The Quest for Humor

A couple of weeks ago I had dinner with a friend and he asked me, “What’s missing from your life?”  I thought for a second and replied, “Humor”.  As a soon to be divorcee I realized that I don’t spend a lot of time laughing.  I’m kinda high strung folks.  I live by a schedule and have been known to overbook.  I am really into time management or I’m a control freak. Not sure which yet.  Maybe a little bit of both.  How does one get more humor into her life when you’re already overbooked? You guessed it. Technology.  On-line dating specifically.  

So, in an effort to figure out how to meet people, I decided to try on-line dating.  Now, let’s be clear…I’m not looking for a relationship.  Just friends with casual dating.  Bowling, movies or wine tastings.  No romance.  Now, as a newbie to the on-line dating world, I tried hard to figure out what I would say on my profile.  Um, I am a Jesus loving control freak?  Too scary.  I’m a woman who lives by her calendar and doesn’t like change?  Too crazy.  So, here’s what I said:

Profile of a Newbie

I’m a God-fearing, intellectual soon to be divorced single mother of one.  I like reading everything, blogging, kids, church, family and friends.  I enjoy travelling, trying new restaurants and hanging out with my friends.  I love my job and what I do.  I love to laugh. Charm and chivalry are great qualities.  In my spare time, I volunteer my time and talents with various organizations. I love all types of music:  rock, r&b, hip-hop, gospel, jazz and country.  I am happy.

Can someone please tell me what about that profile screams “Hey crazy dude stalking me! Let’s get it on and popping?” Nothing!  But, I digress.  I have met some of the weirdest men in the last 8 days that my profile has been active and I am at the verge of removing it.  See, I don’t think a high strung control freak is cut out for the cut throat world of on-line dating or the creeps that troll that site.  So, in an effort to humor you, let’s laugh at some of the responses I’ve received:

  • Hey sexy! You’re sexy as hell 
    • (Really dude?)
  • Hey you’re sexy for a 39 year old woman! 
    • (WTH? What does that mean? Haven’t you heard that black don’t crack?)
  • Hey I want to get to know you both internally and spiritually so we can bear fruit together? 
    • (WTH? You sound like you’re trying to either penetrate or impregnate me and both are a negative)
  • I want a drama free chick that loves to be romanced 
    • (Why call her a chick then call yourself a romantic?  Doesn’t work)
  • I’m 50 and I’m looking to marry and have children 
    • (Dude, I said casual dating and no more children will ever come from my womb.  What are you missing?)
  • I’m sexually uninhibited.  I will do whatever it takes to put a smile on my woman’s face except swing from the ceilings. 
    • (Yep, I just fell out laughing too)
  • Want to go to Myrtle Beach with me this weekend?  
    • (Um no, I decided to take a roofie and see how date rape will work out)
  • Why are you so uptight? 
    • (It’s my panties.  They get tighter every time I hear BS)

Now you see what I am dealing with right?  I think I should just try to meet people the old-fashioned way…run over them with my car.  No for real, in this age of dating I think it is important for both men and women to have standards, but I can pay my own way.  I am not interested in a friends with benefits relationship and I put my relationship with my son before anyone except God.  That being said…If you’re somewhat attractive, easy going with a sense of humor, please call me and invite me to the gun range for an afternoon of lead bliss! LOL!
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