March 2013
It’s over. I told him in January that I wanted a divorce. He wanted to take time to think about it. Think about what? We’re not happy. We deserve to be happy. It’s not getting better. I just have to cope with this change. Wake up and repeat.
Some days are better than ever. I’m an emotional wreck. I don’t want Munch living in two separate homes. But, this is what I signed up for when I asked for a divorce. I just have to get used to it.
What about schools? What kind of school will Munch attend? I don’t really like the public schools in my area. I picked out a great Catholic school. We both went. Munch is allowed to spend a day with them to get used to it. That’s good news despite the stress.
I’m trying not to think about the fact that Munch is now another statistic. A child of divorce. Will he be okay? What have I done? I don’t think I thought about Munch. Am I being selfish?
I pray not.
I have to focus on one thing at a time. This is stressing me out. I need to get my mind right. Focus on the logistics; the parenting plan, finding a school and getting through his day care graduation. I feel like everyone is looking at Munch and I when we go anywhere. Am I wearing a big “D” on my forehead. I’m consumed with thoughts of how Munch will survive and whether or not he will survive this. Truthfully, I wonder if I will survive.
It is as it shall be. Another black boy from a broken home. This was my worst fear realized. I never wanted to raise a child alone.
This post was part of the A2Z challenge and the letter “D” is for Divorce. My posts will be written as a journal style for the challenge and will be on the theme: Mothering While Black. I hope you enjoyed it.
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A Thomas Point of View 
Doing what is right for your own well-being can only be a good thing…
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It is. But, some days I wonder if I did a disservice to Munch by wanting a divorce. Not for love but for peace of mind for my son.
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From what I understand, you would not have been able to sustain that stress. And had you stayed, you never would have found Mr. C.
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Which is what I keep telling myself. Would I have been better off dealing with less drama in a loveless marriage so my child could have two homes or am I better because I know and have a healthy love with a wonderful man that makes me laugh. I definitely believe the better but if you deal with the BS that I deal with you would lose your mind and wonder could you survive in a limbo state for years for the sake of your child.
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it’s a hard thing to go through, for sure, but ultimately you do know what is best for you and for your son.
being another statistic? I know when i got divorced I was so worried about that, about stigma, etc. sadly, most of the kids in class came from divorced homes too.
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How did you get past it?
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Time always heals.
give yourself five minutes a day to OBSESS.
And then make sure you do other stuff, go for a walk, cook, bake, draw something, write something, keep busy, remind yourself how it was bad and why it was bad, slowly move forward. and remember, it does take time.
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Thanks Violet. I’m over the divorce, but dealing with petty behavior when it comes to co-parenting. He’s doing little stuff that is annoying, hurtful and frustrating in behavior. Yesterday was a bad day with his BS so I obsessed about 4 hours and then I got over it. I keep reminding myself why I left.
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You got this!!!!!! If both parents respect each other and love the child unconditionally, nothing is impossible.
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Agreed, but that is not the case. There is no respect.
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I’m deeply sorry.
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Thank you. I’m working through it. Prayer and practicing mindfulness has helped a lot.
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Yes!
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I left my husband of 13 years about 18 months ago. We have a 3 year old and a 5 year old. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. That said, I am now a whole, happy person which is the mom my kids deserve to be. There are a lot of factors that go into a happy childhood, happy parents are among those factors even if that means the parents are no longer together.
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Absolutely agree.
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I remember thinking, I didnt want my kids being raised by another woman who my husband would date, he was dating a stripper at the time of our divorce. Reading your blog reminded me of that. But turns out all worked out really incredible, his girlfriend dumped him, he mostly does not see them, and I got re-married to a wonderful man who is a wonderful father to my kids. Just remember the end of one is the beginning of a great new day.
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Thank you so much!
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Trust me.
Divorce is the new ‘Fountain of Youth”.
Children are resilient.
They get over it.
Its YOU who suffers and its YOU you have to think about,- as we all know…put your mask on first…!!! remember what they tell you in an airplane ?? Tour child will only be happy if YOU are.
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So true. Thank you.
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For YEARS AND YEARS I thought about my kids.. that is why I didnt divorce sooner than I did. And honestly…. I wish I did! Sounds horrible but sticking around for only that reason was ther worst idea ever. You and your little one will be okay! It takes time. In July it’ll be 4 years that I have been divorced and it’s still a transition for my girls! Chin up.
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