Burning at Both Ends

I decided to try and get my mojo back and start writing down some of my thoughts and I saw this writing prompt posted in one of my Facebook groups and thought that this was perfect. I’ve missed the first day, but I decided to give it a go for each day in November. If you want to join in, please do. Tag me in your posts so that I can read it.

I really loved this prompt for today because I talked to my niece yesterday about burning the candle at both ends and overextending yourself and how you should choose you always. She turned 22 today so this post is for her. When I think of this prompt it reminds me of the saying “Burning your candle at both ends”. Essentially when you are working too hard for something. Have you ever been there?

I have. Last year. I was working so hard to keep my sanity. Everything was overwhelming. I was preparing for my second court case that year. My ex-husband was taking me to court for the fourth time. This time for full custody and again for contempt. Reason? He wanted Munch full-time. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to crawl up and die. I had a job. I needed that job. It paid for expenses for Munch. I had a falling out with some of my sorority sisters. I had a car accident. A woman hit me and totaled out my car and tried to lie and say that it was my fault. Even with a police report. Retatining a lawyer for court was expensive. He only charged me a $2,500 retainer when his firm usually charged $5,000. He was doing it as a favor for his boy which was a friend of mine who had referred me.

I was in a quasi relationship with a man who had the opportunity to be great, but he wasn’t quite sure what a relationship looked like. Having not been in one in ages it was hard to explain to a man six years older than me what a healthy relationship requires. What I required. I had a breakdown on the phone with my sorority sister and cried at the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. I was drowning and couldn’t see a way out and all I wanted to do was serve my community, love my son, fall in love and be a success both personally and professionally.

I was literally burning the candle at both ends. It sucked. It took a month for me to get my bearings and try to get some order to my life. My attorney was great. The judge was great. My prayer had always been that God knows what is going on and that His will be done. I had to reshift. To focus on what mattered most because my dad got sick and I was literally making medical decisions during my difficult season. The quasi relationship fizzzled and I couldn’t deal with it because I had to go back to court two weeks after leaving because my ex-husband registered Munch for another school without my knowledge or permission. He even came and took him out of school during my parental time to take him to the other school only to then having him go to the other school during his parental week. An emergency motion, more money, more court and three judge recusals saw me getting a temporary reprieve with tie breaking educational. Munch had to be returned to his original school.

All I could think of was the cost of this. How could I pay for college when I was being drained by frivolous crap? My relationship fizzled when I realized I didn’t have the patience to teach a grown man what I needed and he didn’t seem to have time to learn. It was one less thing to focus on. I just kept pushing forward. Going to Tennessee to take care of my dad who they wanted me to give up on. I wore so many hats: dutiful daughter, super mommy, great friend and stellar employee. I kept juggling the balls so they wouldn’t fall.

And they didn’t. I survived. I burned the candle at both ends and even though I wouldn’t recommend it I want to let you know that you must grow through what you go through. You can get through this.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.