A White Horse Moment and how it made  me feel. Well, in that same therapy session my therapist asked this question…

Can you submit to Mr. C?

I was like huh? She repeated the question “Can you  submit to Mr. C?” I responded. “Yes.” I began to explain to her that I learned in pre-marital counseling how women are supposed to submit and men are supposed to love their wives like Christ loved the church.

Ephesians 5:25-30 (NRSV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, 27 so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind—yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

I told her that I believed that was my problem in my last marriage. That I didn’t submit, partly because I’m stubborn, but partly because I didn’t feel like he loved me like Christ loved the church. I told her that I really meditated and prayed over that verse to understand how I’m supposed to be loved and I never felt that. I said, “I mean Jesus died for the church. He died for us. So, what men are willing to die for their spouses?”

Now, I’m not expecting a man to die literally (I think I’m not expecting this) but the point of it is that loving a wife, your wife, should be as easy and flawless as your love of Christ and self. But, that doesn’t always happen. In that case, could you really submit to a man that didn’t love you with ease?

Please don’t think that I’m saying that I was flawless in my marriage. I wasn’t. I wasn’t a perfect wife nor anywhere near it. I was struggling because I didn’t know what the heck a wife’s real role was. What did it mean to be a wife? I mean I knew the same passage in Ephesians that stated…

Ephesians 5:22-24 (NRSV)

22 Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. 24 Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.

But how do you submit? How do you submit and give yourself truly to your spouse when you spend so much of your life being independent? It was hard. No one told me how to submit. I tried to run the household and so did he. So, you know what happened right? There can’t be two heads of household.

The thing that I learned about myself (because you really can only control yourself) is that tragedies in my life and how I grew up made me the way that I am. I have to believe that I have control over my life. I know that I really don’t have control over my life. I know that, but I try to control a lot of things in my life to feel some sort of normalcy. Mr. C showed up in that moment to “rescue me”.

That meant that he would be there for me and my son. That I could trust that he would protect and look after us. That was a huge shift in my life because I didn’t think that I could trust anyone outside of my two best friends. But, Mr. C was always there showing me that he had my back.

When I moved in April, my two best friends literally packed up my house and were there moving me with the movers. They did it all. They’ve always had my back. When I couldn’t afford the cleaning staff to clean the apartment because of all the expenses with the move and Munch’s birthday party I was in there cleaning every single night. Scrubbing and sweeping.

Mr. C said to me “Why haven’t you asked me to help you?” I told him that he wasn’t my boyfriend so I didn’t think I could ask for his help. He said “I’m your friend and you could”. He was.

He showed up after work and helped me clean my refrigerator and sweep and mop the kitchen floor with his work clothes on. He carried trash to the dumpsters and packed the last few things in my car making sure that everything was done. He had protected me.

Even in the early stages of us dating I realized that he had my back and I just had to let him. He’s learning to butt in and let me know that he’s there to help me when I’m being too stubborn or independent to ask for it and I’m learning to let my guard down and know that I could submit to a man.

I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m trusting.

Posted on

Compatibility Tests

I was speaking to Mr. C about taking a compatibility test with my therapist. I told him since we know that we’d like to get married we should do pre-engagement counseling to see where the differences are and focus on seeing whether or not we would work. I asked “Do you want to take the test?” He responded, “If you want to, we can.”

leo-tolstoy-quote

Umm, it’s a yes or no question babe.

Well, I asked him what if we took the test and found out that we are not compatible and that the statistical probability that our marriage would last be something like 5% how would he feel? He said “I would still marry you.”

you-come-to-love-not-by-finding

My heart melted. He is so darn sweet. I can’t believe it.

giphy

I asked him why he would still marry me if the test showed that there was a 95% chance that our marriage wouldn’t last? He said, “Didn’t you say that people put too much stock into standardized tests?” My famous last words.

giphy-1

 I love that confidence about me and our relationship that he has. He doesn’t let anything dissuade him. Whereas I would be terrified to go against the science, he sees it more of a suggestion that it won’t work based on our ability to test take.

We’re not looking for compatibility at every level. We’re quite different and it works. However, there has to be compatibility in faith, family and finances. I’m not worried about his love or his ability to lead us, but could I live with a low score indicating our lack of compatibility? I’ll let you know. 

Posted on

Motivational Monday Moment – 12/26/16

It’s the last Monday of 2016. Where has time gone? It seems like just yesterday we were sharing our New Year goals, spring cleaning, making summer vacation plans and making our year end lists. Between the many changes that we’ve endured, you’re probably exhausted right?

0b30b4d33fadb7da76f15fc1338c7e57

You’re ready for this year to be over? Excited? Scared?

Last year I sat in a church on New Year’s Eve praying for a miracle. I was enduring so much that I felt overwhelmed. I prayed. I listened to the preached word. I listened to the music. I wanted and needed a change. My breakthrough had to come.

I believed it.

a2b236dcd5e02b76dee4a5e41d310266

The pastor said that he declared 2016 to be a Sweet 16 for all of you. I said “God, help it to be sweeter. Help me to be sweeter. Help me to be better.”

I’m here to tell you that He did.

It wasn’t over.

I had to keep fighting.

16d961e47fe4053bcd9b2328b9165124

I was going to be victorious.

And you know what?

So are you.

This is your chance to make it better. Don’t accept the same BS that you’re accepting now. The only thing holding you back is you.

You have the right to demand better for 2017.

will-rodger-dont-let-yesterday

Better finances. Better health. Better opportunities. Better relationships.

You are in control of your life.

Didn’t accomplish what you wanted? There’s still time in 2016, but if not…so what?

Refocus and recreate your goals. You are the captain of your fate.

You can choose to sit on the sidelines and complain about the situation or get up and get dressed. Sometimes half the battle is showing up ready to fight.

Fight for you.

Fight for your future.

Fight for the things that matter to you.

You owe it to yourself to choose you each and every day. Promise me that you will do that. That you will fight for you and choose you each and every day.

1b36283de5d22c4fcfff919fea33c43a

Posted on

FBF: Self-Esteem

I found a book that I had created my junior/senior year of photos of me and my friends in high school. It was weird looking at the hairstyles and some of the outfits, but it was good. I was looking back at the photos and remembering how I thought I was fat at the time.

I was always the biggest girl it seemed but I really hated my shape. I had a big head, big nose and a big butt. I thought of myself as the odd girl out. The oddly shaped girl who wasn’t quite right. But, I was perfectly fine.

See at that time I just wanted to be invisible. To be seen as a beautiful girl to one boy. I smiled on the outside when many times I was so broken and damaged inside that people couldn’t see it. You can’t see the scars of the abuse. You can’t see the pain that I carried while trying to have a “normal” childhood.

Normal. What the hell was normal?

I guess it was boyfriends and dances. Dates and parties. Friends and fun. I had those memories. Hidden inside my size 12/14 frame.

What I learned…We are our own worst critics. Stop judging yourself and just love the person looking back in the mirror. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Posted on

A White Horse Moment

My therapist is hilarious. She’s actually the best therapist that I’ve ever had. What I like about her is that she is both a pastor and a therapist and gives it to you straight. I realized that I needed straight talk. I needed someone who questioned me, shared with me and helped me to see where I can change things and where I can’t.

Last week we met and we were talking about Mr. C and how he did a prince move. You know the prince riding up on the white horse kinda move and I was so in awe of him. Let me tell you what happened.

I have a push button start car and my key FOB had a low battery indicator warning on my dash board that showed every time I started the car. The picture showed a battery 3/4 full so I figured I had a minute before I needed to replace it.

Apparently, that wasn’t the case.

I got up at the crack of dawn and dressed my son in warm clothes as it was 20 degrees outside to head to the hair salon. He was cold. He was tired. He was cranky.

We get to the salon and get out of the car and I tried to lock my car. Umm, nothing. No such luck.

I kept pressing the fob and nothing happened. I even went to the door handle and tried to lock it manually and it still wouldn’t lock. I got in the car and tried to start it up. Nothing. It was as though the key FOB wasn’t recognized. I started to panic.

I knew Mr. C was up. He had to go deliver some wood to his parents for their fireplace (yeah, that’s one of the things I love about him) and he pretty much is an early riser every day of the week. I called him and told him what happened.

He asked where I was. I told him that I was at the hair salon but would be trapped because my car wouldn’t start with no battery in the key FOB. He asked how long I would be there and I told him a couple of hours. He said he’d call me back.

I went about getting my hair washed and styled and sitting under the dryer. Panic started to set in. I was afraid that he would forget about me and my Munch and us being here and wondered if I could call my best friends to help me.

I sent a quick text to my best friend Nikki asking if she was up. Mr. C called right after I sent the text. He asked me to send him the address of the hair salon and he would be on his way. Nikki called while we were on the phone. I didn’t click over.

An hour later, he walked in the door. My hero. I was so happy to see him. Munch yelled out to everyone in the salon “That’s my mommy’s boyfriend”. He smiled and said “What’s up Brennan?” My heart was brimming.

He had brought the battery for my key FOB and put it in. He walked outside to make sure that everything worked fine. I was overwhelmed by that little act of kindness.

Why? Because there are only two people that I trust to be there for me. My two best friends. They packed up my house and helped me move. They have always had my back. So, it is kind of hard for me to trust people.

I get disappointed easily. I hate disappointments. So, I rely on those who I know that I can trust. I can trust Mr. C.

That thought only brought tears to my eyes…I could trust him.

This was big for me. I shared it with him. It meant that I was letting him in. Moving down walls and trusting that he would take care of me. That he would always be there for me and my son.

I was changing.

Posted on

Calm

“Be calm” he screamed.

“You were in an accident” he said.

I didn’t know I was panicking. I couldn’t breathe. I was struggling to remember.

What happened?

I tried to look around. It hurt. My neck. My head.

My eyes scanned the scene.

I was trapped.

A car accident.

My leg is stuck. It hurts so bad.

My air bag deployed.

The windshield is shattered.

There is glass everywhere.

I can’t breathe.

What the hell is happening?

I began to panic.

To start to scream.

The pain.

It hurts so bad.

I’m bleeding. I can feel the warm blood oozing out of my side.

Why did I have to look at his text?

Why did I take my eyes off the road?

“This is too much. I need a break. Take care.” he wrote

3 short sentences.

My life shattered in 10 words.

I am alone.

I’m dying. I can’t breathe.

I’m panicking.

Then why tell me to remain calm?

 

This post was inspired by the Daily Prompt. The word was calm.